8. I asked him for means to carry on these Inst.i.tutions, and to enlarge them.
These are some of the pet.i.tions which I have asked of my G.o.d this evening, in connection with this his own word. I believe _he has heard me_. I believe he will make it manifest in his own good time that _he has heard_ me, and I have recorded these my pet.i.tions, this 15th day of January, 1838, that when G.o.d has answered them he may get, through this, glory to his name. [Whilst writing this second part, I add to the praise of the Lord, and for the encouragement of the children of G.o.d, that pet.i.tions 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8, have been _fully_ answered, and the other pet.i.tions, likewise, in part.]
January 16. Tuesday. A blessed day. How very good is the Lord! Fervency of spirit, through his grace, is continued to me; though this morning, but for the help of G.o.d, I should have lost it again. The weather has been very cold for several days; but to-day I suffered much, either because it was colder than before, or because I felt it more, owing to the weakness of my body, and having taken so much medicine. I arose from my knees and stirred the fire, but I still remained very cold. I was a little irritated by this. I moved to another part of the room, but felt the cold still more. At last, having prayed for some time, I was obliged to rise up and take a walk to promote circulation. I now entreated the Lord on my walk that this circ.u.mstance might not be permitted to rob me of the precious communion which I have had with him the last three days; for this was the object at which Satan aimed. I confessed also my sin of irritability on account of the cold, and sought to have my conscience cleansed through the blood of Jesus. He had mercy upon me, my peace was restored, and when I returned I sought the Lord again in prayer, and had uninterrupted communion with him.
His health remaining feeble, Mr. M. left England on April 6, for Germany, and returned to Bristol May 7. He continues his narrative:--
May 8. This evening I went to the prayer meeting at Gideon. I read Psalm ciii., and was able to thank the Lord publicly for my late affliction.
This is the first time that I have taken any part in the public meetings of the brethren since November 6, 1837.
July 12. The funds, which were this day twelvemonth about seven hundred and eighty pounds, are now reduced to about twenty pounds; but, thanks be to the Lord, my faith is as strong, or stronger, than it was when we had the larger sum in hand; nor has he at any time, from the commencement of the work, allowed me to distrust him. Nevertheless, as our Lord will be inquired of, and as real faith is manifested as such by leading to prayer, I gave myself to prayer with brother T----, of the Boys" Orphan House, who had called on me, and who, besides my wife and brother Craik, is the only individual to whom I speak about the state of the funds. While we were praying, an orphan child from Frome was brought, and some believers at Frome, having collected among them five pounds, sent this money with the child. Thus we received the first answer at a time of need. _We have given notice for seven children to come in, and purpose to give notice for five more, though our funds are so low, hoping that G.o.d will look on our necessities._
July 17 and 18. These two days we have had two especial prayer meetings, from six to nine in the evening, to commend publicly to the Lord the Boys" Orphan House. Our funds are how very low. There are about twenty pounds in hand, and in a few days thirty pounds, at least, will be needed; but I _purposely_ avoided saying anything about our present necessities, and spoke only to the praise of G.o.d, about the abundance with which our gracious Father, "the Father of the fatherless," has. .h.i.therto supplied us. This was done in order that the hand of G.o.d, in sending help, may be so much the more clearly seen.
July 22. This evening I was walking in our little garden, meditating on Heb. xiii. 8, "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to-day, and forever." Whilst meditating on his unchangeable love, power, wisdom, etc., and turning all, as I went on, into prayer respecting myself; and whilst applying likewise his unchangeable love, and power, and wisdom, etc., both to my present spiritual and temporal circ.u.mstances,--all at once the present need of the Orphan Houses was brought to my mind.
Immediately I was led to say to myself, Jesus in his love and power has. .h.i.therto supplied me with what I have needed for the orphans, and in the same unchangeable love and power he will provide me with what I may need for the future. A flow of joy came into my soul whilst realizing thus the unchangeableness of our adorable Lord. About one minute after, a letter was brought me, enclosing a bill for twenty pounds.
August 18. I have not one penny in hand for the orphans. In a day or two again many pounds will be needed. My eyes are up to the Lord. _Evening._ Before this day is over, I have received from a sister five pounds. She had some time since put away her trinkets, to be sold for the benefit of the orphans. This morning, whilst in prayer, it came to her mind, "I have this five pounds, and owe no man anything, therefore it would be better to give this money at once, as it may be some time before I can dispose of the trinkets." She therefore brought it, little knowing that there was not a penny in hand.
August 29. To-day sixteen believers were baptized. Among those who were baptized was an aged brother of above eighty-four years, and one above seventy. For the latter, his believing wife had prayed thirty-eight years, and at last the Lord answered her prayers in his conversion.
August 31. I have been waiting on the Lord for means, as the matron"s books from the Girls" Orphan House have been brought, and there is no money in hand to advance for housekeeping. But, as yet, the Lord has not been pleased to send help. As the matron called to-day for money, one of the laborers gave two pounds of his own, for the present necessities.
September 1. The Lord in his wisdom and love has not yet sent help.
Whence it is to come, need not be my care. But _I believe_ G.o.d will, in due time, send help. His hour is not yet come. As there was money needed in the Boys" Orphan House also, the same brother just alluded to gave two pounds for that also. Thus we were delivered at this time likewise.
But now his means are gone. This is the most trying hour that as yet I have had in the work, as it regards means; but I know that I shall yet praise the Lord for his help.
September 5. Our hour of trial continues still. The Lord mercifully has given enough to supply our daily necessities; but he gives _by the day_ now, and almost _by the hour_, as we need it. Nothing came in yesterday.
I have besought the Lord again and again, both yesterday and to-day. It is as if the Lord said: "Mine hour is not yet come." But I have faith in G.o.d. I believe that he surely will send help, though I know not whence it is to come. Many pounds are needed within a few days, and there is not a penny in hand. This morning two pounds was given for the present necessities, by one of the laborers in the work. _Evening._ This very day the Lord sent again some help to encourage me to continue to wait on him, and to trust in him. As I was praying this afternoon respecting the matter, I felt fully a.s.sured that the Lord would send help, and praised him beforehand for his help, and asked him to encourage our hearts through it. I have been also led, yesterday and to-day, to ask the Lord especially that he would not allow my faith to fail. A few minutes after I had prayed, brother T---- came and brought four pounds one shilling and fivepence, which had come in in several small donations. He told me, at the same time, that to-morrow the books will be brought from the Infant Orphan House, when money must be advanced for housekeeping. I thought for a moment it might be well to keep three pounds of this money for that purpose. But it occurred to me immediately, "_Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof._" The Lord can provide by to-morrow much more than I need; and I therefore sent three pounds to one of the sisters whose quarterly salary was due, and the remaining one pound one shilling and fivepence to the Boys" Orphan House for housekeeping. Thus I am still penniless. My hope is in G.o.d; he will provide.
September 6. This morning the books were brought from the Infant Orphan House, and the matron sent to ask when she should fetch them, implying when they would have been looked over, and when money would be advanced for housekeeping. I said, "to-morrow," though I had not a single penny in hand. About an hour after, brother T---- sent me a note, to say that he had received one pound this morning, and that last evening a brother had sent twenty-nine pounds of salt, forty-four dozen of onions, and twenty-six pounds of groats.[16]
[Footnote 16: Groats. Oats or other grain, with the hulls removed.--ED.]
September 7. The time had come that I had to send money to the Infant Orphan House, but the Lord had not sent any more. I gave, therefore, the pound which had come in yesterday, and two shillings and twopence which had been put into the box in my house, trusting to the good Lord to send in more.
September 8. It has not pleased my gracious Lord to send me help as yet.
Yesterday and to-day I have been pleading with G.o.d eleven arguments why he would be graciously pleased to send help. The arguments which I plead with G.o.d are:--
1. That I set about the work for the glory of G.o.d, _i. e._ that there might be a visible proof, by G.o.d supplying, _in answer to prayer only_, the necessities of the orphans, that he is the _living_ G.o.d, and most willing, even in _our_ day, to answer prayer; and that, therefore, he would be pleased to send supplies.
2. That G.o.d is the "Father of the fatherless," and that he, therefore, as their father, would be pleased to provide. Psalm lxviii. 5.
3. That I have received the children in the name of Jesus, and that therefore he, in these children, has been received, and is fed, and is clothed; and that therefore he would be pleased to consider this. Mark ix. 36, 37.
4. That the faith of many of the children of G.o.d has been strengthened by this work hitherto, and that, if G.o.d were to withhold the means for the future, those who are weak in faith would be staggered; whilst, by a continuance of means, their faith might still further be strengthened.
5. That many enemies would laugh, were the Lord to withhold supplies, and say, Did we not foretell that this enthusiasm would come to nothing?
6. That many of the children of G.o.d, who are uninstructed, or in a carnal state, would feel themselves _justified_ to continue their alliance with the world in the work of G.o.d, and to go on as heretofore in their unscriptural proceedings respecting similar inst.i.tutions, so far as the obtaining of means is concerned, if he were not to help me.
7. That the Lord would remember that I am his child, and that he would graciously pity me, and remember that _I_ cannot provide for these children, and that therefore he would not allow this burden to lie upon me long without sending help.
8. That he would remember likewise my fellow-laborers in the work, who trust in him, but who would be tried were he to withhold supplies.
9. That he would remember that I should have to dismiss the children from under our scriptural instruction to their former companions.
10. That he would show that those were mistaken who said, that, _at the first_, supplies might be expected, while the thing was new, but not afterwards.
11. That I should not know, were he to withhold means, what construction I should put upon all the many most remarkable answers to prayer which he had given me heretofore in connection with this work, and which most fully have shown to me that it is of G.o.d.
In some small measure I now understand, experimentally, the meaning of that word, "_how long_," which so frequently occurs in the prayers of the Psalms. But even now, by the grace of G.o.d, my eyes are up unto him only, and I believe that he will send help.
Sept. 10. Monday morning. Neither Sat.u.r.day nor yesterday had any money come in. It appeared to me now needful to take some steps on account of our need, _i. e._ to go to the Orphan Houses, call the brethren and sisters together (who, except brother T----, had never been informed about the state of the funds), state the case to them, see how much money was needed for the present, tell them that amidst all this trial of faith I still believed that G.o.d would help, and to pray with them.
Especially, also, I meant to go for the sake of telling them that no more articles must be purchased than we have the means to pay for, but to let there be nothing lacking in any way to the children, as it regards nourishing food and needful clothing; for I would rather at once send them away than that they should lack. I meant to go for the sake also of seeing whether there were still articles remaining which had been sent for the purpose of being sold, or whether there were any articles really needless, that we might turn them into money. I felt that the matter was now come to a solemn crisis. About half-past nine sixpence came in, which had been put anonymously into the box at Gideon Chapel. This money seemed to me like an earnest that G.o.d would have compa.s.sion and send more. About ten, after I had returned from brother Craik, to whom I had unbosomed my heart again, whilst once more in prayer for help, a sister called who gave two sovereigns to my wife for the orphans, stating that she had felt herself stirred up to come, and that she had delayed coming already too long. A few minutes after, when I went into the room where she was, she gave me two sovereigns more, and all this without knowing the least about our need. Thus the Lord most mercifully has sent us a little help, to the great encouragement of my faith. A few minutes after I was called on for money from the Infant Orphan House, to which I sent two pounds, and one pound sixpence to the Boys" Orphan House, and one pound to the Girls" Orphan House.
To-day I saw a young brother who, as well as one of his sisters, has been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through my Narrative.
Sept. 11. The good Lord, in his wisdom, still sees it needful to keep us very low. But this afternoon brother T---- called, and told me that one of our fellow-laborers had sold his metal watch, and two gold pins, for one pound one shilling, that nine shillings sixpence had come in, and that two of our fellow-laborers had sent two lots of books of their own, nineteen and twenty-one in number, to be sold for the orphans.
Sept. 12. Still the trial continues. Only nine shillings came in to-day, given by one of the laborers. In the midst of this great trial of faith the Lord still mercifully keeps me in great peace. He also allows me to see that our labor is not in vain; for yesterday died Leah Culliford, one of the orphans, about nine years old, truly converted, and brought to the faith some months before her departure.
Sept. 13. No help has come yet. This morning I found it was absolutely needful to tell the brethren and sisters about the state of the funds, and to give necessary directions as to going into debt, etc. We prayed together, and had a very happy meeting. They all seemed comfortable.
Twelve shillings sixpence was taken out of the boxes in the three houses, twelve shillings one of the laborers gave, and one pound one shilling had come in for needlework done by the children. One of the sisters, who is engaged in the work, sent a message after me, not to trouble myself about her salary, for she should not want any for a twelvemonth.
Sept. 14. I met again this morning with the brethren and sisters for prayer, as the Lord has not yet sent help. After prayer one of the laborers gave me all the money he had, sixteen shillings, saying that it would not be upright to pray, if he were not to give what he had. One of the sisters told me that in six days she would give six pounds, which she had in the savings bank for such a time of need. Up to this day, the matrons of the three houses had been in the habit of paying the bakers and the milk-man weekly, _because they had preferred to receive the payments in this way_, and sometimes it had thus been also with the butcher and grocer. But now, as the Lord deals out to us _by the day_, we consider it would be wrong to go on any longer in this way, as the week"s payment might become due, and we have no money to meet it; and thus those with whom we deal might be inconvenienced by us, and we be found acting against the commandment of the Lord, "Owe no man anything."
Rom. xiii. 8. From this day, and henceforward, whilst the Lord gives to us our supplies by the day, we purpose, therefore, to pay at once for every article as it is purchased, and never to buy any thing except we can pay for it at once, however much it may seem to be needed, and however much those with whom we deal may wish to be paid only by the week. The little which was owed was paid off this day.
Sept. 15. _Sat.u.r.day._ We met again this morning for prayer. G.o.d comforts our hearts. We are looking for help. I found that there were provisions enough for to-day and to-morrow, but there was no money in hand to take in bread as usual, in order that the children might not have newly baked bread. This afternoon one of the laborers, who had been absent for several days from Bristol, returned, and gave one pound. This evening we met again for prayer, when I found that ten shillings sixpence more had come in since the morning. With this one pound ten shillings sixpence we were able to buy, even this Sat.u.r.day evening, the usual quant.i.ty of bread (as it might be difficult to get stale bread on Monday morning), and have some money left. G.o.d be praised, who gave us grace to come to the decision not to take any bread to-day, as usual, nor to buy anything for which we cannot pay at once. We were very comfortable, thankfully taking this money out of our Father"s hands, as a proof that he still cares for us, and that, in his own time, he will send us larger sums.
CHAPTER X.
DELIVERANCE.
1838.
"PERPLEXED BUT NOT IN DESPAIR"--FAITH JUSTIFIED--A LESSON OF OBEDIENCE--BOUNTIFUL SUPPLIES--SPIRITUAL INGATHERING--A DAY OF MERCIES--TIMELY AID--A SEASON OF PLENTY--OBEDIENCE REWARDED.
Sept. 16, 1838. Lord"s day afternoon. We met again for prayer respecting supplies for the orphans. We are in peace, and our hope is in G.o.d, that he graciously will appear, though but one shilling has come in since last evening.
Sept. 17. The trial still continues. It is now more and more trying, even to faith, as each day comes. But I am sure G.o.d will send help, if we can but wait. One of the laborers had had a little money come in, of which he gave twelve shillings sixpence; another laborer gave eleven shillings eightpence, being all the money she had left: this, with seventeen shillings sixpence, which partly had come in, and partly was in hand, enabled us to pay what needed to be paid, and to purchase provisions, so that nothing yet, in any way, has been lacking. This evening I was rather tried respecting the long delay of larger sums coming; but being led to go to the Scriptures for comfort, my soul was greatly refreshed, and my faith again strengthened, by Psalm x.x.xiv., so that I went very cheerfully to meet with my dear fellow-laborers for prayer. I read to them the Psalm, and sought to cheer their hearts through the precious promises contained in it.
Sept. 18. Brother T. had twenty-five shillings in hand, and I had three shillings. This one pound eight shillings enabled us to buy the meat and bread which was needed, a little tea for one of the houses, and milk for all: no more than this is needed. Thus the Lord has provided not only for this day, but there is bread for two days in hand. Now, however, we are come to an extremity. The funds are exhausted. The laborers who had a little money have given as long as they had any left. Now observe how the Lord helped us! A lady from the neighborhood of London, who brought a parcel with money from her daughter, arrived four or five days since in Bristol, and took lodgings next door to the Boys" Orphan House. This afternoon she herself kindly brought me the money, amounting to three pounds two shillings and sixpence. We had been reduced so low as to be on the point of selling those things which could be spared; but this morning I had asked the Lord, if it might be, to prevent the necessity of our doing so. That the money had been so near the Orphan Houses for several days without being given, is a plain proof that it was from the beginning in the heart of G.o.d to help us; but, because he delights in the prayers of his children, he had allowed us to pray so long; also to try our faith, and to make the answer much the sweeter. It is indeed a precious deliverance. I burst out into loud praises and thanks the first moment I was alone after I had received the money. I met with my fellow-laborers again this evening for prayer and praise; their hearts were not a little cheered. This money was this evening divided, and will comfortably provide for all that will be needed to-morrow.