aRabbi, Rabbi, welcome,a she purred, and she dragged him gently toward her poor house.
Jesus bent over, took her by the hand and lifted her up. Bashful and enchanted, he held her just as an inexperienced bridegroom holds his bride. His body rejoiced from its very roots. It was not Magdalene he had lifted from the ground, but the soul of mana"and he was its bridegroom. Magdalene trembled, blushed, spread her hair over her bosom to hide it. Everyone looked at her with astonishment. How she had pined away, lost her color! Purple rings circled her eyes, and her firm full mouth had withered like an unwatered flower. As she and Jesus walked hand in hand they felt they were dreaming. Instead of treading the earth they were floating in the air and proceeding. Was this a wedding? Was the ragged mult.i.tude which followed behind, filling the whole street, the marriage procession? And the pomegranate tree which was visible in the yard with its burden of fruit: was it a kind spirit or a household G.o.ddess, or perhaps a simple thrice-fortunate woman who had given birth to sons and daughters and now stood in the middle of her yard and admired them?
aMagdalene,a Jesus said softly, aall your sins are forgiven, for you have loved much.a She leaned over, wonderfully happy. She wanted to say, I am a virgin! but she was so overjoyed, she could not open her mouth.
She ran, pillaged the pomegranate tree, filled her ap.r.o.n and made a tower of the cool red fruit at the belovedas feet. What happened next was precisely what she had so ardently desired. Jesus bent down, took a pomegranate, opened it, filled his hand with seeds, and refreshed his throat. Then the disciples stooped in their turn. Each took a pomegranate and refreshed himself.
aMagdalene,a Jesus said, awhy do you look at me with such troubled eyes, as though you were saying goodbye to me?a aMy beloved, I have been saying h.e.l.lo and goodbye to you every single instant since the day I was born.a She spoke so softly that only Jesus and John, who were close to her, could hear.
After a momentas silence, she continued. aI must look at you, because woman issued from the body of man and still cannot detach her body from his. But you must look at heaven, because you are a man, and man was created by G.o.d. Allow me to look at you, therefore, my child.a She p.r.o.nounced these momentous words, aMy child,a in such a low voice that not even Jesus heard her. But her own breast filled out and stirred as though she were giving suck to her son.
A murmur arose in the crowd. New invalids suddenly arrived and occupied the entire yard.
aRabbi,a said Peter, athe people are grumbling and impatient.a aWhat do they want?a aA kind word; a miracle. Look at them.a Jesus turned. In the turbulent air of the squall which was coming he perceived a mult.i.tude of half-opened mouths full of longing, and of eyes which were gazing at him with anguish. An old man came forward through the crowd. His eyelashes had fallen out: his eyes were like two wounds. Around his skeleton-like neck hung ten amulets, each containing one of the Ten Commandments. He leaned on his forked staff and stood himself in the doorway.
aRabbi,a he said, his voice all grievance and pain, aI am one hundred years old. Hanging around my neck, constantly before me, are G.o.das Ten Commandments. I have not disobeyed a single one of them. Every year I go to Jerusalem and offer a sacrificial ram to holy Sabaoth. I light candles and burn sweet-incense. At night, instead of sleeping, I sing psalms. I look sometimes at the stars, sometimes at the mountainsa"and wait, wait for the Lord to descend so that I may see him. That is the only recompense I desire. Iave waited now for years and years, but in vain. I have one foot in the grave, yet I still have not seen him. Why, why? Mine is a great grievance, Rabbi. When shall I see the Lord; when shall I find peace?a As he spoke he grew continually angrier. Soon he was banging his forked staff down on the ground and shouting.
Jesus smiled. aOld man,a he replied, aonce upon a time there was a marble throne at the eastern gate of an important city. On this throne sat a thousand kings blind in the right eye, a thousand kings blind in the left eye and a thousand kings who had sight in both eyes. All of them called G.o.d to appear so that they might see him, but all went to their graves with their wishes unfulfilled. When the kings had died, a pauper, barefooted and hungry, came and sat on the throne. aG.o.d,a he whispered, athe eyes of man cannot bear to look directly at the sun, for they are blinded. How then, Omnipotent, can they look directly at you? Have pity, Lord; temper your strength, turn down your splendor so that I, who am poor and afflicted, may see you!a Thena"listen, old man!a"G.o.d became a piece of bread, a cup of cool water, a warm tunic, a hut, and in front of the but, a woman giving suck to an infant. The pauper stretched forth his arms and smiled happily. aThank you, Lord,a he whispered. aYou humbled yourself for my sake. You became bread, water, a warm tunic and my wife and son in order that I might see you. And I did see you. I bow down and worship your beloved many-faced face!a a No one spoke. The old man sighed like a buffalo and, putting forth his forked staff, disappeared into the crowd. Next, a young man, newly married, lifted his fist and shouted, aThey say you hold fire to burn up the world-to burn up our homes and children. Is this the kind of love you claim to bring us? Is this the justice: fire?a Jesusa eyes filled with tears. He pitied this newly married youth. Truly, was this the justice he brought: fire? Was there no other way to attain salvation?
aTell us clearly what we have to do to be saved,a cried a house-owner who then elbowed his way through the gathering in order to come close for the answer, since be was hard of hearing.
aOpen your hearts,a thundered Jesus, aopen your larders, divide your belongings among the poor! The day of the Lord has come! Whoever stingily retains a loaf of bread, a jar of oil or a strip of land for his final hours will find that bread and that jar and that earth hanging around his neck and dragging him down to h.e.l.l.a aMy ears are buzzing,a said the house-owner. aExcuse me if I leave, but I feel dizzy.a He went off in a rage toward his rich villa. aListen to that! Divide our belongings among the scabby rabble! Is that justice? d.a.m.n him to h.e.l.l.a Mumbling to himself and cursing, he continued on.
Jesus watched him disappear. aWide is the gate of h.e.l.l,a he said with a sigh, awide the road, and strewn with flowers. But the gate to G.o.das kingdom is narrow, the way uphill. While we live we may choose, for life means freedom. But when death comes, whatas done is done and there is no deliverance.a aIf you want me to believe in you,a shouted a man with crutches, aperform a miracle and heal me. Shall I enter the kingdom of heaven lame?a aAnd I leprous?a aAnd I with only one arm?a aAnd I blind?a The cripples moved forward in one body and stood threateningly in front of him. Losing all sense of restraint, they began to shout.
A blind old man lifted his staff. aCure us,a he howled, aor you wonat leave our village alive!a Peter ripped the staff out of the old manas hands. aWith a soul like yours, buzzard eyes, youall never see the light!a The cripples drew together and became ferocious. The disciples became ferocious in their turn and placed themselves next to Jesus. Magdalene, terrified, put out her hand to bolt the door, but Jesus stopped her.
aMagdalene, my sister,a he said, athis is an unfortunate generationa"all flesh. Habits, sins and fat crush their souls. I push away flesh, bones and entrails to find the soul, and I find nothing. Alas, I think the only cure is fire!a He turned to the mult.i.tude. His eyes were now dry and pitiless.
aJust as we scorch the fields before sowing, in order for the good seed to thrive, so shall G.o.d scorch the earth. He has no mercy for thorns, tares or tarragon. That is the meaning of justice. Farewell!a He turned to Thomas. aBlow your horn. Weare leaving!a He put forth his staff. The benumbed people made way and he pa.s.sed through. Magdalene ran into her house, seized her kerchief anda"leaving the wool half spun, the earthenware pot on the mantel and the poultry unfed in her yarda"tossed the doorkey into the middle of the road; then, without looking back, silent and tightly wrapped in her kerchief, she followed the son of Mary.
Chapter Twenty-Three.
THE NIGHT was in its infancy when they arrived at Capernaum. The squall had pa.s.sed over their heads. The north wind had blown and pushed it toward the south.
aWeall all sleep at our house,a said Zebedeeas two sons. aItas big, and thereas room for everyone. Thatas where weall set up camp.a aAnd old Zebedee?a said Peter, laughing. aHe wouldnat give a drop of water to an angel.a John reddened. aTrust in the master,a he said. aHis breath will have a good effect on him, youall see.a But Jesus did not hear. He was marching in front, his eyes filled with the blind, the lame and the leprous. ... Ah, if I could only blow on every soul, he thought, and cry to it, Awake! Then, if it did awake, the body would become soul and be cured.
As they entered the large market town, Thomas inserted the horn between his lips in order to blow. But Jesus put out his hand. aDonat,a he said. aIam tired. ...a And indeed, his face was pale and the flesh around his eyes had turned blue. Magdalene knocked at the first door to ask for a cup of water. Jesus drank and recovered his strength.
aI owe you a cup of cool water, Magdalene,a he said to her with a smile.
He remembered what he had said to the other woman, the Samaritan, at Jacobas well.
aI shall repay you with a cup of immortal water,a he added.
aYou gave it to me a long time ago, Rabbi,a Magdalene answered with a blush.
They pa.s.sed by Nathanaelas cottage. The door was open and the master of the house stood in the yard under his fig tree. Pruning hook in hand, he was removing the treeas dead branches. Philip quickly cut himself off from the group of travelers and entered.
aNathanael,a he said, aI have something to tell you. Stop your pruning.a He went into the house. Nathanael followed and lighted the lamp. aForget your lamps, your fig trees and your house,a Philip said to him, aand come.a aWhere?a aWhere? But havenat you heard the news? The end of the world is here! Today or tomorrow the heavens will open and the world will be reduced to ashes. Move quickly and enter the ark so that you can be saved.a aWhat ark?a aThe bosom of the son of Mary, the son of Davida"our rabbi from Nazareth. Heas just returned from the desert, where he met G.o.d. The two of them talked and decided on the destruction and salvation of the world. G.o.d placed his hand on our rabbias hair. aGo and choose who is to be saved,a he said. aYou are the new Noah. Look, here is the key to the ark so that you can open and close it,a and he gave him a key of gold. He has it hanging around his neck, but the human eye cannot see it.a aSpeak clearly, Philip. Iam all confused. When did all these wonders take place?a aJust now, I tell you, in the Jordan desert. They killed the Baptist, and his soul went into our rabbias body. To see him, you wouldnat recognize him. Heas changeda"grown wild, and sparks fly from his hands. Why, just now at Cana he touched the paralyzed daughter of the centurion of Nazareth, and all at once she jumped up and started to dance. Yes, I swear it by our friendship! We mustnat lose any time. Come!a Nathanael sighed. aLook here, Philip, I was so well set up, I had so many orders. Look, look at all these sandals and moccasins waiting to be finished. My business was sailing full speed ahead, and now ...a He threw a lingering glance around him, looked at his beloved tools, the stool on which he sat and patched, the cobbleras knife, the awls, the waxed string, the wooden tacks. ... He sighed again. aHow can I leave them?a he murmured.
aDonat worry, youall find tools of gold up above. Youall mend the golden sandals of the angels; youall have eternal, innumerable orders. Youall sew, youall rip, you wonat lack work. Only move quickly; come and say to the master, aIam with you!aa"nothing else. aIam with you and Iall follow you wherever you goa"to the death!a Thatas what weave all sworn.a aTo the death!a said the cobbler, shuddering. His body was huge, but he had the heart of a miller.
aItas just a way of speaking, poor thing,a the shepherd said to rea.s.sure him. aThatas what weave all sworn, but donat be afraida"weare headed for majesty, not for death. This man, my friend, is not a man. No, heas the Son of man!a aItas not the same, eh?a aThe same? Arenat you ashamed to say that? Didnat you ever hear anyone read the prophet Daniel? aSon of mana means Messiaha"in other words, King! Heas going to sit on the throne of the Universe very soon, and wea"as many as were clever enough to join hima"are going to divide up the honors and the wealth. You wonat walk barefooted any more. Youall wear golden sandals, and the angels will stoop to tie your laces. Nathanael, I tell you itas a good deal. Donat let it slip out of your hands. What more need I say than to inform you that Thomas joined us. He smelled something good, the rascal, gave the very shirt off his back to the poor, and ran. So, you run too. Heas at Zebedeeas house now. Come on, letas go.!a But Nathanael held back, unable to decide. aLook here, Philip, youall have to answer for the consequences,a he said at last. aAnd I warn you: if I find the going rough, I leave for good. Iam ready for anything, short of getting myself crucified.a aAll right, all right,a said Philip, aweall both make ourselves scarce in that case. Do you think Iave gone completely mad? ... Agreed? Letas go!a aWell, thena"in G.o.das name!a He locked the door, put the key under his shirt, and the two of them departed arm in arm for Zebedeeas house.
Jesus and the disciples sat warming themselves in front of the lighted fire while old Salome went in and out, overjoyed. All her illnesses had disappeared. She went in and out, setting the table, and her pride in her sons and in serving the holy man who would bring the kingdom of heaven was insatiable. John leaned over and whispered into his motheras ear. By glancing at the disciples he made her notice how they shivered, still dressed as they were in summer linens. The mother smiled, went inside, opened her trunks and took out woolen clothes. Then, quickly-before her husbandas return-she divided them up among the companions. The thickest robe, one of brilliantly white wool, she threw tenderly over Jesusa shoulders.
He turned and smiled at her. aBless you, Mother Salome,a he said. aIt is right and just that you should care for the body. The body is the camel on which the soul mounts in order to traverse the desert. Care for it, therefore, so that it will be able to endure.a Old Zebedee entered and looked at the unexpected visitors. He greeted them halfheartedly, then sat down in a corner. These robbers (that is what he called them) did not please him at all. Who invited them to come and take over his home? And his lavish wife had already laid them out a magnificent feast! Curse the day this new fanatic sprouted up. It wasnat bad enough that he had stolen both his sons! No, besides that there were the arguments all day long with his idiotic wife, who took the two boysa part. They had acted well, she said. This man was a true prophet: he would become king, throw out the Romans and sit on Israelas throne. Then John would be enthroned to his right, Jacob to his lefta"great lords, not fishermen in rowboats, but great important lords! Why, do you think they should rot away their entire lives here on the water? Day and night Zebedee was nagged with thisa"and morea"by the old idiot, who would bang her foot on the floor and shout. Sometimes he cursed and smashed whatever happened to be in front of him; sometimes he gave up in despair and went off to roam the edge of the lake like a madman. In the end he had taken to drink. And nowa"what next!a"all these lawbreakers had moved into his house: nine immense mouths; and they had with them that wh.o.r.e a thousand times kissed, that Magdalene. They sat themselves down in a circle around the table and did not even turn to look at hima"him, the master of the housea"nor even ask his permission. So thatas what weave come to! Was it for these parasites that he and his ancestors had slaved for so many years? He flew into a rage and, jumping up, shouted, aJust a minute, my good mena"whose house is this, yours or mine? Two and two make four. Will you tell me, please!a aItas G.o.das,a answered Peter, who had downed quite a few drinks and was in a merry mood. aG.o.das, Zebedee. Havenat you heard the news? Nothing any more is yours or mine; everything is G.o.das.a aThe law of Mosesa"a Zebedee began, but Peter interrupted him before he could work up steam.
aWhat do I heara"the law of Moses? Thatas done with, Zebedee, finished, gone for a nice long walk and never coming back. Now we have the Law of the Son of man. Understand? Weare all brothers! Our hearts have broadened, and with our hearts the law has also broadened. It now embraces the whole of mankind. The entire world is the Promised Land. The frontiers are gone! I, the very man you see before you, Zebedee, shall go proclaim the word of G.o.d to the nations. Iall get clear to Romea"yes, donat laugha"and Iall grab the emperor by his Adamas apple, knock him down and sit myself on the throne. And why not! As the master said, weare no longer your kind of fishermen. We donat catch fish; weare fishers of men. And a word to the wise: flatter us, bring us plenty of wine and food, because one daya"and quickly tooa"weall be great lords. You give us one dry piece of bread, and weall repay you with a whole ovenful in a few days. And what loaves! Immortal! Youall eat and eat, and theyall never be consumed.a aPoor fellow, I already see you crucified upside down,a growled Zebedee, who had slunk away again to his corner. Listening to Peteras words, he had gradually begun to feel afraid. Iad better keep my mouth shut, he thought. You never know what will happen. The world is a sphere, and turns. Itas just possible that one day these madmen ... Letas play safe, then, whatever happens!
The disciples laughed in their beards. They knew perfectly well that Peter was in a merry mood and joking; but inside themselvesa"though they still were not drunk enough to speak outa"they secretly spun the same thoughts. Impressiveness, rank, clothes of silk, golden rings, abundant fooda"and to feel the world under the Jewish heel: that was the kingdom of heaven.
Old Zebedee took another drink and mustered up courage. aAnd you, teacher,a he said, aarenat you going to open your mouth? You started all this, and now you sit back as cool as a cuc.u.mber while we others sweat it out. ... Look here, can you tell me in the name of your G.o.d why I should see my goods scattered and not scream about it?
aZebedee,a Jesus answered, athere was once a very rich man who reaped, vintaged, gathered in the olives, stuffed his jugs, ate, filled himself and then lay down on his back in his yard. aMy soul,a he said, ayou have many belongings. Eat, drink and be merry!a But as he said this a voice was heard from the sky: aFool, foola"this night you shall surrender your soul to h.e.l.l. What will you do with all the goods you have ama.s.sed?a Zebedee, you have ears, you hear what I say to you; you have a mind, you understand what I mean. May this voice of heaven be above you, Zebedee, night and day!a The old proprietor lowered his head and did not speak again.
Just then the door opened and Philip appeared on the threshold. Behind him was an immense gawky bean stalk, Nathanael. His heart no longer chimed two bells at once: he had made his decision. He approached Jesus, stooped and kissed his feet.
aMy master,a he said, aI am with you to the death.a Jesus placed his hand on the curly buffalo-like head. aWelcome, Nathanael. You make sandals for everyone else and go barefoot yourself. That pleases me very much. Come with me!a He seated him at his right and handed him a slice of bread and a cup of wine. aTo become mine,a he said, aeat this mouthful of bread and drink this cup of wine.a Nathanael ate the bread, drank the wine and all at once felt strength flow into his bones and soul. The wine rose like the sun and vermeiled his mind. Wine, bread and soul became one.
He was sitting on hot coals. He wanted to speak but was too bashful.
aSpeak, Nathanael,a the master said to him. aOpen your heart and relieve yourself.a aRabbi,a he replied, aI want you to know that Iave always been poor. Iave lived and eaten from day to day and have never had time to study the Law. Iam blind, Rabbi. Forgive me. ... Thatas what I want you to know. Iave had my say and I feel better.a Jesus caressingly touched the newly enlightened manas broad shoulders. aDonat sigh, Nathanael,a he said, laughing. aTwo paths lead to G.o.das bosom. One is the path of the mind, the other the path of the heart. Listen to the story I shall tell you: aA poor man, a rich man and a rake died on the same day and appeared before G.o.das tribunal at the same hour. None of them had ever studied the Law. G.o.d frowned and asked the poor man, Why didnat you study the Law while you were alive?a a aLord,a he answered, aI was poor and hungry. I slaved day and night to feed my wife and children. I didnat have time.a a aWere you poorer than my faithful servant Hillel?a G.o.d asked angrily. aHe had no money to pay to enter the synagogue and hear the Law being explained, so he climbed onto the roof, stretched himself out and listened through the skylight. But it snowed and he was so absorbed in what he heard that he did not realize it. In the morning when the rabbi entered the synagogue he saw that it was dark. Raising his eyes, he discovered a manas body over the skylight. He mounted to the roof, dug away the snow and exhumed Hillel. He took him in his arms, carried him down, lighted a fire and brought him back to life. Then he gave him permission to enter and listen after that without paying, and Hillel became the famous rabbi whom the whole world has heard of. ... What do you have to say to that?a a aNothing, Lord,a murmured the poor man, and he began to weep.
aG.o.d turned to the rich man. aAnd you, why didnat you study the Law while you were alive?a a aI was too rich. I had many orchards, many slaves, many cares. How could I manage?a a aWere you richer,a G.o.d snapped, athan Harsomas son Eleazar, who inherited a thousand villages and a thousand ships? But he abandoned them all when he learned the whereabouts of a sage who was explaining the Law. What do you have to say for yourself?a a aNothing, Lord,a the rich man murmured in his turn, and he too began to weep.
aG.o.d then turned to the rake. aAnd you, my beauty, why didnat you study the Law?a a aI was exceedingly handsome and many women threw themselves at me. With all the amus.e.m.e.nt I had, where could I find time to look at the Law?a a aWere you handsomer than Joseph, who was loved by the wife of Putiphar? He was so beautiful that he said to the sun, aShine, sun, so that I may shine.a When he unfolded the Law the letters opened up like doors and the meaning came out dressed in light and flames. What do you have to say?a a aNothing, Lord,a murmured the rake, and he too began to weep.
aG.o.d clapped his hands and called Hillel, Eleazar and Joseph out from Paradise. When they had come, he said, aJudge these men who because of poverty, wealth and beauty did not study the Law. Speak, Hillel. Judge the poor one!a a aLord,a answered Hillel, ahow can I condemn him? I know what poverty means, I know what hunger means. He should be pardoned!a a aAnd you, Eleazar?a said G.o.d. aThere is the rich one. I hand him over to you!a a aLord,a replied Eleazar, ahow can I condemn him? I know what it is to be richa"death! He should be pardoned!a a aAnd you, Joseph? Itas your turn. There is the handsome one!a a aLord, how can I condemn him? I know what a struggle it is, what a terrible martyrdom, to conquer the bodyas loveliness. He should be pardoned!a a Jesus paused, smiled, and looked at Nathanael. But the cobbler felt uneasy.
aWell, what did G.o.d do next?a he asked.
aJust what you would have done,a Jesus answered with a laugh.
The simple cobbler laughed too. aThat means Iam saved!a He seized both of the masteras hands and squeezed them hard. aRabbi,a he shouted, aI understand. You said there were two paths leading to G.o.das bosom, the path of the mind and the path of the heart. I took the path of the heart and found you!a Rising, Jesus went to the door. A strong wind had come up and the lake was billowing. The stars in the heavens were innumerable fine grains of sand. He recalled the desert, shuddered, and closed the door. aNight is a great gift from G.o.d,a he said. aIt is the mother of man and comes quietly and tenderly to cover him. It rests its cool hand on his forehead and effaces the dayas cares from his body and soul. Brothers, it is time to surrender ourselves to nightas embrace.a Old Salome heard him and rose. Magdalene also got up from the corner by the fire where, bowed over, she had been happily listening to the Belovedas voice. The two women laid out the mats and brought covers. Jacob went to the yard, carried in an armful of olive logs and heaped them on the fire. Jesus, standing erect in the middle of the house with his face turned toward Jerusalem, lifted his hands and in a deep voice p.r.o.nounced the evening prayer: aOpen your doors to us, O Lord. The day goes down; the sun falls, the sun disappears. Eternal, we come to your doors. We implore you: Pardon us. We implore you: Have mercy upon us. Save us!a aAnd send us good dreams, Lord,a Peter added. aIn my sleep, Lord, let me see my aged green boat all new and with a red sail!a He had drunk much and was in a jolly mood.
Jesus lay down in the center, surrounded by the disciples. They occupied the entire length and breadth of the house. Zebedee and his wife, finding no room, went to an outbuilding; and with them went Magdalene. The old man grumbled. He was deprived of his comforts. Turning in a rage to his wife, he said in a loud voice, so that Magdalene would hear, aWhat next! Thrown out of my own house by a pack of foreigners. Look what weare reduced to!a But the old lady turned to the wall and did not answer him.
This night Matthew again remained awake. He squatted under the lamp, removed the partly filled notebook from under his shirt and began to composea"how Jesus entered Capernaum, how Magdalene joined them, and the parable told by the master: There was once a very rich man. ... When he finished writing he blew out the lamp and then he too went to bed, but a little to one side, because the disciples still had not become accustomed to his breath.
No sooner had Peter closed his eyes than he fell asleep. Straightway an angel came down from heaven, quietly opened his temples and entered him in the form of a dream. A great crowd seemed to be a.s.sembled on the sh.o.r.e of the lake. The teacher stood there too, admiring a brand-new boat, green with a red sail, which was drifting in the water. On the rear part of her prow gleamed a great painted fish, identical with the fish that was tattooed on Peteras chest. aWho does that beautiful boat belong to?a Jesus asked. aItas mine,a Peter proudly replied. aGo, Peter, take the rest of the companions and sail out to the middle so that I can admire your courage!a aWith pleasure, Rabbi,a said Peter. He detached the cable. The rest of the companions jumped in. A favorable wind blew over the stern, the sail swelled out and they reached the open sea singing.
But suddenly a whirlwind arose. The boat twirled around, her creaking hull ready to crack. She started to ship water and sink. The disciples, fallen face-down on the deck, raised a great lament. Peter seized hold of the mast and shouted, aRabbi, Rabbi, help!a and lo! there in the thick darkness he perceived the white-clad rabbi walking toward them over the waters. The disciples lifted their heads and saw him. aA ghost! A ghost!a they cried out, trembling.
aDonat be afraid,a Jesus said to them, aitas me!a Peter answered him, aLord, if it is really you, order me also to walk on the waves and to come and meet you.a aCome!a Jesus ordered him.
Peter jumped out of the boat, stepped on the waves, and began to walk. But when he saw the enraged sea he became paralyzed with fear. He started to sink. aLord, save me,a he screamed, aIam drowning!a Jesus put out his hand and pulled him up. aMan of little faith,a he said, awhy were you afraid? Have you no confidence in me? Look!a He raised his hand over the waves and said, aBe still!a and all at once the wind subsided, the waters became calm.
Peter burst into tears. His soul had been put to the test this time also, and once more it had emerged with disgrace.
Uttering a loud shout, he awoke. His beard was sprinkled with tears. He sat up on the mat, leaned his back against the wall and sighed.
Matthew, who was still awake, heard him. aWhy did you sigh, Peter?a he asked.
For a second Peter resolved to play deaf and not answer him. To be sure, he did not relish conversations with publicans. But the dream was choking him and he felt he had to pull it out from within him in order to find relief. He therefore crawled near to Matthew and began to relate it to him, and the more he related, the more he embroidered. Matthew listened insatiably, recording it all in his mind. Tomorrow at daybreak, G.o.d willing, he would copy it into his book.
Peter finished, but within his breast his heart still pitched, just like the boat in the dream. Suddenly he shook with fright. aCould the master really have come in the night and taken me with him to the open sea in order to test me? Never in my life have I seen a sea more alive, a boat more real or fear more palpable. Perhaps it wasnat a dream. ... What do you think, Matthew?a aIt most certainly wasnat a dream. This miracle definitely took place,a Matthew answered, and he began to turn over deeply in his mind how he could set it down the next day on paper. It would be extremely difficult because he was not entirely sure it was a dream, nor was he entirely sure it was the truth. It was both. The miracle happened, but not on this earth, not on this sea. Elsewherea"but where?
He closed his eyes to meditate and find the answer. But sleep came and took him along.
The next day there was a continuous downpour with strong winds, and the fishermen did not set sail. Shut up in their huts they mended their nets and talked about the odd visitor who was lodging at old Zebedeeas. It seemed he was John the Baptist resuscitated. Immediately after the executioneras stroke the Baptist bent down, picked up his head, replaced it on his neck and was off in a flash. But to prevent Herod from catching him again and once more cutting off his head, he went and entered the son of the Carpenter of Nazareth and they became one. Seeing him, you went out of your mind. Was he one, or two? It was bewildering. If you looked him straight in the face, he was a simple man who smiled at you. If you moved a bit, one of his eyes was furious and wanted to eat you, the other encouraged you to come closer. You approached and grew dizzy. Without knowing what was happening to you, you abandoned your home and children and followed him!
An old fisherman heard all this and shook his head. aThis is what happens to those who donat get married,a he said. aAll they want to do is save the world, by hook or by crook. The sperm rises to their heads and attacks their brains. For G.o.das sake, all of you: get married, let your forces loose on women and have children in order to calm yourselves!a Old Jonah had heard the news the previous evening and bad waited and waited in his shack. This canat last, he thought. Surely my sons will come to see if Iam dead or alive. He waited the whole night, hoped and then lost hope, and in the morning put on the high captainas boots which were made when he got married and which he wore only on great occasions, encased himself in a torn oilcloth and went off in the rain toward the house of his friend Zebedee. Finding the door open, he entered.
The fire was lighted. Ten or so men and two women sat cross-legged in front of the fire. He recognized one of the womena"it was old Salome. The other was young. He had seen her somewhere, but he could not remember where. The house was in half darkness. He recognized his two sons Peter and Andrew when they turned momentarily and their faces were illuminated by the fire glow. But no one heard him come in and no one turned to see him. All were listening with heads thrust forward and mouths agape to someone who faced directly toward him. What was he saying? Old Jonah, all ears, opened his mouth and listened. Now and then he caught a word: ajustice,a aG.o.d,a akingdom of heaven. ...a The same and more of the samea"year in, year out! He was sick of it. Instead of telling you how to catch a fish, mend a sail, caulk a boat, or how to avoid getting cold, wet or hungry, they sat there and spoke about heaven! Confound it, didnat they have anything to say about the earth and the sea? Old Jonah became angry. He coughed so that they would hear him and turn around. No one turned. He raised his huge leg and brought his captainas boot thundering downa"but in vain. They were all hanging on the lips of the pale speaker.
Old Salome was the only one who turned. She looked at him but did not see him. Old Jonah went forward, therefore, and squatted in front of the fireplace, just behind his two sons. Putting out his huge hand, he touched Peter on the shoulder and shook him. Peter turned, saw his father, placed his finger to his lips in a signal for him not to speak, and once again turned his face toward the pale youth just as though this was not Jonah, his own father, just as though it was not months since he had seen him last. First Jonah felt aggrieved, then angry. He took off his boots (which had begun to pinch him) so that by throwing them in the teacheras face he could silence him at long last and be able to talk to his children. He had already lifted the boots and was swinging them to gather momentum when he felt a restraining hand behind him. Turning, he saw old Zebedee.
aGet up, Jonah,a his friend whispered into his ear. aLetas go inside. Poor fellow, Iave got something to tell you.a The old fisherman put his boots under his arm and followed Zebedee. They entered the inner part of the house and sat down side by side on Salomeas trunk.
aJonah,a Zebedee began, stammering because he had drunk too much in an attempt to drown his rage, aJonah, my much-buffeted friend, you had two sonsa"write them off. I too had a pair of sons, and I wrote them off. It seems their father is G.o.d, so why are we b.u.t.ting in? They look at us as if to ask, aWho are you, graybeard?a ... Itas the end of the world, my poor Jonah!
aAt first I got angry too. I felt like grabbing the harpoon and throwing them out. But afterward I saw there was no solution, so I crawled back into my sh.e.l.l and handed the keys over to them. My wife sees eye to eye with them, poor thing. Sheas getting a little senile, you know. So mumas the word, old Zebedee, and mumas the word, old Jonaha"thatas what I wanted to tell you. Whatas the use of lying to ourselves? Two and two make four: weare beaten!a Once more old Jonah put on his boots and wrapped himself in his oilskin. Then he gazed at Zebedee to see if he had anything more to say. He had not, so Jonah opened the door, looked at the sky, looked at the earth: darkness like pitch; rain, cold. ... His lips moved: aWeare beaten,a he grumbled, aweare beaten,a and he splashed through the mud back toward his hut.
While Jonah went puffing along, the son of Mary held his palms out to the fire as if praying to the spirit of G.o.d which, hidden in the flames, gives warmth to men. His heart had opened up; he held out his palms and spoke.
aThink not that I have come to abolish the law and the prophets; I have come not to abolish the old commandments but to extend them. You have seen inscribed on the tables of Moses: You shall not kill! But I say to you that whoever is even angry with his brother and lifts his hand against him, or only speaks an unkind word to him, will be hurled down into the flames of h.e.l.l. You have seen inscribed on the tables of Moses: You shall not commit adultery! But I say to you that whoever even looks at a woman l.u.s.tfully has already committed adultery in his heart. The impure glance brings the lecher down to h.e.l.l. ...
aThe old law instructs you to honor your father and your mother; but I say, Do not imprison your heart within your parentsa home. Let it emerge and enter all homes, embrace the whole of Israel from Mount Hermon to the desert of Idumea and even beyond: east and westa"the entire Universe. Our father is G.o.d, our mother is Earth. We are half soil and half sky. To honor your father and your mother means to honor Heaven and Earth.a Old Salome sighed. aYour words are hard, Rabbi, hard for a mother.a aThe word of G.o.d is always hard,a Jesus replied.
aTake my two sons,a the old mother murmured, crossing her hands. aTake them; they are yours.a Jesus heard the orphaned mother and felt that all the sons and daughters of the world were suspended from his neck. He recalled the black he-goat he had seen in the desert with all the sins of the people enclosed in blue amulets and hanging from its neck. Without speaking, he leaned toward the old Salome, who had given him her two sons. He seemed to be saying to her, Look, here is my neck; hang your sons around it. ...
He threw a handful of vine branches onto the fire. The flames swept over them. For a long time Jesus watched the fire hissingly consume the branches; then he turned again to the companions.
aHe who loves father and mother more than me is not worthy to come with me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy to come with me. The old commandments are no longer large enough to hold us; neither are the old loves.a He paused for a moment, then continued. aMan is a frontier, the place where earth stops and heaven begins. But this frontier never ceases to transport itself and advance toward heaven. With it the commandments of G.o.d also transport themselves and advance. I take G.o.das commandments from the tables of Moses and extend them, make them advance.a aDoes G.o.das will change, then, Rabbi?a asked John, surprised.
aNo, John, beloved. But manas heart widens and is able to contain more of G.o.das will.a aForward, then,a shouted Peter, jumping up. aWhy are we sitting? Letas go proclaim the new commandments to the world.a aWait for the rain to stop so we donat get wet!a hissed Thomas mockingly.
Judas shook his head, infuriated. aFirst weave got to chase out the Romans,a he said. aWe must liberate our bodies before we liberate our soulsa"each in its proper order. Letas not start building from the roof downward. First comes the foundation.a aThe foundation is the soul, Judas.a aI say the foundation is the body!a aIf the soul within us does not change, Judas, the world outside us will never change. The enemy is within, the Romans are within, salvation starts from within!a Judas jumped up, boiling. For a long time he had kept his heart from crying out. He had listened and listened, storing everything in his breast, but now he could bear it no longer.
aFirst throw out the Romans!a he shouted again, choking. aFirst the Romans!a aBut how can we throw them out?a asked Nathanael, who had begun to feel uneasy and to cast sidelong glances at the door. aWill you tell us how, Iscariot?a aRevolution! Remember the Maccabees! They expelled the Greeks. Itas our turn now; itas time for new Maccabees to expel the Romans. Afterward. when everything is in our own hands again, we can settle about rich and poor, injured and injurer.a No one spoke. The disciples were not sure which of the two roads to take. They gazed at the teacher and waited. He was looking thoughtfully at the flames. ... When would men understand that only one thing exists in both the visible and invisible worldsa"the soul!
Peter rose. aExcuse me,a he said, abut these are complicated discussions and I donat understand them. Experience will teach us which is the foundation. Letas wait and see what happens. Master, give us the authority to go out by ourselves in order to bring the Good News to men. When we return weall talk it all over again.a Jesus raised his head and swept his eyes over the disciples. He nodded to Peter, John and Jacob. They came forward and he placed his hands heavily on their heads.
aGo, with my blessing,a he said. aProclaim the Good News to men. Do not be afraid. G.o.d will hold you in his palm and keep you from perishing. Not a single sparrow falls from the sky without his will, and you are worth many sparrows. G.o.d be with you! Come back quickly, and may thousands of souls be suspended from your necks. You are my apostles.a The three apostles received the blessing. Opening the door, they went out into the tempest, and each took a different road.
The days went by. Zebedeeas yard filled with people in the morning and emptied in the evening. The sick, the lame and those possessed with devils came from every direction. Some wept, others grew furious and shouted at the Son of man to perform a miracle and cure them. Wasnat this why G.o.d had sent him? Let him appear, then, in the courtyard! ...
Hearing them day after day, Jesus became sad. He would go out to the yard and touch and bless each one, saying, aThere are two kinds of miracles, my brothers, those of the body and those of the soul. Have faith only in the miracles of the soul. Repent and cleanse your souls, and your flesh will be cleansed. The soul is the tree. Sickness, health, Paradise and the Inferno are its fruits.a Many believed and as soon as they believed felt their blood spurt up and fill their benumbed bodies. They threw away their crutches and danced. Others, as Jesus leaned his hand against their extinguished eyes, felt light flow out from the tips of his fingers. They raised their eyelids and shouted with joy, for now they saw the world!
Matthew kept his quill ready and his eyes and ears open. He did not allow even a single word to fall to the ground, but collected everything and placed it on paper. And thus little by little, day by day, the Gospela"the Good Newsa"was composed. It took root, threw out branches and became a tree to bear fruit and nourish those born and yet to be born. Matthew knew the Scriptures by heart. He noticed how the teacheras sayings and deeds were exactly the same as the prophets, centuries earlier, had proclaimed; and if once in a while the prophecies and Jesusa life did not quite match, it was because the mind of man was not eager to understand the hidden meaning of the sacred text. The word of G.o.d had seven levels of meaning, and Matthew struggled to find at which level the incompatible elements could find their mates. Even if he occasionally matched things by force, G.o.d forgives! Not only would he forgive, he desired this. Every time Matthew took up his quill, did not an angel come and bend over his ear to intone what he was to write?
Today was the first time Matthew clearly understood where to start and how the life and times of Jesus had to be taken in hand. First of all, where he was born and who his parents and grandparents were, for fourteen generations. He was born in Nazareth to poor parentsa"to Joseph the carpenter and Mary, daughter of Joachim and Anne. ... Matthew took up his quill and called silently upon G.o.d to enlighten his mind and give him strength. But as he began to inscribe the first words on the paper in a beautiful hand, his fingers stiffened. The angel had seized him. He heard wings beat angrily in the air and a voice trumpeted in his ear, aNot the son of Joseph! What says the prophet Isaiah: aBehold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a son.a ... Write: Mary was a virgin. The archangel Gabriel descended to her house before any man had touched her, and said, aHail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you!a Straightway her bosom bore fruit. ... Do you hear? Thatas what youare to write. And not in Nazareth; no, he wasnat born in Nazareth. Do not forget the prophet Micah: aAnd you, Bethlehem, tiny among the thousands of Judah, from you shall come forth One who is to be ruler in Israel, and his root is from of old, from the days of eternity.a Jesus was therefore born in Bethlehem, and in a stable. What says the infallible psalm: aHe took him from the stable where the lambs were suckling, in order to make him shepherd of the flock of Jacob.a Why do you stop? I have freed your handa"write!a But Matthew grew angry. He turned toward the invisible wings at his right and growled softly, so that the sleeping disciples would not hear him: aItas not true. I donat want to write, and I wonat!a Mocking laughter was heard in the air, and a voice: aHow can you understand what truth is, you handful of dust? Truth has seven levels. On the highest is enthroned the truth of G.o.d, which bears not the slightest resemblance to the truth of men. It is this truth, Matthew Evangelist, that I intone in your ear. ... Write: aAnd three Magi, following a large star, came to adore the infant. ...a a The sweat gushed from Matthewas forehead. aI wonat write! I wonat write!a he cried, but his hand was running over the page, writing.
Jesus heard Matthewas struggle in his sleep and opened his eyes. He saw him bent over and gasping under the lamp, the squeaking quill running furiously over the page, ready to break.
aMatthew, my brother,a he said to him quietly, awhy are you groaning? Who is above you?a aDonat ask me, Rabbi,a he replied, his quill still racing over the paper. aIam in a hurry. Go to sleep.a Jesus had a presentiment that G.o.d must be over him. He closed his eyes so that he would not disturb the holy possession.
Chapter Twenty-Four.
THE DAYS and nights pa.s.sed by. One moon came and went; the next came. Rain, cold, fires on the hearth; saintly vigils in old Salomeas house. ... Capernaumas poor and aggrieved came each evening after the dayas work in order to hear the new Comforter. They arrived poor and unconsoled; they returned to their wretched huts rich and comforted. He transplanted their vineyards, boats and joys from earth to heaven; explained to them how much surer heaven was than earth. The hearts of the unfortunate filled with patience and hope. Even Zebedeeas savage heart began to be tamed. Little by little Jesusa words penetrated him, lightly inebriating his mind. This world thinned out and over his head hovered a new world made of eternity and imperishable wealth. In this odd new world Zebedee and his sons and old Salome and even his five caques and full coffers would live evermore. Best not grumble, therefore, when he saw these uninvited guests day and night in his house or sitting around his table. It would come, the recompense would come.
In midwinter the sun-drenched halcyon days arrived. The sun gleamed, warmed the bare bones of the earth and duped the almond tree in the middle of Zebedeeas yard: it thought that spring had come and began to put out buds. The kingfishers had been awaiting these warm merciful days, for they wished to entrust their eggs to the rocks. All the rest of G.o.das birds procreate in the spring, the kingfisher in midwinter. G.o.d pitied them and promised to allow the sun to come up warm several days in the winter, just for their sakes. Rejoicing, these nightingales of the sea flew now over the waters and rocks of Gennesaret and warbled their thanks to G.o.d for having once more kept his word.
During these lovely days the remaining disciples scattered to the fishing caques and near-by villages so that they too could try their wings. Philip and Nathanael set out overland to meet with their friends the farmers and shepherds and proclaim the word of G.o.d to them. Andrew and Thomas went to the lake to catch the fishermen. Unsociable Judas departed all by himself toward the mountain to let the anger filter out of his system. Much of the masteras behavior pleased him, but there were some things he simply could not stomach. Sometimes the wild Baptist thundered through Jesusa mouth, but sometimes the same old son of the Carpenter still bleated: Love! Love! ... What love, clairvoyant? Whom to love? The world has gangrene and needs the knifea"thatas what I say!
Matthew was the only one who stayed in the house. He did not want to leave, for the teacher might speak, and Matthew must not let his words be carried away by the winds; he might perform some miracle, and Matthew must see it with his own eyes in order to recount it. And then again, where could he go, to whom could he talk? No one would come near him, because once upon a time he had been a dirty publican. He therefore remained in the house and from his corner glanced stealthily at Jesus, who sat in the yard under the budding almond tree. Magdalene was at his feet and he was speaking to her softly. Matthew strained his huge ear to catch a word, but in vain. All he could do was watch the rabbias severe, afflicted face and his hand, which every so often skimmed Magdaleneas hair.
It was the Sabbath and pilgrims had set out in the early morning from distant villagesa"farmers from Tiberias, fishermen from Gennesaret, shepherds from the mountainsa"to hear the new prophet speak to them about Paradise, the Inferno, unfortunate mankind, and G.o.das mercy. They would take hima"the sun was out, it was a splendid daya"and bring him up to the green mountainside where they could strew themselves on the warm gra.s.s to listen to him, and perhaps they might even fall sweetly asleep on the springtime turf. They a.s.sembled, therefore, outside in the road, for the door was shut, and shouted for the teacher to emerge.
aMagdalene, my sister,a said Jesus, alisten; the people have come to fetch me.a But Magdalene, lost within the rabbias eyes, did not hear. And of all that he had been telling her for such a long time, she had heard nothing. She rejoiced solely in the sound of his voice: the voice told her everything. She was not a man; she had no need for words. Once she had said to him, aRabbi, why do you talk to me about the future life? We are not men, to have need of another, an eternal life; we are women, and for us one moment with the man we love is everlasting Paradise, one moment far from the man we love is everlasting h.e.l.l. It is here on this earth that we women live out eternity.a aMagdalene, my sister,a Jesus repeated to her, athe people have come to fetch me. I must go.a He got up and opened the door. The road was full of ardent eyes and shouting mouths, and of the groaning sick who were stretching out their hands. ...
Magdalene appeared at the door and put her hand over her mouth so that she would not scream. aThe people are wild beasts, wild bloodthirsty beasts who will devour him,a she murmured as she watched him calmly go in the lead, with the crowd behind him bellowing.
Jesus advanced with great, calm strides toward the mountain which rose above the lake, the mountain where he had once opened his arms to the mult.i.tude and cried, Love! Love! But between that day and this his mind had grown fierce. The desert had hardened his heart; he still felt the Baptistas lips like two lighted coals upon his mouth. The prophecies flashed on and off within him; the divine inhuman shouts came back to life and he saw G.o.das three daughters, Leprosy, Madness and Fire, tear through the heavens and descend.
When he reached the summit of the hill and opened his mouth to speak, the ancient prophet bounded up from within him, and he began to shout: a aThe fearful army comes bellowing from the ends of the earth; terrible and quick-moving, it comes. Not one of the warriors limps from fatigue, not one is sleepy or ever sleeps. Not a single waist band is slack or a single shoe thong broken. The arrows are sharp, the bow strings taut; the horsesa hoofs are hard stones, the chariot wheels are whirlwinds. It roars menacingly like a lioness. Whomever it catches is lifted up in its teeth and can be saved by no one!a a aWhat army is this?a shouted an old man whose white hair was standing on end.
aWhat army is this? Do you ask, you deaf, blind, foolish people!a Jesus lifted his hand to heaven. aIt is the army of G.o.d, wretches! From a distance G.o.das warriors seem to be angels, but up close they are flames. I myself took them for angels this past summer on this very rock where I now stand, and I cried, Love! Love! But now the G.o.d of the desert has opened my eyes. I saw. They are flames! aI can endure you no longer,a shouts G.o.d. aI am coming down!a Lamentation is heard in Jerusalem and in Rome, lamentation upon the mountains and at the tombs. The earth weeps for its children. G.o.das angels descend to the scorched earth, search with their lamps to discover where Rome was, where Jerusalem. Between their fingers they crumble the ashes and smell them. This must have been Rome, they say, this Jerusalem; and they toss the ashes to the winds.a aIs there no salvation?a cried a young mother, squeezing her baby to her breast. aIam not talking for myself, but for my son.a aThere is!a Jesus answered her. aIn every flood G.o.d contrives an ark and entrusts to it the leaven of the future world. I hold the key!a aWhoall be saved as leaven? Whom will you save? Do we have time?a cried another old man, and his lower jaw trembled.
aThe Universe pa.s.ses before me and I choose. On one side, all those who overate, overdrank, overkissed. On the other, the starving and oppressed of the world. These, the starving and oppressed, I choose. They are the stones with which I shall build the New Jerusalem.a aThe New Jerusalem?a shouted the people, their eyes shining.