"What doc.u.ment? Why, THE doc.u.ment," replied Squeers. "The Madeline What"s-her-name one. It was a will; that"s what it was."
"Of what nature, whose will, when dated, how benefiting her, to what extent?" asked Ralph hurriedly.
"A will in her favour; that"s all I know," rejoined Squeers, "and that"s more than you"d have known, if you"d had them bellows on your head. It"s all owing to your precious caution that they got hold of it. If you had let me burn it, and taken my word that it was gone, it would have been a heap of ashes behind the fire, instead of being whole and sound, inside of my great-coat."
"Beaten at every point!" muttered Ralph.
"Ah!" sighed Squeers, who, between the brandy and water and his broken head, wandered strangely, "at the delightful village of Dotheboys near Greta Bridge in Yorkshire, youth are boarded, clothed, booked, washed, furnished with pocket-money, provided with all necessaries, instructed in all languages living and dead, mathematics, orthography, geometry, astronomy, trigonometry-this is a altered state of trigonomics, this is! A double 1-all, everything-a cobbler"s weapon. U-p-up, adjective, not down. S-q-u-double e-r-s-Squeers, noun substantive, a educator of youth. Total, all up with Squeers!"
His running on, in this way, had afforded Ralph an opportunity of recovering his presence of mind, which at once suggested to him the necessity of removing, as far as possible, the schoolmaster"s misgivings, and leading him to believe that his safety and best policy lay in the preservation of a rigid silence.
"I tell you, once again," he said, "they can"t hurt you. You shall have an action for false imprisonment, and make a profit of this, yet. We will devise a story for you that should carry you through twenty times such a trivial sc.r.a.pe as this; and if they want security in a thousand pounds for your reappearance in case you should be called upon, you shall have it. All you have to do is, to keep back the truth. You"re a little fuddled tonight, and may not be able to see this as clearly as you would at another time; but this is what you must do, and you"ll need all your senses about you; for a slip might be awkward."
"Oh!" said Squeers, who had looked cunningly at him, with his head stuck on one side, like an old raven. "That"s what I"m to do, is it? Now then, just you hear a word or two from me. I an"t a-going to have any stories made for me, and I an"t a-going to stick to any. If I find matters going again me, I shall expect you to take your share, and I"ll take care you do. You never said anything about danger. I never bargained for being brought into such a plight as this, and I don"t mean to take it as quiet as you think. I let you lead me on, from one thing to another, because we had been mixed up together in a certain sort of a way, and if you had liked to be ill-natured you might perhaps have hurt the business, and if you liked to be good-natured you might throw a good deal in my way. Well; if all goes right now, that"s quite correct, and I don"t mind it; but if anything goes wrong, then times are altered, and I shall just say and do whatever I think may serve me most, and take advice from n.o.body. My moral influence with them lads," added Mr Squeers, with deeper gravity, "is a tottering to its basis. The images of Mrs Squeers, my daughter, and my son Wackford, all short of vittles, is perpetually before me; every other consideration melts away and vanishes, in front of these; the only number in all arithmetic that I know of, as a husband and a father, is number one, under this here most fatal go!"
How long Mr Squeers might have declaimed, or how stormy a discussion his declamation might have led to, n.o.body knows. Being interrupted, at this point, by the arrival of the coach and an attendant who was to bear him company, he perched his hat with great dignity on the top of the handkerchief that bound his head; and, thrusting one hand in his pocket, and taking the attendant"s arm with the other, suffered himself to be led forth.
"As I supposed from his not sending!" thought Ralph. "This fellow, I plainly see through all his tipsy fooling, has made up his mind to turn upon me. I am so beset and hemmed in, that they are not only all struck with fear, but, like the beasts in the fable, have their fling at me now, though time was, and no longer ago than yesterday too, when they were all civility and compliance. But they shall not move me. I"ll not give way. I will not budge one inch!"
He went home, and was glad to find his housekeeper complaining of illness, that he might have an excuse for being alone and sending her away to where she lived: which was hard by. Then, he sat down by the light of a single candle, and began to think, for the first time, on all that had taken place that day.
He had neither eaten nor drunk since last night, and, in addition to the anxiety of mind he had undergone, had been travelling about, from place to place almost incessantly, for many hours. He felt sick and exhausted, but could taste nothing save a gla.s.s of water, and continued to sit with his head upon his hand; not resting nor thinking, but laboriously trying to do both, and feeling that every sense but one of weariness and desolation, was for the time benumbed.
It was nearly ten o"clock when he heard a knocking at the door, and still sat quiet as before, as if he could not even bring his thoughts to bear upon that. It had been often repeated, and he had, several times, heard a voice outside, saying there was a light in the window (meaning, as he knew, his own candle), before he could rouse himself and go downstairs.
"Mr Nickleby, there is terrible news for you, and I am sent to beg you will come with me directly," said a voice he seemed to recognise. He held his hand above his eyes, and, looking out, saw Tim Linkinwater on the steps.
"Come where?" demanded Ralph.
"To our house, where you came this morning. I have a coach here."
"Why should I go there?" said Ralph.
"Don"t ask me why, but pray come with me."
"Another edition of today!" returned Ralph, making as though he would shut the door.
"No, no!" cried Tim, catching him by the arm and speaking most earnestly; "it is only that you may hear something that has occurred: something very dreadful, Mr Nickleby, which concerns you nearly. Do you think I would tell you so or come to you like this, if it were not the case?"
Ralph looked at him more closely. Seeing that he was indeed greatly excited, he faltered, and could not tell what to say or think.
"You had better hear this now, than at any other time," said Tim; "it may have some influence with you. For Heaven"s sake come!"
Perhaps, at, another time, Ralph"s obstinacy and dislike would have been proof against any appeal from such a quarter, however emphatically urged; but now, after a moment"s hesitation, he went into the hall for his hat, and returning, got into the coach without speaking a word.
Tim well remembered afterwards, and often said, that as Ralph Nickleby went into the house for this purpose, he saw him, by the light of the candle which he had set down upon a chair, reel and stagger like a drunken man. He well remembered, too, that when he had placed his foot upon the coach-steps, he turned round and looked upon him with a face so ashy pale and so very wild and vacant that it made him shudder, and for the moment almost afraid to follow. People were fond of saying that he had some dark presentiment upon him then, but his emotion might, perhaps, with greater show of reason, be referred to what he had undergone that day.
A profound silence was observed during the ride. Arrived at their place of destination, Ralph followed his conductor into the house, and into a room where the two brothers were. He was so astounded, not to say awed, by something of a mute compa.s.sion for himself which was visible in their manner and in that of the old clerk, that he could scarcely speak.
Having taken a seat, however, he contrived to say, though in broken words, "What-what have you to say to me-more than has been said already?"
The room was old and large, very imperfectly lighted, and terminated in a bay window, about which hung some heavy drapery. Casting his eyes in this direction as he spoke, he thought he made out the dusky figure of a man. He was confirmed in this impression by seeing that the object moved, as if uneasy under his scrutiny.
"Who"s that yonder?" he said.
"One who has conveyed to us, within these two hours, the intelligence which caused our sending to you," replied brother Charles. "Let him be, sir, let him be for the present."
"More riddles!" said Ralph, faintly. "Well, sir?"
In turning his face towards the brothers he was obliged to avert it from the window; but, before either of them could speak, he had looked round again. It was evident that he was rendered restless and uncomfortable by the presence of the unseen person; for he repeated this action several times, and at length, as if in a nervous state which rendered him positively unable to turn away from the place, sat so as to have it opposite him, muttering as an excuse that he could not bear the light.
The brothers conferred apart for a short time: their manner showing that they were agitated. Ralph glanced at them twice or thrice, and ultimately said, with a great effort to recover his self-possession, "Now, what is this? If I am brought from home at this time of night, let it be for something. What have you got to tell me?" After a short pause, he added, "Is my niece dead?"
He had struck upon a key which rendered the task of commencement an easier one. Brother Charles turned, and said that it was a death of which they had to tell him, but that his niece was well.
"You don"t mean to tell me," said Ralph, as his eyes brightened, "that her brother"s dead? No, that"s too good. I"d not believe it, if you told me so. It would be too welcome news to be true."
"Shame on you, you hardened and unnatural man," cried the other brother, warmly. "Prepare yourself for intelligence which, if you have any human feeling in your breast, will make even you shrink and tremble. What if we tell you that a poor unfortunate boy: a child in everything but never having known one of those tender endearments, or one of those lightsome hours which make our childhood a time to be remembered like a happy dream through all our after life: a warm-hearted, harmless, affectionate creature, who never offended you, or did you wrong, but on whom you have vented the malice and hatred you have conceived for your nephew, and whom you have made an instrument for wreaking your bad pa.s.sions upon him: what if we tell you that, sinking under your persecution, sir, and the misery and ill-usage of a life short in years but long in suffering, this poor creature has gone to tell his sad tale where, for your part in it, you must surely answer?"
"If you tell me," said Ralph; "if you tell me that he is dead, I forgive you all else. If you tell me that he is dead, I am in your debt and bound to you for life. He is! I see it in your faces. Who triumphs now? Is this your dreadful news; this your terrible intelligence? You see how it moves me. You did well to send. I would have travelled a hundred miles afoot, through mud, mire, and darkness, to hear this news just at this time."
Even then, moved as he was by this savage joy, Ralph could see in the faces of the two brothers, mingling with their look of disgust and horror, something of that indefinable compa.s.sion for himself which he had noticed before.
"And HE brought you the intelligence, did he?" said Ralph, pointing with his finger towards the recess already mentioned; "and sat there, no doubt, to see me prostrated and overwhelmed by it! Ha, ha, ha! But I tell him that I"ll be a sharp thorn in his side for many a long day to come; and I tell you two, again, that you don"t know him yet; and that you"ll rue the day you took compa.s.sion on the vagabond."
"You take me for your nephew," said a hollow voice; "it would be better for you, and for me too, if I were he indeed."
The figure that he had seen so dimly, rose, and came slowly down. He started back, for he found that he confronted-not Nicholas, as he had supposed, but Brooker.
Ralph had no reason, that he knew, to fear this man; he had never feared him before; but the pallor which had been observed in his face when he issued forth that night, came upon him again. He was seen to tremble, and his voice changed as he said, keeping his eyes upon him, "What does this fellow here? Do you know he is a convict, a felon, a common thief?"
"Hear what he has to tell you. Oh, Mr Nickleby, hear what he has to tell you, be he what he may!" cried the brothers, with such emphatic earnestness, that Ralph turned to them in wonder. They pointed to Brooker. Ralph again gazed at him: as it seemed mechanically.
"That boy," said the man, "that these gentlemen have been talking of-"
"That boy," repeated Ralph, looking vacantly at him.
"Whom I saw, stretched dead and cold upon his bed, and who is now in his grave-"
"Who is now in his grave," echoed Ralph, like one who talks in his sleep.
The man raised his eyes, and clasped his hands solemnly together: "-Was your only son, so help me G.o.d in heaven!"
In the midst of a dead silence, Ralph sat down, pressing his two hands upon his temples. He removed them, after a minute, and never was there seen, part of a living man undisfigured by any wound, such a ghastly face as he then disclosed. He looked at Brooker, who was by this time standing at a short distance from him; but did not say one word, or make the slightest sound or gesture.
"Gentlemen," said the man, "I offer no excuses for myself. I am long past that. If, in telling you how this has happened, I tell you that I was harshly used, and perhaps driven out of my real nature, I do it only as a necessary part of my story, and not to shield myself. I am a guilty man."
He stopped, as if to recollect, and looking away from Ralph, and addressing himself to the brothers, proceeded in a subdued and humble tone: "Among those who once had dealings with this man, gentlemen-that"s from twenty to five-and-twenty years ago-there was one: a rough fox-hunting, hard-drinking gentleman, who had run through his own fortune, and wanted to squander away that of his sister: they were both orphans, and she lived with him and managed his house. I don"t know whether it was, originally, to back his influence and try to over-persuade the young woman or not, but he," pointing, to Ralph, "used to go down to the house in Leicestershire pretty often, and stop there many days at a time. They had had a great many dealings together, and he may have gone on some of those, or to patch up his client"s affairs, which were in a ruinous state; of course he went for profit. The gentlewoman was not a girl, but she was, I have heard say, handsome, and ent.i.tled to a pretty large property. In course of time, he married her. The same love of gain which led him to contract this marriage, led to its being kept strictly private; for a clause in her father"s will declared that if she married without her brother"s consent, the property, in which she had only some life interest while she remained single, should pa.s.s away altogether to another branch of the family. The brother would give no consent that the sister didn"t buy, and pay for handsomely; Mr Nickleby would consent to no such sacrifice; and so they went on, keeping their marriage secret, and waiting for him to break his neck or die of a fever. He did neither, and meanwhile the result of this private marriage was a son. The child was put out to nurse, a long way off; his mother never saw him but once or twice, and then by stealth; and his father-so eagerly did he thirst after the money which seemed to come almost within his grasp now, for his brother-in-law was very ill, and breaking more and more every day-never went near him, to avoid raising any suspicion. The brother lingered on; Mr Nickleby"s wife constantly urged him to avow their marriage; he peremptorily refused. She remained alone in a dull country house: seeing little or no company but riotous, drunken sportsmen. He lived in London and clung to his business. Angry quarrels and recriminations took place, and when they had been married nearly seven years, and were within a few weeks of the time when the brother"s death would have adjusted all, she eloped with a younger man, and left him."
Here he paused, but Ralph did not stir, and the brothers signed to him to proceed.
"It was then that I became acquainted with these circ.u.mstances from his own lips. They were no secrets then; for the brother, and others, knew them; but they were communicated to me, not on this account, but because I was wanted. He followed the fugitives. Some said to make money of his wife"s shame, but, I believe, to take some violent revenge, for that was as much his character as the other; perhaps more. He didn"t find them, and she died not long after. I don"t know whether he began to think he might like the child, or whether he wished to make sure that it should never fall into its mother"s hands; but, before he went, he intrusted me with the charge of bringing it home. And I did so."
He went on, from this point, in a still more humble tone, and spoke in a very low voice; pointing to Ralph as he resumed.
"He had used me ill-cruelly-I reminded him in what, not long ago when I met him in the street-and I hated him. I brought the child home to his own house, and lodged him in the front garret. Neglect had made him very sickly, and I was obliged to call in a doctor, who said he must be removed for change of air, or he would die. I think that first put it in my head. I did it then. He was gone six weeks, and when he came back, I told him-with every circ.u.mstance well planned and proved; n.o.body could have suspected me-that the child was dead and buried. He might have been disappointed in some intention he had formed, or he might have had some natural affection, but he WAS grieved at THAT, and I was confirmed in my design of opening up the secret one day, and making it a means of getting money from him. I had heard, like most other men, of Yorkshire schools. I took the child to one kept by a man named Squeers, and left it there. I gave him the name of Smike. Year by year, I paid twenty pounds a-year for him for six years; never breathing the secret all the time; for I had left his father"s service after more hard usage, and quarrelled with him again. I was sent away from this country. I have been away nearly eight years. Directly I came home again, I travelled down into Yorkshire, and, skulking in the village of an evening-time, made inquiries about the boys at the school, and found that this one, whom I had placed there, had run away with a young man bearing the name of his own father. I sought his father out in London, and hinting at what I could tell him, tried for a little money to support life; but he repulsed me with threats. I then found out his clerk, and, going on from little to little, and showing him that there were good reasons for communicating with me, learnt what was going on; and it was I who told him that the boy was no son of the man who claimed to be his father. All this time I had never seen the boy. At length, I heard from this same source that he was very ill, and where he was. I travelled down there, that I might recall myself, if possible, to his recollection and confirm my story. I came upon him unexpectedly; but before I could speak he knew me-he had good cause to remember me, poor lad!-and I would have sworn to him if I had met him in the Indies. I knew the piteous face I had seen in the little child. After a few days" indecision, I applied to the young gentleman in whose care he was, and I found that he was dead. He knows how quickly he recognised me again, how often he had described me and my leaving him at the school, and how he told him of a garret he recollected: which is the one I have spoken of, and in his father"s house to this day. This is my story. I demand to be brought face to face with the schoolmaster, and put to any possible proof of any part of it, and I will show that it"s too true, and that I have this guilt upon my soul."
"Unhappy man!" said the brothers. "What reparation can you make for this?"
"None, gentlemen, none! I have none to make, and nothing to hope now. I am old in years, and older still in misery and care. This confession can bring nothing upon me but new suffering and punishment; but I make it, and will abide by it whatever comes. I have been made the instrument of working out this dreadful retribution upon the head of a man who, in the hot pursuit of his bad ends, has persecuted and hunted down his own child to death. It must descend upon me too. I know it must fall. My reparation comes too late; and, neither in this world nor in the next, can I have hope again!"
He had hardly spoken, when the lamp, which stood upon the table close to where Ralph was seated, and which was the only one in the room, was thrown to the ground, and left them in darkness. There was some trifling confusion in obtaining another light; the interval was a mere nothing; but when the light appeared, Ralph Nickleby was gone.
The good brothers and Tim Linkinwater occupied some time in discussing the probability of his return; and, when it became apparent that he would not come back, they hesitated whether or no to send after him. At length, remembering how strangely and silently he had sat in one immovable position during the interview, and thinking he might possibly be ill, they determined, although it was now very late, to send to his house on some pretence. Finding an excuse in the presence of Brooker, whom they knew not how to dispose of without consulting his wishes, they concluded to act upon this resolution before going to bed.
CHAPTER 61
Wherein Nicholas and his Sister forfeit the good Opinion of all worldly and prudent People On the next morning after Brooker"s disclosure had been made, Nicholas returned home. The meeting between him and those whom he had left there was not without strong emotion on both sides; for they had been informed by his letters of what had occurred: and, besides that his griefs were theirs, they mourned with him the death of one whose forlorn and helpless state had first established a claim upon their compa.s.sion, and whose truth of heart and grateful earnest nature had, every day, endeared him to them more and more.
"I am sure," said Mrs Nickleby, wiping her eyes, and sobbing bitterly, "I have lost the best, the most zealous, and most attentive creature that has ever been a companion to me in my life-putting you, my dear Nicholas, and Kate, and your poor papa, and that well-behaved nurse who ran away with the linen and the twelve small forks, out of the question, of course. Of all the tractable, equal-tempered, attached, and faithful beings that ever lived, I believe he was the most so. To look round upon the garden, now, that he took so much pride in, or to go into his room and see it filled with so many of those little contrivances for our comfort that he was so fond of making, and made so well, and so little thought he would leave unfinished-I can"t bear it, I cannot really. Ah! This is a great trial to me, a great trial. It will be comfort to you, my dear Nicholas, to the end of your life, to recollect how kind and good you always were to him-so it will be to me, to think what excellent terms we were always upon, and how fond he always was of me, poor fellow! It was very natural you should have been attached to him, my dear-very-and of course you were, and are very much cut up by this. I am sure it"s only necessary to look at you and see how changed you are, to see that; but n.o.body knows what my feelings are-n.o.body can-it"s quite impossible!"
While Mrs Nickleby, with the utmost sincerity, gave vent to her sorrows after her own peculiar fashion of considering herself foremost, she was not the only one who indulged such feelings. Kate, although well accustomed to forget herself when others were to be considered, could not repress her grief; Madeline was scarcely less moved than she; and poor, hearty, honest little Miss La Creevy, who had come upon one of her visits while Nicholas was away, and had done nothing, since the sad news arrived, but console and cheer them all, no sooner beheld him coming in at the door, than she sat herself down upon the stairs, and bursting into a flood of tears, refused for a long time to be comforted.
"It hurts me so," cried the poor body, "to see him come back alone. I can"t help thinking what he must have suffered himself. I wouldn"t mind so much if he gave way a little more; but he bears it so manfully."
"Why, so I should," said Nicholas, "should I not?"
"Yes, yes," replied the little woman, "and bless you for a good creature! but this does seem at first to a simple soul like me-I know it"s wrong to say so, and I shall be sorry for it presently-this does seem such a poor reward for all you have done."
"Nay," said Nicholas gently, "what better reward could I have, than the knowledge that his last days were peaceful and happy, and the recollection that I was his constant companion, and was not prevented, as I might have been by a hundred circ.u.mstances, from being beside him?"
"To be sure," sobbed Miss La Creevy; "it"s very true, and I"m an ungrateful, impious, wicked little fool, I know."
With that, the good soul fell to crying afresh, and, endeavouring to recover herself, tried to laugh. The laugh and the cry, meeting each other thus abruptly, had a struggle for the mastery; the result was, that it was a drawn battle, and Miss La Creevy went into hysterics.
Waiting until they were all tolerably quiet and composed again, Nicholas, who stood in need of some rest after his long journey, retired to his own room, and throwing himself, dressed as he was, upon the bed, fell into a sound sleep. When he awoke, he found Kate sitting by his bedside, who, seeing that he had opened his eyes, stooped down to kiss him.
"I came to tell you how glad I am to see you home again."
"But I can"t tell you how glad I am to see you, Kate."
"We have been wearying so for your return," said Kate, "mama and I, and-and Madeline."
"You said in your last letter that she was quite well," said Nicholas, rather hastily, and colouring as he spoke. "Has nothing been said, since I have been away, about any future arrangements that the brothers have in contemplation for her?"
"Oh, not a word," replied Kate. "I can"t think of parting from her without sorrow; and surely, Nicholas, YOU don"t wish it!"
Nicholas coloured again, and, sitting down beside his sister on a little couch near the window, said: "No, Kate, no, I do not. I might strive to disguise my real feelings from anybody but you; but I will tell you that-briefly and plainly, Kate-that I love her."
Kate"s eyes brightened, and she was going to make some reply, when Nicholas laid his hand upon her arm, and went on: "n.o.body must know this but you. She, last of all."
"Dear Nicholas!"
"Last of all; never, though never is a long day. Sometimes, I try to think that the time may come when I may honestly tell her this; but it is so far off; in such distant perspective, so many years must elapse before it comes, and when it does come (if ever) I shall be so unlike what I am now, and shall have so outlived my days of youth and romance-though not, I am sure, of love for her-that even I feel how visionary all such hopes must be, and try to crush them rudely myself, and have the pain over, rather than suffer time to wither them, and keep the disappointment in store. No, Kate! Since I have been absent, I have had, in that poor fellow who is gone, perpetually before my eyes, another instance of the munificent liberality of these n.o.ble brothers. As far as in me lies, I will deserve it, and if I have wavered in my bounden duty to them before, I am now determined to discharge it rigidly, and to put further delays and temptations beyond my reach."
"Before you say another word, dear Nicholas," said Kate, turning pale, "you must hear what I have to tell you. I came on purpose, but I had not the courage. What you say now, gives me new heart." She faltered, and burst into tears.
There was that in her manner which prepared Nicholas for what was coming. Kate tried to speak, but her tears prevented her.
"Come, you foolish girl," said Nicholas; "why, Kate, Kate, be a woman! I think I know what you would tell me. It concerns Mr Frank, does it not?"
Kate sunk her head upon his shoulder, and sobbed out "Yes."
"And he has offered you his hand, perhaps, since I have been away," said Nicholas; "is that it? Yes. Well, well; it is not so difficult, you see, to tell me, after all. He offered you his hand?"
"Which I refused," said Kate.
"Yes; and why?"
"I told him," she said, in a trembling voice, "all that I have since found you told mama; and while I could not conceal from him, and cannot from you, that-that it was a pang and a great trial, I did so firmly, and begged him not to see me any more."
"That"s my own brave Kate!" said Nicholas, pressing her to his breast. "I knew you would."
"He tried to alter my resolution," said Kate, "and declared that, be my decision what it might, he would not only inform his uncles of the step he had taken, but would communicate it to you also, directly you returned. I am afraid," she added, her momentary composure forsaking her, "I am afraid I may not have said, strongly enough, how deeply I felt such disinterested love, and how earnestly I prayed for his future happiness. If you do talk together, I should-I should like him to know that."
"And did you suppose, Kate, when you had made this sacrifice to what you knew was right and honourable, that I should shrink from mine?" said Nicholas tenderly.
"Oh no! not if your position had been the same, but-"
"But it is the same," interrupted Nicholas. "Madeline is not the near relation of our benefactors, but she is closely bound to them by ties as dear; and I was first intrusted with her history, specially because they reposed unbounded confidence in me, and believed that I was as true as steel. How base would it be of me to take advantage of the circ.u.mstances which placed her here, or of the slight service I was happily able to render her, and to seek to engage her affections when the result must be, if I succeeded, that the brothers would be disappointed in their darling wish of establishing her as their own child, and that I must seem to hope to build my fortunes on their compa.s.sion for the young creature whom I had so meanly and unworthily entrapped: turning her very grat.i.tude and warmth of heart to my own purpose and account, and trading in her misfortunes! I, too, whose duty, and pride, and pleasure, Kate, it is to have other claims upon me which I will never forget; and who have the means of a comfortable and happy life already, and have no right to look beyond it! I have determined to remove this weight from my mind. I doubt whether I have not done wrong, even now; and today I will, without reserve or equivocation, disclose my real reasons to Mr Cherryble, and implore him to take immediate measures for removing this young lady to the shelter of some other roof."
"Today? so very soon?"
"I have thought of this for weeks, and why should I postpone it? If the scene through which I have just pa.s.sed has taught me to reflect, and has awakened me to a more anxious and careful sense of duty, why should I wait until the impression has cooled? You would not dissuade me, Kate; now would you?"
"You may grow rich, you know," said Kate.
"I may grow rich!" repeated Nicholas, with a mournful smile, "ay, and I may grow old! But rich or poor, or old or young, we shall ever be the same to each other, and in that our comfort lies. What if we have but one home? It can never be a solitary one to you and me. What if we were to remain so true to these first impressions as to form no others? It is but one more link to the strong chain that binds us together. It seems but yesterday that we were playfellows, Kate, and it will seem but tomorrow when we are staid old people, looking back to these cares as we look back, now, to those of our childish days: and recollecting with a melancholy pleasure that the time was, when they could move us. Perhaps then, when we are quaint old folks and talk of the times when our step was lighter and our hair not grey, we may be even thankful for the trials that so endeared us to each other, and turned our lives into that current, down which we shall have glided so peacefully and calmly. And having caught some inkling of our story, the young people about us-as young as you and I are now, Kate-may come to us for sympathy, and pour distresses which hope and inexperience could scarcely feel enough for, into the compa.s.sionate ears of the old bachelor brother and his maiden sister."