And Helen patted my arm. "Eh, little person, who are you to ask such a question?"
After lunch, I told Helen I was going shopping. She said, "Where? Maybe I"ll come."
I said, "I don"t know where yet."
And she said, "Good, that"s where I want to go too."
So then we went next door, to Sam f.o.o.k Trading Company. Right away, Mrs. Hong opened up her cash register, thinking we were coming in to trade twenty-dollar bills.
"No, no," I said. "This time I"ve come here to shop, something for my daughter." Mrs. Hong smiled big. So did Helen. I was standing in front of the porcelain statues: Buddha, G.o.ddess of Mercy, G.o.d of Money, G.o.d of War, all kinds of luck.
"Do you want something for decoration or something for worship?" Mrs. Hong asked. "For worship, I can give you thirty-percent discount. For decoration, I have to charge the same price."
"This is for worship," said Helen right away.
"Not just for decoration," I said. And then I turned to Helen.
"This is true. This is for Pearl. I"m finding something to put inside the little red altar temple. I promised Auntie Du. For a long time already I have been thinking about this, before Pearl told me about her sickness."
And then I was thinking to myself once again-about that time she told me about the MS. Oh, I was angry, I was sad. I was blaming myself. I blamed Wen Fu. After Pearl went home, I cried. And then I saw that picture of Kitchen G.o.d, watching me, smiling, so happy to see me unhappy. I took his picture out of the frame. I put it over my stove. "You go see Wen Fu! You go to h.e.l.l down below!" I watched his smiling face being eaten up by the fire. Right then my smoke detector went off. Wanh! Wanh! Wanh! Oh, I was scared. Wen Fu-coming back to get me. That"s what I thought.
But then I listened again. And I knew: This was not Wen Fu"s ghost. This was like a bingo blackout. This was like a Reno jackpot. This was Kitchen G.o.d"s wife, shouting, Yes! Yes! Yes!
"What does your daughter do?" Mrs. Hong was now asking me.
"Oh, she has an important job, working in a school," I said.
"A very high-level position," adds Helen. "Very smart."
"This one is good for her then, Wen Ch"ang, G.o.d of literature. Very popular with school."
I shook my head. Why pick a name like Wen Fu"s? "I am thinking of something she can use for many reasons," I explained.
"G.o.ddess of Mercy, then." Mrs. Hong was patting the heads of all her G.o.ddesses. "Good luck, good children, all kinds of things. We have many, all different sizes. This one is nice, this one is thirty dollars. This one is very nice, this one is two hundred sixty-five dollars. You decide."
"I am not thinking of the G.o.ddess of Mercy," I said. "I am looking for something else."
"Something to bring her money luck," Mrs. Hong suggested.
"No, not just that, not just money, not just luck," says Helen. We look at each other. But she cannot find the words. And I cannot say them.
"Perhaps one of the Eight Immortals," said Mrs. Hong. "Maybe all eight, then she has everything."
"No," I said. "I am looking for a G.o.ddess that n.o.body knows. Maybe she does not yet exist."
Mrs. Hong sighed. "I"m sorry, this we do not have." She was disappointed. I was disappointed. Helen was disappointed.
Suddenly Mrs. Hong clapped her hands together. "Where is my head today?" She walked to the back of the store, calling to me. "It is back here. The factory made a mistake. Of course, it is a very nice statue, no chips, no cracks. But they forgot to write down her name on the bottom of her chair. My husband was so mad. He said, "What are we going to do with this? Who wants to buy a mistake?" "
So I bought that mistake. I fixed it. I used my gold paints and wrote her name on the bottom. And Helen bought good incense, not the cheap brand, but the best. I could see this lady statue in her new house, the red temple altar with two candlesticks lighting up her face from both sides. She would live there, but no one would call her Mrs. Kitchen G.o.d. Why would she want to be called that, now that she and her husband are divorced?
When Pearl came to drop off the children at my house this weekend, I said to her husband, "Go watch TV with the children. I have to give my daughter some medicine I found."
I took her upstairs to my bedroom. Pearl-ah, I said. Here is some Chinese medicine. You put this pad on your arms and legs, the herbs sink into your skin. And every day you should drink hot water three or four times a day. Your energy is too cold. Just hot water, no tea or coffee inside. Are you listening?
What are you looking at? Oh, that statue. You never saw that before. Yes, that"s true, very fancy, fine porcelain. And the style is good too. See how nicely she sits in her chair, so comfortable-looking in her manner. Look at her hair, how black it is, no worries. Although maybe she used to worry. I heard she once had many hardships in her life. So maybe her hair is dyed.
But her smile is genuine, wise and innocent at the same time. And her hand, see how she just raised it? That means she is about to speak, or maybe she is telling you to speak. She is ready to listen. She understands English. You should tell her everything.
Yes, yes, of course this is for you! Why would I buy such a thing for myself? Don"t cry, don"t cry. I didn"t pay too much.
But sometimes, when you are afraid, you can talk to her. She will listen. She will wash away everything sad with her tears. She will use her stick to chase away everything bad. See her name: Lady Sorrowfree, happiness winning over bitterness, no regrets in this world.
Now help me light three sticks of incense. The smoke will take our wishes to heaven. Of course, it"s only superst.i.tion, just for fun. But see how fast the smoke rises-oh, even faster when we laugh, lifting our hopes, higher and higher.
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