"There"s time enough," said he. "I shall have nothing else to do when I"m at the cottage." Then, when Mary had spoken to him again in private, expressing a hope that there was "nothing wrong," he had been very angry with his sister. "What do you mean by wrong? What rubbish you girls talk! and you never have any delicacy of feeling to make you silent."
"Oh, John, don"t say such hard things as that of me!"
"But I do say them. You"ll make me swear among you some day that I will never see Lily Dale again. As it is, I wish I never had seen her,--simply because I am so dunned about it." In all of which I think that Johnny was manifestly wrong. When the humour was on him he was fond enough of talking about Lily Dale. Had he not taught her to do so, I doubt whether his sister would ever have mentioned Lily"s name to him. "I did not mean to dun you, John," said Mary, meekly.
But at last he went to Lady Julia"s, and was no sooner there than he was ready to start for Allington. When Lady Julia spoke to him about Lily, he did not venture to snub her. Indeed, of all his friends, Lady Julia was the one with whom on this subject he allowed himself the most unrestricted confidence. He came over one day, just before dinner, and declared his intention of walking over to Allington immediately after breakfast on the following morning. "It"s the last time, Lady Julia," he said.
"So you say, Johnny."
"And so I mean it! What"s the good of a man frittering away his life?
What"s the good of wishing for what you can"t get?"
"Jacob was not in such a hurry when he wished for Rachel."
"That was all very well for an old patriarch who had seven or eight hundred years to live."
"My dear John, you forget your Bible. Jacob did not live half as long as that."
"He lived long enough, and slowly enough, to be able to wait fourteen years;--and then he had something to comfort him in the meantime.
And after all, Lady Julia, it"s more than seven years since I first thought Lily was the prettiest girl I ever saw."
"How old are you now?"
"Twenty-seven,--and she"s twenty-four."
"You"ve time enough yet, if you"ll only be patient."
"I"ll be patient for to-morrow, Lady Julia, but never again. Not that I mean to quarrel with her. I"m not such a fool as to quarrel with a girl because she can"t like me. I know how it all is. If that scoundrel had not come across my path just when he did,--in that very nick of time, all might have been right betwixt her and me.
I couldn"t have offered to marry her before, when I hadn"t as much income as would have found her in bread-and-b.u.t.ter. And then, just as better times came to me, he stepped in! I wonder whether it will be expected of me that I should forgive him?"
"As far as that goes, you have no right to be angry with him."
"But I am,--all the same."
"And so was I,--but not for stepping in, as you call it."
"You and I are different, Lady Julia. I was angry with him for stepping in; but I couldn"t show it. Then he stepped out, and I did manage to show it. And now I shouldn"t wonder if he doesn"t step in again. After all, why should he have such a power? It was simply the nick of time which gave it to him." That John Eames should be able to find some consolation in this consideration is devoutly to be hoped by us all.
There was nothing said about Lily Dale the next morning at breakfast.
Lady Julia observed that John was dressed a little more neatly than usual;--though the change was not such as to have called for her special observation, had she not known the business on which he was intent.
"You have nothing to send to the Dales?" he said, as he got up from the table.
"Nothing but my love, Johnny."
"No worsted or embroidery work,--or a pot of special jam for the squire?"
"No, sir, nothing; though I should like to make you carry a pair of panniers, if I could."
"They would become me well," said Johnny, "for I am going on an a.s.s"s errand." Then, without waiting for the word of affection which was on the old woman"s lips, he got himself out of the room, and started on his journey.
The walk was only three miles and the weather was dry and frosty, and he had come to the turn leading up to the church and the squire"s house almost before he remembered that he was near Allington. Here he paused for a moment to think. If he continued his way down by the "Red Lion" and through Allington Street, he must knock at Mrs. Dale"s door, and ask for admission by means of the servant,--as would be done by any ordinary visitor. But he could make his way on to the lawn by going up beyond the wall of the churchyard and through the squire"s garden. He knew the path well,--very well; and he thought that he might take so much liberty as that, both with the squire and with Mrs. Dale, although his visits to Allington were not so frequent now as they used to be in the days of his boyhood. He did not wish to be admitted by the servant, and therefore he went through the gardens. Luckily he did not see the squire, who would have detained him, and he escaped from Hopkins, the old gardener, with little more than a word. "I"m going down to see the ladies, Hopkins; I suppose I shall find them?" And then, while Hopkins was arranging his spade so that he might lean upon it for a little chat, Johnny was gone and had made his way into the other garden. He had thought it possible that he might meet Lily out among the walks by herself, and such a meeting as this would have suited him better than any other. And as he crossed the little bridge which separated the gardens he thought of more than one such meeting,--of one especial occasion on which he had first ventured to tell her in plain words that he loved her. But before that day Crosbie had come there, and at the moment in which he was speaking of his love she regarded Crosbie as an angel of light upon the earth. What hope could there have been for him then? What use was there in his telling such a tale of love at that time? When he told it, he knew that Crosbie had been before him. He knew that Crosbie was at that moment the angel of light. But as he had never before been able to speak of his love, so was he then unable not to speak of it. He had spoken, and of course had been simply rebuked.
Since that day Crosbie had ceased to be an angel of light, and he, John Eames, had spoken often. But he had spoken in vain, and now he would speak once again.
He went through the garden and over the lawn belonging to the Small House and saw no one. He forgot, I think, that ladies do not come out to pick roses when the ground is frozen, and that croquet is not often in progress with the h.o.a.r-frost on the gra.s.s. So he walked up to the little terrace before the drawing-room, and looking in saw Mrs. Dale, and Lily, and Grace at their morning work. Lily was drawing, and Mrs. Dale was writing, and Grace had her needle in her hand. As it happened, no one at first perceived him, and he had time to feel that after all he would have managed better if he had been announced in the usual way. As, however, it was now necessary that he should announce himself, he knocked at the window, and they all immediately looked up and saw him. "It"s my cousin John," said Grace.
"Oh, Johnny, how are you at last?" said Mrs. Dale. But it was Lily who, without speaking, opened the window for him, who was the first to give him her hand, and who led him through into the room.
"It"s a great shame my coming in this way," said John, "and letting all the cold air in upon you."
"We shall survive it," said Mrs. Dale. "I suppose you have just come down from my brother-in-law?"
"No; I have not seen the squire as yet. I will do so before I go back, of course. But it seemed such a commonplace sort of thing to go round by the village."
"We are very glad to see you, by whatever way you come;--are we not, mamma?" said Lily.
"I"m not so sure of that. We were only saying yesterday that as you had been in the country a fortnight without coming to us, we did not think we would be at home when you did come."
"But I have caught you, you see," said Johnny.
And so they went on, chatting of old times and of mutual friends very comfortably for full an hour. And there was some serious conversation about Grace"s father and his affairs, and John declared his opinion that Mr. Crawley ought to go to his uncle, Thomas Toogood, not at all knowing at that time that Mr. Crawley himself had come to the same opinion. And John gave them an elaborate description of Sir Raffle Buffle, standing up with his back to the fire with his hat on his head, and speaking with a loud harsh voice, to show them the way in which he declared that that gentleman received his inferiors; and then bowing and sc.r.a.ping and rubbing his hands together and simpering with would-be softness,--declaring that after that fashion Sir Raffle received his superiors. And they were very merry,--so that no one would have thought that Johnny was a despondent lover, now bent on throwing the dice for his last stake; or that Lily was aware that she was in the presence of one lover, and that she was like to fall to the ground between two stools,--having two lovers, neither of whom could serve her turn.
"How can you consent to serve him if he"s such a man as that?" said Lily, speaking of Sir Raffle.
"I do not serve him. I serve the Queen,--or rather the public. I don"t take his wages, and he does not play his tricks with me. He knows that he can"t. He has tried it, and has failed. And he only keeps me where I am because I"ve had some money left me. He thinks it fine to have a private secretary with a fortune. I know that he tells people all manner of lies about it, making it out to be five times as much as it is. Dear old Huffle Snuffle. He is such an a.s.s; and yet he"s had wit enough to get to the top of the tree, and to keep himself there. He began the world without a penny. Now he has got a handle to his name, and he"ll live in clover all his life. It"s very odd, isn"t it, Mrs. Dale?"
"I suppose he does his work?"
"When men get so high as that, there"s no knowing whether they work or whether they don"t. There isn"t much for them to do, as far as I can see. They have to look beautiful, and frighten the young ones."
"And does Sir Raffle look beautiful?" Lily asked.
"After a fashion, he does. There is something imposing about such a man till you"re used to it, and can see through it. Of course it"s all padding. There are men who work, no doubt. But among the bigwigs, and bishops and cabinet ministers, I fancy that the looking beautiful is the chief part of it. Dear me, you don"t mean to say it"s luncheon time?"
But it was luncheon time, and not only had he not as yet said a word of all that which he had come to say, but had not as yet made any move towards getting it said. How was he to arrange that Lily should be left alone with him? Lady Julia had said that she should not expect him back till dinner-time, and he had answered her lackadaisically, "I don"t suppose I shall be there above ten minutes.
Ten minutes will say all I"ve got to say, and do all I"ve got to do.
And then I suppose I shall go and cut names about upon bridges,--eh, Lady Julia?" Lady Julia understood his words; for once, upon a former occasion, she had found him cutting Lily"s name on the rail of a wooden bridge in her brother"s grounds. But he had now been a couple of hours at the Small House, and had not said a word of that which he had come to say.
"Are you going to walk out with us after lunch?" said Lily.
"He will have had walking enough," said Mrs. Dale.
"We"ll convoy him back part of the way," said Lily.
"I"m not going yet," said Johnny, "unless you turn me out."
"But we must have our walk before it is dark," said Lily.
"You might go up with him to your uncle," said Mrs. Dale. "Indeed, I promised to go up myself, and so did you, Grace, to see the microscope. I heard Mr. Dale give orders that one of those long-legged reptiles should be caught on purpose for your inspection."