Helena almost sighs in relief when Kent shifts beside her.It"s a shift so minuscule that if not for barely there contact it creates she never would have noticed it.
It chases away the clawing need to protect and coddle Adrian that pervades the room.
It numbs the mix of determination, outrage and fear that crept into her very pores.
And yet…
She can still feel the dark swirl of emotions Larcen wears like a second skin.
Emotions strong enough to war with a Void.
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She doesn"t even want to think of what that means.
Emotions that could push themselves into you and invade every fiber of your being until there"s nothing of your own left.
She knows the answer of course.
There is only one explanation.
She doubts Sonia suspects.
Why would she?
A widower who"s in charge of leading a lost cause rebellion and taking care of his very young healer son having such a strong mix of negative emotions probably seems normal.
Heck if Lord Auron wasn"t… Lord Auron, he"d probably have had a similar mix.
She can feel the familiar tug towards Larcen.
The empath in her wants to draw out his emotions, to find their source and soothe them until all that"s left is…
No.
She can"t afford that.
She needs him to remain as he is.
If he were to lose the emotions that are his driving force behind the rebellion it would crumble.
She almost lets out a triumphant noise when his emotions spike further.
Adrian has talked his way into being an active member in the actual fight.
She squashes down the part of her that worries for the innocent little boy she"s putting in danger.
This is necessary.
She has run through it millions of times in her head.
If they are to have any hope of winning…
Kent shifts again.
She only barely stops herself from vocalising the loss she feels as he breaks contact.
A quick glance shows that the others are leaving.
Even Larcen leaves.
He wants to be alone, no doubt.
Kent doesn"t leave.
He does, however, put some distance between them.
If she didn"t know better she"d think he was as affected by the contact as she was.
He looks so uncharacteristically hesitant that she feels a rush of affection for him.
She wants to pull him close and chase away whatever doubts and concerns could cause him to look that way.
But it"s not her place.
She can"t even quell her own concerns so what business does she have trying to rea.s.sure someone else?
So instead she waits.
"I meant what I said."
She waits for him to clarify.
He knows that she wouldn"t doubt his word so there must be something else.
"I"m yours to do with as you wish."
It"s almost cruel.
Here he is offering her a parody of what she"s always wanted.
"Don"t make me laugh, Kent. You"re not mine. You"ve never been mine and probability says you"ll never be mine because we"ll all be dead."
A tightening of his jaw is his only response.
She lets out a low chuckle that sounds almost deranged.
"It"s funny. The closest you ever came to being mine was ..."
She doesn"t have to finish the sentence.
They both know what she"s referring to.
"... If he hadn"t died, would you have gone through with it?"
Would she have married Lord Auron?
"Yes. For the same reasons he suggested marrying me. I couldn"t go back to the life that killed my mother."
Lord Auron couldn"t justify keeping her, a young unmarried woman of no relation, in his House after she gave up being his apprentice.
So he"d offered to marry her instead.
He said nothing would change, but…
That wasn"t true.
As Lady Auron the servants of House Auron would belong to her as much as they did to Lord Auron.
Not only that, but she would have become Sonia"s stepmother as well.
Sonia would never have taken kindly to that.
Even now she"s glad Sonia never found out.
Still she was willing to alienate them just to save herself.
And then Lord Auron died and she lost them anyway.
She"s not vain enough to think that his death was her punishment.
No, it was so much more than that.
Still, she can"t help but feel she deserves this.
"Helena..."
She doesn"t know why he"s still here.
She"s not sure she cares.
All she knows is that she doesn"t want him to leave.