Thou showest Thy power when Thou wilt; and Thou dost will it always, if only we will it also. Let the whole creation praise Thee, O Thou Lord of the world! Oh, that a voice might go forth over all the earth, proclaiming Thy faithfulness to those who love Thee! All things fail; but Thou, Lord of all, never failest!
They who love Thee, oh, how little they have to suffer! oh, how gently, how tenderly, how sweetly Thou, O my Lord, dealest with them! Oh, that no one had ever been occupied with any other love than Thine! It seems as if Thou didst subject those who love Thee to a severe trial: but it is in order that they may learn, in the depths of that trial, the depths of Thy love. O my G.o.d, oh, that I had understanding and learning, and a new language, in order to magnify Thy works, according to the knowledge of them which my soul possesses! Everything fails me, O my Lord; but if Thou wilt not abandon me, I will never fail Thee. Let all the learned rise up against me,--let the whole creation persecute me,--let the evil spirits torment me,--but do Thou, O Lord, fail me not; for I know by experience now the blessedness of that deliverance which Thou dost effect for those who trust only in Thee. In this distress,--for then I had never had a single vision,--these Thy words alone were enough to remove it, and give me perfect peace: "Be not afraid, my daughter: it is I; and I will not abandon thee. Fear not." [14]
23. It seems to me that, in the state I was in then, many hours would have been necessary to calm me, and that no one could have done it. Yet I found myself, through these words alone, tranquil and strong, courageous and confident, at rest and enlightened; in a moment, my soul seemed changed, and I felt I could maintain against all the world that my prayer was the work of G.o.d.
Oh, how good is G.o.d! how good is our Lord, and how powerful!
He gives not counsel only, but relief as well. His words are deeds. O my G.o.d! as He strengthens our faith, love grows. So it is, in truth; for I used frequently to recollect how our Lord, when the tempest arose, commanded the winds to be still over the sea. [15] So I said to myself: Who is He, that all my faculties should thus obey Him? Who is He, that gives light in such darkness in a moment; who softens a heart that seemed to be made of stone; who gives the waters of sweet tears, where for a long time great dryness seems to have prevailed; who inspires these desires; who bestows this courage? What have I been thinking of?
what am I afraid of? what is it? I desire to serve this my Lord; I aim at nothing else but His pleasure; I seek no joy, no rest, no other good than that of doing His will. I was so confident that I had no other desire, that I could safely a.s.sert it.
24. Seeing, then, that our Lord is so powerful,--as I see and know He is,--and that the evil spirits are His slaves, of which there can be no doubt, because it is of faith,--and I a servant of this our Lord and King,--what harm can Satan do unto me?
Why have I not strength enough to fight against all h.e.l.l? I took up the cross in my hand,--I was changed in a moment into another person, and it seemed as if G.o.d had really given me courage enough not to be afraid of encountering all the evil spirits.
It seemed to me that I could, with the cross, easily defeat them altogether. So I cried out, Come on, all of you; I am the servant of our Lord: I should like to see what you can do against me.
25. And certainly they seemed to be afraid of me, for I was left in peace: I feared them so little, that the terrors, which until now oppressed me, quitted me altogether; and though I saw them occasionally,--I shall speak of this by and by, [16]--I was never again afraid of them--on the contrary, they seemed to be afraid of me. [17] I found myself endowed with a certain authority over them, given me by the Lord of all, so that I cared no more for them than for flies. They seem to be such cowards; for their strength fails them at the sight of any one who despises them.
These enemies have not the courage to a.s.sail any but those whom they see ready to give in to them, or when G.o.d permits them to do so, for the greater good of His servants, whom they may try and torment.
26. May it please His Majesty that we fear Him whom we ought to fear, [18] and understand that one venial sin can do us more harm than all h.e.l.l together; for that is the truth. The evil spirits keep us in terror, because we expose ourselves to the a.s.saults of terror by our attachments to honours, possessions, and pleasures.
For then the evil spirits, uniting themselves with us,--we become our own enemies when we love and seek what we ought to hate,--do us great harm. We ourselves put weapons into their hands, that they may a.s.sail us; those very weapons with which we should defend ourselves. It is a great pity. But if, for the love of G.o.d, we hated all this, and embraced the cross, and set about His service in earnest, Satan would fly away before such realities, as from the plague. He is the friend of lies, and a lie himself. [19] He will have nothing to do with those who walk in the truth. When he sees the understanding of any one obscured, he simply helps to pluck out his eyes; if he sees any one already blind, seeking peace in vanities,--for all the things of this world are so utterly vanity, that they seem to be but the playthings of a child,--he sees at once that such a one is a child; he treats him as a child, and ventures to wrestle with him--not once, but often.
27. May it please our Lord that I be not one of these; and may His Majesty give me grace to take that for peace which is really peace, that for honour which is really honour, and that for delight which is really a delight. Let me never mistake one thing for another--and then I snap my fingers at all the devils, for they shall be afraid of me. I do not understand those terrors which make us cry out, Satan, Satan! when we may say, G.o.d, G.o.d! and make Satan tremble. Do we not know that he cannot stir without the permission of G.o.d? What does it mean? I am really much more afraid of those people who have so great a fear of the devil, than I am of the devil himself. Satan can do me no harm whatever, but they can trouble me very much, particularly if they be confessors. I have spent some years of such great anxiety, that even now I am amazed that I was able to bear it.
Blessed be our Lord, who has so effectually helped me!
1. Philip. a SS. Trinitate, Theolog. Mystic. par. 2, tr. iii. disc. iv. art. v.: "Tres sunt modi divinae locutionis; completur enim divina locutio vel verbis successivis, vel verbis formalibus, vel verbis substantialibus. Completur verbis successivis c.u.m anima in semetipsa multum collecta quosdam discursus internos de Deo vel de aliis divina format directione; hujusmodi quippe discursus, quamvis ab ipsa sibi formati, a Deo tamen dirigente procedunt. Completur verbis formalibus c.u.m anima vel in se collecta, vel aliis occupata, percipit quaedam verba formaliter ac distincte divinitus expressa, ad quorum formationem anima pa.s.sive penitus se habet. Completur verbis substantialibus c.u.m anima vel in se collecta, vel etiam distracta, percipit quaedam verba viva et efficacia, divinitus ad se directa, quae virtutem aut substantialem effectum per ipsa significatum fort.i.ter ac infallibiliter causant." See also St. John of the Cross, Ascent of Mount Carmel, b. ii. ch. xxviii. and the following, p. 188.
2. From 1555 to 1557, when the Saint was advised by St. Francis de Borja to make no further resistance (Bouix).
3. See ch. xxvii. -- 4.
4. -- 4.
5. -- 5.
6. The doctrine here laid down is not that of the second water,--chs. xiv. and xv.,--but that of the third, ch. xvi.
The Saint herself speaks doubtfully; and as she had but little time for writing, she could not correct nor read again what she had written (De la Fuente).
7. -- 6.
8. -- 2.
9. Ch. vii. -- 12.
10. Ch. xxviii. -- 6, ch. x.x.x. -- 10.
11. Ch. vii. -- 11.
12. Ch. iv. -- 6, ch. v. -- 14.
13. It was the church of the Jesuits (Bouix).
14. See Inner Fortress, vi. 3, -- 5.
15. St. Matt. viii. 26; "Imperavit ventis et mari, et facta est tranquillitas magna."
16. Ch. x.x.xi. -- 2.
17. St. John of the Cross, Spiritual Canticle, st. 24, p. 128, Eng. trans.
18. St. Matt. x. 26, 28; "Ne ergo timueritis eos, . . . sed potius timete Eum."
19. St. John viii. 44: "Mendax est, et pater ejus."
Chapter XXVI.
How the Fears of the Saint Vanished. How She Was a.s.sured That Her Prayer Was the Work of the Holy Spirit.
1. I look upon the courage which our Lord has implanted in me against evil spirits as one of the greatest mercies which He has bestowed upon me; for a cowardly soul, afraid of anything but sin against G.o.d, is a very unseemly thing, when we have on our side the King omnipotent, our Lord most high, who can do all things, and subjects all things to Himself. There is nothing to be afraid of if we walk, as I said before, [1] in the truth, in the sight of His Majesty, with a pure conscience. And for this end, as I said in the same place, I would have myself all fears, that I may not for one instant offend Him who in that instant is able to destroy us. If His Majesty is pleased with us, whoever resists us--be he who he may--will be utterly disappointed.
2. It may be so, you will say; but, then, where is that soul so just as to please Him in everything?--and that is the reason why we are afraid. Certainly it is not my soul, which is most wretched, unprofitable, and full of misery. G.o.d is not like man in His ways; He knows our weakness. But the soul perceives, by the help of certain great signs, whether it loves G.o.d of a truth; for the love of those souls who have come to this state is not hidden as it was at first, but is full of high impulses, and of longings for the vision of G.o.d, as I shall show hereafter--or rather, as I have shown already. [2] Everything wearies, everything distresses, everything torments the soul, unless it be suffered with G.o.d, or for G.o.d. There is no rest which is not a weariness, because the soul knows itself to be away from its true rest; and so love is made most manifest, and, as I have just said, impossible to hide.
3. It happened to me, on another occasion to be grievously tried, and much spoken against on account of a certain affair,--of which I will speak hereafter, [3]--by almost everybody in the place where I am living, and by the members of my Order. When I was in this distress, and afflicted by many occasions of disquiet wherein I was placed, our Lord spoke to me, saying: "What art thou afraid of? knowest thou not that I am almighty? I will do what I have promised thee." And so, afterwards, was it done.
I found myself at once so strong, that I could have undertaken anything, so it seemed, immediately, even if I had to endure greater trials for His service, and had to enter on a new state of suffering. These locutions are so frequent, that I cannot count them; many of them are reproaches, and He sends them when I fall into imperfections. They are enough to destroy a soul.
They correct me, however; for His Majesty--as I said before [4]--gives both counsel and relief. There are others which bring my former sins into remembrance,--particularly when He is about to bestow upon me some special grace,--in such a way that the soul beholds itself as being really judged; for those reproaches of G.o.d put the truth before it so distinctly, that it knows not what to do with itself. Some are warnings against certain dangers to myself or others; many of them are prophecies of future things, three or four years beforehand; and all of them have been fulfilled: some of them I could mention. Here, then, are so many reasons for believing that they come from G.o.d, as make it impossible, I believe, for anybody to mistake them.
4. The safest course in these things is to declare, without fail, the whole state of the soul, together with the graces our Lord gives me, to a confessor who is learned, and obey him. I do so; and if I did not, I should have no peace. Nor is it right that we women, who are unlearned, should have any: there can be no danger in this, but rather great profit. This is what our Lord has often commanded me to do, and it is what I have often done.
I had a confessor [5] who mortified me greatly, and now and then distressed me: he tried me heavily, for he disquieted me exceedingly; and yet he was the one who, I believe, did me the most good. Though I had a great affection for him, I was occasionally tempted to leave him; I thought that the pain he inflicted on me disturbed my prayer. Whenever I was resolved on leaving him, I used to feel instantly that I ought not to do so; and one reproach of our Lord would press more heavily upon me than all that my confessor did. Now and then, I was worn out--torture on the one hand, reproaches on the other.
I required it all, for my will was but little subdued. Our Lord said to me once, that there was no obedience where there was no resolution to suffer; that I was to think of His sufferings, and then everything would be easy.
5. One of my confessors, to whom I went in the beginning, advised me once, now that my spiritual state was known to be the work of G.o.d, to keep silence, and not speak of these things to any one, on the ground that it was safer to keep these graces secret.
To me, the advice seemed good, because I felt it so much whenever I had to speak of them to my confessor; [6] I was also so ashamed of myself, that I felt it more keenly at times to speak of them than I should have done in confessing grave sins, particularly when the graces I had to reveal were great. I thought they did not believe me, and that they were laughing at me. I felt it so much,--for I look on this as an irreverent treatment of the marvels of G.o.d,--that I was glad to be silent. I learned then that I had been ill-advised by that confessor, because I ought never to hide anything from my confessor; for I should find great security if I told everything; and if I did otherwise, I might at any time fall into delusions. [7]
6. Whenever our Lord commanded me to do one thing in prayer, and if my confessor forbade it, our Lord Himself told me to obey my confessor. His Majesty afterwards would change the mind of that confessor, so that he would have me do what he had forbidden before. When we were deprived of many books written in Spanish, and forbidden to read them,--I felt it deeply, for some of these books were a great comfort to me, and I could not read them in Latin,--our Lord said to me, "Be not troubled; I will give thee a living book." I could not understand why this was said to me, for at that time I had never had a vision. [8] But, a very few days afterwards, I understood it well enough; for I had so much to think of, and such reasons for self-recollection in what I saw before me and our Lord dealt so lovingly with me, in teaching me in so many ways, that I had little or no need whatever of books.
His Majesty has been to me a veritable Book, in which I saw all truth. Blessed be such a Book, which leaves behind an impression of what is read therein, and in such a way that it cannot be forgotten!
7. Who can look upon our Lord, covered with wounds, and bowed down under persecutions, without accepting, loving, and longing for them? Who can behold but a part of that glory which He will give to those who serve Him without confessing that all he may do, and all he may suffer, are altogether as nothing, when we may hope for such a reward? Who can look at the torments of lost souls without acknowledging the torments of this life to be joyous delights in comparison, and confessing how much they owe to our Lord in having saved them so often from the place of torments? [9] But as, by the help of G.o.d, I shall speak more at large of certain things, I wish now to go on with the story of my life. Our Lord grant that I have been clear enough in what I have hitherto said! I feel a.s.sured that he will understand me who has had experience herein, and that he will see I have partially succeeded; but as to him who has had no such experience, I should not be surprised if he regarded it all as folly. It is enough for him that it is I who say it, in order to be free from blame; neither will I blame any one who shall so speak of it. Our Lord grant that I may never fail to do His will! Amen.
1. Ch. xxv. -- 26.
2. Ch. xv. -- 6.
3. Ch. x.x.xiii.; the foundation of the house of St. Joseph.
4. Ch. xxv. -- 23.
5. The Bollandists, n. 185, attribute some of the severity with which her confessor treated the Saint to the spirit of desolation with which he was then tried himself; and, in proof of it, refer to the account which F. Baltasar Alvarez gave of his own prayer to the General of the Society.