"It"s a long-lasting one," I stalled. "It"ll take days, weeks even, to play."
Her brows furrowed and her nose crinkled in thought. "I"m lost."
I held up a hand in a gesture to tell her that I was getting to the point. "Every day, you and I will share one truth with each other. It doesn"t matter the time, or the place, just that we f.u.c.king do."
"I don"t know." She was hesitant, shuffling her feet on the ground.
"The truth that we share is entirely up to us. It can be a big or small one. Doesn"t matter. Whatever we feel comfortable sharing at the moment. M"kay?"
She pondered my words, pressing her lips together in thought. I watched as she rubbed the nail of her index finger against her thumb"s nail. It was a tell that she was nervous, one she didn"t even realize she did. But I knew. I saw everything around me, even when I looked like I didn"t give a flying f.u.c.k.
"I"ll go first," I said, pressing a hand to my chest. "I love M&Ms. I guess you could say they"re my guilty pleasure."
She bit her lip and shuffled her feet some more.
"Look, Ari," I cleared my throat, "I"m f.u.c.king trying here, okay? I know I"m not the nicest or easiest guy to be around, but I guess in my own way I"m trying to apologize for earlier and...every day, really." I rubbed at the back of my head. "Trying is a big deal for me, so, please, don"t throw this back in my face."
Oh for f.u.c.k"s sake I just said please. I might as well get down on my knees and beg. I was doing my best to say I was sorry for the kiss earlier. It would be easier to just say the words I"m sorry, but I wasn"t sorry. Even after her reaction, I couldn"t take it back, because in those moments before, I"d felt something. Some small stirring inside me that I hadn"t felt in so f.u.c.king long, and I wouldn"t take back that feeling for anything.
Selfish b.a.s.t.a.r.d right here.
She straightened, a new resolve taking over her body. "I like to draw. I love it, actually," she admitted with a small laugh, tucking a stray piece of dark brown hair behind her ear. Her lips lifted in a half-smile and her hands wound together. "When I draw...it"s like nothing else exists." I knew what she meant, that feeling, because I felt it when I surfed. "I miss it." She shrugged, slowly meeting my eyes.
"Why do you miss it?" I shook my head. "That didn"t come out right. What I mean is, why aren"t you drawing?"
"Art supplies are expensive," she replied with a wan smile, "and I"m saving every penny I make." So I can get out of here and away from you, was what she left unsaid.
"I see." I nodded as the coffee maker beeped, signaling that it was ready.
Ari turned and grabbed two mugs from the upper cabinet. She filled each and carried them over to the counter. She slid mine across, and I picked it up.
She still stood on the other side instead of sitting beside me, but that was okay, because she was there.
We drank our coffee in companionable silence, and for once I didn"t feel the urge to flee. I was content to just...be, and it was a really f.u.c.king good feeling.
One I was terrified of growing used to.
Ari.
I didn"t have to work that day, and with Liam"s parents lingering around, I was cursing that fact. It was bad enough that they"d probably heard me screaming last night. I ended up calling Darren to see if there was any chance he needed me and that had been a bust. The schedule was full, and no one had called in sick.
I was stuck.
Liam"s mom had made it impossible to escape. I knew she was trying to be nice by including me in the conversation, but I just felt awkward. Especially when it became obvious that she kept trying to push Liam and me together. Every time I looked at him all I could think about was that kiss. Even the thought brought heat to my cheeks. That kiss had been amazing. My first real kiss. Any I"d had before had been forcibly taken from me, but not that one. I"d wanted him to kiss me, but I"d never admit that out loud. I"d been into it too. Oh G.o.d, how I had been. And then... And then I don"t know what happened. It was like I was overcome by a vision, a flash of before, and suddenly it wasn"t Liam on me anymore.
It was him.
It was Blaise.
On me.
All around me.
Filling me.
Taking.
Taking.
Taking.
Taking what wasn"t his to take in the first place.
It had felt so real, and panic had clawed at my chest, fighting to get free. I"d felt like I was suffocating, and I was slowly dying in his arms. I"d had to get away.
So I pushed him.
And slapped him.
And then, with horror, I realized it was Liam, not Blaise.
I"d gotten out of there as quickly as I could-in a daze. Once in my room, I sat trying to figure out what had caused my reaction.
I"d always believed myself to be strong. A fighter. I"d had to be to survive this long.
But the thing was, I"d been running on adrenaline for so long to make it through each and every day of the h.e.l.l I had to endure and then to escape. That had definitely sucked the life out of me. I was running on fumes. I had nothing to hold me up, and as I settled and began to come down from that adrenaline high, something new was setting in.
Something I believed might have been PTSD.
I knew I was no doctor, but I was smart-Blaise had made sure of that-and I felt certain that I had to be suffering from that. I was stuck, though. I was a ghost, without ID or even a birth certificate. I definitely had no health insurance.
There was nothing I could do to help myself.
Nothing but fight, and I"d been fighting for so long I didn"t know if I could keep it up, but I"d have to try in order to keep my sanity.
I wouldn"t let it break me. I hadn"t let anything else get to me, and I"d lived through more horrors in four years than most people experienced in a lifetime.
Liam wasn"t anything I couldn"t handle.
The sliding gla.s.s door-which was actually more like a whole d.a.m.n wall-opened behind me, and Liam stepped outside.
"Ari?"
I looked over my shoulder at him, acknowledging him with the small raise of my brows.
There was a rock wall built on the far side of his yard-calling it a yard seemed silly since there was no gra.s.s, but whatever-to keep people from falling since his house was positioned high up on a cliff and the beach lay directly below us. That"s where I sat with my legs dangling. When I kicked, my feet met open air. Maybe I should have feared the fall, but I didn"t.
Liam shoved his hands in the pockets of his black shorts, and his long stride carried him to me quickly.
"What are you looking at?" He quirked his head to the side, studying me like I was some fascinating work of art displayed in a museum.
I turned away from him and back to the view. The sky and the ocean stretched as far as the eye could see.
"Possibilities."
I lifted my chin slightly to glance at him. He looked even more curious than before.
"What kind of possibilities?" His face fell into serious lines with his question, almost like he was mad at himself for showing any interest.
I shrugged, absorbing the feeling of my hair tickling my shoulders-a sensation I"d taken for granted at one time. So many little things I"d never cherished that I now clasped tightly in a closed fist, never wanting to let go.
"One possibility, in particular," I began, adjusting my grip on the wall where my hands rested beside my hip. "It"s silly," I muttered, hanging my head in shame.
"Tell me," he pleaded, and I swore I felt his fingers graze my bare shoulder, but when I looked up his hands were still shoved deep in his pockets.
"I was thinking about what it would be like in an alternate universe. What if I"d grown up somewhere else, had different parents..." I trailed off, knowing he wouldn"t understand. Leaving those thoughts behind, I grinned up at him. "Maybe I could have been a princess."
I thought he"d laugh, or maybe glare at me and tell me not to be so stupid, but instead he smiled slowly, and said, "Why be a princess when you can be a mother-f.u.c.king-knight?"
"A girl knight?" I asked, feeling something akin to happiness light up my insides.
I hadn"t realized how much I"d craved a normal, silly conversation with someone. I would"ve never believed the person would"ve been Liam, though.
"Sure." He shrugged, taking his hands out of his pockets and bracing his arms on the wall beside me. "You can be anything you want to be."
"Can I be a bird?" I asked wistfully, closing my eyes as the breeze tickled my skin.
"A bird?" He sounded shocked I"d ask such a thing. "Why a bird?"
"So I can fly away."
I opened my eyes and looked over at him. He was leaning against the wall, his hands clasped together, and he appeared to be taking my words very seriously. His full lips were turned down into a frown, and there was a crease between his brows.
"What are you flying away from?"
"Memories," I whispered, my lips barely forming the word. I"d already given him one truth that day, but one more couldn"t hurt anything. Not one as ambiguous as that, anyway.
He pressed his lips together and met my gaze. His eyes... His eyes told me he understood what I was saying, but he didn"t ask me anything else. He didn"t try to pry, and for that, I was thankful.
Liam was right.
We were made of the same stuff.
That"s why we understood each other, and why we attracted and repelled against one another.
He stood beside me, and we both grew quiet as we watched the waves crash against the sandy beach. Down below there was only one person walking along the sh.o.r.e. Their golden retriever ran beside them, and every once in a while they"d throw a ball for the dog to run after. It was such a simple sight, but it filled me with peace.
Liam cleared his throat, and I dropped my gaze to where he was bent beside me.
"My mom wants to go to the pier," he wrung his hands together, almost as if he was nervous, "and she wants you to go with us."
I raised my brow at him, and he chuckled.
"Hey," he held his hands up in surrender, "she likes you."
I glanced behind us at the door, expecting to see her standing there watching us, but instead, I was greeted with the reflection of clouds and birds in the sky and the two of us.
"Your mom thinks we"re a couple," I stated, and he winced.
He rubbed awkwardly at the back of his head. "Sorry about her."
"I like your mom." I shrugged and lifted my hands to shield my eyes from the sun.
"You just don"t like that she thinks we"re together?" He grinned at me, waiting for my response.
"Well-"
"She knows we"re not together. I set her straight, and I think her exact words were, "Of course she"s not your girlfriend, Liam Maxwell, you"re too much of an a.s.shole to have a nice girl like that. Act like I raised you to behave and then maybe she will be.""
"She did not." I giggled. Actually giggled. I couldn"t remember the last time I"d done that.
"She did." He nodded and smiled. When he smiled like that, wide and without a care in the world, he looked his young age of nineteen. His perpetual scowl always made him look so much older and more intimidating. "So now she"s hoping you will be my girlfriend."
I laughed and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. "And what do you have to say about that?"
"Never going to happen." His smile disappeared, and his eyes darkened from icy-blue to a gray color. "I don"t have time for hearts and flowers s.h.i.t." He glared out at the ocean like it had personally offended him somehow. His shoulders were bunched taut beneath his thin cotton shirt, but they slowly relaxed as he let out a breath. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he turned to me once more. "But maybe I do have room in my life for one more friend."
"Friend?" I repeated the word like I"d never heard it before.
"Yeah." He stood up straight and crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe we can be friends."
I nodded, mulling over his words. "Maybe," I agreed.
He held out a hand to me then. "So, friend, are you coming to the pier with us? Don"t make me break my mom"s heart."
"I"ll go with you guys." I put my hand in his, and he helped me back over the side of the wall. Once I was back on solid ground, he let go of my hand immediately, and I followed him inside.
His parents were lingering in the kitchen, and the way his mom was smiling at us I knew I"d been right to think she was watching us from the door.
"Are you joining us at the pier?" she asked me with a large smile. Her husband was busy snacking on a bag of chips and seemed completely oblivious to everything. I said seemed because I got the impression he was one of those people that actually noticed everything while appearing not to care. Exactly like Liam.
"Yeah. I"ve never been. It should be fun." Pointing in the direction of the stairs, I said, "I"ll go change."