"Well, Roger," he cried in his bluff strong voice (though I noticed it was discreetly lowered while there was any one within earshot), "I hear you"ve taken to liquor so badly that your friends have got to remove you from society! We always did think it would come to something of this kind; eh, Jack?"
"He always was a bad egg, sir," said my cousin. "I don"t mind betting he hasn"t brushed his beard."
"And that limp!" added Sir Francis. "Gad, I believe he"s been kicked downstairs by an indignant husband!"
However, he pressed my arm as he laughed, and it was not a critical pressure.
"I can"t shave owing to my shaky hand," I explained, "and the limp is port in the big toe."
"Port?" exclaimed my uncle. "No, no, my dear fellow, it"s whisky poisoning you suffer from. You began in secret in your sixteenth year and have been a trouble to your friends since you were twenty-one. However, I"ve got all the particulars written out for you, and mind you get "em into your head and don"t contradict yourself or me when you go to live with that doctor fellow."
Jack winked at me from the shelter of our respected uncle"s back and I hid a responsive smile. With all his virtues, Sir Francis Merton had never been fond of playing second fiddle, and this masterful seizure of our scheme and dictation of all the details was exceedingly characteristic. At the same time he was as shrewd as he was peremptory and I felt satisfied his details would be sound.
"It"s all right so long as he doesn"t insist on disguising himself too and coming with me," I whispered to Jack as we went into dinner.
"What I"m afraid of is that he"ll go _instead_ of you!" said Jack. "I never saw him keener about an idea."
We dined at a corner table whence we could see at once if any one approached too near, and I think my uncle must have arranged that neither of the nearest tables should he occupied; so he was able to get to work with the soup.
"I"ve arranged everything, Roger," he said, "you are on furlough so long as this job lasts. No questions will be asked and you"ll have a free hand. Only of course Jack will always keep an eye on you, and I shall be able to advise both of you according to circ.u.mstances."
Jack winked again hurriedly, and said with as much deference as though he were speaking to an Admiral,
"That"s very good of you, sir. I shall keep you in touch with the situation, for I take it it will be safer for Roger not to write more letters than necessary."
I glanced my thanks at him, and our Uncle, after frowning for a moment dubiously, agreed that he feared he must be content with hearing from the Commander only.
"But there will be no harm in my writing to you, Roger, now and then," he added.
"No harm at all," I agreed.
"Well then," continued our host, "we come to the specific arrangements.
Only two persons at the Admiralty know of this scheme, but they are quite powerful enough to get you into this island of yours all right. Of course people who happen to hear of it may open their eyes a bit and talk of the slackness of our Naval Authorities, and it will do no harm, Jack, if you d.a.m.n them a bit yourself--confidentially, you know, in case any one asks you how the devil this drunken fellow here has got into the place."
"If I simply give "em my candid opinion of the drunken fellow"s character," said Jack, "no one will dream for an instant we"re supposed to be friends."
"They may guess we"re near relations however, old fellow," I suggested.
Sir Francis guffawed.
"I wonder if Roger will be as witty after a few weeks teetotal diet?" he chuckled. "Mind you, Roger, you"ve got to play the game properly. No bringing a flask in your baggage or any humbug of that sort!"
"Don"t you think an occasional relapse would add a touch of realism?" I suggested.
"Oh, if you can find liquor in the place, relapse by all means, so long as you don"t give yourself away in your cups. But you"ve got to arrive without bottle, flask, or cup in your possession."
"It might be rather a happy touch, sir, if I were to go round sponging for drinks."
My uncle"s earnestness was delightful. At this suggestion he put on his spectacles, and drew a paper from his pocket.
"Let me see," said he. "Here are a few directions given me by my own doctor, Sir James Macpherson. I had to give him some inkling of what I was after, but he is sworn to secrecy. Hum--No, Roger, you are trying religiously to cure yourself, and only very occasionally must the craving so far overcome you that you actually endeavour to secure alcoholic refreshment, as Sir James calls it. No promiscuous sponging, my boy, but a sponge now and then at considerable intervals might be advisable."
There was an interval of general conversation while one course succeeded another, and then Sir Francis resumed his instructions.
"With the help of a few tips from Sir James and my friends at the Admiralty, I have worked out the scheme very carefully, and I must beg you to get every detail most firmly into your head, Roger. Mind you, these poisonous fellows won"t hesitate to stick a knife or a bullet into you, if they have the least suspicion of you. You know that as well as I do, and I don"t want you to go and throw your life away, my boy."
I felt half inclined to smile, and half to do something more sentimental.
He was such a dictatorial boss, and yet such a dear old fellow.
"I a.s.sure you I set more value on my life even than my friends do," I said.
"Well then get these instructions off by heart--and don"t forget one of them! I"ll give you the paper to take away with you to-night, but meanwhile here are the princ.i.p.al points. In the first place, your name is Hobhouse--Thomas Sylvester Hobhouse."
I saw he was very pleased with this selection and asked tactfully,
"How did you manage to choose such excellent names, Uncle Francis?"
"I chose one name from the Red Book, another from the Peerage, and another from the Clerical Directory, so that one gets--er--a more natural and lifelike combination in that way; and yet avoids a real name. I think Thomas came from the Clerical directory--or was it the Peerage? Well, no matter, that"s your name."
"And my occupation?"
"None: it saves prevarication and confusion. You"ve always been an idle dog, Roger, so I think "a gentleman of no occupation" will be a sufficiently correct description. You are very well connected by the way."
"I am aware of it," I said, with a polite bow to my uncle and cousin.
But my uncle had grown too serious to appreciate such small change of conversation.
"Your relatives," he continued, "are in such high positions that they are ent.i.tled to ask Dr. Rendall not to make any indiscreet enquiries of his patient regarding his family, and also to appeal with success to a certain influential gentleman in the Government for permission to dump you in these prohibited islands. You, of course, know nothing of these steps. You have just recovered from a severe attack of _delirium tremens_--"
"My dear uncle!" I gasped, "is that Sir James"s idea?"
"It is putting into definite terms what he obviously suggested. Under those circ.u.mstances you naturally know nothing of what your friends have been doing on your behalf. Dr. Rendall being informed of all these facts will of course refrain from putting awkward questions, the answers to which you might forget, even if I composed them for you."
"And how did my relatives hear of Dr. Rendall and the island of Ransay?"
I enquired.
"I have thought over that point very carefully, Roger, and I think the best plan will be to take Sir James a little more into my confidence and get him to write a personal letter to Dr. Rendall. He will do it if I a.s.sure him it is for his country"s sake, and his name will lull all suspicions."
My cousin and I thoroughly agreed with this last suggestion. In fact we found little fault with any part of the programme dictated to us, except the _delirium tremens_. Even Jack, though he itched to see me thus labelled, agreed with me that a less definite form of drunkenness would be safer, and finally Sir Francis decided to subst.i.tute "an alcoholic breakdown."
As for the rest of my instructions, I made one or two mental reservations. For instance, if Dr. Rendall himself was mixed up in the affair, he would scarcely refrain from putting questions to find out all about his guest; but I felt I need scarcely trouble my worthy uncle to compose the replies before hand.
I remember that little dinner very vividly. As it chanced it was my one glimpse of the old life of town and clubland and everything that goes with evening dress, seen just for that brief evening between months of mine-dodging and blizzard-facing in the North Sea followed by a hospital bed, and the lonely tempestuous isle of Ransay. The white napery, the gleam of gla.s.ses, the shaded electric lamps, the blazing fire, and the lofty soft-carpeted room left an impression that stayed with me for many a month to come. And in an easy chair after dinner, smoking the special cigar that my uncle conscientiously recommended and sipping the ancient cognac he advised, I should have been perfectly willing to listen to him had he suggested pushing me into a soft sh.o.r.e billet and letting some other poor devil grow a beard and hunt for spies in northern gales instead.
But he was not that sort of uncle.
"It"s the chance of your life, Roger," he said. "By Gad, I wish I were young enough to take on the job myself. But you"ll do the family credit I"m sure--if you only remember that this business requires discretion and caution quite as much as daring and resource!"