"I couldn"t. The full horror of it burst upon me. I saw the thing in its true and hideous proportions, and it revolted me."
"It must have been so," she approved him.
"I told my foster-father; but I met with neither sympathy nor understanding. He renewed his old-time arguments, and again he seemed to prove to me that did I fail I should be false to my duty and to my mother"s memory--a weakling, a thing of shame."
"The monster! Oh, the monster! He is an evil man for all that you have said of him."
"Not so. There is no n.o.bler gentleman in all the world. I who know him, know that. It is through the very n.o.bility of it that this warp has come into his nature. Sane in all things else, he is--I see it now, I understand it at last--insane on this one subject. Much brooding has made him mad upon this matter--a fanatic whose gospel is Vengeance, and, like all fanatics, he is harsh and intolerant when resisted on the point of his fanaticism. This is something I have come to realize in these past days, when I lay with naught else to do but ponder.
"In all things else he sees as deep and clear as any man; in this his vision is distorted. He has looked at nothing else for thirty years; can you wonder that his sight is blurred?"
"He is to be pitied then," she said, "deeply to be pitied."
"True. And because I pitied him, because I valued his regard-however mistaken he might be--above all else, I was hesitating again--this time between my duty to myself and my duty to him. I was so hesitating--though I scarce can doubt which had prevailed in the end--when came this sword-thrust so very opportunely to put me out of case of doing one thing or the other."
"But now that you are well again?" she asked.
"Now that I am well again--I thank Heaven that it will be too late. The opportunity that was ours is lost. His--my father should now be beyond our power."
There ensued a spell of silence. He sat with eyes averted from her face--those eyes which she had never known other than whimsical and mocking, now full of gloom and pain--riveted upon the glare of sunshine on the pond out yonder. A great sympathy welled up from her heart for this man whom she was still far from understanding, and who, nevertheless--because of it, perhaps, for there is much fascination in that which puzzles--was already growing very dear to her. The story he had told her drew her infinitely closer to him, softening her heart for him even more perhaps than it had already been softened when she had seen him--as she had thought--upon the point of dying. A wonder flitted through her mind as to why he had told her; then another question surged. She gave it tongue.
"You have told me so much, Mr. Caryll," she said, "that I am emboldened to ask something more." His eyes invited her to put her question.
"Your--your father? Was he related to Lord Ostermore?"
Not a muscle of his face moved. "Why that?" he asked.
"Because your name is Caryll," said she.
"My name?" he laughed softly and bitterly. "My name?" He reached for an ebony cane that stood beside his chair. "I had thought you understood."
He heaved himself to his feet, and she forgot to caution him against exertion. "I have no right to any name," he told her. "My father was a man too full of worldly affairs to think of trifles. And so it befell that before he went his ways he forgot to marry the poor lady who was my mother. I might take what name I chose. I chose Caryll. But you will understand, Mistress Winthrop," and he looked her fully in the face, attempting in vain to dissemble the agony in his eyes--he who a little while ago had been almost happy--"that if ever it should happen that I should come to love a woman who is worthy of being loved, I who am nameless have no name to offer her."
Revelation illumined her mind as in a flash. She looked at him.
"Was--was that what you meant, that day we thought you dying, when you said to me--for it was to me you spoke, to me alone--that it was better so?"
He inclined his head. "That is what I meant," he answered.
Her lids drooped; her cheeks were very white, and he remarked the swift, agitated surge of her bosom, the fingers that were plucking at one another in her lap. Without looking up, she spoke again. "If you had the love to offer, what would the rest matter? What is a name that it should weigh so much?"
"Heyday!" He sighed, and smiled very wistfully. "You are young, child.
In time you will understand what place the world a.s.signs to such men as I. It is a place I could ask no woman to share. Such as I am, could I speak of love to any woman?"
"Yet you spoke of love once to me," she reminded him, scarcely above her breath, and stabbed him with the recollection.
"In an hour of moonshine, an hour of madness, when I was a reckless fool that must give tongue to every impulse. You reproved me then in just the terms my case deserved. Hortensia," he bent towards her, leaning on his cane, ""tis very sweet and merciful in you to recall it without reproach. Recall it no more, save to think with scorn of the fleering c.o.xcomb who was so lost to the respect that is due to so sweet a lady. I have told you so much of myself to-day that you may."
"Decidedly," came a shrill, ironical voice from the arbor"s entrance, "I may congratulate you, sir, upon the prodigious strides of your recovery."
Mr. Caryll straightened himself from his stooping posture, turned and made Lady Ostermore a bow, his whole manner changed again to that which was habitual to him. "And no less decidedly, my lady," said he with a tight-lipped smile, "may I congratulate your ladyship"s son upon that happy circ.u.mstance, which is--as I have learned--so greatly due to the steps your ladyship took--for which I shall be ever grateful--to ensure that I should be made whole again."
CHAPTER XIII. THE FORLORN HOPE
Her ladyship stood a moment, leaning upon her cane, her head thrown back, her thin lip curling, and her eyes playing over Mr. Caryll with a look of dislike that she made no attempt to dissemble.
Mr. Caryll found the situation redolent with comedy. He had a quick eye for such matters; so quick an eye that he deplored on the present occasion her ladyship"s entire lack of a sense of humor. But for that lamentable shortcoming, she might have enjoyed with him the grotesqueness of her having--she, who disliked him so exceedingly--toiled and anguished, robbed herself of sleep, and hoped and prayed with more fervor, perhaps, than she had ever yet hoped and prayed for anything, that his life might be spared.
Her glance shifted presently from him to Hortensia, who had risen and who stood in deep confusion at having been so found by her ladyship, and in deep agitation still arising from the things he had said and from those which he had been hindered from adding by the coming of the countess.
The explanations that had been interrupted might never be renewed; she felt they never would be; he would account that he had said enough; since he was determined to ask for nothing. And unless the matter were broached again, what chance had she of combatting his foolish scruples; for foolish she accounted them; they were of no weight with her, unless, indeed, to heighten the warm feeling that already she had conceived for him.
Her ladyship moved forward a step or two, her fan going gently to and fro, stirring the barbs of the white plume that formed part of her tall head-dress.
"What were you doing here, child?" she inquired, very coldly.
Mistress Winthrop looked up--a sudden, almost scared glance it was.
"I, madam? Why--I was walking in the garden, and seeing Mr. Caryll here, I came to ask him how he did; to offer to read to him if he would have me."
"And the Maidstone matter not yet cold in its grave!" commented her ladyship sourly. "As I"m a woman, it is monstrous I should be inflicted with the care of you that have no care for yourself."
Hortensia bit her lip, controlling herself bravely, a spot of red in either cheek. Mr. Caryll came promptly to her rescue.
"Your ladyship must confess that Mistress Winthrop has a.s.sisted n.o.bly in the care of me, and so, has placed your ladyship in her debt."
"In my debt?" shrilled the countess, eyebrows aloft, head-dress nodding.
"And what of yours?"
"In my clumsy way, ma"am, I have already attempted to convey my thanks to her. It might be graceful in your ladyship to follow my example."
Mentally Mr. Caryll observed that it is unwise to rouge so heavily as did Lady Ostermore when p.r.o.ne to anger and to paling under it. The false color looks so very false on such occasions.
Her ladyship struck the ground with her cane. "For what have I to thank her, sir? Will you tell me that, you who seem so very well informed."
"Why, for her part in saving your son"s life, ma"am, if you must have it. Heaven knows," he continued in his characteristic, half-bantering manner, under which it was so difficult to catch a glimpse of his real feelings, "I am not one to throw services done in the face of folk, but here have Mistress Winthrop and I been doing our best for your son in this matter; she by so diligently nursing me; I by responding to her nursing--and your ladyship"s--and so, recovering from my wound. I do not think that your ladyship shows us a becoming grat.i.tude. It is but natural that we fellow-workers in your ladyship"s and Lord Rotherby"s interests, should have a word to say to each other on the score of those labors which have made us colleagues."
Her ladyship measured him with a malignant eye. "Are you quite mad, sir?" she asked him.
He shrugged and smiled. "It has been alleged against me on occasion. But I think it was pure spite." Then he waved his hand towards the long seat that stood at the back of the arbor. "Will your ladyship not sit? You will forgive that I urge it in my own interest. They tell me that it is not good for me to stand too long just yet."
It was his hope that she would depart. Not so. "I cry you mercy!" said she acidly, and rustled to the bench. "Be seated, pray." She continued to watch them with her baleful glance. "We have heard fine things from you, sir, of what you have both done for my Lord Rotherby," she gibed, mocking him with the spirit of his half-jest. "Shall I tell you more precisely what "tis he owes you?"
"Can there be more?" quoth Mr. Caryll, smiling so amiably that he must have disarmed a Gorgon.
Her ladyship ignored him. "He owes it to you both that you have estranged him from his father, set up a breach between them that is never like to be healed. "Tis what he owes you."