Oh dear!--How I am agitated--don"t I look so? I have found a secret out,-- Nothing in woman strikes a man so much As to look interesting! Hang this cheek Of mine! It is too saucy; what a pity To have a colour of one"s own!--Amelia!
Could you contrive, dear girl, to bleach my cheek, How I would thank you! I could give it then What tint I chose, and that should be the hectic Bespeaks a heart in delicate commotion.
I am much too florid! Stick a rose in my hair, The brightest you can find, "twill help, my girl, Subdue my rebel colour--Nay, the rose Doth lose complexion, not my cheek! Exchange it For a carnation. That"s the flower, Amelia!
You see how it doth triumph o"er my cheek.
Are you content with me?
_Amelia_. I am, my lady.
_W. Green_. And whither think you has the hussy gone, Whose place you fill so well?--Into the country?
Or fancy you she stops in town?
_Amelia_. I can"t Conjecture.
_W. Green_. Shame upon her!--Leave her place Without a moment"s warning!--with a man, too!
Seemed he a gentleman that took her hence?
_Amelia_. He did.
_W. Green_. You never saw him hero before?
_Amelia_. Never.
_W. Green_. Not lounging on the other side Of the street, and reconnoitring the windows?
_Amelia_. Never.
_W. Green_. "Twas planned by letter. Notes, you know, Have often come to her--But I forgive her, Since this advice she chanced to leave behind Of gentle Master Waller"s wishes, which I bless myself in blessing!--G.o.ds, a knock!
"Tis he! Show in those ladies are so kind To act my bridemaids for me on this brief And agitating notice.
[AMELIA goes out.]
Yes, I look A bride sufficiently! And this the hand That gives away my liberty again.
Upon my life it is a pretty hand, A delicate and sentimental hand!
No lotion equals gloves; no woman knows The use of them that does not sleep in them!
My neck hath kept its colour wondrously!
Well; after all it is no miracle That I should win the heart of a young man.
My bridemaids come!--Oh dear!
[Enter two Ladies.]
First Lady. How do you, love? A good morning to you--Poor dear, How much you are affected! Why we thought You ne"er would summon us.
_W. Green_. One takes, you know, When one is flurried, twice the time to dress.
My dears, has either of you salts? I thank you!
They are excellent; the virtue"s gone from mine, Nor thought I of renewing them--Indeed, I"m unprovided, quite, for this affair.
_First Lady_. I think the bridegroom"s come!
_W. Green_. Don"t say so! How You"ve made my heart jump!
_First Lady_. As you sent for us, A new-launched carriage drove up to the door; The servants all in favours.
_W. Green_. "Pon my life, I never shall get through it; lend me your hand.
[Half rises, and throws herself back on her chair again.]
I must sit down again! There came just now A feeling like to swooning over me.
I am sure before "tis over I shall make A fool of myself! I vow I thought not half So much of my first wedding-day! I"ll make An effort. Let me lean upon your arm, And give me yours, my dear. Amelia, mind Keep near me with the smelling-bottle.
_Servant_. [Entering.] Madam, The bridegroom"s come.
[Goes out.]
_W. Green_. The brute has knocked me down!
To bolt it out so! I had started less If he had fired a cannon at my ear.
How shall I ever manage to hold up Till all is done! I"m tremor head to foot.
You can excuse me, can"t you?--Pity me!
One may feel queer upon one"s wedding-day.
[They go out.]
SCENE THE LAST.--A Drawing-room.
[Enter Servants, showing in SIR WILLIAM FONDLOVE, CONSTANCE, and MASTER WILDRAKE--Servants go out again.]
_Sir Wil_. [Aside to WILDRAKE.] Good Master Wildrake, look more cheerfully!--Come, You do not honour to my wedding-day.
How brisk am I! My body moves on springs!
My stature gives no inch I throw away; My supple joints play free and sportfully; I"m every atom what a man should be.
_Wild_. I pray you pardon me, Sir William!
_Sir Wil_. Smile, then, And talk and rally me! I did expect, Ere half an hour had pa.s.sed, you would have put me A dozen times to the blush. Without such things, A bridegroom knows not his own wedding-day.
I see! Her looks are glossary to thine, She flouts thee still, I marvel not at thee; There"s thunder in that cloud! I would to-day It would disperse, and gather in the morning.
I fear me much thou know"st not how to woo.
I"ll give thee a lesson. Ever there"s a way, But knows one how to take it? Twenty men Have courted Widow Green. Who has her now?
I sent to advertise her that to-day I meant to marry her. She wouldn"t open My note. And gave I up? I took the way To make her love me! I did send, again To pray her leave my daughter should be bridemaid.
That letter too came back? Did I give up?
I took the way to make her love me! Yet, Again I sent to ask what church she chose To marry at; my note came back again; And did I yet give up? I took the way To make her love me! All the while I found She was preparing for the wedding. Take A hint from me! She comes! My fluttering heart Gives note the empress of its realms is near.
Now, Master Wildrake, mark and learn from me How it behoves a bridegroom play his part.
[Enter WIDOW GREEN, supported by her Bridemaids, and followed by AMELIA.]
_W. Green_. I cannot raise my eyes--they cannot bear The beams of his, which, like the sun"s, I feel Are on me, though I see them not enlightening The heaven of his young face; nor dare I scan The brightness of his form, which symmetry And youth and beauty in enriching vie.
He kneels to me! Now grows my breathing thick, As though I did await a seraph"s voice, Too rich for mortal ear.
_Sir Wil_. My gentle bride!
_W. Green_. Who"s that! who speaks to me?