_No, Sirrah_, says the Goldsmith, _you"re a Rascal; and you accuse my Chaste and Vertuous Wife because she has discover"d your Baseness--"Tis plain enough that your Design was to debauch my Wife, and then to Rob my House; and I will make you suffer for"t, before I"ve done with you. I"ve lost above Five hundred pounds already; and for ought I know you may be the Thief; for I have found you in my Chamber underneath my Bed, with Picklocks in your Breeches--Here Boy go call a Constable._
The poor _Beau_ finding himself in such bad Circ.u.mstances, begg"d him for Heavens sake, he wou"d not to call a Constable; for if he shou"d be sent to Goal, his Reputation wou"d be lost for ever. Matters were private now, and if they might be kept so, let him but make his own Demands, and he wou"d satisfie "em.--This Generous submission did somewhat qualifie the Goldsmith"s Pa.s.sion. And calling of his Man to fetch his Books up, he look"d what he had lost by Mr _Theif_, and finding there about four hundred Pounds set down, he told him, _That he"d use him kindly, and take his Bond for Three hundred and fifty pound, including in it the fifty Guineas he had lent him; and for the Ring, since he had in so gross a manner abus"d his Wife, he shou"d bestow that on her, to make her Satisfaction._
These were hard Terms poor _Bramble_ thought; but yet considering his Circ.u.mstances, he judg"d "twas better to comply than go to Goal, which wou"d be the Result of being had before a Justice.
The Bonds being made and Seal"d, he fetches him the Ring, which he, (with begging of her Pardon,) presents the Goldsmith"s Wife, and desires her to accept of it for the affront he so unworthily had put upon her. And then, after a Bottle of Wine at parting, they let him go; restoring him his Cloaths and all things again. She telling of him, as he was going out of Doors, _She hop"d that this wou"d be a warning to him how he hereafter went about to put Tricks upon Gentlewomen, or make his Boast what private Favours he had receiv"d from "em._
_Thus still the Bawd tempts all she can to Sin,_ _And leaves them in the Lurch, when once they"re in:_ _To heap up Gold, which she so much adores,_ _She makes Men Atheists, and makes Women Wh.o.r.es,_ _She lives by Sin; and if she can but gain,_ _She has her End, let those that list Complain._
CHAP. X.
_How the Goldsmiths Wife went to the Bawd, and gave her an Account how she had serv"d her Treacherous Gallant; and how the Bawd related several of her own Exploits, _&c_ In a short History of her Life._
About a week after poor Mr. _Bramble_ had been so miserably handled by the Contrivance of the old Bawd, and the Splenetick and Vindictive Temper of the Goldsmith"s Wife; whereby she doubled on himself all the Design he had of Cheating her: She thought upon the Promise she had made to the Old Bawd, of giving her a Visit, and Enlarging her Gratuity: For she saw clearly now her Words were True, and _Bramble_ made a full account to Cheat her, tho"
"twas by the Exposing of her Honour, which she cou"d never have retriev"d had it not been for the old Bawd"s Advice; altho" indeed, when she had put her in the way, she did her self improve it further to her own Advantage.
She therefore took Ten Guineas in her Pocket, which she believ"d she had deserv"d; and which she also thought wou"d so engage her, that she need not fear Discovery. And being come to her House, (to find which she before had given her Directions) she had no sooner ask"d for her, but found her; and the old Bawd taking her up into her Dining-Room, told her, that she was glad too see her in her poor Habitation. _O Mother_, says the She-Goldsmith, _I found that Treacherous Villain the same false man you represented him; and if I had"nt took your Counsel, my Honour had been Ruin"d; for the insipid Sot told all that e"er had past between us to my Husband; but thanks to my good Stars, & your sage Counsel, I clearly got the Ascendant over him, for which I here present you with a farther Testimony of my Gratuity._ The Bawd, (who met with such large Fees but seldom) was so well pleas"d with her Ingenuous and generous Temper, that she both thank"d her heartily for what she had presented her and told her that if hereafter she cou"d by any means oblige her, she wou"d be sure to do it: For I a.s.sure you, added she, that Trading now is very Dead, and I have got but little Custom.--This made the Gentlewoman ask her what Trade she follow"d (for she was Ignorant she was a Bawd)--Madam, reply"d the old Crone, You have so far engag"d me by your Generosity, I can deny you nothing; and therefore if you please, I"ll give you the History of my Life: In which you may perhaps find something that may be diverting: For I have in my time run through varieties of Changes, and met with very odd Rencounters: Which if I may not too much Trespa.s.s on your patience, I"ll relate to you with all the Brevity I can.--To which, with an obliging Bow, the Gentlewoman told her, she shou"d esteem herself indebted to her for so great an Obligation.--And then the Bawd began as followeth.
Madam,
_Before I give you that Account of my Life which I design, I think my self obliged first of all, to answer the Question you were pleas"d to put to me, _viz. What Trade or Calling "tis I follow_, the knowledge of which, will make that I shall afterwards relate, the more Intelligible to you._
Know therefore, _Madam_, That the House which I now keep, is a House of Convenience for Gentlemen and Ladies: And goes under several Denominations: Some call it _The School of Venus_, others a _Vaulting School_; other the _a.s.signation-House_: And some that are my Enemies, bestow upon it the t.i.tle of a _Bawdy-House_; but this t.i.tle I neither lay claim to, nor take Pleasure in. Tho" I confess, my Business is to help a Gentleman that is in distress, to the Enjoyment of a Gentlewoman; and a Gentlewoman that has the like occasion, to a Gallant. In which I always take care to help either s.e.x to that which may be for their Purpose; and always Warrant those I help "em to, to be Safe and Sound; for I Value my Reputation more, than to put a bad Commodity into any Man"s hand. I am not unsensible that this is decried as a very unlawful Calling; but for my part, to be plain with you, _Madam_, I am of another Opinion: For Nature that has given us Appet.i.tes, has also given us an Inclination to satisfie "em; and "tis no more than the Satisfying the Natural Desires and Inclinations of Men and Women; that I concern my self about. I know it will be Objected that Marriage is appointed as a Remedy in that Case. And to those that are equally Match"d, without any Impediment on either side, I grant it: And whether there be any such Impediment, or not, they can best tell, that have such Wives or Husbands. It is not my Business to ask "em and if they do"t without occasion, "tis their own fault, and not mine. I know (and know it by Experience too) there"s many a Man that looks as likely as your Husband does, and yet cann"t give a Woman that which Nature calls for. Some Men (and so some Women too) have greater Stomachs, and some less, as Nature orders it; and if their Diet be"nt proportion"d according to their Stomachs, some may be Surfeited, and others Starv"d. For that which one can live on very well, wou"d starve another; And the Concupiscential Appet.i.tes of Men and Women, do differ as much as do their Stomachs. And therefore Married People are not so much to blame in making use of others besides their Wives or Husbands; provided that they take that Prudent Care and Circ.u.mspection which is so requisite in such affairs. And because _Madam_, you are yet but a Beginner, and may perhaps be startled at this Doctrine, I"ll let you see "tis not my single Notion, but is the Judgment of a Learned Author, who long ago has written on this Subject, a Choice Copy of Verses, which I"ll here repeat to you. He Ent.i.tles it,
_Upon Love fondly Refused for Conscience sake._
Nature, Creations law, is judg"d by Sense, Not by the Tyrant Conscience; Then our Commission gives us leave to do What Youth and Pleasure Prompt us to: For we must question else Heav"ns great Decree, And tax it with a Treachery; If things made sweet to attempt our Appet.i.te, Should with a guilt Stain the Delight.
High"r Pow"rs rule us, our Selves can nothing do, Who made us Love, hath made Love lawful too.
It was not Love, but Love transform"d to Vice, Ravish"d by Envious Avarice, Made Woman first Impropriate; all were free; Inclosures Mens Inventions be.
I"th Golden Age, no Action cou"d be found For Trespa.s.s on my Neighbour"s ground: "Twas just, with any Fair to mix our Blood; The best is most diffusive Good.
She that confines her Beams to one Mans sight, Is a Dark Lanthorn to a Shining Light.
Say, Does the Virgin Spring less Chaste appear, "Cause many Thirsts are quenched there?
Or have you not with the same Odours met, When more then One have smelt your Violet The _Phoenix_ is not angry at her nest, "Cause her Perfumes makes others Blest: Tho" Incense to th" Immortal G.o.ds be meant, Yet Mortals rival in the Scent.
Man is the Lord of Creatures; yet we see That all his Va.s.sals Loves are free; The severe Wedlock-Fetters do not bind The Pard"s inflam"d and Am"rous Mind, But that he may be like a Bridegroom led Ev"n to the Royal Lion"s Bed.
The Birds made for a Year their Loves Confine, But make new Choice each Valentine.
If our Affections then more servile be Than are our Slaves, where"s Mans Sov"raignity?
Why then by pleasing more, should you less please, And spare your sweets, being more sweet than these?
If the fresh Trunk have Sap enough to give, That each insertive Branch may live; The Gardner grafts not only _Apples_ there, But adds the _Warden_ and the _Pear_; The _Peach_ and _Apric.o.c.k_ together grow, The _Cherry_ and the _Damson_ too; Till he hath made, by Skilful Husbandry, An intire _Orchard_ of one Tree.
So least our _Paradise_ Perfection want, We may inoculate and plant.
What"s Conscience, but a Beldams Midnight Theam; Or Nodding Nurses idle Dream?
So feign"d as are the _Goblins_, _Elves_ and _Fairies_, To watch their _Orchard"s_ and their _Daries_.
For who can tell when first her Reign begun?
I"th" State of Innocence was none: And since large Conscience (as the Proverb shows) In the same sense as bad one goes; The Less, the Better then; whence this will fall, He"s perfect that hath none at all.
Suppose it be a Vertue rich and pure; "Tis not for _Spring_ or _Summer_ sure; Nor yet for _Autumn_; Love must have his Prime, His Warmer Hearts, and Harvest time.
Till we have flourish"d, grown, & reap"d our Wishes.
What Conscience dares oppose our Kisses?
But when Time"s colder hand leades us near home Then let that _Winter-Vertue_ come: Frost is till then Prodigious; We may do What Youth, and Pleasure Prompts us to.
When the Bawd had made an end of Repeating her Verses, the Goldsmith"s Lady told her they were very Ingenious and Diverting Lines, and that she had oblig"d her extreamly by repeating them. And then pray"d her to go on with her Discourse which she lik"d very well. Upon which the Bawd thus proceeded.
I think Madam, I have said enough to justify both s.e.xes, in the gratifying of their Amorous Desires, tho" they be married; for "tis not strange at all to hear that Men and Women have been married, and yet have been uncapable of answering the Ends of Marriage, or satisfying the Delights of _Venus_.
It is not long since I was told of a young pretty Virgin that happen"d to be married to a Man who was deficient in his Virility, which the poor thing (being asham"d to speak on"t and not knowing any other Remedy) laid so to heart, in a short time it kill"d her: But had I been acquainted with her, I could have helpt her to a brisk young Man, one that had given proof of his Sufficiency, which shou"d have eas"d her pain, and sav"d her Life. And therefore, Madam, since married Persons may stand so much in need of my a.s.sistance, and much more may they that are unmarried, who doubtless have the same desires that married People have: Nay, their Desires are generally more impetuous; for finding of their Natural Concupiscence stirring "em up to a desire of Copulation, they apprehend that there"s more in"t then what they find, when once they come to try. And these things, Madam, in _Italy_ (as I have heard by several) are so common, that "tis scarce thought a Crime: Or, if it be, "tis but a venial one, as all the Devout Doctors of the _Roman-Church_, (nay, and the _Pope_ himself) a.s.sures us: And therefore Madam, to deal freely with you, I have long since declar"d my self a _Roman Catholick_, for that Religion allowes us the most Pleasure while we live, and promises us Heaven when we die. And having thus given you an Account both of my Calling and Religion; I come now to Perform my promise, in giving you the History of my Life.
The Place of my Nativity was the Imperial Chamber of _Great Brittain_; my Father being an Haberdasher of small Wares; and had as much to do as most Men of that Calling; And whilst he liv"d, he gave me all that Education that the most Wealthy Citizens bestow upon their Daughters, he keeping me at Board at _Hackney-School_. And when grown up to Marriageable years I wanted not for store of Sweethearts, and some of them of very good Estates: and yet my Father thought none good enough. But he being one that was a great and zealous Stickler for the Parliament in opposition to the King, and thinking that _Charles Stuart_ (as then they call"d King _Charles_ the Second), would never be Restor"d, laid out his Money in Purchasing of Crown-Lands, having (as he thought) got a mighty Peniworth: But _Oliver_ being dead, and _Charles_ the Second coming in, all his Estate was lost; and he forc"d to abscond; the grief of which soon after broke his heart. My Father being dead, and his Estate lost by the Kings Restauration, my Mother quickly took me from the Boarding-School; and those whom I had scorn"d before, begun now to scorn me as much; my hopes of a good Portion being gone, my Sweet hearts quickly Vanish"d; but being a Young Maid and pretty handsome, an old rich Batchelor that had a kindness for me in my Father"s Life-time, (whom both my Father and myself had then deny"d) thinking that in this Ebb of Fortune he might be more Successful in his Suit, again made his Addresses to me; and tho" I had as great an Aversation to him then as ever, yet he was mightily Encourag"d by my Mother; who thought in our decclining State, he might support our Family: And therefore she not only shew"d him all the Countenance he cou"d desire, her self, (for whom indeed he wou"d have been a fitter Match) but also charg"d me likewise to receive him well, for he must be my Husband. And when I told her I cou"d"nt love him, she call"d me Fool, saying, I shou"d Marry him first, and love him afterwards: And when I farther objected our Disparity in Age she answer"d with another Musty Proverb, _That "twas good taking Shelter under an old Hedge_; and that it was far better being an Old Mans Darling, then a Young Mans Worldling: And tho" this didn"t Satisfie me, yet I soon found I must have him or none; For having been brought up too high to make a working Tradesmans Wife, that Portion now was gone that should have helpt me to a better Husband. And therefore making a vertue of Necessity, I began to be more Complaisant to my Inamorato then I had been formerly; which quickly won his heart to that degree, that in a short time after we were married--And tho the first Night that I went to Bed with him, I was a Maid, and so knew nothing of that which a new Married couple ought to do, more then what Nature dictated; yet I then thought he went about his Business like a Fumbler, and did that little which he did, at such a rate, it had almost as good have been let alone; for what he did, serv"d only to stir up in me greater Desire for what he couldn"t do. I found the exercise he offer"d at, had something in it that was very pleasing, which in the heighth of the Encounter I was disappointed in. And I must own, that I found this a very sensible Affliction, and caus"d in me a greater Aversion to my Husband than I had before: And therefore I resolv"d to try what those venereal Recreations were; I had but an imperfect Taste of, as soon as I could get an opportunity.
Nor did I wait long before my good Fortune put one in my hand; For my Husband"s Prentice, a handsome brisk young Man (who had but about two years time to serve) I had observ"d was very sweet upon my Maid, who was handsome enough; and having observed that he courted her, I used to watch them, and by that means knew both the time and place of their Courtship; where they used to spend some hours in an Evening when the shop was shut, according as they could find opportunity. By my listening and over-hearing their Amorous Discourse, I perceiv"d he solicited her hard for her last Favours, which she would not consent to; and being resolved to improve this opportunity to the accomplishing my own Desires, having over-heard "em make their next appointment, when the time drew near, I call"d my Chambermaid down (for she it was that the Prentice courted) and sent her of an Errand at a considerable distance, that she could not be back in two hours time, taking care to see her out of doors my self by a back pair of Stairs, so that I knew the Prentice cou"d know nothing of her being abroad, my Husband very fortunately being absent likewise, I went to the place of meeting my self; and the young couple being accustomed to converse without any Light, as being unwilling to be discovered, I seated my self where my Chambermaid used to do; and the Apprentice coming as usual, came up to me, and caress"d me; whereupon I clap"d my Hand upon his Mouth, as a signal of his being silent, and then embrac"d him very tenderly; and he being extasy"d with this soft Entertainment, which was very pleasing to him, he was so far blinded with his Pa.s.sion, that he made no farther search, but imagining that his Sweet heart was now come to his Terms he push"d on his design, and met with such a compliance from me which he did not so easily expect; and I must say, That I had not till that Time tasted the delights of Love: For he manag"d his Business with so much Briskness and Vigour, that I was very much pleas"d with the Encounter. When we had both performd our Parts to equal Satisfaction; I caught him about the middle, and told him he shou"d not go, till I knew who he was; for I made him believe I knew him not, and first thought it was my Husband, but happened now too late to find the contrary. My Spark at this was much surpriz"d, and his Amorous Pa.s.sion exchang"d into Fear; and therefore begging of my Pardon, he told me he took me for the Chambermaid, and desir"d I wou"d conceal what had happen"d, and not ruine him. Well, well, said I, I"ll keep your secret; but it shall be on this condition, that you think no more on the Chamber-Maid; and get you to Bed forthwith, otherwise it will be worse for you. And this I enjoyn"d him, lest he should have told the Maid. My Spark was very thankful that I suffer"d him to come off so well, and accordingly went to Bed. The next Morning I paid my Maid her Wage, and turn"d her off, not letting her so much as bid her Lover adieu. After which my young Spark and I us"d to have frequent Rencounters, to each others mutual Satisfaction: And I us"d to supply him with Money for his Pocket Expences, furnishing him always with what he wanted; until at last our kindness for each other was taken Notice of by my Husband; who not being willing to have a Publick Talk made of it, gave him up his Indentures when he had a year and a Quarter to serve.
This was a very sensible Trouble to me; for having been used to those Delights which my Youth and high-feeding requir"d for about three Quarters of a Year, it became very irksome to me to be abridged of "em. And my Husband being grown Jealous of me, by the familiarity he had observ"d me to have with his Man, after he had turn"d him off, as I have related, gave me this Gentle Reproof:
Wife, _you cannot but be sensible that your Familiarity with your Man is become a Town-Talk; I have done what I can to prevent it, by turning him away; but if you don"t mend your Manners, and Reform your Life, all that I can say, will be to no purpose. I am afraid you han"t been Innocent in this matter: But since what is past cann"t be recall"d", I will say no more of that; but I expect for the time to come that you avoid both his and all other suspicious Company: You know I took you without a Portion at a time when your Family was fallen to decay; and I maintain you as well as any Citizens Wife in London; and for you to requite me with being false to my Bed, is not only to be very Dishonest, but highly Ingrateful. And therefore as you expect the Continuance of my Love, pray let me find a Reformation of your Manners_.
To this I answer"d him, _That "twas possible that a Free and affable Temper, as mine was, might give too much occasion to those that had no kindness for me, to speak evil of me: And that if to be accus"d, was enough to make one Guilty, it was impossible for any to be Innocent. However, since the Freedom I had us"d had given such occasion of offence, I wou"d take care for the future to walk more Circ.u.mspectly, and be more Reserv"d_.
With this promise, my Husband was very well satisfy"d, and thereupon Embrac"d me very tenderly.
But all this was only like the raking of a few Ashes over live Coals, which in a little time break forth again, and burn more violently. My Husband"s Impotency being now about Seventy, grew daily more upon him; and my desires after that due Benevolence he could not give me, still increas"d, so that what he cou"d not do for me, I was under a necessity of getting done elsewhere, And knew no other Person to whom I cou"d repair for a Supply, but he who had so often done it to my own content before: To him therefore I found means to send a Letter, appointing him to meet me at such a Place and Time, which he accordingly did, and there we had that mutual Enjoyment which we both desir"d: And tho" we met thus several times, it was with so much Caution, for fear of a Discovery, that we were often forc"d to change both Time and Place, and take new measures.
One Night above the rest, when I was sure he was engag"d to stay late at the Tavern, I had obliged my Spark to give me a meeting at our House; and had on that Occasion, sent all the servants up to Bed, upon pretence that they must must rise early in the Morning. When they were gone to bed, and all was sure, my Servant enter"d, with all imaginable Privicy and Caution; and then, without much Ceremony, enter"d upon those melting Joys we both so eagerly desir"d, Which we had hardly finish"d, before my Husband (who had dispatched his Business quicker than we had done) knocks at the door; which I no sooner heard, but springing from the Arms of my affrighted Gallant, I took a Sheet out of the Chest of Drawers in the Chamber, and tying it with a Copped Crown upon his Head, I made him look methought just like some Fornicator, a going to do Pennance in a Parish Church, and then turning him into the next Room, I bid him, if my Husband came in thither, (who was a very timerous Man, and almost trembled at the Talk of Spirits) to Counterfeit a Ghost, by which means I wou"d quickly use a Stratagem which shou"d Relieve him without Danger. And as soon as he had put himself into a Suitable Posture, and Plac"d himself in a convenient Corner to play the Devil with my Husband, (in case the Cuckold should come into the Room which he had taken for his Sanctuary) I fram"d a Counterfeit Smile, and let in my Husband; whom I received with very kind words, and gave him a dissembling Kiss or two; and then putting on his Flannel Night Cap, and fetching him his Slippers, which he put on, we went up Stairs together; In the mean time, the Ghost had found a piece of Whiting; which the Maid happen"d to lay there to make the Chimney fire next morning; and this he takes and breaks to pieces, and daubs his Face all over with it, that he then look"d more pale than Death itself; insomuch that even I was almost startled at the first glympse of him. Before my Husband went to bed, he always went into the Dining-Rome to Prayer; which I appear"d as forward for as he, and presently brought him a Cushion, upon which he kneels down, and falls a Praying; not as yet seeing the Ghost: But as he was at Prayer, my Spark endeavouring to get the Weather-Gage of him, that is, the Door: my husband chanc"d to spy him, which so disord"d and affrighted him, that he was ready to sink down. Before he spy"d him, he was praying thus. _Thou know"st Lord, there are wicked people in the World, and some of them have wrong"d me very much, but Lord, I hope thou wilt be even with "em, and let "em have no rest till they acknowledge it, and make me Satisfaction for all that wrong they have_--(then seeing the Counterfeit Ghost, he forgot his Prayer, and cry"d) _O Lord, O Lord! What"s this? What"s this? O Lord! O Lord!_--and then rises up, and makes towards the Door, which the Ghost seeing beckens him; at which he cries _I won"t, I won"t, I won"t!_ In the mean time, tho" I knew what the matter was, I run to him, and cry"d, Dear Husband what"s the matter? As if I had been frighted; and went to hold him; but he struggled to get from me, crying out _The Devil! The Devil! The Devil!_ Where, where, said I? I see nothing, O _"tis yonder, "tis yonder, "tis yonder_, says he!
See how it stares and beckens to me I see nothing, not I, says I: And with that, the Ghost came nearer us; at which my Husband run into the Bed Chamber, and I after him; and shut the Door to us. By which means my Spark had an opportunity to go out without Discovery. My Husband immediately got into Bed, and cover"d himself over Head and Ears, and then thought he was pretty safe, and charged me presently to put the Candle out: Which I obey"d, and straight went to Bed to him; being well pleas"d I had so cleverly brought off my Lover.
The next Morning, I ask"d my Husband what the matter was that made him so extreamly discompos"d last Night: Why, says he, did you see nothing last Night? Not I, said I, but only you dissorder"d as you were praying: O Love, said he, I saw Death coming towards me as plain as I see you; and I believe I shan"t trouble you long; for Death held up his hand and beckon"d to me several times: "Tis nothing but your Fancy sure, said I, for I saw nothing, "Tis certain true as you are there: And that you cou"d not see it, makes it more Evident that Death came only unto me. But how do you know, said I, that it was Death, if you did see something? Know! says he, why I knew it very well, and if you"d seen it you"d a said of it as I do: For never any thing look"d more pale in the World. The very thoughts of it frightens me still--Besides the kindness that contrivance did me to make way for my Gallant"s escape that time, "twas very serviceable to me afterwards; for the Remembrance of the Ghost was always so fresh in my Husbands memory, that he wou"d never venture into the Room again by Candle-Light. So that my Love and I had other a.s.signations afterwards: and if my Husband happened to come home before he went, it was but putting him into the Dining-Room and he was safe enough, for I was sure my Husband never wou"d come there.
_Thus I advantage of his Weakness made,_ _Who was by Fear to Cuckoldome betray"d_ _And upon all Occurrences, I still_ _Contriv"d to blind his Eyes, and Act my Will:_ _For those in their Design will often fail._ _That know not how with ev"ry Wind to sail._
But after some time my Gallant fell Sick, and in the midst of his Sickness, he was very much troubled with Qualms of Conscience for his Sins, and had no more Wit and Honesty but to send me a Letter to acquaint me with it, and to exhort me to repent; Which Letter my Husband happening to receive, all our Intrigues were thereby discover"d; which made my Husband absolutely relinquish me; and turn me out of Doors with much Disgrace. Which yet could not at all reclaim me, for by my Husband"s exposing me, I was past shame, and car"d not what I did: But being in a very good Garb, and having some Money, I took me Lodgings, and walk"d the Streets at a Night, picking up whom I cou"d get.
Once I remember going along _Cheapside_, late at Night, a Citizen in a very good Garb, coming up to me, Madam, said he, will you accept of a Gla.s.s of _Canary_? I thank"d him, and went with him to the _Bull-head_ Tavern; where he call"d for a Bottle of the best _Canary_; which being brought, after two or three Gla.s.ses a piece, and as many more Kisses, he began to take up my _Petticoats_; and I seeming a little coy, putting of "em down, he grew more eager; and was for a little diversion upon the Tavern Chairs; and whilst he was eager in finishing what he was about, I began to dive into his Fob, which I found well furnished with Guineas, besides a Gold-Watch, which I took out, and look"d upon it, and put it up into his Pocket again very carefully; and this I so often repeated, telling him I was a Person of Quality, and that what I did, with respect to the Liberty I allow"d him, was only for the Gratification of my Youthful Fancy, and as for any thing of filthy Lucre, or bring a mercenary Creature, I did both scorn it, and was much above it: All this by the Richness of my Garb, he was apt enough to believe; and therefore was the less upon his Guard; but I beginning now to be reduc"d, (not having my Husband"s Bag"s to go to, as I us"d to have) thought he ought also to pay for the Pleasure he receiv"d from me, as well as I formerly us"d to pay my Gallant for the Pleasure I receiv"d from him; and therefore taking Twenty Guineas out of his Pockets, and telling them before his Face, I pretended to put them all in again; but had cunningly convey"d them into my own Pocket, and told twenty mill"d Shillings into his; and also taking out his Watch again, as I had done several times before, I convey"d the Watch into my own Pocket, and the Case only into his: As we were just a parting, that I might come off with more Credit, I bid him feel in"s Pocket, and see he had his Watch and all his Guineas; and clapping of his hand upon his Thigh, and feeling the Case, he said he had: I further ask"d him if he had all his Guineas, and bid him tell "em; and he putting his hand in"s Fob he told twenty, (which he took for Guineas, his Silver being in another Fob) and told me I was very honest, he was sure he"d all; and then desir"d to know my Name and where my Lodgings were; that he might wait upon me some other time, and have the like enjoyment; which I seem"d to desire as much as he, greatly commending his performances (tho"
to speak Truth, his Will was better far than his Ability, and his Gold Watch and Guineas much exceeded either, for he was one of them which we call Antiquated Wh.o.r.emasters) and so to satisfie him, I gave him such Directions as sent him to the other End o"th" Town, to seek a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
_Thus the Rich Cuff of"s Gold and Watch was Chous"d:_ _Whilst I therewith in Racy Wine Carous"d_ _"Tis fitting that such Dablers shou"d be caught_ _And by their Losses to Repentance brought:_ _Who will not say I serv"d him in his Kind?_ _For he had that to which he had most mind._ _And since his Watch has left its empty Place,_ _I leave, him to bemoan his own light Case._ _For he may now by dear Experience say,_ _Time oftentimes unknown will Slip away._
The next Week after this, I was pick"d up by a brisk Spark, who likewise had me to the Tavern, and seeing me in a rich Garb, (and tho" I say it, tolerably handsome then) was very civil to me, and treated me with much respect, giving me a good Dish of Fish for Supper, which with good Store of Wine, serv"d as a fit Provocative for that which follow"d after. But before we began those Pleasures to which the Treat was but an Introduction, he flung me down a Guinea, and told me he design"d that for a pair of Gloves for me; which when I seem"d unwilling to accept of, as looking somewhat mercenary; No, Madam, says he, this is what I freel"y offer, and cann"t therefore be thought mercenary: But now you talk of that, I"ll tell you a good Jest was put last Week upon a Friend of mine, a _Linnen-Draper_, who "tho he"d so much Holland of his own, wou"d needs be taking up of other Folk"s. For this old Cuckold-Maker being got Fl.u.s.ter"d, and something late out one Night the last Week, picks up a Gentlewoman and has her to the Tavern--(and so repeated the whole Story I before have told you, Madam; with this addition, which but for him I never shou"d have known). That when the old Fornicator was come home, he had a severe Lecture from his disgruntl"d Lady, who told him he had either been asleep or worse; for that it was near two a Clock. But the old Cuss thinking to pacifie her Anger by convincing her it wan"t so late, wou"d needs go look upon his Watch; but quickly finding that altho" the Nest was there, the Bird was flown, put up the Case again, with only saying, _Good lack a day! How strangely time will slip away in Company, before a Man"s aware!_ But the next Morning being to pay a Merchants Man a Bill for a small parcel of _Hambrough-Cloth_ that came to 22 Guineas, and his Cashier going to reach the Money, he put his hand into his Fob, _Hold_ (says he to his Man) _I have Twenty Guineas here, and I can make them up in Silver_, and so flings his Supposed Guineas down upon the Counter; But was exceedingly surpriz"d to see that they had lost their Colour, and were all White instead of Yellow. However at the present he stifled his Resentments, and told his man that he must fetch the Money out of the Till, for he remember"d now he had paid away all his Guineas.
Presently after which, (says my Gallant, that told the Story to me) he came to me, and I perceiving him extreamly out of humour, ask"d what the matter was? _Never was Man_, says he, _so Trick"d as I have been last Night. For being out somewhat late_, says he, _and somewhat Fl.u.s.ter"d, I pick"d up a small Girl, which I thought was the honestest that ever I met with, but she has prov"d the veriest Jilt that e"er I had to do with, and Trick"d me out of a Gold Watch and Twenty Guineas._ And then, said he, related all that I have told you; and bid me besure to have a care of them that wou"d pretend they were not mercenary, for they"ll be trebly paid for what they do. But you, Madam, said he to me, look like a Gentlewoman above such shifts as those. If you respect me, Sir, said I, you have the Remedy in your own hands; and therefore if you please I will withdraw. No, Madam, by no means, says he, I only told you this Story to divert you, Madam: In short, we soon agreed; for he was much a Gentleman, and perform"d what he undertook to my great Satisfaction; and I (or else he flatter"d me) gave him as much content.
But "twas not always I had such good Luck, for not long after, I met with one, who tho" he appear"d very well to sight, gave me more than I car"d for; and more than I cou"d rid my self on for a great while after. "Twas then, Madam, by taking _Mercury_, and using Salivations, to be rid of that unwelcome Guest, the Pox, that I lost all that Beauty which I once cou"d boast of. And then, as one misfortune seldom comes alone, my Husband, whilst I was in this condition, dy"d; who while he liv"d, allow"d me some small Maintenance; but hearing on his Death-Bed the Misfortune that had then befallen me, he became so exasperated against me, he only left me Twenty Shillings to buy a Coffin for me, as thinking I shou"d ne"er Recover; whereas before, as I have since been told by the Executors, he design"d at least a hundred Pounds for me.
The great Expences of my Sickness (which had besides made me unfit for Business) had brought me pretty low; and I was now quite dest.i.tute of any other way to help my self but the old Trade of Whoring; and yet I was afraid of being now a Common Night-walker, lest I shou"d meet with such another Job as I had met withal before; which wou"d have ruin"d me to all Intents and Purposes: But by a Friend of mine, that had been a Well-wisher to the calling, I was advis"d, as much the safer way, to list my self as a Retainer to a Private _Vaulting School_; where I was told (and indeed found it so) that there were none admitted but what were Sound and Tight. To this, altho the Gains to me was less, yet since there was less hazard of the Pox, I thought it best to hire my self: And this Madam, was such a House as now I keep my self. Where we don"t only take special care, that none but what are free from all Distempers be admitted; but likewise have Surgeons and Apothecaries with whom we are in Fee, who, if we but suspect the least miscarriage, straight give us something that may carry"t off.
Here I continued for some time: and tho I say"t, behav"d my self so well, that I was prefer"d to the best Gentlemen; for tho, my Natural Beauty had been much decay"d, yet I by Art so patch"d it up again, that I by my good Management, pa.s.s"d for a Maid at first to all that didn"t know me: And besides what my Mistress got, I am sure I had ten Guineas given me by an Esquire for parting with my Maiden-head; which I had parted with many years past; and yet I sold it to new Customers several times after.
During the time that I was in this Station, I met with several odd Adventures; some of which I shall briefly give you an account of.
Having been one day abroad, my Mistress desired me to call at the _Carriers_, to see if there was any young Country-La.s.ses come to Town (for our calling is not to be carried on to advantage without now and then having fresh Goods) I went to that purpose to _Bosom"s Inn_; and had that day drest up my self like a Country-La.s.s that I might with the less difficulty engage "em. But when I came thither, I found there was none: While I was asking the _Carrier_ when I might expect any, I saw a couple of young Gentlemen standing near me, as if they had some Business with the _Carrier_ when I had done; which occasion"d me to make the more haste: As soon as I had left the _Carrier_ and was come away, before I was got into _St. Lawrence Lane_, they over-took me, and ask"d me if I was not a _Lancashire_ Maid? I told "em Yes; being resolv"d to know what their design was. Then they ask"d me what part of _Lancashire_? I told "em _Preston_; for I was acquainted with the Names of the chief Towns there. They then desired me to go and take part of a Gla.s.s of Wine with them; which I at first seem"d to scruple, but being more importunately urg"d, I was easily perswaded. And so went to the _Feathers-Tavern_ near _Queenstreet_ Corner in _Cheapside_; where a Gla.s.s of _Canary_ being call"d for, one of "em drank to me, and I drank to the other. After which one of "em came pretty close up to me, and would needs have been feeling where I was"nt willing to let him, whereupon I told him he was very uncivil to invite one that was a Stranger to a Tavern; and then to offer any such thing to her. Let her alone says the other, I believe she"s but new come out of the Countrey, and does not understand the way of the Town: Pray, Sweet-heart, says he, addressing himself to me, How long have you been in Town? Ever since last _Fryday_, said I: But pray, why do ye ask? To be plain with ye, says he, This young Man and my self have a Request to you, which if you grant, may be for your Advantage as long as you live: Pray, Sir, said I what"s that?
Why, says he, we are both Apprentices in one House, at a _Linnen drapers_ in _Cornhill_? (but "tis no Matter for that, for you don"t know Places yet) and we have a mind to keep a young Woman between us; and we wou"d willingly have a Countrey-Maid, that is"nt much acquainted with the Town; and if you please, you shall be she. I presently smoaked their design, but behav"d my self as ignorantly as I cou"d on purpose, because I found there was something to be got by "em. So I reply"d, Withal my heart, Sir, if we can agree, for I want a good Service. Well, says the other Spark that wou"d have been so forward with me, We shan"t disagree, I dare say. What Wages do you ask? Why Sir, says I, I have liv"d in good Gentlemens Houses in _Lancashire_; and I think I deserve Four pounds a Year. Well, well, says the other we shall give you Four times Four pounds a year and more: But then you must do what we"d have you. Yes, said I, I shall be willing to do what you"d have me, if you please to tell me what it is: Why said he, your Business will be Easie enough, and pleasant enough: For we intend to take a very good Lodging for you, and provide you with all things necessary; and your Business shall only be to lie with one of us one Night, and the other another. The chief thing we shall desire of you, is only to keep your self entirely to us, and not stir out without our Approbation. And for other things you shall have what you will, and be maintain"d like a Gentlewoman; For we"ll maintain you; and the Money you shall have, shall be for your own Occasions, and to find you New Cloths. _Well, Sir, says I, for such things we shou"d not differ; but we in the Country think "tis a Wicked thing to lye with Folks, unless they be Married; and then they mun be married but to one nother: And so that mun not be, Sir._ I know not what you do in the Country, _says one of the Sparks_, but here in _London_ "tis as common as Washing of Dishes. And People of the best Quality do it. Look ye, _continued he_, to Encourage you, we will give you Thirty Pounds a Year: And Maintain you besides. We cou"d have enow in Town to serve us, and thank you too; but we look upon you to be an Innocent Country Maid, and for that reason we had rather have you than another: Are you sure you are a Maid, _said the other_? _Sure!_ said I? _Yes, I think I am._ Yes, yes, _said the other_, I believe she is: _But I believe_, said I, _You but taak"n all this while, for no Body mun do such things._ No, I"ll a.s.sure you, _says the more serious of the two_, We are in Earnest; and we"ll pay you down half your Money, fifteen Pounds now, to put your self in a good Garb, fit for a Gentleman"s Mistress. _But what mun I do for"t_, said I? _Let"s agree upon that first. You shall be Mistress to us both_, said they: _And let one of us lye with you one time, and the other another: And we"ll now go along with you, and take a Lodging for you; and you shall go under the Notion of our _Sister_, and we will be your _Brothers_; And so no Notice shall be taken of it._--_But not to trouble you longer, _Madam_, with the Particulars, we at last agreed the matter; and I had fifteen Pounds paid me down for half a Years Pay: And my two Sparks cast Lots, to decide the Important Controversie of who should lie with me first: And it happened to him that was the most Civil of the Two; And he was to tarry with me till Ten a Clock at Night, at my New Lodgings, and then to go home, for he cou"d not stay all Night. So to it we went, and I gave him all the Satisfaction he desir"d; counterfeiting the matter so well, that he was mightily pleased with the Enjoyment he had: And went home very well satisify"d; telling me, he wou"d acquaint his fellow-Prentice that was to come the next Night, that he had found me all Love and Charms. And so took his Leave of me._
When my young Gallant was gone, I began to consider that I had all I was like to have of "em: and that one Fool was enough to be troubled with; and since they had paid me but one half of my Salary, and for that one of "em had enjoy"d me, & had what he wanted, I tho" we were pretty even. And so getting up Early the next Morning, I left at once my Lodgings and Gallants.
And at night when the other came, (as without Doubt he did instead of Meeting with me,) I left him this Note in the Key-hole,