"Yes, suh, I know."
"Is that why you lookin" at it so hard?"
"No. It"s jes" when I walk by it, it look so pretty like Letta across the way from Uncle Coy"s windah. You have to look when somethin"s pretty."
The white man turned his back on the boy and looked at his church. He maintained that position for a few moments, allowing Li"l Pea to admire the building a while longer.
When the white man turned around, his face was completely changed, as if he were a different man inside. He held out a hand to the boy. The child didn"t know what to do, but he was drawn to the gesture. He grabbed the minister"s manicured fingers with his dirty hand and gave them a good shaking.
"Thank you, boy," the minister said. "You"ve shown me my own life in a new light. It"s like, it"s like I thought it was day but really there was much more to be seen."
The white man walked away after that.
Ptolemy had often wondered, in the eighty-four years that had pa.s.sed since that day, what the minister had meant.
"Come on, Papa Grey," Hilly said in a bus a million miles away, "this our stop."
They walked down a long street of sad houses and apartment buildings. There were few lawns or gardens, mostly weeds and broken concrete. Some of the houses had no paint left on their weathered wood walls; one or two seemed crooked because they were falling in on themselves from the ravages of termites, faltering foundations, and general rot.
Ptolemy thought all these things but he couldn"t remember how to say them.
"Terrible."
"What, Papa Grey?"
"Terrible."
"What? You hurt?"
"My knees hurt when I walk."
"That"s too bad."
"But it"s not terrible," Ptolemy said.
"Then what?"
The old man glanced across the street and saw a big sand-brown woman sitting on a stoop. She was smoking a cigarette and between her fat knees were huddled two toddlers in diapers and nothing else.
"Her."
Two blocks away they came to a small house that was once painted bright blue and yellow, Ptolemy remembered, but now the colors were dim and dingy. There were cars parked in the driveway and at the curb at the house across the street. Men and women in their Sunday best were standing on the brown gra.s.s and up beyond the cars.
"What"s today?" Ptolemy asked Hilly.
"The fifteenth," the young man replied.
Four rose bushes had died under the front window. A fifth rose was still alive. It had nine or eleven bright green th.o.r.n.y leaves and a bud that might one day blossom. Ptolemy noticed a spigot behind the struggling plant and realized that it was a leak that made it possible for that rose to survive.
Hilly held Ptolemy"s elbow as they went up the wooden stairs that had worn down into grooves from the heavy foot traffic over the years. As they approached the screen door, Ptolemy could see that there was a party going on. Dozens of people were crowded into the living room, talking and smoking, drinking and posing in their nice clothes.
Hilly reached for the screen door but it flew inward before he touched it.
"Pitypapa!" a woman yelled. "Pitypapa, I ain"t seen you in six and a half years."
Big, copper-brown, and buxom Hilda "Niecie" Brown folded the frail old man in a powerful yet cushioned embrace. For a brief span that extended into itself Ptolemy was lifted out of his pained elderly confusion. He floated off into the sensation of a woman holding him and humming with satisfaction.
She kissed his forehead and then his lips. When she let him go he held on to her arm.
"Oh, ain"t that sweet?" Niecie said. "You miss me, Pitypapa?"
Ptolemy looked up at her face. Her skin was smooth and tight from fat. Her mouth was smiling, showing two golden teeth, but in spite of the brave front Niecie"s eyes were so sad that he felt her agony. He raised his hands through the pain of his shoulders and placed them on the sides of Niecie"s arms.
"Niecie," he said. "Niecie."
"Come on in, Pitypapa. Come on in and sit with me."
The crowded room smelled of food, cigarettes, and booze. Four children were playing on a green couch but Niecie shooed them away.
"Sit with me, Papa," she said. "Tell me how you been doin"."
Ptolemy sat looking around the room, remembering the house. He had come here for Niecie"s wedding and later, when her mother, June, had died. June was his oldest sister"s child, he remembered. She died of pneumonia, the doctor said, but anyone could have told you that she really died because she went wild with drink and dance after Charles had died.
"You remember my house?" Niecie asked.
"I only remembah it bein" old," he said. "I was already old when you got married. There ain"t nuthin" here young or childish."
Even Niecie"s smile was sad now.
A short girl came up to stand next to Niecie. She was dark-skinned; not as dark as Ptolemy but almost.
"You remember Robyn?" Niecie asked. "But maybe not. Maybe she came here to live wit" me since the last time I seen you. Her mother died an" me an" Hilly took her in."
Robyn was no more than eighteen and she was beautiful to Ptolemy. Her almond-shaped eyes looked right into his, not making him feel old or like he wasn"t there. And there was something else about her: she didn"t remind him of anyone he had ever met before. Usually, almost always, people looked to him like someone he"d already met along the way. That was why he found it so hard to remember who someone was. Faces usually made him want to remember something that was lost. He felt sometimes that he had met everyone, tasted every food, seen every sky there was to be seen.
"I seen it all," old Coydog used to say, "but that don"t mean I seen everything."
Ptolemy understood now because Robyn was someone, something, new to him.
"Hi," she said with perfect lips that smiled briefly, showing off her strong white teeth.
"You grinnin", Pitypapa," Niecie said. "All the men here be grinnin" after Robyn."
"I have never seen anything like you, girl," Ptolemy said.
Robyn put out a hand and he took it, staring at her.
He was suddenly aware that somewhere a woman was crying. The faraway, muted sobs were pitiful. For some reason this made Ptolemy remember.
"Where"s Reggie?" he asked Robyn.
With her eyes she indicated someplace behind Ptolemy. He tried to turn his head but his old joints wouldn"t cooperate.
"Why don"t you go with him, Robyn?" Niecie said.
Ptolemy was still holding her hand. She pulled gently and he got up with a minimum of pain in his knees. Robyn was just about his height. He grabbed on to her elbow and she guided him through the mob of guests in the living room. They went into a narrow hallway that made the house seem larger because it was so long.
They pa.s.sed a room from which came the sad sobbing. He removed his grip from Robyn"s arm. Gently she took the hand in hers.
"Why she"s cryin"?" Ptolemy asked.
"She been like that for hours," the girl answered.
They came to a brown door that was closed. Robyn opened the door and stood aside for Ptolemy to pa.s.s through.
It was a very small chamber, only big enough for the single bed and an open coffin. The pine box fit Reggie"s hefty proportions perfectly. The tall young brown man"s waxy hands were crossed over his chest. His face was calm but the smile that the mortician had placed there was not any expression that Reggie had in life.
Ptolemy turned to Robyn with his mouth open-screaming silently. He forgot how to breathe or even how to stand. Falling forward into the child"s arms, the old man cried, "No."
"Didn"t Hilly tell you?" Robyn asked.
Ptolemy heard the question but didn"t remember. Maybe the boy had said something. Maybe he wasn"t listening when he did. Maybe if he had listened Reggie wouldn"t be dead.
Ptolemy pushed against Robyn"s shoulders and turned to see the boy. Big oily tears came down his face. He leaned over the low-standing coffin, putting his hands against Reggie"s chest, tears falling upon his own knuckles and Reggie"s. The young man"s chest felt like the hard mattress that Coydog slept on in his room at the back of Jack"s Barber Shop, where he lived after they kicked him out of his apartment for not paying the rent.
Reggie had a long face with a small scar at the corner of his mouth. His eyes were closed. His black suit was new.
"I don"t know why I gotta buy him a new suit t"get buried in," Ptolemy"s father, t.i.tus Grey, complained when his wife, Aurelia, had demanded they get good clothes to bury t.i.tus"s father in. "He never even came by once when I was growin" up. Not so much as one h.e.l.lo to his son and now you want me to spend a month"s wages on a new suit he only gonna wear once."
"It"s not for him," Aurelia had said. "Look here."
She touched t.i.tus with one hand and with the other she gestured at Li"l Pea. Ptolemy thought that he was maybe five at that time.
"You see your son?" Aurelia asked.
t.i.tus looked but did not speak.
"When you pa.s.s, how do you want him to remember you?" she asked her husband. "He watch you day and night. He practice talkin" like you an" walkin" like you. So what you gonna show him to do when he have to lay you an" me to rest?"
That night he was lying in his bed with his eyes open, thinking about his grandfather lying on the undertaker"s table. From the darkness came candlelight and the heavy steps of his father. The huge sharecropper sat on the boy"s cot and placed his hand upon Ptolemy"s chest.
"I love you, boy," he"d said.
There was a whole conversation after that but Ptolemy couldn"t remember it. There was something about his grandfather"s death, about men who love their sons . . .
Ptolemy didn"t remember sitting down on the bed across from Reggie"s coffin, but there he was. Robyn was seated next to him, holding his hands. Maybe he had told her the story of his grandfather"s death or maybe he was just thinking about it. They had been talking; he was pretty sure about that.
He noticed that the yellow wallpaper had slanted red lines that were going opposite ways, almost meeting each other to form unconnected capital T"s. Seeing this, recognizing the pattern, made him smile.
"When did your father die?" Robyn asked.
"A long time ago," he said. "I seen a lotta people die. Dead in bed, and lynched, but the worst of all is when some stranger come to the do" an" tell ya that your father is dead an" ain"t nevah comin" home again."
"You have big hands, Mr. Grey," Robyn said. She was squeezing the tight muscle between the forefinger and thumb of his left hand. "Strong."
The pressure hurt and felt good at the same time.
"He stoled my money," he said.
"Who did?"
"I had three checks at the place but he only give me the money for one. I give ten dollars to this woman had a green ring and then thirty-two dollars and thirty-seven cent fo" my groceries. But now all I got in my envelope is a hunnert an" sixty-sumpin" dollars and a few pennies. That adds up to two eleven, but I had three checks for that much. I know "cause I save "em up so Reggie only have to go to the bank with me once ev"ry three weeks. We put one check in a account for my bills to be paid and we spend one on groceries."
"Reggie stoled your money?" Robyn asked.
"Yeah . . . I mean no. Reggie wouldn"t steal. It"s that big boy, that, that, that ..."
"Hilly?"
"There, you got it."
So much talking and thinking exhausted Ptolemy. Then remembering that Reggie was dead and that they"d never go to the bank again made him sad.
Robyn squeezed his hand and tilted her head to the side so that he"d have to notice her.
"Don"t you worry, Mr. Grey," she said. "It"s all gonna be all right."
"How?"
"Reggie gonna go to heaven an" Hilly gonna go to h.e.l.l."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes I am," Robyn said, her young features set with grim certainty.
Such serious intentions on a child"s face made Ptolemy smile. His smile infected her and soon they were giggling together, holding hands, sitting next to Reggie"s corpse.
After a while the girl stood up, pulling Ptolemy to his feet. Together they left the dead man and went back down the long hall. When they approached the room where the woman cried, Ptolemy asked, "Is that the girlfriend?"