Between him and her the friendship ripened rapidly and unexpectedly. It was so unexpectedly that it took her off her guard. It was beyond all the possibilities her imagination could foresee that he should fall in love with her--a woman who had had her tragic experience, of no great beauty, the mother of two children. It was, in fact, through the children that he made his approaches, in as far as he made them intentionally. She judged that he didn"t do that, that he was caught unawares, like herself. He had merely expressed a "liking for kids," and offered to take the youngsters for an outing in his motor-car on the following day. The kids were to go with their governess; but when he drove up to the door, and Edith had come out to see them off, it seemed ridiculous that she shouldn"t accompany them. Besides, the governess was young and pretty, necessitating an elderly person for purposes of propriety. It was partly, too, in thoughtlessness that Edith yielded to his persuasion and, putting on a thick coat, jumped in with the rest.
He acted as his own chauffeur, and they drove up the new road through the Esterels. Edith sat beside him, and as they talked little she was able to observe him to better effect than on the previous day. She took him to be a year or two younger than herself, tall and slight, with a stoop he had probably acquired at Eton. She had understood from Miss Partridge that he was delicate; and he looked it. The circ.u.mstance had kept him from entering the army or going into diplomacy, sending him to the Riviera for his winters. He was blue-eyed and blond, with a ragged mustache too thin to conceal the rather pathetic line of the mouth. A long, thin nose, with an upper lip so short that the flash of teeth was visible even when the mouth was in repose, gave him the appearance of an extremely aristocratic rodent.
The drive was repeated a day or two later, and longer excursions came after that--to St. Raphael, to Valescure, and as far away as Mentone and the Gorges du Loup. Edith couldn"t help liking the young man, first for his kindness to the children, and then for himself. For himself she liked him because he was so simple, straightforward, and sincere.
He grew confidential as time went on, telling her of his home, his mother, his sisters, his duties as squire and lord of the manor, and the bore it was to be kept out of a profession and away from England at the very moment of the hunting. He formed the habit of dropping in so frequently to tea with her, in the little sun-pavilion of the hotel, that she fancied the Misses Partridge, who were friends of Lady Ordway"s, began to look uneasy. She wondered if they had given the young man all the information concerning her that was his due.
She made up her mind to ask. Once the fact was recognized it would be a safeguard, in that any possibilities of their being other than friends would be out of the way. He gave her the opportunity one afternoon in March by asking where she thought of going after she left Cannes. The children and the governess had had tea with them, but had strolled into the garden. Other occupants of the sun-pavilion had also wandered out among the pansy-beds and the blossoming mimosas. Edith took her time before answering.
"I don"t know," she said at last. "It"s so hard for me to make plans.
You see, there"s nothing to hinder me from going to Sweden, Switzerland, or Spain; and when that"s the case you"re indifferent about going anywhere." She waited a few seconds before saying, "You know about me, don"t you?"
"Rather," he said, promptly. "I"ve known that all along."
The reply was so downright that she was sorry she had raised the subject. He seemed to imply that as far as he was concerned the peculiarities in her situation were of no importance. As she was obliged to say something, she could only express a measure of relief.
"I"m glad of that. I hoped Miss Partridge would tell you."
He startled her by saying, with the bluntness that was curiously, but characteristically, at variance with the hesitations of his general manner:
"You could get married again, couldn"t you?"
"Oh no." She blushed helplessly.
"Oh, but you could."
She struggled to keep to the ground of mere discussion. "I could legally; but I never should."
"Why?"
"Oh, for a lot of reasons I can"t talk about."
"Then what did you do it for?"
She managed a smile, even if it was a forced and feeble one. She understood what he meant by "it."
"I don"t have to explain that, do I?"
"No, I suppose not." She hoped he was going to drop the subject, when he lifted his head to look at her with his rather pathetic blue eyes, "Oh, but I say, you"re not serious in thinking you wouldn"t, are you?"
"Perfectly serious. I should never look on the matter as admitting discussion."
"Oh, but it does, you know."
"Not for me."
"Well, it might not for you, and yet might for--for other people."
She still forced an unsteady smile. "That"s something I don"t have to worry about, at any rate. I"ve given up thinking of other people"s opinions."
"I don"t mean other people in general--only in particular."
"I don"t know any other people--in particular."
"Yes, you do. You know me."
"I only know you--like that." She snapped her fingers so as to give him an idea of the entirely transitory nature of their acquaintance.
"That isn"t the way I know you."
"Oh, you don"t know me at all. You couldn"t. You"re too young. I belong to another generation in point of time, and to ages ago in the matter of experience."
"How old _are_ you?"
She told him.
"You"re eighteen months older than I; but that"s nothing. My mother was four _years_ older than my father--nearer five. That sort of thing often runs in families."
She sprang up. "There"s Chippie tramping all over that flower--bed. How _can_ Miss Chesley?"
The negligence of Miss Chesley enabled her to make her escape, and when he rejoined her in the garden he accepted the diversion her ingenuity had found. In a short time he took his leave with no more display of emotion than on previous occasions.
But he left her troubled and shaken. He left her with the feeling that the foundations of life, as she was leading it, were insecure. Where she had thought she was strong and determined she began to see she was weak and irresolute. She began to see herself as a woman with such an instinctive need of protection that sooner or later she would accept it--from some one. If from any one, why not from this man? She liked him; she was sure of his goodness and kindness. He was already fond of the children, and the children of him. Moreover, she could be a mother to him, and he needed mothering, as any one could see. It might not be a romantic marriage, but it could easily be an ideal one, as far as anything ideal still lay within the range of her possibilities. It could be ideal in the sense of a sincere affection both on his side and hers, and a common life for perhaps higher aims than she had lived with Chip.
It would doubtless be the final stage to the process of making Chip understand. She wouldn"t marry--she couldn"t--without some inner reference to him, without a vital reference to him. If she did marry he would know at last to what he had forced her. He would have forced her to looking to another man for what she should have had from him--and then he would be repentant. Surely he would be repentant then! If he wasn"t he would never be. All her efforts would have become in vain. She would feel that for any good she had accomplished she might as well have stayed with him. That thought choked her with its implication of agony escaped--and bliss forfeited.
But it was looking too far ahead. Everything was looking too far ahead.
Noel Ordway had not asked her to marry him--and might never do so. She might have scared him off. She hoped she had. That would be simpler. She was not so inexperienced as to be without the knowledge that marriage with him would raise as many difficulties as it would settle--perhaps more. The day came when she had to point that out to him.
But it did not come at once. Nearly a week pa.s.sed without his return.
For Edith it was a week of some disappointment, and a good deal of relief. If she wasn"t the happier for his absence, she was more at ease.
She could be at ease till the time came for moving on in one direction or another, when she would be oppressed anew with the sense of her helplessness. It became clearer to her that if she married at all it would be to be taken care of.
The question was put formally before her at a moment when she was least expecting it. It was an afternoon late in March when she was struggling along the Boulevard du Midi, in the teeth of a warm west wind. On her left children played in the sands or threw sticks or bruised flowers into the huge breakers to see them rolled sh.o.r.eward. On her right the palms in the villa gardens bowed their heads eastward, while the mimosas tossed their yellow branches wildly. Before her the Esterels formed a jagged line of indigo flecked with red, above which ma.s.ses of stormy orange cloud broke along the edges into pink. It was still far from the hour of sunset, though the glamour of sunset was gathering in the air.
She heard his step behind her scarcely an instant before he spoke.
"Oh, I say, Mrs. Walker, I want you to marry me."
The statement was so startling that in spite of all her preparatory discussion with herself, she turned on him tragically. "For G.o.d"s sake, why?"
"Well, because I"m awfully fond of you, you know."
His expression touched her. There was no mistaking the kindliness in his eyes, or the look of rather wan beseeching in his thin, pinched face. In his golfing suit of Harris tweed he was not an unattractive figure, even if he wasn"t handsome.
Again her words had little relation to the things she had thought of beforehand. Her heart was so much with him that she spoke with an emotion she had never shown to him before.
"Even if you are, don"t you see, dear friend, that you can"t marry me?"