She greeted me and asked, "Has not my father come yet?"
Ah! what a voice. A canary bird! A real canary bird!
"Your Excellency," I wanted to exclaim, "don"t have me executed, but if it must be done, then kill me rather with your own angelic hand." But, G.o.d knows why, I could not bring it out, so I only said, "No, he has not come yet."
She glanced at me, looked at the books, and let her handkerchief fall.
Instantly I started up, but slipped on the infernal polished floor, and nearly broke my nose. Still I succeeded in picking up the handkerchief.
Ye heavenly choirs, what a handkerchief! So tender and soft, of the finest cambric. It had the scent of a general"s rank!
She thanked me, and smiled so amiably that her sugar lips nearly melted.
Then she left the room.
After I had sat there about an hour, a flunkey came in and said, "You can go home, Mr Ivanovitch; the director has already gone out!"
I cannot stand these lackeys! They hang about the vestibules, and scarcely vouchsafe to greet one with a nod. Yes, sometimes it is even worse; once one of these rascals offered me his snuff-box without even getting up from his chair. "Don"t you know then, you country-b.u.mpkin, that I am an official and of aristocratic birth?"
This time, however, I took my hat and overcoat quietly; these people naturally never think of helping one on with it. I went home, lay a good while on the bed, and wrote some verses in my note:
""Tis an hour since I saw thee, And it seems a whole long year; If I loathe my own existence, How can I live on, my dear?"
I think they are by Pushkin.
In the evening I wrapped myself in my cloak, hastened to the director"s house, and waited there a long time to see if she would come out and get into the carriage. I only wanted to see her once, but she did not come.
_November 6th._--Our chief clerk has gone mad. When I came to the office to-day he called me to his room and began as follows: "Look here, my friend, what wild ideas have got into your head?"
"How! What? None at all," I answered.
"Consider well. You are already past forty; it is quite time to be reasonable. What do you imagine? Do you think I don"t know all your tricks? Are you trying to pay court to the director"s daughter? Look at yourself and realise what you are! A nonent.i.ty, nothing else. I would not give a kopeck for you. Look well in the gla.s.s. How can you have such thoughts with such a caricature of a face?"
May the devil take him! Because his own face has a certain resemblance to a medicine-bottle, because he has a curly bush of hair on his head, and sometimes combs it upwards, and sometimes plasters it down in all kinds of queer ways, he thinks that he can do everything. I know well, I know why he is angry with me. He is envious; perhaps he has noticed the tokens of favour which have been graciously shown me. But why should I bother about him? A councillor! What sort of important animal is that?
He wears a gold chain with his watch, buys himself boots at thirty roubles a pair; may the deuce take him! Am I a tailor"s son or some other obscure cabbage? I am a n.o.bleman! I can also work my way up. I am just forty-two--an age when a man"s real career generally begins. Wait a bit, my friend! I too may get to a superior"s rank; or perhaps, if G.o.d is gracious, even to a higher one. I shall make a name which will far outstrip yours. You think there are no able men except yourself? I only need to order a fashionable coat and wear a tie like yours, and you would be quite eclipsed.
But I have no money--that is the worst part of it!
_November 8th._--I was at the theatre. "The Russian House-Fool" was performed. I laughed heartily. There was also a kind of musical comedy which contained amusing hits at barristers. The language was very broad; I wonder the censor pa.s.sed it. In the comedy lines occur which accuse the merchants of cheating; their sons are said to lead immoral lives, and to behave very disrespectfully towards the n.o.bility.
The critics also are criticised; they are said only to be able to find fault, so that authors have to beg the public for protection.
Our modern dramatists certainly write amusing things. I am very fond of the theatre. If I have only a kopeck in my pocket, I always go there.
Most of my fellow-officials are uneducated boors, and never enter a theatre unless one throws free tickets at their head.
One actress sang divinely. I thought also of--but silence!
_November 9th._--About eight o"clock I went to the office. The chief clerk pretended not to notice my arrival. I for my part also behaved as though he were not in existence. I read through and collated doc.u.ments.
About four o"clock I left. I pa.s.sed by the director"s house, but no one was to be seen. After dinner I lay for a good while on the bed.
_November 11th._--To-day I sat in the director"s room, mended twenty-three pens for him, and for Her--for Her Excellence, his daughter, four more.
The director likes to see many pens lying on his table. What a head he must have! He continually wraps himself in silence, but I don"t think the smallest trifle escapes his eye. I should like to know what he is generally thinking of, what is really going on in this brain; I should like to get acquainted with the whole manner of life of these gentlemen, and get a closer view of their cunning courtiers" arts, and all the activities of these circles. I have often thought of asking His Excellence about them; but--the deuce knows why!--every time my tongue failed me and I could get nothing out but my meteorological report.
I wish I could get a look into the spare-room whose door I so often see open. And a second small room behind the spare-room excites my curiosity. How splendidly it is fitted up; what a quant.i.ty of mirrors and choice china it contains! I should also like to cast a glance into those regions where Her Excellency, the daughter, wields the sceptre. I should like to see how all the scent-bottles and boxes are arranged in her boudoir, and the flowers which exhale so delicious a scent that one is half afraid to breathe. And her clothes lying about which are too ethereal to be called clothes--but silence!
To-day there came to me what seemed a heavenly inspiration. I remembered the conversation between the two dogs which I had overheard on the Nevski Prospect. "Very good," I thought; "now I see my way clear. I must get hold of the correspondence which these two silly dogs have carried on with each other. In it I shall probably find many things explained."
I had already once called Meggy to me and said to her, "Listen, Meggy!
Now we are alone together; if you like, I will also shut the door so that no one can see us. Tell me now all that you know about your mistress. I swear to you that I will tell no one."
But the cunning dog drew in its tail, ruffled up its hair, and went quite quietly out of the door, as though it had heard nothing.
I had long been of the opinion that dogs are much cleverer than men. I also believed that they could talk, and that only a certain obstinacy kept them from doing so. They are especially watchful animals, and nothing escapes their observation. Now, cost what it may, I will go to-morrow to Sverkoff"s house in order to ask after Fidel, and if I have luck, to get hold of all the letters which Meggy has written to her.
_November 12th._--To-day about two o"clock in the afternoon I started in order, by some means or other, to see Fidel and question her.
I cannot stand this smell of Sauerkraut which a.s.sails one"s olfactory nerves from all the shops in Citizen Street. There also exhales such an odour from under each house door, that one must hold one"s nose and pa.s.s by quickly. There ascends also so much smoke and soot from the artisans"
shops that it is almost impossible to get through it.
When I had climbed up to the sixth story, and had rung the bell, a rather pretty girl with a freckled face came out. I recognised her as the companion of the old lady. She blushed a little and asked "What do you want?"
"I want to have a little conversation with your dog."
She was a simple-minded girl, as I saw at once. The dog came running and barking loudly. I wanted to take hold of it, but the abominable beast nearly caught hold of my nose with its teeth. But in a corner of the room I saw its sleeping-basket. Ah! that was what I wanted. I went to it, rummaged in the straw, and to my great satisfaction drew out a little packet of small pieces of paper. When the hideous little dog saw this, it first bit me in the calf of the leg, and then, as soon as it had become aware of my theft, it began to whimper and to fawn on me; but I said, "No, you little beast; good-bye!" and hastened away.
I believe the girl thought me mad; at any rate she was thoroughly alarmed.
When I reached my room I wished to get to work at once, and read through the letters by daylight, since I do not see well by candle-light; but the wretched Mawra had got the idea of sweeping the floor. These blockheads of Finnish women are always clean where there is no need to be.
I then went for a little walk and began to think over what had happened.
Now at last I could get to the bottom of all facts, ideas and motives!
These letters would explain everything. Dogs are clever fellows; they know all about politics, and I will certainly find in the letters all I want, especially the character of the director and all his relationships. And through these letters I will get information about her who--but silence!
Towards evening I came home and lay for a good while on the bed.
_November 13th._--Now let us see! The letter is fairly legible but the handwriting is somewhat doggish.