"Off with you!" cried the pompous footman, with an imperious wave of the hand. "Number ninety-nine!"
"Ninety-nine! Ninety-nine!" bawled the carriage man.
Our jehu turned into the avenue, holding a tolerable rein. He clucked and lightly touched the horses with the lash. _This_ was true sport; _this_ was humor, genuine, initiative, unforced. He could imagine the girls and their fright when he finally slowed down, opened the door, and kissed them both. Wouldn"t they let out a yell, though? His plan was to drive furiously for half a dozen blocks, zigzag from one side of the street to the other, taking the corners sharply, and then make for Scott Circle.
Now, a lad of six can tell the difference between seventeen and seventy-one. But this astonishing jehu of mine had been conspicuous as the worst mathematician and the best soldier in his cla.s.s at West Point. No more did he remember that he was not in the wild West, and that here in the East there were laws prohibiting reckless driving.
He drove decently enough till he struck Dupont Circle. From here he turned into New Hampshire, thinking it to be Rhode Island. Mistake number two. He had studied the city map, but he was conscious of not knowing it as well as he should have known it; but, true to his nature, he trusted to luck.
Aside from all this, he forgot that a woman might appreciate this joke only when she heard it recounted. To live through it was altogether a different matter. In an episode like this, a woman"s imagination, given the darkness such as usually fills a carriage at night, becomes a round of terrors. Every moment is freighted with death or disfigurement. Her nerves are like the taut strings of a harp in a wintry wind, ready to snap at any moment; and then, hysteria. With man the play, and only the play, is the thing.
Snap-crack! The surprised horses, sensitive and quick-tempered as all highly organized beings are, nearly leaped out of the harness. Never before had their flanks received a more unwarranted stroke of the lash.
They reared and plunged, and broke into a mad gallop, which was exactly what the rascal on the box desired. An expert horseman, he gauged the strength of the animals the moment they bolted, and he knew that they were his. Once the rubber-tired vehicle slid sidewise on the wet asphalt, and he heard a stifled scream.
He laughed, and let forth a sounding "whoop," which nowise allayed the fright of the women inside the carriage. He wheeled into S Street, sc.r.a.ping the curb as he did so. Pedestrians stopped and stared after him. A policeman waved his club helplessly, even hopelessly. On, on: to Warburton"s mind this ride was as wild as that which the Bishop of Vannes took from Belle-Isle to Paris in the useless effort to save Fouquet from the wrath of Louis XIV, and to antic.i.p.ate the pregnant discoveries of one D"Artagnan. The screams were renewed. A hand beat against the forward window and a m.u.f.fled but wrathful voice called forth a command to stop. This voice was immediately drowned by another"s prolonged scream. Our jehu began to find all this very interesting, very exciting.
"I"ll wager a dollar that Nan isn"t doing that screaming. The Warburtons never cry out when they are frightened. Hang it!"--suddenly; "this street doesn"t look familiar. I ought to have reached Scott Circle by this time. Ah! here"s a broader street,"--going lickety-clip into Vermont.
A gla.s.s went jingling to the pavement.
"Oho! Nancy will be jumping out the next thing. This will never do." He began to draw in.
Hark! His trained trooper"s ear heard other hoofs beating on the iron-like surface of the pavement. Worriedly he turned his head. Five blocks away there flashed under one of the arc-lights, only to disappear in the shadow again, two mounted policemen.
"By George! it looks as if the girls were going to have their fun, too!" He laughed, but there was a nervous catch in his voice. He hadn"t counted on any policeman taking part in the comedy. "Where the devil _is_ Scott Circle, anyhow?"--fretfully. He tugged at the reins. "Best draw up at the next corner. I"ll be hanged if _I_ know where I am."
He braced himself, sawed with the reins, and presently the frightened and somewhat wearied horses slowed down into a trot. This he finally brought to a walk. One more pull, and they came to a stand. It would be hard to say which breathed the heaviest, the man or the horses.
Warburton leaped from the box, opened the door and waited. He recognized the necessity of finishing the play before the mounted police arrived on the scene.
There was a commotion inside the carriage, then a woman in a crimson cloak stepped (no, jumped!) out. Mr. Robert threw his arms around her and kissed her cheek.
"You ... vile ... wretch!"
Warburton sprang back, his hands applied to his stinging face.
"You drunken wretch, how dare you!"
"Nan, it"s only I--" he stammered.
"Nan!" exclaimed the young woman, as her companion joined her. The light from the corner disclosed the speaker"s wrathful features, disdainful lips, palpitating nostrils, eyes darting terrible glances.
"Nan! Do you think, ruffian, that you are driving serving-maids?"
"Good Lord!" Warburton stepped back still farther; stepped back speechless, benumbed, terror-struck. The woman he was gazing at was anybody in the world but his sister Nancy!
VII
A POLICE AFFAIR
"Officers, arrest this fellow!" commanded the young woman. Her gesture was Didoesque in its wrath.
"That we will, ma"am!" cried one of the policemen, flinging himself from his horse. "So it"s you, me gay buck? Thirty days fer you, an"
mebbe more. I didn"t like yer looks from th" start. You"re working some kind of a trick. What complaint, ma"am?"
"Drunkenness and abduction,"--rubbing the burning spot on her cheek.
"That"ll be rather serious. Ye"ll have to appear against him in th"
mornin", ma"am."
"I certainly shall do so." She promptly gave her name, address and telephone number.
"Bill, you drive th" ladies home an" I"ll see this bucko to th"
station. Here, you!"--to Warburton, who was still dumb with astonishment at the extraordinary denouement to his innocent joke. "Git on that horse, an" lively, too, or I"ll rap ye with th" club."
"It"s all a mistake, officer--"
"Close yer face an" git on that horse. Y" can tell th" judge all that in th" mornin". _I_ ain"t got no time t" listen. Bill, report just as soon as ye see th" ladies home. Now, off with ye. Th" ladies"ll be wantin" somethin" t" quiet their nerves. Git on that horse, me frisky groom; hustle!" Warburton mechanically climbed into the saddle. It never occurred to him to parley, to say that he couldn"t ride a horse.
The inventive cells of his usually fertile brain lay pa.s.sive. "Now,"
went on the officer, mounting his own nag, "will ye go quietly? If ye don"t I"ll plug ye in th" leg with a chunk o" lead. I won"t stan" no nonsense."
"What are you going to do with me?" asked Warburton, with a desperate effort to collect his energies.
"Lock ye up; mebbe throw a pail of water on that overheated cocoanut of yours."
"But if you"ll only let me explain to you! It"s all a joke; I got the wrong carriage--"
"Marines, marines! D" ye think I was born yestiddy? Ye wanted th"
ladies" sparklers, or I"m a doughhead." The police are the same all over the world; the original idea sticks to them, and truth in voice or presence is but sign of deeper cunning and villainy. "Anyhow, ye can"t run around Washington like ye do in England, me c.o.c.kney. Ye can"t drive more"n a hundred miles an hour on these pavements."
"But, I tell you--" Warburton, realizing where his escapade was about to lead him, grew desperate. The ignominy of it! He would be the laughing-stock of all the town on the morrow. The papers would teem with it. "You"ll find that you are making a great mistake. If you will only take me to--Scott Circle--"
"Where ye have a pal with a gun, eh? Git ahead!" And the two made off toward the west.
Once or twice the officer found himself admiring the easy seat of his prisoner; and if the horse had been anything but a trained animal, he would have worried some regarding the ultimate arrival at the third-precinct.
Half a dozen times Warburton was of a mind to make a bolt for it, but he did not dare trust the horse or his knowledge of the streets. He had already two counts against him, disorderly conduct and abduction, and he had no desire to add uselessly a third, that of resisting an officer, which seems the greatest possible crime a man can commit and escape hanging. Oh, for a mettlesome nag! There would be no police-station for him, then. Police-station! Heavens, what should he do? His brother, his sister; their dismay, their shame; not counting that he himself would be laughed at from one end of the continent to the other. What an a.s.s he had made of himself! He wondered how much money it would take to clear himself, and at the same moment recollected that he hadn"t a cent in his clothes. A sweat of terror moistened his brow.
"What were ye up to, anyway?" asked the policeman. "What kind of booze have ye been samplin"?"
"I"ve nothing to say."
"Ye speak clear enough. So much th" worse, if ye ain"t drunk. Was ye crazy t" ride like that? Ye might have killed th" women an" had a bill of manslaughter brought against ye."
"I have nothing to say; it is all a mistake. I got the wrong number and the wrong carriage."
"Th" devil ye did! An" where was ye goin" t" drive th" other carriage at that thunderin" rate? It won"t wash. His honor"ll be stone-deaf when ye tell him that. You"re drunk, or have been."