As to her att.i.tude toward Zi Qin, Bai Yao believed her feelings for him was not love. And she would never fall in love with anyone in this life.
So Bai Yao was not afraid of this insect, and she left the palace without any fear.
Looking at her back, the Elder prayed in his heart, Bai Yao, I hope you will never suffer by this insect.
Because of the incident, she was in no mood to practice witchcraft, so she directly went back to the bedroom and lay down to sleep.
But she tossed and turned in the bed. Then she thought of Zi Qin. There were only five days left before he came back.
When she thought of this, suddenly she felt a pain in her heart. Then cold sweat ran out from her forehead. She pressed her hand to her chest, but even with the powerful pressing, the pain was not suppressed, however, and spread through her whole body. She bit her lips, trying not to yell out. She was also confused. Why did the insect bite her? She had no lover.
The pain became sharper, as if countless insects were biting her heart at the same time.
Was this the pain of the love insect?
She felt so sick and found it hard to bear anymore. But she dared not call out. She would not allow anyone know that she was suffering from the insect. She, Bai Yao, would not fall in love with anyone.
Her soothing insect was eaten already by the love insect. She could feel so clearly that the love insect was turning up and down in her heart. Then her heart felt the ache again and again.
Bai Yao told herself, “Bai Yao, you should only respect your teacher. You won’t feel anything for him. Do you forget the experience from the last life? You took the oath to be someone without ardor.”
Bai Yao’s face was pale. She supported herself to lift up difficultly, and began to cross her legs to try practicing the Heart-Clearing Spell. “The ice was cold forever, everything kept quiet. Make my mind and heart clean, thus I have a chance to look into my spirit. . . No desires . . . no needs . . . no failures . . . no abandonments. . . Fear nothing, forget your own existence. . .”
She kept on focusing on this spell, until the pain from the insect was lighter and lighter. . . When the pain finally faded, she had no intention of sleeping anymore.
She stood up and put on a white outer dress. She opened the window, and let the cool wind in and let the dark blow on her face.
The wind was a little chilling, but it was good for her.
She closed her eyes to enjoy the coldness. She needed this kind of coldness; she needed a numb body, instead of warming love.
Love was such a luxurious thing to her and she dared not to imagine having it.
In her last life, because of loving someone, she believed in the wrong person, and thus she was murdered by him. In this life, she would not allow this mistake to happen again.
This time, she suffered from the insect, and the whole issue should be an accident. She had not fallen for Zi Qin. Only because he left the mountain did she feet that she missed him a little. This was not love—they were student and teacher.
Bai Yao stood there the whole night.
The next day, in the early morning, Shui Ling’er came to visit her. As a host, Bai Yao disliked her.
Shui Ling’er ignored her bad mood. Instead, she was so happy, and proudly asked, “Bai Yao, how is the pain in your heart from being eaten by the insect?”
Bai Yao knew that she was tempting her, so she overlooked her tease.
Shui Ling’er was not someone who easily gave up, and she continued. “It must be unbearable. Bai Yao, though this insect won’t take your life, the suffering is much more horrible than death.”
Bai Yao knew the taste of the insect, but she would not admit to it. “Shui Ling’er, I slept well last night. I didn"t’ feel the pain you mentioned.”
Shui Ling’er did not trust her; she believed in her own sense.
“Bai Yao, don’t you deceive me. You must have suffered a lot last night. Don’t think you can cover the truth.” Again, Shui Ling’er tested her.
Seeing her dramatic expression and tone, Bai Yao knew that she was only guessing. So she relaxed and replied in an easy way. “Do you think I am like being bitten by the insect?”
As mentioned, Bai Yao’s face was flushed and her breath was peaceful. There was no sign of being sick. Though Shui Ling’er had never suffered from the insect herself, she had learned about the craft. Bai Yao did not look like she had been bitten.
Shui Ling’er was not as aggressive as when she had first come in, but she also didn’t forsake her questioning. She said to her, “Bai Yao, let me tell you. Even if you escaped from it yesterday, the insect is already in your body. You can never fall in love with someone. As for Zi Qin, he is mine. You’d better not dream of getting his love. He will be mine forever.” She laughed after this announcement.
Bai Yao was surprised by her. Though she guessed Shui Ling’er loved him, she didn’t expect she was so bold as to speak it out loud.
“Why? Did you forget the rules of our clan? Or are you so eager to try the pain made by the insect?” Shui Ling’er didn’t care about the rules. She laughed with scorn. “Rules? Nothing can stop me. I am the only granddaughter of the Elder. How can he treat me with the insect?”
Hearing this, Bai Yao felt the same. It was obvious. Shui Ling’er was so proud and indulged, that anything she wanted, she would try every way she could to achieve it. Even if she could not own it, she would destroy it.
“So . . . I wish you good luck.” Bai Yao annoyed her. With the love of the Elder, she could overlook the rules of the clan, and Bai Yao bet Zi Qin, such a cold and isolated person, would not have any feelings for her.
Shui Ling’er got her unspoken meaning of sarcasm. She stamped her foot and threw her sleeves and said rudely, “Bai Yao, let’s wait and see.”
When the girl left, Bai Yao used her right hand to cover her chest. But still, she was not able to quench the pain, and she spit out a bite of blood. The blood on the ground was as beautiful as the blossom of the manjusaka.
She stared at the blood on the ground, feeling so helpless.
Bai Yao had supported her body using witchcraft all the time, to hide her issues from Shui Ling’er. However, the insect was so powerful, and even though she could deceive her, she had been bitten harder, like her movements irritated the insect and it was taking revenge to make her understand who was stronger.
The insect was so forceful.
No, she couldn’t wait until she was eaten by the insect. She’d find some way to settle this problem.
She spent day after day checking the books about insects, forgetting regular dinners or times of rest.
The books seldom mentioned anything about the love insect. Finally, she found from an ancient book that when the insect was buried, the only way to be safe was to cease from any ardor.
Was this the only way? To cease from any love? Bai Yao had a look of disappointment in her eyes. But soon, she turned steady again. She clenched her fist and made her decision.
Yes, Bai Yao, the only way you can stand in this world is to make yourself stronger with the hatred. You can’t think about Zi Qin. Never!