"My husband!"--you should have heard her laugh; it was just like one of the animals at the Zoo--"my husband! That wasn"t my husband! That was the Baron Albert--the man I dread more than any one in the world. How could you make such a mistake, Britten?"
I shook my head.
"Madame," says I, "I"m very sorry, but I took the first one that came along and answered to the name. It must have been the head waiter"s fault."
She clenched her hands and began to step up and down the room, wild with perplexity.
"It was all planned, Britten--all planned. They knew that I should send for Count Joseph, and this villain came from Vienna to thwart me.
He must have bribed the servants at the hotel. And now, what do you say to it? I am to be banished from France--he swears it. They have written to Paris, and the decree may come at any moment. I am to be banished, Britten--driven out like a common criminal! Oh, what shall I do? My G.o.d, what shall I do?"
That was a question I couldn"t answer, but it did seem a wicked thing to treat a woman so, and I wasn"t ashamed to admit it.
"Is there any law in France that can turn you out, madame?" I asked.
She answered that quickly enough.
"Certainly there is, Britten. I know all about it. They can turn me out at twenty-four hours" notice."
"Why not go to the American Consulate, madame?"
"Oh, you don"t understand. If my husband were but here! Oh, they would not insult me then--even if you were my husband, Britten."
Upon my life and soul, I believe that she meant it. There was a look in her eyes as she stood before me which, unless I"m the biggest fool in Christendom, told me what was what plainly enough. A word, and I could have taken that fine lady in my arms. I would swear to it.
And what forbade me, you ask? Well, perhaps I"d heard a smash of gla.s.s last night, and perhaps I hadn"t; but I do believe it was that porter"s foolish remark about "votes for women" which put me off more than anything else. So I drew back a step and answered her with more respect than ever.
"I"ll see that n.o.body insults you while I am your servant, madame. If I may make a suggestion, I would advise you to leave this town."
She looked at me thoughtfully.
"And where should I go, Britten?"
"Back to Paris, madame--they won"t interfere with you there."
"But my husband--my dear husband?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Perhaps Mahomet will come to the--er--em--to you, madame."
It was her turn to laugh; but I soon learned that my suggestion was no good to her, and for a very simple reason.
"Ah," she said, "men are strange creatures, Britten. When we will, they will not; and when we will not, why, then they give us jewellery.
I can"t go back to Paris. If I do, a police officer goes with me."
"Take him on the box and call him a footman--unless you prefer to make for London right away, madame."
She was emphatic about this.
"I can"t, Britten! I must stay in Paris. It is my last chance of seeing Count Joseph before he returns to Vienna for the summer. Oh, is there no way? Is it quite impossible?"
I scratched my head. Something had been inside it for some minutes.
"Would you care to sit on the box beside me, madame?"
She was all ears at this.
"Of course I wouldn"t mind. Have I not myself driven a car? Count Mendez taught me at Cannes last year."
"Could you drive this car a little way on the road to Italy?"
"Why, certainly I could. But how would that help us?"
"Supposing," said I, "that you didn"t mind my old mackintosh, madame.
I"ve got that, and a leather cap I keep for the cold weather. If you would put them on and sit beside me, I think we might do it. You can drive if there"s any necessity to do so."
She clapped her hands so loud that I thought they would hear us on the Promenade des Anglais below.
"I"ll do it, Britten--as I"m a living woman I"ll do it. Go and bring your clothes. We may not have an hour to spare. I"ll cheat them yet, Britten. Oh, you clever man--you clever man to have thought of it."
"We might start at dusk, madame. Pay your bill, and give it out that we are going into Italy this afternoon. You needn"t come back. I"ll find you a private room next door to the garage, where you can change, and we can set off just like two drivers on the box-seat, and n.o.body a penny the wiser. When you get to Paris I can take you to a little hotel----"
She was like a child about it.
"Why, of all the clever men! You shall look after me in Paris. I won"t forget you, Britten, and I"m rich enough for anything--at present. You shall stop with me until Count Joseph comes----"
I thought to myself that it would be an over-long engagement in that case; but there was no call to say anything of the kind to her, and stopping only to repeat my directions, I went round to the garage and made ready. If Madame herself was excited at the prospect of giving the fat man the go-by, I was no less; and I a.s.sure you that no boy"s game I had ever played excited me half as much. Best of all was the thought that our quickness would forestall them; and if the authorities did decide to expel her, we should be on the road to Paris long before the edict arrived.
As to what might happen afterwards, I was indifferent; for Paris is the same as London to a proper motor-man, and I am just as much at home in the Champs Elysees as in Regent Street. So I left that to fortune, and, setting about the plan, I had my things packed and the car made ready under an hour, and at four o"clock sharp that afternoon I picked up Madame and her trunks at the door of the hotel and set off boldly as though to drive her to the Italian frontier. But I turned back before we had gone a mile, and making straight for the little Italian hotel next door to the garage, I smuggled her in without a soul being the wiser, and out again as cleverly just after dusk. She was dressed then just as I have told you--mackintosh up to her ears and a flat leather cap, suiting her pretty face to perfection. But any fool could have seen she was a woman twenty yards away; and I began to ask which was the bigger idiot--me for making the suggestion, or she for taking it?
It was too late, however, to think of that, and trusting that good luck might pull us through, perhaps looking on the whole affair as one which was pretty near its end--and that no good end--I let the car go and made straight for Brignoles.
Quite what apprehension of danger was in her head or mine I really don"t know. Sometimes I think that she had a silly notion of what the French prefect might have done to her, exaggerating, as women will, the real situation, and dreadfully frightened of "foreigners."
For myself, I wanted to get her back to Paris in spite of the attempt to stop us; perhaps I wanted to be even with the red-faced man, who had ordered me about last night; but whichever way it was, I could have laughed fit to split every time I looked at that odd little bundle by my side and thought of it as it was last night, all dressed in flummery and rustling like the leaves. Nevertheless, I made no mention of it; and, as much to her surprise as mine, we pa.s.sed through Frejus without any one stopping us, and drove right through the night without let or hindrance. Not until dawn did I begin to ask myself some questions--and they were awkward ones. What the devil was I going to do with her in the towns? Why had I never thought of it? She was wearing my long mackintosh, to be sure; but who would fail to recognise her, and what would the talk be like?
A hundred difficulties, not one of which I had had the brains to think of last night, kept popping up like midgets in a puppet-show; and, as though to crown them all, bang went the near-side back tyre at that very moment, and there we were by the roadside, at five in the morning, in as desolate a place as you want to find, and not the sign of house or village wherever the eye might turn.
Now Madame had been nearly asleep upon my shoulder when this happened, but she woke up at the report and looked up all about her as though she had been dreaming.
"Where are we, Britten?" she asked. "What has happened to us?"
"Tyre gone, madame. I must trouble you to get down."
She woke up at this, and got out immediately. I could see that she was more clear-headed than she had been last night, if not less frightened.
"This was a very foolish thing to do, Britten. We are sure to be followed."
"That"s as it may be, madame. I fear it"s too late to think of it now.
My business is to get this tyre fixed up."