"Indeed?" he said. "Then my imagination was at fault. I thought the piece was serious."
"Serious!" Lillian smiled again. "Why, where"s your sense of humor? The motive of the play debars all seriousness."
Loder looked down at the programme still between his hands. "What is the motive?" he asked.
Lillian waved her fan once or twice, then closed it softly. "Love is the motive," she said.
Now the balancing--the adjusting of impression and inspirations, of all processes in life, the most delicately fine. The simple sound of the word "love" coming at that precise juncture changed the whole current of Loder"s thought. It fell like a seed; and like a seed in ultra-productive soil, it bore fruit with amazing rapidity.
The word itself was small and the manner in which it was spoken trivial, but Loder"s mind was attracted and held by it. The last time it had met his ears his environment had been vastly different; and this echo of it in an uncongenial atmosphere stung him to resentment. The vision of Eve, the thought of Eve, became suddenly dominant.
"Love?" he repeated, coldly. "So love is the motive?"
"Yes." This time it was Kaine who responded in his methodical, contented voice. "The motive of the play is love, as Lillian says. And when was love ever serious in a three-act comedy--on or off the stage?" He leaned forward in his seat, screwed in his eye-gla.s.s, and lazily scanned the stalls.
The orchestra was playing a Hungarian dance--its erratic harmonies and wild alternations of expression falling abruptly across the pinks and blues, the gilding and lights of the pretty, conventional theatre.
Something in the suggestion of unfitness appealed to Loder. It was the force of the real as opposed to the ideal. With a new expression on his face, he turned again to Kaine.
"And how does it work?" he said. "This treatment that you find so--French?"
His voice as well as his expression had changed. He still spoke quietly, but he spoke with interest. He was no longer conscious of his vague and uneasiness; a fresh chord had been struck in his mind, and his curiosity had responded to it. For the first time it occurred to him that love--the dangerous, mysterious garden whose paths had so suddenly stretched out before his own feet--was a pleasure-ground that possessed many doors--and an infinite number of keys. He was stirred by the desire to peer through another entrance than his own, to see the secret, alluring byways from another stand-point. He waited with interest for the answer to his question.
For a second or two Kaine continued to survey the house; then his eye-gla.s.s dropped from his eye and he turned round.
"To understand the thing," he said, pleasantly, "you must have read the book. Have you read the book?"
"No, Mr. Kaine," Mary Esseltyn interrupted, "Mr. Chilcote hasn"t read the book."
Lillian laughed. "Outline the story for him, Lennie," she said. "I love to see other people taking pains."
Kaine glanced at her admiringly. "Well, to begin with," he said, amiably, "two men, an artist and a millionaire, exchange lives. See?"
"You may presume that he does see, Lennie."
"Right! Well, then, as I say, these beggars change ident.i.ties. They"re as like as pins; and to all appearances one chap"s the other chap--and the other chap"s the first chap. See?"
Loder laughed. The newly quickened interest was enhanced by treading on dangerous ground.
"Well, they change for a lark, of course, but there"s one fact they both overlook. They"re men, you know, and they forget these little things!"
He laughed delightedly. "They overlook the fact that one of "em has got a wife!"
There was a crash of music from the orchestra. Loder sat straighter in his seat; he was conscious that the blood had rushed into his face.
"Oh, indeed?" he said, quickly. "One of them had a wife?"
"Exactly!" Again Kaine chuckled. "And the point of the joke is that the wife is the least larky person under the sun. See?"
A second hot wave pa.s.sed over Loder"s face; a sense of mental disgust filled him. This, then, was the wonderful garden seen from another stand-point! He looked from Lillian, graceful, sceptical, and shallow, to the young girl beside him, so frankly modern in her appreciation of life. This, then, was love as seen by the eyes of the world--the world that accepts, judges, and condemns in a slang phrase or two! Very slowly the blood receded from his face.
"And the end of the story?" he asked, in a strained voice.
"The end? Oh, usual end, of course. Chap makes a mess of things and the bubble bursts."
"And the end of the wife?"
"The end of the wife?" Lillian broke in, with a little laugh. "Why, the end of all stupid people who, instead of going through life with a lot of delightfully human stumbles, come just one big cropper. She naturally ends in the divorce court!"
They all laughed boisterously. Then laughter, story, and denouement were all drowned in a tumultuous crash of music. The orchestra ceased; there was a slight hum of applause; and the curtain rose on the second act of the comedy.
x.x.xI
A few minutes before the curtain fell on the second act of "Other Men"s Shoes" Loder rose from his seat and made his apologies to Lillian.
At any other moment he might have pondered over her manner of accepting them--the easy indifference with which she let him go. But vastly keener issues were claiming his attention, issues whose results were wide and black.
He left the theatre, and, refusing the overtures of cabmen, set himself to walk to Chilcote"s house. His face was hard and emotionless as he hurried forward, but the chaos in his mind found expression in the unevenness of his pace. To a strong man the confronting of difficulties is never alarming and is often fraught with inspiration; but this applies essentially to the difficulties evolved through the weakness, the folly, or the force of another; when they arise from within the matter is of another character. It is in presence of his own soul--and in that presence alone--that a man may truly measure himself.
As Loder walked onward, treading the whole familiar length of traffic-filled street, he realized for the first time that he was standing before that solemn tribunal that the hour had come when he must answer to himself for himself. The longer and deeper an oblivion the more painful the awakening. For months the song of self had beaten about his ears, deadening all other sounds; now abruptly that song had ceased--not considerately, not lingeringly, but with a suddenness that made the succeeding silence very terrible.
He walked onward, keeping his direction unseeingly. He was pa.s.sing through the fire as surely as though actual flames rose about his feet; and whatever the result, whatever the fibre of the man who emerged from the ordeal, the John Loder who had hewn his way through the past weeks would exist no more. The triumphant egotist--the strong man--who, by his own strength, had kept his eyes upon one point, refusing to see in other directions, had ceased to be.
Keen though it was, his realization of this crisis in his life had come with characteristic slowness. When Lillian Astrupp had given her dictum, when the music of the orchestra had ceased and the curtain risen on the second act of the play, nothing but a sense of stupefaction had filled his mind. In that moment the great song was silenced, not by any portentous episode, not by any incident that could have lent dignity to its end, but--with the full measure of life"s irony--by a trivial social commonplace. In the first sensation of blank loss his faculties had been numbed; in the quarter of an hour that followed the rise of the curtain he had sat staring at the stage, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, filled with the enormity of the void that suddenly surrounded him. Then, from habit, from const.i.tutional tendency, he had begun slowly and perseveringly to draw first one thread and then another from the tangle of his thoughts--to forge with doubt and difficulty the chain that was to draw him towards the future.
It was upon this same incomplete and yet tenacious chain that his mind worked as he traversed the familiar streets and at last gained the house he had so easily learned to call home.
As he inserted the latch-key and felt it move smoothly in the lock, a momentary revolt against his own judgment, his own censorship swung him sharply towards reaction. But it is only the blind who can walk without a tremor on the edge of an abyss, and there was no longer a bandage across his eyes. The reaction flared up like a strip of lighted paper; then, like a strip of lighted paper, it dropped back to ashes. He pushed the door open and slowly crossed the hall.
The mounting of a staircase is often the index to a man"s state of mind.
As Loder ascended the stairs of Chilcote"s house his shoulders lacked their stiffness, his head was no longer erect; he moved as though his feet were weighted. He had ceased to be the man of achievement whose smallest opinion compels consideration; in the privacy of solitude he was the mere human flotsam to which he had once compared himself--the flotsam that, dreaming it has found a harbor, wakes to find itself the prey of the incoming tide.
He paused at the head of the stairs to rally his resolutions; then, still walking heavily, he pa.s.sed down the corridor to Eve"s room. It was suggestive of his character that, having made his decision, he did not dally over its performance. Without waiting to knock, he turned the handle and walked into the room.
It looked precisely as it always looked, but to Loder the rich, subdued coloring of books and flowers--the whole air of culture and repose that the place conveyed--seemed to hold a deeper meaning than before; and it was on the instant that his eyes, crossing the inanimate objects, rested on their owner that the true force of his position, the enormity of the task before him, made itself plain. Realization came to him with vivid, overwhelming force; and it must be accounted to his credit, in the summing of his qualities, that then, in that moment of trial, the thought of retreat, the thought of yielding did not present itself.
Eve was standing by the mantel-piece. She wore a beautiful gown, a long string of diamonds was twisted about her neck, and her soft, black hair was coiled high after a foreign fashion, and held in place by a large diamond comb. As he entered she turned hastily, almost nervously, and looked at him with the rapid, searching glance he had learned to expect from her; then, almost directly, her expression changed to one of quick concern. With a faint exclamation of alarm she stepped forward.
"What has happened?" she said. "You look like a ghost."
Loder made no answer. Moving into the room, he paused by the oak table that stood between the fireplace and the door.
They made an unconscious tableau as they stood there--he with his hard, set face, she with her heightened color, her inexplicably bright eyes.
They stood completely silent for a s.p.a.ce--a s.p.a.ce that for Loder held no suggestion of time; then, finding the tension unbearable, Eve spoke again.
"Has anything happened?" she asked. "Is any thing wrong?"