"Listen, Owen," Lilly began, but she paused, two seconds that I spent wondering if she might say something about us, about me. About this connection we seemed to have now... but instead she said, "I just wanted to say I"m sorry for, you know, you drowning."
"Oh." I didn"t feel like she needed to be. "That"s cool. I mean, you said you had your eye on me."
"But I didn"t," Lilly admitted. "Not at first." She stopped, turning to me, but with her eyes focusing somewhere beyond my shoulder. "The truth is, I didn"t know you were gone. Not until the test was over. Everybody was back on the dock, and one of your cabin mates asked about you. That kid Beaker, I think. Then I started looking, and dove down and found you, and that"s that"s when I saw your neck, and knew you"d be fine. But, before then..." She shrugged. when I saw your neck, and knew you"d be fine. But, before then..." She shrugged.
"So, you lied back there," I said, "on the raft."
"I just didn"t want them to know I"d screwed up."
I didn"t know what to make of that. It was maybe a little disappointing. Lilly hadn"t had her eye on me, hadn"t even noticed me really, until someone else did. So, was this pity? Was she just hanging out with me because she felt guilty about almost letting me die? "Why are you telling me this?" I asked.
"I don"t know," she said. "I wanted you to know the truth, I guess."
I thought about that. I wasn"t sure if it changed anything. "You still saved my life."
"No, you saved your own life. I made a show of it, when I brought you to the surface, but that was just to help keep your gills a secret."
"Well, but if you hadn"t said that stuff to me, I probably would have gone and told Paul and Dr. Maria everything."
"Yeah, I guess I did that part right." Lilly stopped walking. "I should get back."
"Um," I said, like I was going to say something else, but I couldn"t think of what.
"I"ll see you at breakfast," Lilly said. She reached out and rubbed my forearm. "Thanks for coming swimming. You"ll come back tonight, right?"
"Um, sure. Yeah." I nodded and smiled but tried not to do either too much while inside I was thinking, Yes! Yes!
"Good." She smiled at me and turned, crossing the field. SafeSun warmed her tangled hair and her shoulder blade, sparkled on her toe rings.
I watched her go for a second and then headed into the trees. The wood-chip path poked at my bare feet. Other than in our apartment, I couldn"t remember a time when I"d ever been barefoot back home. I thought about slipping my sneakers on now, but didn"t. I walked on my toes, enjoying the pine needles clumping between them. I pa.s.sed sleeping cabins that vibrated with chords of heavy breathing and snores. Even though I was tired, I was kind of hopping along, feeling something like nervous or maybe excited.
I reached our cabin. With the side door shut tight, I"d have to sneak past Todd. I couldn"t let him discover that I"d been out, not just because I"d get in trouble, but also because then their eyes would be on me. I needed to stay unknown, easily forgettable, so I could meet my nocturnal friends again.
I was pa.s.sing the vertical pairs of bunk windows, hearing everyone sawing away inside, when I spied the tangle of Beaker"s blanket and sheets, now covered with a day"s worth of dirt. He still hadn"t come out after them, or hadn"t been allowed to by the killer pack.
I stepped over them, then stopped, turned back, and picked them up. I went back around the cabin and walked down into the trees until I figured I was out of earshot, then I shook them out, the blanket then the sheets. I got as much of the dirt off as I could, and folded each up.
It occurred to me that yesterday I wouldn"t have done this. Even just helping out Beaker this much was an act of defiance against the pack, and it was going against my plan to stay invisible. But that was with the staff and counselors. When it came to Leech, well... maybe if he wanted to hara.s.s me about it, I"d introduce him to the monster from the deep, take him on a little ride. Come on Come on, I thought. Try it. I dare you. Try it. I dare you. It was a new thought for me. A thought with power. I liked it. It was a new thought for me. A thought with power. I liked it.
I walked back up the rise toward the cabin. I was almost to the little wooden staircase and landing at the side door when I heard creaking footsteps from inside. The door popped open. I froze. Too late to make it back around the corner-I lunged under the stairs, my face meeting spiderwebs.
Someone stepped outside. Probably Todd. He"d noticed I was gone. Caught. Footsteps down the stairs, onto the wood-chip path ... but then heading away. I watched through the gaps between the warped stairs. The person was walking slowly, with trudging, tired steps. I saw faded sneakers, jeans, the proportions too small to be Todd.
It was Leech. He had a long, black, tube-shaped case over his shoulder. It looked like it was made out of leather. I"d never seen anything like it, except for rifle cases back home, but this was too short, too uniform in shape. What would you put in there? I saw his head c.o.c.k to the sky as he yawned.
Above, the door was slowly closing. Ahead, Leech was disappearing from view around the next cabin. I ducked out from the steps, put Beaker"s bedding on the landing, and jumped up, grabbed the railing, but my knee didn"t make it all the way, instead sc.r.a.ping the hard wood, the opposite of fluid water. Stupid surface world, stupid gravity! I hauled myself up, got to my feet, the door almost closed... then it paused.
Beaker"s head appeared, his hair in a ridiculous black frizz. He squinted at me. "You"re not supposed to be out here," he said groggily.
"Yeah, so what?" I whispered back to him, feeling a flash of the annoyance that probably led the other kids to torment him. Little Beaker, always worrying about the rules. As I swung my legs over the railing, I wondered if he was considering turning me in, seeing a chance to earn points with Todd, his only ally. I picked up his sheets and blanket and handed them to him. "Here."
Beaker looked down at them. He looked back at me. His eyes narrowed further, like he was trying to figure out the inevitable joke.
"They were on the ground. I shook them out."
Beaker kept staring, then looked back down at them again and nodded. "I"ve been using my sweatshirt to sleep," he said. "Thanks."
"Sure."
He turned and went back in. I followed. Everyone else seemed to still be asleep. Except Leech, who was gone. Wouldn"t Todd be interested to know that?
But all I wanted right now was sleep. I climbed up into my bunk and rolled over and felt only exhaustion, my muscles relaxing, body melting into a pool, no neck burning, just stillness and peace and thoughts of Lilly, amazing thoughts, but even they couldn"t keep me awake.
It seemed like only a second had pa.s.sed when the reveille horn sounded. My eyes blinked open feeling dry. I was groggy, thirsty for hours more of sleep.
Todd came in. "Another beautiful day, girls!" he said, showing us his pit-hair progress.
"Where"s Leech?" Jalen asked, looking at his empty bunk.
Todd glanced in that direction, too. "He had to go see the director." I listened for some giveaway in his tone. Was Leech in trouble, or what? But there was nothing. "Owen," Todd said. "Your neck"s all better?"
"Oh," I said, remembering that my bandages were gone. "Yup. All good."
"Cool," said Todd like he only cared because it was his job.
We got dressed, pa.s.sed around the NoRad, and headed for flagpole. Everyone was quieter without Leech around. I noticed Bunsen and Wesley and Xane talking, even Noah joining in, combinations that wouldn"t have been allowed otherwise.
The Arctic Foxes were already there. I heard them whispering to one another and I glanced over without really meaning to. I saw Paige and Mina and a couple of the others looking at me. Paige"s eyes were narrowed as if she was studying me, and then she put a finger to her lips and nodded, like she was coming to some conclusion.
"Okay," she said, and she must have known it was loud enough for me to hear, "I can go with CP." I couldn"t tell if she was being serious or joking and I wondered, did just losing my bandages make the difference? Wasn"t I still the same kid otherwise? I"m not, though I"m not, though, I thought. Maybe it shows in some way or- Maybe it shows in some way or- Hands shoved me forward. "Sit down already," said Jalen from behind me.
"Knock it off," I snapped over my shoulder, but at the same time I realized that I had been holding up the line, so I didn"t push it any further and I moved and took my seat on the bench.
Claudia started leading cabins in cheers. Once they got going, my eyes immediately started to shut, falling half asleep, the world outside my head becoming a distant drone....
"Thanks again for getting my stuff from outside." I opened my eyes to find Beaker right beside me.
"Sure." I glanced around out of instinct to see if anyone was listening, but then remembered that I didn"t care. I shouldn"t care. I could help Beaker; my cabin could even think we were friends, for all I cared.
A rush of whispers rippled through the Arctic Foxes. I heard someone say, "Here he comes," and saw them huddling their heads together and gazing out at the playing fields.
There was Leech, walking back from the lake beside Paul, who carried a fishing pole by his side. That must have been what was in Leech"s black case. So, he got to go on special morning fishing trips with the director? Was this another perk of being here the longest?
Leech left Paul"s side and headed up the aisle between the log benches. He was smirking like he could tell that all eyes were on him.
I glanced at Paul, who was circling around the campers. He was looking at me. I tried not to react. There was his slight smile again, the one that was so hard to read with those gla.s.ses on, and it was even weirder now, with everything the CITs had said. What did he really know? Another couple seconds pa.s.sed and he was still looking at me, and I realized that he probably noticed that my bandages were gone. Maybe that was all it was. But he was still staring, and I felt like ducking or something, just to get out of that spotlight.... Then he turned and headed up the hill.
Leech was arriving at our bench, his slopey grin in full effect.
A big squeal of laughter erupted from Paige and her group.
"Foxes," Leech said, looking over at them and taking a little bow. I was amazed again by the amount of confidence that went with the actual physical person who was speaking. Then again, I knew after last night that appearances could be deceiving. Mine included.
Leech had just sat down, when Mike said, "Dude, what happened to your hand?"
Leech"s grin tightened. Before he could slip his right hand down beside him, we all saw that there was a thick bandage around the whole thing, making it look like a big white lump. "Nothing, shut up," said Leech. He glared at Mike.
"Sorry," Mike muttered.
We got to breakfast and things were pretty normal. The cross-table flirting was more intense, as now Jalen and Noah seemed to have found girlfriends, though I didn"t even understand what that could mean since we only saw the Foxes in the dining hall and during free time after dinner.
The bug juice was called watermelon today and we were eating oatmeal. I sat there with the usual cabin drama happening around me and barely noticed. I focused on getting food in, feeling ravenous from the night of swimming. Once I"d stuffed myself, exhaustion immediately overwhelmed me again. I tried not to fall asleep right there at the table, the whole time swimming with Lilly in the dark water somewhere back in my brain.
"Shut up!" Leech"s shout snapped me out of my stupor. He was glaring over at the Arctic Foxes, and for a second it almost looked serious.
Paige and her friends cracked up.
"They asked if he was Paul"s little boyfriend," said Beaker, like he was now my personal a.s.sistant.
"Huh," I said to him, then turned back to find that Leech had already rea.s.sembled his smirk.
"We take the motorboat out," he was saying to the girls. "I know how to pilot it, so, if any of you ladies want to take an early morning ride with me sometime, I know some secluded spots...."
This caused more cracking up and Paige"s eyes to go wide, like now she was auditioning for the part of "horrified."
Leech turned back to our table and accepted his high fives from Jalen and Noah and Mike, and ignored Xane"s attempt, but I thought about how he"d lost his cool at the mention of Paul. He"d recovered, but that had seemed weird, defensive. Why? Wasn"t he proud of being Paul"s little favorite?
"Stop gawking, Turtle," Leech sneered at me. "You taking notes on how to talk to girls?"
I didn"t say anything, but then I smiled. I didn"t mean to. I"d just thought about talking to Lilly underwater, and the smile slipped out.
Leech"s eyes narrowed at me. "What?"
"Nothing." I remembered my plan to stay unnoticed, and turned to Todd. "Can I go get more?" I started to stand.
"Sure," said Todd.
"You better leave," Leech muttered as I walked away, and again I had that feeling like, Yeah? Try it Yeah? Try it. I dare you. I dare you.
I headed back across the dining hall. The CITs were in their still-life positions on the couches. I spotted Lilly but she was reading. I glanced at her for a second, hoping she might look up, then noticed that Evan was nearby, and staring right at me. I turned away quick and tried to find something else to focus on.
Colleen"s death made it easy.
I didn"t see her fall, just heard the crash of metal tray against concrete floor, the shrill spray of silverware and plates, and the soft thud of skull.
It happened just to my left, and I looked down and there she was, lying fanned out on the floor.
I saw her a second before most of the dining hall. In that one second, all the talking and clinking and clattering continued, a hollow cloud of sound. One of the other cabins was even in the midst of doing a cheer that involved foot-stomping and claps. The morning sun was angling in through the back windows of the giant room, flickering off cutlery and teeth and eyeb.a.l.l.s, and arms were moving and waving, heads bobbing, people shuffling... and there in the middle of it all was this single tiny form lying completely still. Her spilled cup of bright red juice had created a pool in front of her that was spreading back into her hair and toward her head in a weird reverse scene, like it was blood being sucked back in.
Then heads started to turn, a few, then more, in a water ripple across the room. A little girl screamed, and then counselors were leaping, lunging, running. The Panda counselor was closest and got there first, sliding to her knees in a splash, red juice soaking her jeans.
"Colleen?" she called quietly, almost like she was hoping Colleen was just taking a little nap, like she didn"t want to wake her. The counselor pressed fingers to Colleen"s neck, looked up, head swiveling wildly. "Someone get Dr. Maria!" She slowly rolled Colleen over onto her back.
We wished later that she hadn"t. It turned out, watermelon bug juice was quite a bit different from blood. The stuff that was caked around Colleen"s nose and all down over her mouth and chin, like a dam had broken somewhere inside, was much darker, and you could see the stickiness of it, the way it seemed to cling to the lineless skin of her cheeks, collect on stray strands of hair, and stain the collar of the sky-blue T-shirt with the cute, giant-eyed cartoon panda, the words Camp Camp above and above and Eden Eden below. below.
Colleen was still. Her eyes had rolled up into her sockets like she was trying to see what had made this happen, up inside her brain, like she wanted answers from her technicians. I looked around and saw that kids and adults were crying. I thought it was terrible, but it wasn"t hitting me on any gut or tear-duct level; I"d never had a sibling and little kids seemed like strange lab experiments, but still, yesterday she"d been throwing up and today... this?
A crowd formed and Dr. Maria pushed through, her white lab coat getting pulled half off her shoulder. "Everyone, please stand back!" she barked, her voice finding corners of the high ceiling to echo from in the now utter silence.
She dropped to the floor. Checked the pulse, too. I thought she would start chest compressions, or something like that, but instead she produced that small electronic device with the gla.s.s dot in the middle. As she moved it toward Colleen"s forehead, it lit up a pale yellow, not green like it had for me when I"d drowned.
It seemed like Dr. Maria swore then, or sighed, her head falling.
"How is she?" Paul had arrived at the edge of the empty s.p.a.ce around Colleen.
Dr. Maria just looked up at him, her eyes welling with tears but also like she was saying something silently to him. She maybe looked angry, though with the tears it was hard to tell.
Paul watched, arms folded, eyes hidden. Then he stepped forward, knelt, and slid his arms beneath Colleen"s knees and shoulders and lifted the body up off the ground. He turned without a word and headed for the back door, toward the infirmary.
Dr. Maria stood and stared after them. Sobs made her notice the counselor, still kneeling beside her, face in her hands. Dr. Maria reached down and rubbed her shoulder. "It"s not your fault," she said, then again, her voice thicker. "It"s not your fault."
The hall was beginning to fill with murmuring voices, kids asking, "Will she be okay?" and "What happened?" Everyone was looking around with wide, scared eyes, their mouths slightly open as the scene they"d just witnessed burned a permanent scar in their minds....
Except for the CITs. I found Lilly standing with Marco and Aliah, watching from the Ping-Pong table, all with their arms crossed. Their eyes were narrowed, like they knew all about this.
"It"s okay, everyone," Dr. Maria called. "We"ll find out what happened. It"s-" She paused and put out her hands. "No one needs to worry."
She nodded to herself after saying this and started walking again. She was gazing blankly ahead, and I thought she wouldn"t notice me, but then she did.
"Owen." She paused and rubbed my shoulder. "It"s okay," she repeated vacantly. Then she seemed to peer at my neck, her brow furrowing. "Your bandages..." Her voice lowered. "The wounds..." She sounded confused.
"Oh, yeah, all better." I shrugged like things were totally fine, nothing to see here.
This only made Dr. Maria frown. "Okay, um... listen, you"d better not come today, with... this." She motioned to the door. "But tomorrow, come see me first thing in the morning?"
"Sure, okay."
"Good." Her eyes flashed to my neck again. I"d put the NoRad on thick like Lilly had suggested, but I still felt a surge of unease. Dr. Maria was distracted, though, and in this light there was probably no way she could see the faint gill lines. She hurried off.
Sound was slowly creeping back into the dining hall, but the volume never returned to its original level.
I walked back to our table. Kids were mostly quiet, eating. After a while, Jalen started whispering with Paige, and then turned and tapped Leech on the shoulder. "Dude, Paige says it"s your first move."
Leech seemed to snap out of some kind of trance. He"d been bent over the table, and now I saw that he"d been drawing in a little notebook with a black pen. It looked like he"d been into it, because Jalen"s tap made him kind of jump. He looked up, but instead of his usual, mischievous smile, his face curled downward. "Shut up," he muttered, like Jalen, Paige, all of it, was annoying and beneath him. He hunched back down over the notebook and returned to whatever he was doing.
"What"s with you?" Jalen asked.
Leech didn"t reply.