Her pupils dilated as she drew in an unsteady breath. She seemed almost frightened.
"It"s all right," he murmured, giving in to the compulsion to rea.s.sure her. "You can tell me."
Her eyes grew soft and misty. "Yes. I would have given anything to find you. My heart was broken with the thought of never seeing you again. I wasn"t exaggerating when I said my father locked me in a room for a month. No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn"t escape. And no one would help me."
Her gaze filled with anguish, an anguish that became his. He brushed her cheek, wiping away a single fallen tear.
"Then what happened?"
"When I told Father I would never marry anyone but you, he lied to me. He said you had boarded a ship to America and were never coming back. He threatened that if I didn"t marry Richard, he would exile me to one of his smaller estates in the country indefinitely."
His heart ached with guilt and he longed to take her in his arms and comfort her. All these years he had failed her, never knowing the truth but choosing to believe the worst.
She sniffed and tried to look brave. Anthony extracted a handkerchief and handed it to her.
"Father was determined I not break my engagement to Richard. I know I was weak, but I simply didn"t have the strength to fight him any more," she said with an unhappy shrug. She scrubbed her cheeks with her handkerchief, finishing with a prosaic wipe of her nose. "What happens now?" she asked, looking wary.
He got up and crossed to the mantel, needing to put distance between them. "Nothing," he said. His chest ached, as if someone had punched him in the ribs.
She frowned. "I don"t understand."
"You"re free to go. I"ll write to your brother tomorrow, setting out reasonable terms to pay back what he owes me. You have my word that no harm will come to your family."
He forced himself to look at her. She seemed dazed, frozen into immobility. He should have derived some satisfaction from that, but it only confirmed she had expected the worst of him.
"I"ll ring for my carriage." He felt like the lowest kind of villain. "You may return to Berkeley Square immediately."
He crossed the room, reaching for the bell-pull. As his fingers wrapped around the cord, a slender hand touched his forearm.
"Anthony, don"t," she murmured.
He pivoted. She gazed up at him, her cheeks flushed with colour and her eyes luminous with unshed tears. Never had she looked as beautiful as she did in that moment.
"Don"t send me away." Her voice was throaty. "I couldn"t bear it. Please . . . I don"t want to lose you again."
Anthony gazed down at her, looking stunned and at a loss for words.
"Are you sure?" he finally managed in a hoa.r.s.e voice.
Marissa pressed a hand over her pounding heart. Taking a deep breath, she stepped off the cliff.
"I"m not sure about anything except my feelings for you. I want to be with you, Anthony, more than you could ever know."
Shyly, she placed a hand on his chest. His heart pounded drumlike beneath her fingertips. With renewed courage, she stretched up and pressed a kiss on a jaw carved from stone.
As if her touch had unleashed a genie from a bottle, his powerful body roared to life. Arms lashed about her waist, pulling her up flat against his chest. She shuddered, relishing the feel of all that solid muscle plastered along the length of her body.
"That"s all I needed to know, my sweet." He trailed a pattern of shivery little kisses across her cheek. "I"ll take care of everything else."
She wriggled her arms free and took his face between her hands. For long seconds they simply gazed at each other, drinking in the wonder of the moment. His bright stare smouldered with pa.s.sion and a fierce, complicated love.
That look tore through her, blasting away the heartbreak and suffering of all those lonely years, infusing her with a joy so transforming it almost frightened her.
"I love you, Anthony," she whispered. "I never stopped loving you."
His lips covered hers in a kiss so raw and needy she could have wept. This was the Anthony she had known. Loving, claiming, protecting her. She had forgotten for a while they both had but now they remembered. Now they had at last found their way back to each other.
She clung to his neck, opening her mouth to draw him in. Energy, hot and carnal, flowed between them. Desire licked through her body, settling deep in her womb.
Anthony reached up to gently grip the tidy braids of her hair, pulling her head back as he kissed his way down from her mouth. She pulled in a sobbing breath as his lips fastened on her neck with a teasing suck.
"Anthony," she moaned.
He gave a soft, guttural laugh, then licked the base of her throat as he gently pulled her back into an arch. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, aching in the confinement of their stays, rubbed against the silk of his waistcoat. Sensation streaked out from her nipples, gathering in the cove between her thighs. She whimpered and shamelessly rubbed herself against his erection. It was all so delicious, so overpowering, her senses swam.
"Wait," she gasped, clutching his shoulders.
He growled in frustration but eased her away from his body. "d.a.m.n it, Marissa! I"ve been waiting thirteen years for this. And you want to stop me?"
If she hadn"t been so light-headed, she would have giggled at the aggrieved masculinity in his voice. "Anthony, my legs feel like jelly. Can we please sit down?"
A predatory grin curled the edges of his sensual mouth. "I"m yours to command, My Lady," he purred.
He swept her up this time she did giggle and carried her to the sofa. He set her down and began to pull her clothes off with impatient hands.
"Anthony," she squeaked as one of her b.u.t.tons popped, ricocheting off the low table in front of the sofa.
"I"ll buy you a new dress. I"ll buy you a hundred new dresses," he said through clenched teeth. "But right now I"m getting you out of this one."
A moment later, he tossed her gown over a chair. A few moments after that, her stays and chemise followed. Leaving her stockings on, he lifted her in his arms and carefully placed her on the sofa.
"Now you," she murmured, reaching for his waistcoat. "I want to see all of you."
He pulled off his coat, ripping a seam in the process, and then divested himself of the rest of his clothing. As he turned to her, candlelight flickered along the hard vaulting of his ribs, his broad shoulders, and the dense, tightly knit muscles of his chest and abdomen. She caught her breath at the impressive size of his erection that part she had somehow managed to forget and her innermost flesh grew soft and damp.
He came down on her, pressing her into the velvet cushions of the sofa.
"Open for me, darling," he whispered, as he settled between her spread thighs.
Marissa groaned and let her head fall back. Draping her arms loosely around Anthony"s shoulders, she gave herself up to all the fantasies she had ever had about him.
But the reality was so much better.
He propped himself on his elbows, studying her body through slitted eyes of gold. Marissa panted as her b.r.e.a.s.t.s quivered and her nipples stiffened under his gaze. She squirmed, trying to increase the contact between their bodies.
A long breath hissed out between his teeth. His dark head lowered to her breast and his tongue flicked one nipple. Once, twice, three times.
"Please," she gasped, arching up into his chest. "Anthony, I can"t wait."
"G.o.d, Marissa," he groaned, "neither can I."
He clamped his calloused palms around her face, holding her still for his devouring kiss. As his tongue slid between her lips, hot and demanding, he pressed his length against her. He slipped one hand down to her bottom, tilting her hips up to meet him. Then, with a long, low thrust, he pushed inside.
She cried out, breaking free of his kiss to thrash her head against the velvet pillows. It was like nothing she remembered. He filled her, possessed her, as he had never done before. Anthony was no longer a boy, but a man, with a man"s power and a man"s way of loving a woman.
He flexed his hips, moving slowly at first until she heard her own voice breathless and needy begging for more. And he gave her everything she needed, taking her with long, powerful strokes. The end came quickly, like a rip tide, driving her to a shattering climax.
Anthony came with her, growling out her name as he thrust into her one last time. She gripped him with her arms and legs, curling around him as joy flooded her soul, obliterating years of shame and denial in an overwhelming rush of emotion.
He collapsed on to her, big, sweaty and heavy. Marissa didn"t care. She wanted to lie there all night, with him inside, loving her as it was always meant to be. She was safe, home at last.
Her eyes flew open.
Home. Where Antonia was. Anthony"s daughter.
Suddenly, he was crushing her. A surge of panic squeezed her chest and throat. "Anthony," she gasped. "I can"t breathe."
His head came up. His eyes narrowed as he studied her, but he moved, shifting their bodies so that she came to rest between the back of the sofa and his chest. One big hand stroked down the length of her spine as he murmured soothing words and planted soft kisses on the top of her head.
Under the influence of that comforting voice and hand, her breath slowed and her reason returned. Of course she had to tell him that Antonia was his daughter. He would know it, anyway, as soon as he caught sight of her eyes. Unless Marissa intended to hide Antonia away which would be well nigh impossible he was bound to meet her sooner or later.
She squeezed her eyes shut, snuggling into the warmth of his body as his arms tightened around her. She should tell him, right now, but she couldn"t force the words past the lump in her throat.
Tomorrow. She would tell him tomorrow. Or the next day, after she"d thought about the most sensible way to break the news. After all, Anthony might not want a ready-made family. Or he might be furious that she hadn"t already told him. Marissa couldn"t bear the thought of ruining this moment between them not when they had just found each other after so long apart.
And she had to think about Antonia, too. What in G.o.d"s name would she say to her daughter about all this?
Anthony"s deep voice rumbled through his chest and into her body, startling her out of her uneasy reverie. "What troubles you, my sweet?"
She looked up. He gave her a loving smile, but his eyes were sombre and watchful. Her heart twisted at the idea that he might reject Antonia. He might reject her, too, for keeping such a dark secret.
Tomorrow, whispered the coward"s voice in her head.
She stretched up to kiss him. "Nothing, my love. Everything is just perfect."
Anthony strode along Bond Street, feeling as light as a gull skimming over the whitecaps. For the first time in years, all was right with the world.
As he skirted a pair of dandies preening at their own reflections in a shop window, he patted his waistcoat to check that the small box from Phillip"s jewellers remained safely stowed in his pocket. Marissa"s engagement ring was a stunner a large sapphire surrounded by diamonds. The stone matched her eyes. That made him a sentimental fool, of course, but he didn"t care. He would propose to her this evening, and he wouldn"t take no for an answer.
As he made his way to a hackney stand on Piccadilly, he spied a woman walking hand in hand with a young girl as they turned into Hatchard"s bookshop.
Marissa. He"d recognize her graceful figure anywhere. The girl must be her daughter.
He smiled. No time like the present to meet his future stepdaughter. Not that he would drop any hints, but surely Marissa couldn"t object to introducing him, especially under these circ.u.mstances. Meeting her might even be easier this way running into them in a casual fashion. And he had to admit he was eager to meet the child. Marissa obviously adored her, and Anthony had every intention of loving her, too.
He crossed the street and followed them into Hatchard"s. After a short search, he found them looking through a pile of books, their backs to him as he approached.
"Lady Paget," he said, affecting surprise. "How do-"
Marissa spun on her heel. She gasped, all the colour leaching from her complexion as she stared at him in horror. The girl turned with her, lifting a questioning gaze to his face. Her big amber eyes opened wide and her mouth gaped into a surprised little oval.
Anthony"s mind whirled as he stared into a living picture of himself as a child, especially her eyes. He had never seen eyes like that anywhere but reflected in the mirror.
After he managed to pound his brain into a semblance of order, he dragged his gaze to Marissa"s dead-white face. Her desperate eyes pleaded for mercy.
"How old is she?" he rasped. "She"s older than you told me, isn"t she?"
Marissa pressed a hand to her mouth, looking like the world had just come to an end. Maybe it had for him, anyway.
"I"ll find out, whether you tell me or not," he threatened.
"My daughter is twelve," she finally whispered.
He could barely comprehend the words, or even hear them through the roaring in his ears. Not that he needed to. Proof was in that childish gaze, darting back and forth between the two adults.
"Did you think I wouldn"t find out?" he growled at Marissa.
She cast an anxious glance around the store. "Captain Barnett, please keep your voice down."
The girl tugged on her mother"s arm. "Mamma, what"s happening?"
Marissa dredged up a weak smile. "Just a small misunderstanding, darling. Don"t worry."
Anthony gave a harsh laugh. "Is that what people call it these days?"
"I"ll explain everything later," she replied, looking frantic. "But I beg you, don"t make a scene."
Anger and a sickening sense of betrayal lifted him on a cresting wave. "Beg all you want, Lady Paget. But tell your brother I expect payment in full by the end of the week, or I"ll see every last Joslin rotting in debtors" prison."
How could he have been such a b.a.s.t.a.r.d?
Anthony paced from one end of his office to the other, re-enacting the disastrous scene at Hatchard"s in his head. What a brute he"d been, making threats in front of a little girl his own daughter. No matter what Marissa had done, it could never excuse such unforgivable behaviour.
He came to a halt by the window, thoroughly disgusted with himself. A small fleet of ships his ships floated on the Thames. They might as well have been toy boats bobbing around in a tub for all it mattered. The only thing he could focus on was the face of a little girl, staring up at him with amber eyes.
And Marissa"s eyes, too, pleading for understanding. The worst of it was that he did understand, now that his fury had cooled. What else could she have done when she discovered her predicament? Pregnant and alone her lover supposedly on the other side of the ocean. She had protected her daughter their daughter in the only way she could.
But she hadn"t trusted him with the truth, and that knowledge twisted in his gut.
A knock sounded on the door, and a clerk stuck his head into the office. "There"s a young lady to see you, Captain. Says she"s Lady Paget"s daughter."
He jerked around. "What? Who"s with her?"
"She"s alone, sir."
Anthony muttered a curse and strode to the outer office.
The child sat on his clerk"s high stool, her feet swinging inches above the floor. She looked like she hadn"t a care in the world as she twirled her little beaded reticule around her fingers.