The Lame Daoist Priest

The female ghost explained: “Niu Tianshi is one of numerous disciples of Zhang Tianshi, his cultivation was very profound although he was not a direct line descendant. Therefore it could be said that his school is independent from Zhang Tianshi School. However you could still be considered as the 55th generation disciples of Zhang Tianshi. From now henceforth, you must protect and guard the harmony of Yin and Yang as your duty, exorcise the ghosts and capturing evil spirits, and encourage virtue and goodness for humanity.

“Do you mean that maintaining world peace is now my duty? Please don’t laugh at me Lady. Can’t you see that my legs are trembling because of this ghost? Didn’t you say that I must exorcise the ghosts and capture evil spirits? Were you not a ghost yourself? Do I have catch you too? Right old swindler?”

“It’s different with me, I’m not ordinary ghost. Not to mention that you don’t have enough ability to subdue me. As for master, he has pa.s.sed away and just went to the Netherworld, but he said that he will contact you if a certain opportunity arises”.

“Wait a moment Lady, I had not had acknowledged myself his apprentice”

The female ghost said gently: “Even if you didn’t acknowledge it now, is also useless, because you have inherited his will, and master had left you his legacy, including 50000 RMB in cash, 1.5 million debt papers, one Shadowbane magical sword, a vial of magical cattle tears, a bundle of Niu School’s Past Records on Demon Subjugation, one compilation book of Daoist Incantations, and last… err… a deluxe edition of ‘Jin Ping Mei’.” The female ghost tone changed here, and her face and voice was somewhat unnatural. (T/N: Jinpingmei or the Golden Lotus, was a vernacular novel published in the era of Ming Dynasty—around 1617, formerly notorious and banned for its s.e.xual content, wow Ero Daoist Priest :P)

I also froze for a moment: “Lady, is this ‘Golden Lotus’ also a Daoist book?

“No, this book is master’s own collection, but he asked you to burn some pages for him later, only people close to him can receive this book and permitted to burn this book pages for him. (T/N: Chinese burns paper money for soul of the deceased and usually done by close relatives, be it family or apprentices. In this novel, paper money replaced by p.o.r.n pages, hahaha)

I couldn’t help but solemnly said: “Lady, I know that you are well educated and a reasonable, but you also know that I hadn’t had acknowledge myself as that old swindler’s apprentice. So please let me go, I’m timid and I’m not suitable for this kind of life.”

To my surprise the female ghost unexpectedly nodded. However when I was secretly happy, the female ghost cordially said: “OK, but I will scare you every day; whenever you eat your meal I will sit in front of you; when you’re sleeping I will stand beside your bed, and when you attend the cla.s.s I will float in front of you. Of course I will not kill you, but in the end, it’s up to you which kind of life you want to choose.”

Having heard menacing words to this kind of degree, how could I not comply? If it were otherwise I would have absolutely been tormented and turned into schizophrenic. Just imagine, if I were to eat my meal and she transformed to that dreadful appearance in front of me, how could I have the appet.i.te to eat? I would have had vomited instantly.

Under the multiple threats from this female ghost, I reluctantly compromised and tried to flatter this female ghost. I slowly walked to the front and suppressed my fear: “Lady weren’t you suffered from that old swindler’s persecution? Relax, since he had died, you have been freed. I have also received those things from you, and now since I’m going to sleep, you can leave”.

The female ghost’s manner was unexpectedly turned colder: “He is your master! You must address him with respect and use honorific to his name! Master was a great person, if he didn’t have some circ.u.mstances, he wouldn’t have chosen you as his apprentice, nor he would have left his debt for you to be paid. However, you can rest a.s.sured, I will help you. I had followed master for many years; I can direct you and help you learn Daoist skill.”

“Could ghost teach human the Daoist skill?”, I asked in surprise.

“Human and ghost have their own particular way. However I have followed master for many years, and regarding to Daoist magical arts I also comprehended the basic of it, therefore I can give some pointers to the beginner like you and directing you to cross the threshold.” This female ghost’s word was really obvious; that we would absolutely meet frequently in the future. Moreover she would also take the role as my master. “Wow this could be the reality version of Yang Guo and Xiao Longnu!”(T/N: if you want to know more about these two names just read The Return of the Condor Heroes by Jin Yong)

I took a deep breath: “Lady, many things had happened to me this day and I want to reorganize my mind first. Could you please leave me first? You can come for me again tomorrow.”

People usually have unusual fear in the dark environment, but that fear would be alleviated significantly in daytime.

The female ghost didn’t say anything; she moved to the sideways and vanished.

I covered my head with the blanket and my body was ceaselessly trembling until dawn. I walked downstairs anxiously and entrenching every step I took for fear that the female ghost would suddenly come out. Fortunately, that ghost didn’t appear. I opened the door’s handle and took a long deep breath, feeling relieved.

When I woke up this morning, I hid that black backpack in my wardrobe to avoid being found by Mom. It was as that female ghost said; there are 50000 RMB in cash, a waterproof pouch filled by debt bills, a sword without hilt, several books, and a vial of liquid.

I dismounted my “basket 1258” bicycle and walked to the campus. My arrival was attracting the attention of many people; even when I flung my hair slightly; many female students were screaming and groaning as well as talking about me in whispers. Two married women were even whispered in low voice near me: “Look at that stupid lame loser…”

Whatever… from this day onward I would become a different being, and I would become a supreme existence later; so, how could I lower myself to the same level as these mortals? After locking my bicycle I walked straight into the cla.s.s.

When I was entering the cla.s.s and sat, suddenly I remembered that I forgot to do yesterday’s homework. I took out the workbook and a coin quickly, and randomly flipping the coin to answer the multiple-choice questions. If the rolls was even then the answer would be A, the reverse would be B, and C or D would be randomly chosen. It took only 57 seconds to answer all 20 questions. After handling those 20 questions, I began to sleep on the table. My eyes were fully opened for the entire night, and this precious time must be put to a good use to supplement my lack of sleep.

After a while the school bell rang, the teacher came and begin to start the lesson, and all students stood and dispiritedly greeted the teacher in unison.

Because I sat in the back row and added with my notorious reputation as the legendary loser; this kind of strong ident.i.ty made the teacher didn’t dare to speak anything to me even if I didn’t stand up. I was just listening to the teacher announcement: “All of you sit down please; today a new schoolmate has joined our cla.s.s, let us invite her to introduce herself”.

Then, a soft gentle female voice was heard, “My name is Zhou Huiqing, everybody please take care of me”

A thunderous applause reverberated in the cla.s.sroom, it was so noisy that I covered my I ears. An existence as rare as beautiful flower would now became my desk mate. No one was willing to sit with me at the same table; therefore the only empty slot in the cla.s.s was only the position next to me.

I knew that my new cla.s.smate has sat next to me, but suddenly, I felt some some chilly wind burst out from her body. My sleepiness instantly reduced at least a third from before; however I didn’t get up and continued to sleep.

When I was awake, I discovered that it was noon already. The cla.s.ses were over, and most people had also left. I rubbed my eyes, walked to my bike and riding my 1258 bicycle back home. Mom has long been prepared some food, and she asked while I was eating: “Son, did you attend your morning cla.s.s attentively?”

 I thought of some explanation and muddle through this hurdle under false excuse. I quickly left and hid in my room after finishing the meal, and took out all the things left behind by the old swindler to study.

A liquid in the vial was cattle tears, I once had watched the movie that said the cattle tears could make people able to see ghosts. I originally thought that it was nonsense and never expected that it was actually true. However the cattle tears in the movie was blue while the liquid in this vial was transparent.

There was also a strange sword; it only has a hilt without blade. Yesterday the female ghost said this sword was called Shadowbane sword, however I didn’t know how to use it.

‘Daoist Incantations Compilation Book’ looked very old and has more than 100 pages, with each page drawn with an obscure charm which was difficult to comprehend. I was absolutely clueless how to spell these incantations or it’s effect if I used it.

‘Niu School’s Past Records on Demon Subjugation’ was written in a complex form of Chinese Traditional characters. I know how to read Chinese simplified characters but how could these characters was so difficult to understand?

Finally I moved my sight to the deluxe edition of “Jin Ping Mei”, I opened the book and carefully study it…

By 12:50 Mom knocked on my door: “Son, go to your school now, or you’ll be late.”

I was truly wanted to continue reading this book but still I closed the book and carefully put it back to the bundle. I was thinking to insert the sword hilt on my waist. I clearly heard that this was a magical sword. Now that I had this toy, I wouldn’t have to fear anything when I was walking outside at night. It’s some kind of courage booster for me.

It was 1:20 when I have arrived at the cla.s.s. There was a very pretty girl sat next to my chair with several lady-killers surrounding and smooth talking her.

The girl seemed to know me, after seeing that I came; she immediately stood and let me sit beside her. She seemed to have an outgoing personality and took the initiative to talk: “h.e.l.lo, my name is Zhou Huiqing, you are?

“Zhang Xiaolong”, I replied briefly. This moment my mind was still occupied by the “Golden Lotus” book. This book was really a wonderful piece of art! Tang Xuanzang because he read this book fearlessly started his long arduous journey from the east to the west! Cao Cao because he didn’t want to read this book inflicted by headache and died! The old swindler was very fond of this book, his taste was truly exquisite! By this point only, I felt that I was much closer with that old swindler.(T/N: hahaha, the author is great! Happened to read this book once, though it was full of explicit depiction of s.e.xuality, but it was actually a social critic for the ruling cla.s.s at that time/era, just google it, but I recommend you to also compare it with the other four masterworks of the Ming novel, it would be hard to LOL on this paragraph if you haven’t read those 4 books).

But at this time Zhou Huiqing shouted in low voice: “Zhang XIaolong? Did you live in Li Jia Village before? Wasn’t your name originally called Li Xiaolong?”

“How do you know?” I asked in surprise

She lowered her head and her voice slightly trembled, said: “I, I am Xiaohui”

“No, Xiaohui’s name is Zhou Xiaohui, but you…”

“You really remember… yeah, I’m really Xiaohui, however when my family moved to the city, my parent changed my name”, she said while smiling.

The only person I would have been considered as a true friend since I was small until now, that was exactly my desk mate from the kindergarten, Xiaohui. Her body was getting sprinkled by an energy drink at that time and I helped her cleaning her chest. She also asked the teacher to forgive me on her own initiative. When I was recalling the glorious kindergarten time, I couldn’t help but spontaneously took a glance over Xiaohui’s chest…. Ehmm…. The development was very good, it grew well.

Xiaohui raised her hands and tried to block my eyesight, and blushingly said, “You haven’t changed!”. Her words implied as if I was so lascivious.

I coughed lightly, continued to lie on the table and prepared to sleep. The female ghost hadn’t come to look for me today. This might not be a good sign though; as I estimated that she certainly would have appeared tonight. And if I couldn’t sleep well at night, I must have seized the time to sleep now, to cope with the nightmare that was about to happen.

However, Xiaohui shook my arms: “Zhang Xiaolong, why didn’t you listen to the teacher? Your parents give you money for you to learn knowledge and not to sleep here.”

I rolled my eyes and wanted to say to Xiaohui not to annoy me, but suddenly a burst of chilling wind blew and made me shivered in instant. Meanwhile a strand of warm current flowed from my waist. I looked back at Xiaohui: “I hadn’t had a good sleep last night, I really don’t have any spirit to listen to the teacher… and you… please just give me a break will you…  also, the weather is gradually turn cold, wear warm cloth tomorrow; and my school uniform is in your table; if you were feeling cold just wear it.” I went back to my table and prepared to sleep again.

Because Xiaohui sat next to me, every break between cla.s.ses, my table became so noisy by those playboys who came to flatter and trying to woo her. Anyway, I had slept for two cla.s.ses, and my sleepiness was gone. I raised my head and looked at Xiaohui and saw her listening to the teacher and frequently taking notes in serious manner; as I scrutinized her face more carefully, I had actually discovered that there was a faint black dot at her glabella.

“Did my eyes fail me?”

I rubbed my eyes, but that black dot was still there, one word instantly popped up within my head: “A black glabella”.

My mind immediately a.n.a.lyzed the previous phenomenon, either in the morning and this afternoon I felt a chilly wind came from Xiaohui, this was surely not a coincidence. I had felt this kind of sensation of getting chilled and shivered when I was with the female ghost yesterday. Did some ghosts or evil spirits want to harm Xiaohui?

Evening Update 18:05 PM: I just re-reviewed the raws and stumbled on the novel t.i.tle characters and it seems I made a big mistake, the novel t.i.tle should be The Lame Daoshi / The Lame Taoist or The Lame Daoist Priest. However, I don’t know how to change the t.i.tle name in novelupdates.com, I had contacted one of the staffs though. 屌丝道士 (Diǎosī dàoshi)…  道士 should be translated to Daoshi priest or just Daoshi… I was too careless and rushed typing and ended up wrong. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Early Morning update 2:35 AM: been gone home for 3 days, and now 2:35 AM, just got home, sleepy, tired, sore, bla… bla… bla… here is ch. 3, roughly translated and typed….

The MC himself could be called as Daoist pract.i.tioner not priest… he’s not in priesthood afterall… anyway will read more later… too tired.