_Sir Wil_. Young enough To dandle still her doll!
_W. Green_. Sir William Fondlove!
_Sir Wil_. Dear Widow Green!
_W. Green_. I hate you, sir! Detest you! Never wish To see you more! You have ruined me! Undone me!
A blighted life I wear, and all through you!
The fairest hopes that ever woman nourished, You"ve cankered in the very blowing! bloom And sweet destroyed, and nothing left me, but The melancholy stem.
_Sir Wil_. And all about A little s.l.u.t I gave a rattle to!-- Would pester me for gingerbread and comfits!-- A little roguish feigning! A love-trick I played to prove your love!
_W. Green_. Sir William Fondlove!
If of my own house you"ll not suffer me To be the mistress, I will leave it to you!
_Sir Wil_. Dear Widow Green! The ring--
_W. Green_. Confound the ring, The donor of it, thee, and everything!
[Goes out.]
_Sir Wil_. She is over head and ears in love with me!
She"s mad with love! There"s love and all its signs!
She"s jealous of me unto very death!
Poor Widow Green! I warrant she is now In tears! I think I hear her sob! Poor thing!
Sir William! Oh, Sir William! You have raised A furious tempest! Set your wits to work To turn it to a calm. No question that She loves me! None then that she"ll take me! So I"ll have the marriage settlements made out To-morrow, and a special licence got, And marry her the next day! I will make Quick work of it, and take her by surprise!
Who but a widower a widow"s match?
What could she see with else but partial eyes To guess me only forty? I"m a wonder!
What shall I pa.s.s for in my wedding suit?
I vow I am a puzzle to myself, As well as all the world besides. Odd"s life!
To win the heart of buxom Widow Green!
[Goes out.]
[WIDOW GREEN re-enters with LYDIA.]
_W. Green_. At last the dotard"s gone! Fly, Lydia, fly, This letter bear to Master Waller straight; Quick, quick, or I"m undone! He is abused, And I must undeceive him--own my love, And heart and hand at his disposal lay.
Answer me not, my girl--obey me! Fly.
[Goes out.]
_Lydia_. Untowardly it falls!--I had resolved This hour to tell her I must quit her service!
Go to his house! I will not disobey Her last commands!--I"ll leave it at the door, And as it closes on me think I take One more adieu of him! Hard destiny!
[Goes out.]
SCENE II.--A Room in Sir William"s.
[Enter CONSTANCE.]
_Con_. The b.o.o.by! He must fall in love, indeed!
And now he"s naught but sentimental looks And sentences, p.r.o.nounced "twixt breath and voice!
And att.i.tudes of tender languishment!
Nor can I get from him the name of her Hath turned him from a stock into a fool.
He hems and haws, now t.i.tters, now looks grave!
Begins to speak and halts! takes off his eyes To fall in contemplation on a chair, A table, or the ceiling, wall, or floor!
I"ll plague him worse and worse! O, here he comes!
[Enter WILDRAKE.]
_Wild_. Despite her spiteful usage I"m resolved To tell her now. Dear neighbour Constance!
_Con_. Fool!
Accost me like a lady, sir! I hate The name of neighbour!
_Wild_. Mistress Constance, then-- I"ll call thee that.
_Con_. Don"t call me anything!
I hate to hear thee speak--to look at thee, To dwell in the same house with thee!
_Wild_. In what Have I offended?
_Con_. What!--I hate an ape!
_Wild_. An ape!
_Con_. Who bade thee ape the gentleman?
And put on dress that don"t belong to thee?
Go! change thee with thy whipper-in or huntsman, And none will doubt thou wearest thy own clothes.
_Wild_. A pretty pa.s.s! Mocked for the very dress I bought to pleasure her! Untoward things Are women! [Aside. Walks backwards and forwards.]
_Con_. Do you call that walking? Pray What makes you twist your body so, and take Such pains to turn your toes out? If you"d walk, Walk thus! Walk like a man, as I do now!
[Walking]
Is yours the way a gentleman should walk?
You neither walk like man nor gentleman!
I"ll show you how you walk. [Mimicking him.]
Do you call that walking?
_Wild_. My thanks, for a drill-sergeant twice a day For her sake! [Aside.]
_Con_. Now, of all things in the world, What made you dance last night?
_Wild_. What made me dance?