While the ladies were thus busying themselves, Mr Lillyvick was intent upon the game in progress, and as all should be fish that comes to a water-collector"s net, the dear old gentleman was by no means scrupulous in appropriating to himself the property of his neighbours, which, on the contrary, he abstracted whenever an opportunity presented itself, smiling good-humouredly all the while, and making so many condescending speeches to the owners, that they were delighted with his amiability, and thought in their hearts that he deserved to be Chancellor of the Exchequer at least.
After a great deal of trouble, and the administration of many slaps on the head to the infant Kenwigses, whereof two of the most rebellious were summarily banished, the cloth was laid with much elegance, and a pair of boiled fowls, a large piece of pork, apple-pie, potatoes and greens, were served; at sight of which, the worthy Mr Lillyvick vented a great many witticisms, and plucked up amazingly: to the immense delight and satisfaction of the whole body of admirers.
Very well and very fast the supper went off; no more serious difficulties occurring, than those which arose from the incessant demand for clean knives and forks; which made poor Mrs Kenwigs wish, more than once, that private society adopted the principle of schools, and required that every guest should bring his own knife, fork, and spoon; which doubtless would be a great accommodation in many cases, and to no one more so than to the lady and gentleman of the house, especially if the school principle were carried out to the full extent, and the articles were expected, as a matter of delicacy, not to be taken away again.
Everybody having eaten everything, the table was cleared in a most alarming hurry, and with great noise; and the spirits, whereat the eyes of Newman Noggs glistened, being arranged in order, with water both hot and cold, the party composed themselves for conviviality; Mr Lillyvick being stationed in a large armchair by the fireside, and the four little Kenwigses disposed on a small form in front of the company with their flaxen tails towards them, and their faces to the fire; an arrangement which was no sooner perfected, than Mrs Kenwigs was overpowered by the feelings of a mother, and fell upon the left shoulder of Mr Kenwigs dissolved in tears.
"They are so beautiful!" said Mrs Kenwigs, sobbing.
"Oh, dear," said all the ladies, "so they are! it"s very natural you should feel proud of that; but don"t give way, don"t."
"I can-not help it, and it don"t signify," sobbed Mrs Kenwigs; "oh! they"re too beautiful to live, much too beautiful!"
On hearing this alarming presentiment of their being doomed to an early death in the flower of their infancy, all four little girls raised a hideous cry, and burying their heads in their mother"s lap simultaneously, screamed until the eight flaxen tails vibrated again; Mrs Kenwigs meanwhile clasping them alternately to her bosom, with att.i.tudes expressive of distraction, which Miss Petowker herself might have copied.
At length, the anxious mother permitted herself to be soothed into a more tranquil state, and the little Kenwigses, being also composed, were distributed among the company, to prevent the possibility of Mrs Kenwigs being again overcome by the blaze of their combined beauty. This done, the ladies and gentlemen united in prophesying that they would live for many, many years, and that there was no occasion at all for Mrs Kenwigs to distress herself; which, in good truth, there did not appear to be; the loveliness of the children by no means justifying her apprehensions.
"This day eight year," said Mr Kenwigs after a pause. "Dear me-ah!"
This reflection was echoed by all present, who said "Ah!" first, and "dear me," afterwards.
"I was younger then," t.i.ttered Mrs Kenwigs.
"No," said the collector.
"Certainly not," added everybody.
"I remember my niece," said Mr Lillyvick, surveying his audience with a grave air; "I remember her, on that very afternoon, when she first acknowledged to her mother a partiality for Kenwigs. "Mother," she says, "I love him.""
""Adore him," I said, uncle," interposed Mrs Kenwigs.
""Love him," I think, my dear," said the collector, firmly.
"Perhaps you are right, uncle," replied Mrs Kenwigs, submissively. "I thought it was "adore.""
""Love," my dear," retorted Mr Lillyvick. ""Mother," she says, "I love him!" "What do I hear?" cries her mother; and instantly falls into strong conwulsions."
A general exclamation of astonishment burst from the company.
"Into strong conwulsions," repeated Mr Lillyvick, regarding them with a rigid look. "Kenwigs will excuse my saying, in the presence of friends, that there was a very great objection to him, on the ground that he was beneath the family, and would disgrace it. You remember, Kenwigs?"
"Certainly," replied that gentleman, in no way displeased at the reminiscence, inasmuch as it proved, beyond all doubt, what a high family Mrs Kenwigs came of.
"I shared in that feeling," said Mr Lillyvick: "perhaps it was natural; perhaps it wasn"t."
A gentle murmur seemed to say, that, in one of Mr Lillyvick"s station, the objection was not only natural, but highly praiseworthy.
"I came round to him in time," said Mr Lillyvick. "After they were married, and there was no help for it, I was one of the first to say that Kenwigs must be taken notice of. The family DID take notice of him, in consequence, and on my representation; and I am bound to say-and proud to say-that I have always found him a very honest, well-behaved, upright, respectable sort of man. Kenwigs, shake hands."
"I am proud to do it, sir," said Mr Kenwigs.
"So am I, Kenwigs," rejoined Mr Lillyvick.
"A very happy life I have led with your niece, sir," said Kenwigs.
"It would have been your own fault if you had not, sir," remarked Mr Lillyvick.
"Morleena Kenwigs," cried her mother, at this crisis, much affected, "kiss your dear uncle!"
The young lady did as she was requested, and the three other little girls were successively hoisted up to the collector"s countenance, and subjected to the same process, which was afterwards repeated on them by the majority of those present.
"Oh dear, Mrs Kenwigs," said Miss Petowker, "while Mr Noggs is making that punch to drink happy returns in, do let Morleena go through that figure dance before Mr Lillyvick."
"No, no, my dear," replied Mrs Kenwigs, "it will only worry my uncle."
"It can"t worry him, I am sure," said Miss Petowker. "You will be very much pleased, won"t you, sir?"
"That I am sure I shall" replied the collector, glancing at the punch-mixer.
"Well then, I"ll tell you what," said Mrs Kenwigs, "Morleena shall do the steps, if uncle can persuade Miss Petowker to recite us the Blood-Drinker"s Burial, afterwards."
There was a great clapping of hands and stamping of feet, at this proposition; the subject whereof, gently inclined her head several times, in acknowledgment of the reception.
"You know," said Miss Petowker, reproachfully, "that I dislike doing anything professional in private parties."
"Oh, but not here!" said Mrs Kenwigs. "We are all so very friendly and pleasant, that you might as well be going through it in your own room; besides, the occasion-"
"I can"t resist that," interrupted Miss Petowker; "anything in my humble power I shall be delighted to do."
Mrs Kenwigs and Miss Petowker had arranged a small PROGRAMME of the entertainments between them, of which this was the prescribed order, but they had settled to have a little pressing on both sides, because it looked more natural. The company being all ready, Miss Petowker hummed a tune, and Morleena danced a dance; having previously had the soles of her shoes chalked, with as much care as if she were going on the tight-rope. It was a very beautiful figure, comprising a great deal of work for the arms, and was received with unbounded applause.
"If I was blessed with a-a child-" said Miss Petowker, blushing, "of such genius as that, I would have her out at the Opera instantly."
Mrs Kenwigs sighed, and looked at Mr Kenwigs, who shook his head, and observed that he was doubtful about it.
"Kenwigs is afraid," said Mrs K.
"What of?" inquired Miss Petowker, "not of her failing?"
"Oh no," replied Mrs Kenwigs, "but if she grew up what she is now,-only think of the young dukes and marquises."
"Very right," said the collector.
"Still," submitted Miss Petowker, "if she took a proper pride in herself, you know-"
"There"s a good deal in that," observed Mrs Kenwigs, looking at her husband.
"I only know-" faltered Miss Petowker,-"it may be no rule to be sure-but I have never found any inconvenience or unpleasantness of that sort."
Mr Kenwigs, with becoming gallantry, said that settled the question at once, and that he would take the subject into his serious consideration. This being resolved upon, Miss Petowker was entreated to begin the Blood-Drinker"s Burial; to which end, that young lady let down her back hair, and taking up her position at the other end of the room, with the bachelor friend posted in a corner, to rush out at the cue "in death expire," and catch her in his arms when she died raving mad, went through the performance with extraordinary spirit, and to the great terror of the little Kenwigses, who were all but frightened into fits.
The ecstasies consequent upon the effort had not yet subsided, and Newman (who had not been thoroughly sober at so late an hour for a long long time,) had not yet been able to put in a word of announcement, that the punch was ready, when a hasty knock was heard at the room-door, which elicited a shriek from Mrs Kenwigs, who immediately divined that the baby had fallen out of bed.
"Who is that?" demanded Mr Kenwigs, sharply.
"Don"t be alarmed, it"s only me," said Crowl, looking in, in his nightcap. "The baby is very comfortable, for I peeped into the room as I came down, and it"s fast asleep, and so is the girl; and I don"t think the candle will set fire to the bed-curtain, unless a draught was to get into the room-it"s Mr Noggs that"s wanted."
"Me!" cried Newman, much astonished.
"Why, it IS a queer hour, isn"t it?" replied Crowl, who was not best pleased at the prospect of losing his fire; "and they are queer-looking people, too, all covered with rain and mud. Shall I tell them to go away?"
"No," said Newman, rising. "People? How many?"
"Two," rejoined Crowl.
"Want me? By name?" asked Newman.
"By name," replied Crowl. "Mr Newman Noggs, as pat as need be."
Newman reflected for a few seconds, and then hurried away, muttering that he would be back directly. He was as good as his word; for, in an exceedingly short time, he burst into the room, and seizing, without a word of apology or explanation, a lighted candle and tumbler of hot punch from the table, darted away like a madman.
"What the deuce is the matter with him?" exclaimed Crowl, throwing the door open. "Hark! Is there any noise above?"
The guests rose in great confusion, and, looking in each other"s faces with much perplexity and some fear, stretched their necks forward, and listened attentively.
CHAPTER 15
Acquaints the Reader with the Cause and Origin of the Interruption described in the last Chapter, and with some other Matters necessary to be known Newman Noggs scrambled in violent haste upstairs with the steaming beverage, which he had so unceremoniously s.n.a.t.c.hed from the table of Mr Kenwigs, and indeed from the very grasp of the water-rate collector, who was eyeing the contents of the tumbler, at the moment of its unexpected abstraction, with lively marks of pleasure visible in his countenance. He bore his prize straight to his own back-garret, where, footsore and nearly shoeless, wet, dirty, jaded, and disfigured with every mark of fatiguing travel, sat Nicholas and Smike, at once the cause and partner of his toil; both perfectly worn out by their unwonted and protracted exertion.
Newman"s first act was to compel Nicholas, with gentle force, to swallow half of the punch at a breath, nearly boiling as it was; and his next, to pour the remainder down the throat of Smike, who, never having tasted anything stronger than aperient medicine in his whole life, exhibited various odd manifestations of surprise and delight, during the pa.s.sage of the liquor down his throat, and turned up his eyes most emphatically when it was all gone.
"You are wet through," said Newman, pa.s.sing his hand hastily over the coat which Nicholas had thrown off; "and I-I-haven"t even a change," he added, with a wistful glance at the shabby clothes he wore himself.
"I have dry clothes, or at least such as will serve my turn well, in my bundle," replied Nicholas. "If you look so distressed to see me, you will add to the pain I feel already, at being compelled, for one night, to cast myself upon your slender means for aid and shelter."
Newman did not look the less distressed to hear Nicholas talking in this strain; but, upon his young friend grasping him heartily by the hand, and a.s.suring him that nothing but implicit confidence in the sincerity of his professions, and kindness of feeling towards himself, would have induced him, on any consideration, even to have made him acquainted with his arrival in London, Mr Noggs brightened up again, and went about making such arrangements as were in his power for the comfort of his visitors, with extreme alacrity.
These were simple enough; poor Newman"s means halting at a very considerable distance short of his inclinations; but, slight as they were, they were not made without much bustling and running about. As Nicholas had husbanded his scanty stock of money, so well that it was not yet quite expended, a supper of bread and cheese, with some cold beef from the cook"s shop, was soon placed upon the table; and these viands being flanked by a bottle of spirits and a pot of porter, there was no ground for apprehension on the score of hunger or thirst, at all events. Such preparations as Newman had it in his power to make, for the accommodation of his guests during the night, occupied no very great time in completing; and as he had insisted, as an express preliminary, that Nicholas should change his clothes, and that Smike should invest himself in his solitary coat (which no entreaties would dissuade him from stripping off for the purpose), the travellers partook of their frugal fare, with more satisfaction than one of them at least had derived from many a better meal.
They then drew near the fire, which Newman Noggs had made up as well as he could, after the inroads of Crowl upon the fuel; and Nicholas, who had hitherto been restrained by the extreme anxiety of his friend that he should refresh himself after his journey, now pressed him with earnest questions concerning his mother and sister.
"Well," replied Newman, with his accustomed taciturnity; "both well."
"They are living in the city still?" inquired Nicholas.
"They are," said Newman.
"And my sister,"-added Nicholas. "Is she still engaged in the business which she wrote to tell me she thought she should like so much?"
Newman opened his eyes rather wider than usual, but merely replied by a gasp, which, according to the action of the head that accompanied it, was interpreted by his friends as meaning yes or no. In the present instance, the pantomime consisted of a nod, and not a shake; so Nicholas took the answer as a favourable one.
"Now listen to me," said Nicholas, laying his hand on Newman"s shoulder. "Before I would make an effort to see them, I deemed it expedient to come to you, lest, by gratifying my own selfish desire, I should inflict an injury upon them which I can never repair. What has my uncle heard from Yorkshire?"
Newman opened and shut his mouth, several times, as though he were trying his utmost to speak, but could make nothing of it, and finally fixed his eyes on Nicholas with a grim and ghastly stare.
"What has he heard?" urged Nicholas, colouring. "You see that I am prepared to hear the very worst that malice can have suggested. Why should you conceal it from me? I must know it sooner or later; and what purpose can be gained by trifling with the matter for a few minutes, when half the time would put me in possession of all that has occurred? Tell me at once, pray."
"Tomorrow morning," said Newman; "hear it tomorrow."
"What purpose would that answer?" urged Nicholas.
"You would sleep the better," replied Newman.
"I should sleep the worse," answered Nicholas, impatiently. "Sleep! Exhausted as I am, and standing in no common need of rest, I cannot hope to close my eyes all night, unless you tell me everything."
"And if I should tell you everything," said Newman, hesitating.
"Why, then you may rouse my indignation or wound my pride," rejoined Nicholas; "but you will not break my rest; for if the scene were acted over again, I could take no other part than I have taken; and whatever consequences may accrue to myself from it, I shall never regret doing as I have done-never, if I starve or beg in consequence. What is a little poverty or suffering, to the disgrace of the basest and most inhuman cowardice! I tell you, if I had stood by, tamely and pa.s.sively, I should have hated myself, and merited the contempt of every man in existence. The black-hearted scoundrel!"
With this gentle allusion to the absent Mr Squeers, Nicholas repressed his rising wrath, and relating to Newman exactly what had pa.s.sed at Dotheboys Hall, entreated him to speak out without more pressing. Thus adjured, Mr Noggs took, from an old trunk, a sheet of paper, which appeared to have been scrawled over in great haste; and after sundry extraordinary demonstrations of reluctance, delivered himself in the following terms.
"My dear young man, you mustn"t give way to-this sort of thing will never do, you know-as to getting on in the world, if you take everybody"s part that"s ill-treated-d.a.m.n it, I am proud to hear of it; and would have done it myself!"
Newman accompanied this very unusual outbreak with a violent blow upon the table, as if, in the heat of the moment, he had mistaken it for the chest or ribs of Mr Wackford Squeers. Having, by this open declaration of his feelings, quite precluded himself from offering Nicholas any cautious worldly advice (which had been his first intention), Mr Noggs went straight to the point.
"The day before yesterday," said Newman, "your uncle received this letter. I took a hasty copy of it, while he was out. Shall I read it?"
"If you please," replied Nicholas. Newman Noggs accordingly read as follows: "DOTHEBOYS HALL, "THURSDAY MORNING. "SIR, "My pa requests me to write to you, the doctors considering it doubtful whether he will ever recuvver the use of his legs which prevents his holding a pen.
"We are in a state of mind beyond everything, and my pa is one mask of brooses both blue and green likewise two forms are steepled in his Goar. We were kimpelled to have him carried down into the kitchen where he now lays. You will judge from this that he has been brought very low.
"When your nevew that you recommended for a teacher had done this to my pa and jumped upon his body with his feet and also langwedge which I will not pollewt my pen with describing, he a.s.saulted my ma with dreadful violence, dashed her to the earth, and drove her back comb several inches into her head. A very little more and it must have entered her skull. We have a medical certifiket that if it had, the tortersh.e.l.l would have affected the brain.
"Me and my brother were then the victims of his feury since which we have suffered very much which leads us to the arrowing belief that we have received some injury in our insides, especially as no marks of violence are visible externally. I am screaming out loud all the time I write and so is my brother which takes off my attention rather and I hope will excuse mistakes.
"The monster having sasiated his thirst for blood ran away, taking with him a boy of desperate character that he had excited to rebellyon, and a garnet ring belonging to my ma, and not having been apprehended by the constables is supposed to have been took up by some stage-coach. My pa begs that if he comes to you the ring may be returned, and that you will let the thief and a.s.sa.s.sin go, as if we prosecuted him he would only be transported, and if he is let go he is sure to be hung before long which will save us trouble and be much more satisfactory. Hoping to hear from you when convenient "I remain "Yours and cetrer "f.a.n.n.y SQUEERS.
"P.S. I pity his ignorance and despise him."