_May 24._ To this day I worked on the wreck, and with great difficulty loosened some things so much with the crow, that at the first flowing tide several casks floated out, and many of the seamen"s chests, yet that day nothing came to land but pieces of timber, and a hogshead which had some Brazil pork in it. I continued working to the 15th of June; (except necessary times for food and rest) and had I known how to have built a boat, I had timber and planks enough; I had also near 100 weight of sheet lead.
_June 16._ As I was wandering towards the sea-side, I found a large tortoise or turtle, being the first I had seen on the island, though, as I afterwards found, there were many on the other side of it.
_June 17._ This day I spent in cooking it, found in her threescore eggs, and her flesh the most savoury and pleasant I ever tasted in my life.
_June 18._ I staid within this day, there being a continual rain; and it was somewhat more chilly and cold than usual.
_June 19._ Exceedingly bad, being taken with a trembling and shivering.
_June 20._ Awake all night, my head racked with pain and feverish.
_June 21._ Sick unto death, and terrified with the dismal apprehensions of my condition. Prayed to G.o.d more frequently, but very confusedly.
_June 22._ Something better, but still uneasy in my mind.
_June 23._ Again relapsed much as before.
_June 24._ Mended a second time.
_June 25._ A violent ague for seven hours, cold and hot fits succeeded with faint sweats.
_June 26._ Better, but very weak, yet I scrambled out, shot a she-goat, brought it home and broiled some of it; I would willingly have stewed it, and made some broth, but had no pod.
_June 27_ All this day I was afflicted with an ague; thirsty, yet I could not help myself to water: Prayed to G.o.d in these words: _Lord, in pity look upon me: Lord, have mercy upon me: have mercy upon me!_ After this I fell asleep, which I found had much refreshed me when I awaked. I fell fast asleep a second time, and fell into this strange and terrible sort of dream.
Methought I was sitting on the same spot of ground at the outside of the wall where I sat when the storm blew after the earthquake; and that I saw a man descending from a great black cloud, and alight upon the ground. He was all over as bright as a flash of fire that a little before surrounded him; his countenance inconceivably terrible; the earth as it were trembled when he stept upon the ground, and flashes of fire seemed to fill all the air. No sooner I thought him landed upon the earth, but with a long spear, or other weapon, he made towards me; but first ascending a rising ground, his voice added to my amazement, when I thought I heard him p.r.o.nounce these dreadful words, _Unhappy wretch!
seeing all these things have not brought thee to repentance, thou shalt immediately die._ In p.r.o.nouncing this dreadful sentence, I thought he went to kill me with the spear that was in his hand.
Any body may think it impossible for me to express the horrors of my mind at this vision: and even when I awaked, this very dream made a deep impression upon my mind. The little divine knowledge I had, I received from my father"s instructions, and that was worn out by an uninterrupted series of sea-faring impiety for eight years s.p.a.ce. Except what sickness forced from me, I do not remember I had one thought of lifting up my heart towards G.o.d, but rather had a certain stupidity of soul, not having the least sense or fear of the Omnipotent Being when in distress, nor of grat.i.tude to him for his deliverances. Nay, when I was on the desperate expedition on the desert African sh.o.r.e, I cannot remember I had one thought of what would become of me, or to beg his consolation and a.s.sistance in my sufferings and distress. When the Portugal captain took me up and honorably used me, nay, farther, when I was even delivered from drowning by escaping to this island, I never looked upon it as a judgment, but only said I was an unfortunate dog, and that"s all. Indeed some secret transports of soul I had, which was not through grace but only a common flight of joy, that I was yet alive, when my companions were all drowned, and no other joy could I conceive but what is common with the sailors over a bowl of punch, after they have escaped the greatest dangers.
The likelihood of wanting for neither food nor conveniences, might have called upon me for a thankful acknowledgment to Providence. Indeed, the growth of my corn touched with some sense, but that soon wore off again.
The terrible earthquake pointed to me, as it were, the finger of G.o.d, but my dreadful amazement continued no longer than its duration. But now, when my spirits began to sink under the burden of a strong distemper, and I could leisurely view the miseries of death present themselves before my eyes, then my awakened conscience began to reproach me with my past life, in which I had so wickedly provoked the justice of G.o.d to pour down his vengeance upon me.
Such reflections as these oppressed me even in the violence of distemper. Some prayers I uttered, which only proceeded from the fear of death. But when I considered my father"s advice and prophecy, I could not forbear weeping; for he told me, _That if I did persist in my folly, I should not only be deprived of G.o.d"s blessing, but have time enough to reflect upon my despising his instructions, and this, in a wretched time, when none could help me_. And now concluding it to be fulfilled, having no soul in the island to administer any comfort to me, I prayed earnestly to the Lord, that he would help me in this great calamity. And this, I think, was the first time I prayed in sincerity for many years.
But now I must return to my journal.
_June_ 28. Something refreshed with sleep, and the fit quite off, I got up. My dream still occasioned in me a great consternation; and, fearing that the ague might return the succeeding day, I concluded it time to get something to comfort me. I filled a case bottle with water, and set it within reach of my bed; and, to make it more nourishing and less chilly, I put some rum in it. The next thing I did was to broil me a piece of goat"s flesh, of which I ate but little. I was very weak; however, walked about, dreading the return of my distemper; and at night I supped on three of the turtle"s eggs, which I roasted and ate, begging G.o.d"s blessing therewith.
After I had eaten, I attempted to walk again out of doors with my gun; but was so weak, that I sat down, and looked at the sea, which was smooth and calm. While I continued here, these thoughts came into my mind.
In what manner is the production of the earth and sea, of which I have seen so much? From whence came myself, and all other creatures living, and of what are they made?
Our beings were a.s.suredly created by some almighty invisible Power, who framed the earth the sea, and air, and all therein. But what is that Power?
Certainly it must follow that G.o.d has created it all. Yet, said I, if G.o.d has made all this he must be the Ruler of them all, and what is relating thereto; for certainly the Power that makes, must indisputably have a power to guide and direct them. And if this be so, (as certainly it must) nothing can happen without his knowledge and appointment. Then, surely, if nothing happens without G.o.d"s appointment, certainly G.o.d has appointed these my sufferings to befal me. And here I fixed my firm belief that it was his will that it should be so; and then proceeded to enquire, why should G.o.d deal with me in this manner? Or what have I done thus to deserve his indignation.
Here conscience flew in my face, reprehending me as a blasphemer; crying with a loud and piercing voice, _Unworthy wretch! how dare you ask what you have done? Look on your past life, and see what you have left undone? Ask thyself, why thou wert not long ago in the merciless hands of death? Why not drowned in Yarmouth roads, or killed in the fight, when the ship was taken by the Sallee man of war? Why not entombed in the bowels of wild beasts on the African coast, or drowned here when all thy companions suffered shipwreck in the ocean._
Struck dumb with these reflections, I rose up in a pensive manner, being so thoughtful that I could not go to sleep; and fearing the dreadful return of my distemper, it caused me to remember, that the Brazilians use tobacco for almost all diseases. I then went to my chest in older to find some, where Heaven, no doubt, directed me to find a cure for both soul and body; for there I found one of the Bibles, which, till this time, I had neither leisure nor inclination to look into, I took both the tobacco and that out of the chest, and laid them on the table.
Several experiments did I try with the tobacco: First, I took a piece or leaf, and chewed it; but it being very green and strong, almost stupified me. Next I steeped it in some rum an hour or two, resolving when I went to bed to take a dole of it: and, in the third place, I burnt some over a pan of fire, holding my nose over it as long as I could endure it without suffocation.
In the intervals of this operation, though my head was giddy and disturbed by the tobacco, I took up the Bible to read. No sooner did I open it, but there appeared to me these words _Call on me in the day of trouble, and I will deliver thee, and thou shall glorify me_.
At first this sentence made a very deep impression on my heart, but it soon wore off again, when I considered the word _deliver_ was foreign to me. And as the children of Israel said, when they were promised flesh to eat, _Can G.o.d spread a table in the wilderness?_ in like manner I began to say, _Can G.o.d himself deliver me from this desolate island?_ However, the words would still return to my mind, and afterwards made a greater impression upon me. As it was now very late, and the tobacco had dazed my head, I was inclined to sleep: but before I would lie down I fell on my knees, and implored the promise that G.o.d had made to me in the Holy Scriptures, that _if I called upon him in the day of trouble he would deliver me._ With much difficulty I afterwards drank the rum wherein I had steeped the tobacco, which flying into my head, threw me into such a profound sleep, that it was three o"clock the next day before I awaked; or rather, I believe, I slept two days, having certainly lost a day in my account, and I could never tell any other way. When I got up, my spirits were lively and cheerful; my stomach much better, being very hungry; and, in short, no fit returned the next day, which was the 29th, but I found myself much altered for the better.
The 30th, I went abroad with my gun, but not far, and killed a sea-fowl or two, resembling a brand goose, which, however, I cared not to eat when I brought them home, but dined on two more of the turtle"s eggs. In the evening I renewed my medicine, excepting that I did not take so large a quant.i.ty, neither did I chew the leaf, or hold my head over the smoke: but the next day, which was the 1st of _July_, having a little return of the cold fit, I again took my medicine as I did the first time.
_July_ 3. The fit quite left me, but very weak. In this condition, I often thought of these words, _I will deliver thee_; and while, at some times, I would think of the impossibility of it, other thoughts would reprehend me for disregarding the deliverances I had received, even from the most forlorn and distressed condition. I asked myself, what regard have I had to G.o.d for his abundant mercies? Have I done my part_: He has delivered me, but I have not glorified him:_--as if I had said, I had not owned and been thankful for these as deliverances, and how could I expect greater? So much did this sensibly touch my heart, that I gave G.o.d thanks for my recovery from weakness in the most humble prostration.
_July_ 4. This morning I began seriously to ponder on what is written in the New Testament, resolving to read a chapter every morning and night as long an my thoughts would engage me. As soon as I set about this work seriously, I found my heart deeply affected with the impiety of my past life; these words that I thought were spoken to me in my dream revived, _All these things have not brought thee to repentance._ After this, I begged of G.o.d to a.s.sist me with his Holy Spirit in returning to my duty.
One day in perusing the Scriptures, I came to these words, _He is exalted a Prince and a Saviour, to give repentance and to give remission_: Immediately I laid down the book, and with uplifted hands to Heaven, loudly cried, _O blessed Jesus, thou son of David, Jesus, thou exalted Prince and Saviour, give we repentance!_ And now indeed I prayed with a true sense of my condition, and a more certain hope, founded on the word of G.o.d. Now I had a different sense of these words, _Call on me and I will deliver thee_, that is from the dreadful load of guilt which oppressed my sinful soul, and not from a solitary life, which might rather be called, a blessing, seeing I wanted neither food nor raiment, when compared living amongst the human race, surrounded with so much oppression, misery, and affliction; in a word, I came to this conclusion, that a deliverance from sin was a much greater blessing, than a deliverance from affliction. But again I proceed to my journal.
To the 14th of _July_, I walked about with my gun, little and little at a time, having been reduced to the greatest extremity of weakness. The applications and experiments I used were perfectly new: neither could I recommend them to any one"s practice. For though it carried off the fit, it very much weakened me, and I had frequently convulsions in my nerves and limbs for some time. From this I learned, that going abroad in rainy weather, especially when it was attended with storms and hurricanes of wind, was most pernicious to health. I had now been about ten months in the island; and as I never had seen any of the human kind, I therefore accounted myself as sole monarch; and as I grew better, having secured my habitation to my mind, I resolved to make a tour round my kingdom, in order to make new discoveries.
The 15th of _July_, I began my journey; I first went to the creek, where I had brought my rafts on sh.o.r.e; and travelling farther, found the tide went no higher than two miles up, where there was a little brook of running water, on the banks of which were many pleasant savannahs or meadows, plain, smooth, and covered with gra.s.s. On the rising parts, where I supposed the water did not reach, I perceived a great deal of tobacco growing to a very strong stalk. Several other plants I likewise found, the virtues of which I did not understand. I searched a long time for the Ca.s.sava root, which I knew the Indians in that climate made their bread of, but all in vain. There were several plants of aloes, though at that time I knew not what they were; likewise I saw several sugar canes, but imperfect for want of cultivation. With these few discoveries, I came back that night, and slept contentedly in my little castle.
The next day, being the 16th, going the same way, but farther then the day before, I found the country more adorned with woods and trees. Here I perceived different fruits in great abundance. Melons in plenty lay on the ground, and cl.u.s.ters of grapes, ripe and very rich, spread over the trees. You may imagine I was glad of this discovery, yet ate very sparingly, lest I should throw myself into a flux or fever. The grapes I found of excellent use; for when I had dried them in the sun, which preserved them as dried raisins are kept, they proved very wholesome and nourishing, and served me in those seasons when no grapes were to be had.
The night drawing on apace, I ascended up a tree, and slept very comfortably, though it was the first time I had lain out of my habitation. And when the morning came, I proceeded with great pleasure on my way, travelling about four miles, as I imagined, by the length of the valley, directing my course northward, there being a ridge of hills on the south and north side of me. At the end of this valley, I came to an opening, where the country seemed to descend to the west; there I found a little spring of fresh water, proceeding out of the side of the hill, with its chrystal streams running directly east. And, indeed, here my senses were charmed with the most beautiful landscape nature could afford; for the country appeared flourishing, green, and delightful, that to me it seemed like a planted garden. I then descended on the side of that delicious vale, when I found abundance of cocoa, orange, lemon, and citron trees, but very wild and barren at that time. As for the limes, they were delightful and wholesome, the juice of which I after used to mix in water, which made it very cooling and refreshing. And now I was resolved to carry home and lay up a store of grapes, limes, and lemons, against the approaching wet season. So laying them up in separate parcels, and then taking a few of each with me, I returned to my little castle, after having spent three days in this journey. Before I got home, the grapes were so bruised that they were utterly spoiled; the limes indeed were good, but of those I could bring only a few.
_July 19_. Having prepared two bags, I returned thither again, but, to my great surprise, found all the grapes spread about, trod to pieces, and abundance eaten, which made me conclude there were wild beasts thereabouts. To prevent this happening again, I gathered a large quant.i.ty of the grapes, and hung them upon the out branches of the tree, both to keep them unhurt, and that they might cure and dry in the sun; and having well loaded myself with limes and lemons, I returned once more to my old place of residence.
And now contemplating on the fruitfulness of this valey, and pleasantness of its situation, its security from storms, and the delightfulness of the adjacent woods, I concluded I was settled in the worst part of the country, and therefore was thinking to remove my habitation.
But when I considered again, that though it was pleasant, it was off from the sea-side, where there was a possibility, some time or other, a ship might either be driven or sail by; and that to inclose myself among hills and woods must certainly put an end to my hopes of deliverance; I resolved to let my castle remain where Providence had first a.s.signed it.
Yet so ravished was I with this place, that I made me a little kind of bower, surrounding it with a double hedge, as high as I could reach, well staked and filled with bullrushes: and having spent a great part of the month of _July_, I think it was the first of _August_ before I began to enjoy my labour.
_Aug. 3._ Perceiving my grapes to be dry, I took them from the trees, and they proved excellent good raisins of the sun: the most of which I carried to my cave; and happy for me I did so; by which I saved the best part of my winter food.
_Aug_. 14. This day it began to rain; and though I had made me a tent like the other, yet having no shelter of a hill to keep me from storms, nor a cave behind me to retreat to, I was obliged to return to my old castle. The rain continued more or less every day, till the middle of _October;_ and sometimes so violently, that I could not stir out of my cave for several days. This season I found my family to increase; for one of my cats that ran away from me, and which I thought had been dead, returned about _August_, with three kittens at her heels, like herself, which I thought strange, because both my cats were females, and the wild cats of the island seemed to be of a different kind from our European cats; but from these cats proceeded such numbers, that I was forced to kill and destroy them as I would do wild beasts and vermin.
To the 26th of this month, I could not stir out, it raining incessantly; when beginning to want food, I was compelled to venture twice, the first of which I shot a goat, and afterwards found a very large tortoise. The manner of my regulating my food was thus: a bunch of raisins served me for my breakfast; a piece of goat"s flesh or turtle boiled for my dinner, and two or three turtle"s eggs for my supper. While the rain lasted, I daily worked two or three hours at enlarging my cave, and by degrees worked it on towards one side, till I came to the outside of the hill, and made a door or way out, which came beyond my fence or wall, and so I came in and out this way. But after I had done this, I was troubled to see myself thus exposed; though I could not perceive any thing to fear, a goat being the biggest creature I had seen upon this island.
_Sept_. 30. Casting up my notches on my post, which amounted to 365, I concluded this to be the anniversary of my landing; and, therefore, humbly prostrating myself on the ground, confessing my sins, acknowledging G.o.d"s righteous judgments upon me, and praying to Jesus Christ to have mercy upon me, I fasted for twelve hours till the going down of the sun; and then eating a biscuit and a bunch of grapes, laid me on the bed, and with great comfort took my night"s repose. Till this time I never had distinguished the Sabbath-day; but now made a longer notch than ordinary for the days of rest, and divided the weeks as well as I could, though I found I had lost a day or two in my account. My ink failing soon after, I omitted in my daily memorandum things of an indifferent nature, & contented myself to write down only the most remarkable events of my life. The rainy and dry seasons appeared now regular to me, and experience taught me how to provide for them; yet, in one thing I am going to relate, my experience very much failed me. You may call to mind what I have mentioned of some barley and rice which I had saved; about thirty stalks of the former, and twenty of the latter; and at that time, the sun being in its southern position, going from me, together with the rains, made me conclude it a very proper season to sow it. Accordingly I dug up a piece of ground, with my wooden spade, and dividing it into two parts, sowed about two thirds of my seed, preserving by me about a handful of each. And happy it was I did so; for no rains falling, it was choaked up, and never appeared above the earth till the wet season came again, and then part of it grew, as if it had been newly sown.
I was resolved all to make another trial; and seeking for a moister piece of ground near my bower, I there sowed the rest of my seed in February, a little before the vernal equinox; which having the rainy months of March and April to water it, yielded a n.o.ble crop, and sprang up very pleasantly. I had still saved part of the seed, not daring to venture all; and by the time I found out the proper seasons to sow it in, and that I might expect every year two seed-times and two harvests, my stock amounted to above half a peck of each sort of grain.
No sooner were the rains over, but the stakes which I had cut from the trees, shot out like willows the first year after lopping their heads. I was ignorant of the tree I cut them from; but they grew so regularly beautiful, that they made a most lively appearance, and so flourished in three year"s time, that I resolved to cut more of them; and these soon growing made a glorious fence, as afterwards I shall observe.
And now I perceived that the seasons of the year might generally be divided, not into summer and winter, as in Europe, but into wet and dry seasons, as in this manner:
/ February, Half< march,=""> Rainy, sun coming near the Equinox.
April, /
/ April, | May, | Half< june,=""> Dry, sun getting north of the Line.
| July, | August, /
/ August, Half< september,=""> Wet, the sun being then come back.