"But, mamma, one is bound not to do a harm to any one that one loves.
So when he came to Allington I told him that I could not be his wife."
"Did you, my dear?"
"Yes; I did. Was I not right? Ought I to go to him to bring a disgrace upon all the family, just because he is so good that he asks me? Shall I injure him because he wants to do me a service?"
"If he loves you, Grace, the service he will require will be your love in return."
"That is all very well, mamma,--in books; but I do not believe it in reality. Being in love is very nice, and in poetry they make it out to be everything. But I do not think I should make Major Grantly happy if when I became his wife his own father and mother would not see him. I know I should be so wretched, myself, that I could not live."
"But would it be so?"
"Yes;--I think it would. And the archdeacon is very rich, and can leave all his money away from Major Grantly if he pleases. Think what I should feel if I were the cause of Edith losing her fortune!"
"But why do you suppose these terrible things?"
"I have a reason for supposing them. This must be a secret. Miss Anne Prettyman wrote to me."
"I wish Miss Anne Prettyman"s hand had been in the fire."
"No, mamma; no; she was right. Would not I have wished, do you think, to have learned all the truth about the matter before I answered him?
Besides, it made no difference. I could have made no other answer while papa is under such a terrible ban. It is no time for us to think of being in love. We have got to love each other. Isn"t it so, mamma?" The mother did not answer in words, but slipping down on her knees before her child threw her arms round her girl"s body in a close embrace. "Dear mamma; dearest mamma; this is what I wanted;--that you should love me!"
"Love you, my angel!"
"And trust me;--and that we should understand each other, and stand close by each other. We can do so much to comfort one another;--but we cannot comfort other people."
"He must know that best himself, Grace;--but what did he say more to you?"
"I don"t think he said anything more."
"He just left you then?"
"He said one thing more."
"And what was that?"
"He said;--but he had no right to say it."
"What was it, dear?"
"That he knew I loved him, and that therefore-- But, mamma, do not think of that. I will never be his wife,--never, in opposition to his family."
"But he did not take your answer?"
"He must take it, mamma. He shall take it. If he can be stubborn, so can I. If he knows how to think of me more than himself, I can think of him and Edith more than of myself. That is not quite all, mamma.
Then he wrote to me. There is his letter."
Mrs. Crawley read the letter. "I suppose you answered it?"
"Yes, I answered it. It was very bad, my letter. I should think after that he will never want to have anything more to say to me. I tried for two days, but I could not write a nice letter."
"But what did you say?"
"I don"t in the least remember. It does not in the least signify now, but it was such a bad letter."
"I daresay it was very nice."
"It was terribly stiff, and all about a gentleman."
"All about a gentleman! What do you mean, my dear?"
"Gentleman is such a frightful word to have to use to a gentleman; but I did not know what else to say. Mamma, if you please, we won"t talk about it;--not about the letter I mean. As for him, I"ll talk about him for ever if you like it. I don"t mean to be a bit broken-hearted."
"It seems to me that he is a gentleman."
"Yes, mamma, that he is; and it is that which makes me so proud.
When I think of it, I can hardly hold myself. But now I"ve told you everything, and I"ll go away, and go to bed."
CHAPTER XLII.
MR. TOOGOOD TRAVELS PROFESSIONALLY.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
Mr. Toogood paid another visit to Ba.r.s.etshire, in order that he might get a little further information which he thought would be necessary before despatching his nephew upon the traces of Dean Arabin and his wife. He went down to Barchester after his work was over by an evening train, and put himself up at "The Dragon of Wantly,"
intending to have the whole of the next day for his work. Mr. Walker had asked him to come and take a return pot-luck dinner with Mrs.
Walker at Silverbridge; and this he had said that he would do. After having "rummaged about for tidings" in Barchester, as he called it, he would take the train for Silverbridge, and would get back to town in time for business on the third day. "One day won"t be much, you know," he said to his partner, as he made half an apology for absenting himself on business which was not to be in any degree remunerative. "That sort of thing is very well when one does it without any expense," said Crump. "So it is," said Toogood; "and the expense won"t make it any worse." He had made up his mind, and it was not probable that anything Mr. Crump might say would deter him.
He saw John Eames before he started. "You"ll be ready this day week, will you?" John Eames promised that he would. "It will cost you some forty pounds, I should say. By George,--if you have to go on to Jerusalem, it will cost you more." In answer to this, Johnny pleaded that it would be as good as any other tour to him. He would see the world. "I"ll tell you what," said Toogood; "I"ll pay half. Only you mustn"t tell Crump. And it will be quite as well not to tell Maria."
But Johnny would hear nothing of this scheme. He would pay the entire cost of his own journey. He had lots of money, he said, and would like nothing better. "Then I"ll run down," said Toogood, "and rummage up what tidings I can. As for writing to the dean, what"s the good of writing to a man when you don"t know where he is? Business letters always lie at hotels for two months, and then come back with double postage. From all I can hear, you"ll stumble on her before you find him. If we do nothing else but bring him back, it will be a great thing to have the support of such a friend in the court. A Barchester jury won"t like to find a man guilty who is hand-and-glove with the dean."
Mr. Toogood reached the "Dragon" about eleven o"clock, and allowed the boots to give him a pair of slippers and a candlestick. But he would not go to bed just at that moment. He would go into the coffee-room first, and have a gla.s.s of hot brandy-and-water. So the hot brandy-and-water was brought to him, and a cigar, and as he smoked and drank he conversed with the waiter. The man was a waiter of the ancient cla.s.s, a gray-haired waiter, with seedy clothes, and a dirty towel under his arm; not a dapper waiter, with black shiny hair, and dressed like a guest for a dinner-party. There are two distinct cla.s.ses of waiters, and as far as I have been able to perceive, the special status of the waiter in question cannot be decided by observation of the cla.s.s of waiter to which he belongs. In such a town as Barchester you may find the old waiter with the dirty towel in the head inn, or in the second-cla.s.s inn, and so you may the dapper waiter. Or you may find both in each, and not know which is senior waiter and which junior waiter. But for service I always prefer the old waiter with the dirty towel, and I find it more easy to satisfy him in the matter of sixpences when my relations with the inn come to an end.
"Have you been here long, John?" said Mr. Toogood.
"A goodish many years, sir."
"So I thought, by the look of you. One can see that you belong in a way to the place. You do a good deal of business here, I suppose, at this time of the year?"
"Well, sir, pretty fair. The house ain"t what it used to be, sir."
"Times are bad at Barchester,--are they?"