CHAPTER XL.
"FORGIVE ME, LEONE."
"Lance," she said, suddenly, "or, as I ought to say, Lord Chandos--how can I forgive you? What you ask is more than any woman could grant. I cannot pardon the treachery which has ruined my life, which has stricken me, without blame or fault of mine, from the roll of honorable women--which has made me a by-word, a mark for the scorn and contempt of others, a woman to be contemned and despised. Of what use are all the gifts of Heaven to me, with the scarlet brand you have marked on my brow?"
He grew white, even to the lips, as the pa.s.sionate words reached his ears.
"Leone," he cried, "for G.o.d"s sake spare me. I have no defense--no excuse; spare me; your words kill me. They are not true, my darling; none of what happened was your fault--you were innocent and blameless as a child; you are the same now. Would to Heaven all women were pure and honorable as you. Say what you will to me, no punishment would be too great for me--but say nothing yourself; never one word, Leone. Could you forgive me? I have done you the most cruel wrong, and I have no excuse to offer--nothing but my foolish youth, my mad folly, my unmanly weakness. I have known it ever since I married. You are my only love; I have never had another. Ah, my darling, forgive me. If I have ruined your life, I have doubly ruined my own."
She raised her beautiful, colorless face to his.
"Lance," she said, gently, "what a prophecy that song held for us. And the running water--how true a foreboding it always murmured:
""The vows are all forgotten, The ring asunder broken."
How true and how cruel. I hear the song and I hear the murmur of the water in my dreams."
"So do I," he replied, sadly. "My darling, I wish we never left the mill-stream. I would to Heaven we had died under the running water together."
"So do I," she said, "but we are living, not dead, and life holds duties just as death holds relief. We must remember much harm has been done--we need not do more."
"Say that you will forgive me, Leone, and then I do not care what happens. I will do anything you tell me. I will humble myself in every way. I will do anything you can desire if you will only forgive me. Do, for Heaven"s sake. I am so utterly wretched that I believe if you refuse to say one word of pardon to me I shall go mad or kill myself."
There was a long struggle in her mind. Could she forgive the injury which seemed greater than man had ever inflicted on woman? She was very proud, and her pride was all in arms. How could she pardon a traitor?
She had loved him better than her life, and with the first sight of his handsome, beloved face all the glamour of her love was over her again.
How could she forgive him? Yet the proud figure was bent so humbly before her, the proud head so low.
"What am I to say?" she cried. "I was a good and innocent girl--now it seems to me that the evil spirits of pa.s.sion and unrest have taken possession of me. What am I to say or to do? Heaven help and teach me."
"Forgive me," he repeated. "Your refusal will send me away a madman, ready for any reckless action. Your consent will humble me, but it will make me happier. Oh, my darling, forgive me."
"Suppose that harm follows my forgiveness--we are better enemies than friends, Lord Chandos."
"We will never be enemies, and no harm can come except that I shall be happier for it. Say you will forgive me, Leone. See, I ask your pardon on my knees. For Heaven"s sake, for my great love"s sake, say you forgive me!"
He knelt before her humbly as a child, he bowed his handsome head until his face rested on her knees; he sobbed aloud in his sorrow and his deep regret. She stood for a few minutes quite uncertain; her clear reason and common sense told her that it would be better if she would refuse him pardon, and that they should part for all time; but love and pity pleaded, and of course love and pity won. She laid her hand on the dark head of the man whom she had once believed her husband; her beautiful face quivered with emotion.
"I forgive you," she said, "freely, frankly, fully, as I hope Heaven will forgive me all my sins. Nay, you must not kiss me, not even my hand. Your kisses belong to some one else now--not to me. I forgive you, but we must part again. Come what may--we must part, we must not meet again."
"I can never part with you," he said, in a hoa.r.s.e voice. "You have been life of my life, heart of my heart too long for that."
She held up her hand with a superb gesture of warning and silence.
"Hush, Lord Chandos," she said; "if you speak to me in that strain, I shall never see you again. Remember you have a wife; you must not be false to two women--keep true to one. Neither your kisses nor your loving words belong to me now."
"I will not offend you," he said, sadly.
She leaned her beautiful arms on the table, her white hands under her chin, looking steadily at him.
"I have forgiven you," she said, musingly, "I, who have sworn such terrible oaths, such bitter revenge, I have ended by forgiving you, after the fashion of the most milk-and-water type of women. I have forgiven you, and Heaven knows how I tried to hate you, and have tried to take pleasure in the thoughts of my vengeance."
"You have had your vengeance on me, Leone, in the shape of the love that has never left me, and the memories which have haunted me. You swore vengeance against my mother, but you will forego that."
A slow smile came over her face and died away again.
"Lord Chandos," she said, "you will not be my debtor in generosity. You have asked me to pardon you; I have done so. Grant me one favor in return--tell me who influenced you to forsake me?"
He looked puzzled.
"I hardly know, Leone, I can hardly tell you."
"It was not the lady whom you have married," she continued, "of that I am sure. Who was it?"
"I think if any one influenced me it must have been my mother," he said, gently; "she was always violently opposed to it."
The beautiful lips paled and trembled.
"I thought it was your mother," she said, gravely, "No, I shall not forego my vengeance against her, although I know not when I may gain it."
"You will forget all that," he said. "You are too n.o.ble to care for vengeance."
"I am not too n.o.ble," she replied. "All that was best and n.o.ble in me died on the day you forsook me. And now, Lord Chandos, listen to me.
Words of peace and pardon have pa.s.sed between us. It has raised a heavy funeral pall from my life; it has, perhaps, raised a black cloud from yours. Lord Chandos, we must not meet again."
"You cannot be so cruel, Leone. Having found you, how can I lose you again?"
"You must, it is imperative," she said slowly.
"But, Leone, why should we not be friends?" he said, gently.
She laughed a hard, scornful laugh that struck him in the face like the sting of a sharp blade.
"Friends?" she repeated. "Could we who have been wedded lovers ever be friends? You do not know what words mean if you think that."
He stood before her with a stern, white face.
"Leone," he cried, "are you really going to be cruel enough to send me away out of your life again, I who have been mad with joy at finding you?"
"If I were cruel," she said, slowly, "now I would take my vengeance. I should say as you once left me so now I leave you, but I am not cruel, and that is my reason. My reason is a good and pure one; we could never remain friends, we love each other too much for that; we must live as strangers now; and remember, it is your fault, not mine."
"I cannot submit to it," he cried.
But she looked at him with a face stern, resolute, fixed as his own.