Or him, for that matter.
And he prayed to the G.o.ds that she never did.
Innocent and sweet, she"d crawled into the lap of a heartless b.a.s.t.a.r.d who"d been trained to ruthlessly and methodically take lives and feel nothing for them as they died by his cold, steady hands. All at the command of an organization that had sold his services to the highest bidder.
Every life has a price. That was the League motto that had been drilled into him until it had replaced every last shred of his soul, and drowned out his conscience and humanity. As an a.s.sa.s.sin, his life had meant nothing to them or anyone else. Not even him. Either kill or be killed. Failure was not an option.
And in the darkest hours of a night very similar to this one, in the blink of an eye, a single innocent child and her mother had changed all that. When he"d lived in a place of numbness so deep he thought nothing could ever reach him again, the unexpected pleas of a mother for her innocent child"s life had.
"Kill me. But, please... please, don"t harm my daughter. She"s an innocent. Too young to die for no reason. I don"t care what you do to me, just don"t hurt her. I beg you!"
It"d been the first time in his life that he"d seen a mother"s love for her child. As foreign a concept to him then as war was to this toddler in his arms now. And that sole, unexpected plea, while the child"s father"s blood had dripped from his fingertips, had changed his life forever. There in that darkened room, on that fateful night, he had turned his back on The League.
One seemingly insignificant job. A typical, meaningless a.s.signment.
Then in a single, unexpected heartbeat, everything had changed. That mother hadn"t just saved her child. She"d given him back his soul and opened his eyes to what The League really was. To what he"d become.
A brutal tool.
A mindless animal.
Vowing to never again let anyone else have that kind of control over him, to wear no one else"s leash, he"d walked away and founded The Sentella to save as many innocent lives from The League as he could. And that little girl whose life he"d saved that night had grown into a fierce warrior herself one who now wore a Sentella uniform, and fought for his cause with the same fervent pa.s.sion her mother had given him. Nykyrian still watched over her and made sure that no harm came to her.
He always would.
Thankfully, she had no memory of his part in her past. Nykyrian prayed she never did.
But as much as he cared for her, it"d been another lady who had returned his heart to beating. Another innocent victim of The League who had given his hollow existence true meaning and purpose. Who had shown him love and made him understand it for the first time in his worthless life.
Without Kiara, he was nothing.
Mira mumbled and smiled in her sleep before she nuzzled against his chest and clutched at his shirt, just as his own children often did whenever he comforted them from whatever night tremors they had.
Distracted from his meandering thoughts, Nykyrian cupped her tiny head in his gloved hand. How could something so precious come from his traitorous snake of a brother? While he certainly wasn"t without his own sins, Jullien was another beast entirely. Never would he have imagined his brother finding a conscience of any kind.
Not with both hands, a star chart, and an expert guide leading the way.
He just couldn"t wrap his mind around the concept of Jullien loving anything.
Except his own repugnant reflection.
But then as he"d sat here, he"d begun to remember things he hadn"t thought about in a long, long time. Memories of being in the palace with Jullien before Nyk had been sent away to die.
Of Jullien reaching out and being pushed away. By everyone. Ignored until Jullien acted out and was punished for it.
In school, it"d been the same way. Their teachers had taken a great deal of pleasure in pointing out Jullien"s shortcomings and making him come to the front of the room more than anyone else. And because he"d been so overweight, and Andarion, the other students had been merciless to him. He was constantly getting into trouble for something.
At the time, Nykyrian had thought it justified and reveled in seeing Jullien punished and ridiculed. With some perspective and distance, he was no longer sure of that.
Yes, Jullien had been an a.s.s. No question about that. But he"d also been isolated by his peers. For all his lineage and political standing, Jullien had been shunned and rebuffed by women.
Still, none of this made sense to him. How had his arrogant brother ended up as a Tavali pirate?
Nykyrian heard a light, aggravated gasp as Ushara came into the room and saw her daughter asleep in his lap. "How in the Nine Worlds did she get here? I"ve looked all over for her!"
The corner of his lips twitched in amus.e.m.e.nt as he saw the shadow of her standing there, hands on hips. "She snuck in a little while ago. She said she couldn"t sleep. That her father always told her a bedtime story and that she needed to hear his voice so as not to have nightmares. Since he wasn"t here, she thought my voice might work to keep them away, as we have the same accent."
Growling, Ushara rolled her eyes. "I swear Jules has ruined her. She"s such a paka"s girl. I can"t do anything with her when he"s not around." She moved to take her daughter from him. "I"m sorry she bothered you."
Nykyrian frowned as he realized Ushara had removed all her makeup. She looked nothing like he"d imagined. While most Andarions had dark complexions, hers was absolute porcelain like a fragile, perfect doll. Especially given the whiteness of her hair and paleness of her eyes. It was a stark contrast to her black eyelashes and red lips. No wonder the Andarion clans had once believed the Fyrebloods to be G.o.dlike. She appeared ethereal and divine. Exotic and otherworldly.
Blinking as he realized he was staring rudely at her, he cleared his throat. "She was no bother at all. I actually appreciated the distraction. It soothed us both for a bit."
"You miss your children?"
Like a vital organ that has been savagely ripped from my body.
But a.s.sa.s.sins never admitted to such things out loud. Nykyrian clenched his teeth against the pain her innocent question wrought. "As with your Mira, at least one of them demands I rock them to sleep at bedtime. Kiara calls it stalling, but I don"t mind. Rather, I dread the day when they grow too big for such things."
Ushara brushed her hand over Mira"s dark hair. "I"ve never really been away from mine. Not until Vasili began his training for Canting. Even then it was rare until a year ago when Jullien apprenticed him full time as part of his crew."
"You didn"t apprentice him yourself?"
"I couldn"t. My rank"s too high to run a single crew, and Trajen relies on me, as I"m one of the only few he trusts at his side. Had Jullien not taken a rank reduction so that he could sponsor him for me, I don"t know what I would have done... other than gone mad from ragged nerves and stress." She smiled, exposing a bit of her fangs. "It"s one of many reasons I love your brother. He knows how I worry. Still, I hate when they go out together. I know I have to let Vas grow up, but it"s so hard when I still have the urge to burp him after he eats."
Nykyrian snorted. "I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same with my eldest and she resents me for it. She thinks I"m the most overprotective beast ever born. But I"ve seen too many shattered by cruelty to risk her, and I know what I"m capable of should any harm ever come to her. I would not hesitate to do my worst to any who make her cry a single tear."
She started to lift Mira from his lap.
Nykyrian stopped her. "You shouldn"t be carrying her in your condition. I"m quite aware from my own wife that when females are near their due dates, their backs are stressed and aching. Show me where she sleeps and I"ll carry her for you."
"Thank you." Ushara gave him a grateful smile.
With Mira in his arms, Nykyrian followed her from the council room of her ship down the narrow corridor to the crew quarters that were decorated to show where her children slept. He paused in amus.e.m.e.nt at the door that bore the ghostly Gorturnum screaming-skull logo against a solid black background with the words Vasili the Brave and Terrible circling it. Yet it was obvious from the script and design that the picture was a holdover from her son"s younger days, and done by his mother to amuse him. Just as his sisters" door had a more feminine version of the Gorturnum flag with their names so stylized in pink.
Nykyrian inclined his head toward Vasili"s door. While the girls were obviously of an age to be Jullien"s, and both had their father"s dark hair, darker complexion, and greenish eyes, Ushara"s son was another matter. He was as blond as his mother. "Vasili... I take it you were married before Jullien?"
"I was. Not that it matters to Jules or Vas. They"ve been completely devoted to each other from the very beginning. Yet even so, Jullien has always taken care to not try and replace his father in his affections." She swallowed hard. "Chaz was a good male. Strong and proud. Just like his son."
Sadness darkened her eyes as she opened the door to the girls" room. "Unfortunately, Chaz died long before he could see what a wonderful son he gave me." She touched the heart-shaped, winged necklace, marking it as significant to her, before she spoke again. "I never thought to find another male who would win my loyalty or heart." Releasing the medallion, she pa.s.sed an amused grin at Nykyrian. "And never one of your ilk."
"Meaning?"
She led him to a bunk where Viveka was sleeping and pulled back the blanket for him.
Nykyrian carefully placed Mira in bed and tucked her in. She immediately burrowed toward her sister, who unconsciously turned over and wrapped her arms around her as if she knew it was her twin, and, even in sleep, sought to protect her from any harm.
"An eton Anatole." Ushara spat the name as if it were poison on her tongue. "Your b.i.t.c.h of a grandmother brutally slaughtered my entire family and the rest of us Fyrebloods to the brink of extinction. Chased us to the very ends of the universe and has left us all haunted and scarred. Terrified of being found again. Honestly, there"s a part of me that still feels as if I"ve betrayed their memories by being with your brother."
"Then why are you?"
She lifted her chin. "Why are you married to your wife?"
Nykyrian hesitated before he spoke the honest truth. There was no need to withhold something everyone already knew about him. "I can"t live without her."
"Nor I without my Jullien. As I said, he is not the same boy you exiled, and he paid a steep price for all that was done in his past. It was only by losing everything he had that he gained his soul."
Nykyrian glanced down at the children and nodded. "Sadly, that seems to be the case more times than not. For us all."
As he left the room, he paused to stare at Ushara, who appeared both innocent and yet world-weary. "And you were right earlier. No matter how much we lie to ourselves about what a good person we are inside, sooner or later, we are all someone else"s nightmare. Let us hope, for all our sakes, that history judges us with far kinder labels than what we"ve used to judge each other."
Fain couldn"t sleep. Not while he had Galene"s naked body nestled in his arms. He was too afraid to close his eyes and wake up to find this all a cruel dream. Even now, in the quiet hours, he couldn"t believe that just a few feet away, contained in these metal walls that had once been his bitterest h.e.l.l, in crew quarters that were normally empty, slept a family that belonged to him. A family that actually claimed him as a member.
Even better, a family that had been waiting for them on their return, to celebrate their unification.
Closing his eyes, he savored the memory of their impromptu surprise party. Talyn had been the first to pull him in for a hug. "Darling called and told us about your interesting union in the middle of disarming an IED. Don"t think you"re off the hook for a real ceremony. Either of you. If I have to suffer one, Hauk, you do, too." He"d released Fain to kiss his mother. "I"m a firm believer in spreading the misery."
"Talyn!" Felicia had chided. "You"re so awful! What he means to say is share our joy."
"Yeah." Sarcasm had dripped from Talyn"s tone. "That"s exactly what I meant. So much so that I"m even willing to pay for the entire event. Whatever my mother wants, she gets."
Galene had kissed Talyn"s cheek. "Thank you, but your father has already promised the same. He even told me he"d paint himself pink and wear feathers just so long as I actually showed up this time. Right, keramon?"
"Yeah, well, what the h.e.l.l. You already left me standing naked in an auditorium full of strangers. What little dignity I have left is all yours to abuse."
Laughing, Talyn had pa.s.sed him a bottle of ale and then toasted them while Vega and War had dusted Galene with "good luck" glitter that still clung to her skin and the sheets.
Fain continued smiling as he remembered the first family dinner he"d had since his parents had thrown him out. It"d been incredible.
And it terrified him. He had too much to lose now, and that reality tightened his gut. Anxiety made worse by the fact that Talyn, Gavarian, and Brach had gone out afterward with Chayden and Qory to help comfort their friends" loss over the deaths of their Septurnum brethren. Even though Chayden was a Rogue, both he and Qory had been fostered under the Septurnum Nation and had been adopted by Gadgehe as young teens raised in the Tavali pirate lord"s own household, as part of his immediate family.
And unlike Ven with Fain, Gadgehe had treated them like his very own blood-sons. Jory and Mack thought of them as siblings, and Chayden and Qory felt the loss of Mack as if she"d been their real sister.
War, misery, and death spared no soul, and took pity on no family. Today they had come for Ryn.
Tomorrow...
"Fain?"
He kissed Galene"s shoulder. "I"m right here, Storm."
"Can"t you sleep?"
"Not really."
Rolling over, she cradled him with her body. "I could have sworn I wore you out."
He smiled at the reminder of how thoroughly she"d made love to him. No inch of his body had been left unexplored or unpleasured. But even so, the mere scent of her skin, or sound of her voice was enough to make him hard all over again.
Kissing her, he took her hand in his and led it to his c.o.c.k. "Obviously, I"m broken. "Cause it won"t go down for more than a few minutes at a time."
With a sweet laugh, she nipped his chin. "Apparently. My goodness, akama... However did you survive without me?"
"Never well. Always in abysmal misery."
"Mmmm." Dipping her head down, she kissed the skin below his slave"s collar. "Is Venik ever going to remove this thing from you?"
"I"ll have him remove it tomorrow. I"m hoping it slipped his mind, and that he hasn"t reconsidered."
She froze. "He wouldn"t dare. Would he?"
Brushing his hand through her braids, he swallowed as doubt stabbed him. "It wouldn"t be the first time he"s changed his mind about something he promised to do. Especially where I"m concerned."
"I"ll kill him!"
Fain smoothed her furrowed brow with his thumb. "At least make him sign my manumission papers first. Trust me, we don"t want to deal with his wife. She"s even more unreasonable and unhinged than he is. There"s no telling what Malys might do. She"s forever spinning out of control. And in extremely unpredictable ways."
Fire sparked inside Galene"s eyes as she stared up at him in the dim light. "No one will hurt you again, Fain. On my honor. I will kill for you. Anyone. Anywhere. Any time."
Savoring every syllable, he kissed her and slid himself deep inside her body. This was where he belonged. Only here did he feel sheltered and welcome. She was his fortress of strength. His sole haven. And when she rolled him over so that she straddled his hips, he really did want to die before something came and robbed him of this, and left him alone again. He wouldn"t be able to stand another day of living without her.
With hooded eyes, he watched her ride him and let the warmth of her body wash away his bitter memories and replace them with the promise of a better future. It"d been so long since he had something to look forward to that he wasn"t even sure how to cope with it.
He was treading new, unfamiliar ground now and it terrified him.
Galene watched the emotions play across Fain"s face as he gently cupped her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and arched his back to drive himself deeper inside her. Even scarred, he was still the most delectable male she"d ever seen. There was nothing better than wrapping herself around his hard, muscled body and feeling it flex against hers, and under her hands. No male had ever been made more perfect.
He awakened a hunger in her she hadn"t even known she possessed. If she didn"t know better, she"d think herself as stralen for him as he was for her. Impishly, she reached down to trace the line of his lips that held some of the glitter the kids had thrown over her earlier. He would probably die to know how much of it was on his skin and in his hair, too. But it looked good on him.
Fain nipped her fingertip with his fangs. Then he caught her hand and held it to his lips so that he could tease her palm with his tongue. Chills ran up her arm at the sensation of his breath on her skin. His eyes turned eerily bright red in the darkness before he rose up to kiss her.
With a deep, guttural laugh, he flipped and trapped her beneath him. He had that intense, predatorial stare now that she recognized. It meant playtime was over.
Rising up, he slid back inside her. This time, his strokes were deep and long. Desperate. He held her as if terrified of letting go.
"I"m not going anywhere, Fain."
He laced his fingers with hers and laid his cheek to hers. "If you do, swear that you"ll shoot me between the eyes before you leave."
She sucked her breath in sharply. "What?"
He lifted himself up on one muscled arm to stare down with a sincerity that was chilling. Then he placed her hand against his wildly beating heart. "I mean it, Galene. You have always been with me, but now that I have you back... I would rather you put your dog out of its misery than leave it caged in the h.e.l.l it"s called home all these years."
"You are not a dog, Fain!"
With a c.o.c.ky grin, he kissed her. "Of course I am. But I"m more than happy to be your b.i.t.c.h. You"re the only one I will gladly let command me, and whose hand I would never bite."
She groaned at his humor. "Gah, you are so terrible. I hate the way you view yourself. I wish you could see yourself as I do. Just once."