"It"s natural; I understand and feel for you. I wouldn"t have liked you to be indifferent; but you mustn"t make too much of it. The man is strong, he will soon be about again, and you couldn"t have saved him.
Everybody I"ve seen so far has given me that impression. Of course, I didn"t need their a.s.surances, but I was glad to see they exonerated and sympathized with you."
Her confidence hurt him; he had still a sense of shame, and he found no great comfort in what she told him. His mother was generally loved, and he wondered how far his neighbors had been influenced by a desire to save her pain.
"It looks as if Lisle deserves their commiseration more than I do," he answered with a smile which cost him an effort.
"It is being shown. I noticed nearly everybody in the neighborhood motoring or driving toward the house during the afternoon. Millicent"s with Nasmyth now, helping to arrange things. It"s wonderful what a favorite Lisle has become in so short a time; but I own that I find something very likable about him."
Gladwyne moved impatiently. His hatred of the man was as strong as ever, and his mother"s attempts at consolation irritated him. Lisle was too popular; first Bella and now Millicent had taken him in hand.
"Millicent," Mrs. Gladwyne went on, "is an exceptional woman in every desirable respect. I think you have long been as convinced of that as I am."
"I"m afraid she can"t have an equally favorable opinion of me," he said with a short laugh.
"One does not look for perfection in a man," his mother informed him seriously. "He is criticized much less severely than a woman. It seems to be the universal rule, though I have sometimes thought it wasn"t absolutely just and that it had its drawbacks. It"s one of the things the women who go out and speak are declaiming against and something one of them lately said sticks in my mind." She sighed as she added: "The times are changing; there was no need to consider such questions in your father"s case. He was the soul of honor--you were very young when death parted us."
She did not always express herself clearly, but Gladwyne saw that she did not place him in the same category as his father and he recognized her half-formulated thought that it would have been better had he grown up under the latter"s firmer guidance.
"Wonders never cease, mother," he responded with an attempt at lightness.
"It"s difficult to imagine your being influenced by the latest propaganda. I thought you shuddered at it."
"Well," she said, "I was forgetting what I meant to talk about, drifting away from the subject; I"m afraid it"s a habit of mine. What I have long felt is that it would be so desirable if you married suitably."
"The trouble is to define the suitability. It"s a point upon which everybody has a different opinion."
"I would choose a girl of good family and education for you, one with a well-balanced will, who could see what was right and cling to it. Still, she must be wise and gentle; a tactful, considerate guide; and though means are not of first importance, they are not to be despised."
Gladwyne leaned back in his chair with a laugh that had in it a tinge of irritation.
"Are such girls numerous? But why do you insist on a will and the power of guiding? It looks as if you thought I needed it. Sometimes you"re the reverse of flattering."
His mother looked troubled; she would have wounded no living creature unnecessarily.
"My dear, it"s not always easy to express what one feels, and I dare say I"m injudicious in choosing my words. But your welfare is very near to my heart."
"I know that," he answered gently. "But you were not describing an imaginary paragon. Hadn"t you Millicent in your mind?"
"I should be very happy if I could welcome her as my daughter. I should feel that you were safe then."
There was a thrill of regret in her voice that touched him. It hinted that she blamed herself for omissions and lack of wisdom in his upbringing. Besides, her confidence in any one who had won her respect, as Millicent had done, was bestowed so generously.
"I"m afraid I"ve often given you trouble, and I do you little credit now," he said. "But, as to the other matter, one can"t be sure that Millicent would welcome the idea. Of late I"ve had a suspicion that she hasn"t a very high opinion of me."
"You could hardly expect to gain it by devoting yourself to Miss Crestwick."
The man smiled rather grimly.
"If it"s any consolation to you, I"m inclined to think that Miss Crestwick has let me drop. The truth"s not very flattering, but I can"t hide it."
Mrs. Gladwyne"s relief was obvious, but she had more to say and she ventured upon it with some courage.
"If you would only get rid of Batley too!"
"I can hardly do that just now; he"s useful in several ways. Still, of course, if I married--"
He broke off abruptly, for his mother had occasional flashes of discernment.
"Millicent has means," she said.
He started at this, wondering how much she had guessed, but he veiled his embarra.s.sment with a smile.
"Well," he acknowledged, "means, as you most wisely remarked, are not to be despised, and mine are unfortunately small."
She saw that she had said enough and she left him sitting in the darkening room thinking rather hard. Bella had thrown him over when he had refused to help her brother, and there were many ways in which Millicent appealed to him. Besides, she could free him of his debt to Batley, which was a thing greatly to be desired. She had shown that she did not blame him severely for the accident at the hurdles, but he realized that in trying to comfort him she had been prompted by pity for his dejected mood, and it was clear that the part he had played was scarcely likely to raise him in her esteem. This was unfortunate, but he would not dwell on it; there were other points to consider and anything that served to divert his thoughts from the unfortunate affair was a vast relief.
When at last he rose he had partly recovered his usual equanimity and had decided that he would watch for some sign of Millicent"s feelings toward him. He was aware that they had somewhat changed, but this was to a large extent his fault, and with caution and patience he thought it might be possible to reinstate himself in her favor.
CHAPTER XIX
GLADWYNE GAINS A POINT
Some weeks had pa.s.sed since the accident and Lisle was lying one afternoon on a couch near a window of Nasmyth"s sitting-room. Two or three Canadian newspapers lay on the floor and he held a few letters in one hand. The prospect outside was cheerless--a stretch of leaden-colored moor running back into a lowering sky, with a sweep of fir wood that had lost all distinctive coloring in the foreground. He was gazing at it moodily when Millicent came in. His face brightened at the sight of her, and he raised himself awkwardly with his uninjured arm, but she shook her head at him in reproof.
"You had orders to keep as quiet as possible for some time yet. Lie down again!"
"Keeping quiet is fast breaking me up," he protested. "I"m quite able to move about."
"All the same, you"re not to try."
He looked at her with a twinkle in his eyes.
"Then I suppose I"ll have to give in. You"re a determined person. People do what you ask them without resenting it. You have an instance here, though in a general way it"s a very undignified thing to be ordered about."
He resumed his former position and she seated herself.
"I don"t see why you should drag my character in," she objected with a smile. "Other people who occasionally obey me don"t say such things."
"They"re English; that accounts for a good deal. I"m inclined to think my power of expressing my feelings on any point is a gift, though it"s one that"s not uncommon in the West."
"Doesn"t it presuppose an a.s.surance that any one you address must be interested in your views?"
"I deserve that," he laughed; "but you"re not quite right. We say, in effect, "These are my sentiments, but I won"t be down-hearted if you haven"t the sense to agree with them." The last, however, doesn"t apply to you."
"Thank you for the explanation," she rejoined. "But why do you insist on a national difference? You"re really English, aren"t you, in Canada?"