XXI
The Cremona Speaks
The grey autumnal rain beat heavily upon her window, and Iris stood watching it, with a heavy weight upon her heart.
The prospect was inexpressibly dreary. As far as she could see, there was nothing but a desert of roofs. "Roofs," thought Iris, "always roofs!
Who would think there were so many in the world!"
Six months ago she had been a happy child, but now all was changed.
Grown to womanhood through sorrow, she could never be the same again, even though Aunt Peace, by some miracle of resurrection, should be given back to her.
In those long weeks of loneliness, Iris had learned a different point of view. She had not written to Mrs. Irving but once, though the motherly letter that came in reply to her note had seemed like a brief glimpse of East Lancaster. Doctor Brinkerhoff"s letter also remained unanswered, chiefly because she could not trust herself to write.
Her grief for Aunt Peace was insensibly changed. The poignant sense of loss which belonged to the first few weeks had become something quite different. Gradually, she had learned acceptance, though not yet resignation.
With a wisdom far beyond her years, she had plunged into her work. The hours not devoted to lessons or practice were spent at her books. She had even planned out her days by a schedule in which every minute was accounted for--so much for study, so much for practise, so much for the daily walk.
She had no friends. Aside from the hard-faced proprietor of the boarding-house, she was upon speaking terms with no one except her teacher and one of the attendants at the library. It has been written that there is no loneliness like that of a great city, and in the experience of nearly every one it is at some time proved true.
She missed East Lancaster, with all its dear, familiar ways. The elm-bordered path, the maple at the gate, and every nook and corner of the garden constantly flitted before her like a mocking dream. She could not avoid contrasting the tiny chamber, which was now her only home, with the great rooms of the old house, where everything was always exquisitely clean. She even longed for the kitchen, with its shining saucepans and its tiled hearth.
To go back, if only for one night, to her own room--to make the little cakes for Doctor Brinkerhoff, and play her part in the pretty Wednesday evening comedy, while Aunt Peace sat by, graciously hospitable, and Lynn kept them all laughing--oh, if she only could!
But it is the sadness of life that there is never any going back. The Hour, with its opportunity, its own individual beauty, comes but once.
The hand takes out of the crystal pool as much water as the tiny, curved cup of the palm will hold. The shining drops, each one perfect in itself and changing colour with the shifting of the light, fall through the fingers back into the pool, with a faint suggestion of music in the sound. The circle widens outward, and presently the water is still again. If one could go back, gather from the pool those same shining drops, made into jewels by the light, which, at the moment, is also changing, one might go back to the Hour.
Steadfastly, Iris had hardened her heart against Lynn. He had dared to love her! Her cheeks crimsoned with shame at the thought, but still, when the days were dark, it had more than once been a certain comfort to know that someone cared, aside from Aunt Peace, asleep in the churchyard.
Lynn and Aunt Peace--they were the only ones who cared. Mrs. Irving had been friendly; Doctor Brinkerhoff and the Master had been kind; Fraulein Fredrika had always been glad when she went to see her: but these were like bits of Summer blown for an instant against the Winter of the world.
Iris saw clearly, from her new standpoint, that she had learned to love the writer of the letters. It was he upon whom her soul leaned. Then, in the midst of her grief, to find that her unknown lover was merely Lynn--a boy who chased her around the garden with gra.s.shoppers and worms--it was too much.
Meditatively, Iris brushed the surface of her cheek, where Lynn had kissed her. She could feel it now--an awkward, boyish kiss. It was much the same as if Aunt Peace or Mrs. Irving had done it, and it was not at all what one read about in the books.
If it were not for Lynn, she could go back to East Lancaster. She might go, anyway, if she were sure she would not meet him, but where could she stay? Not with Mrs. Irving--that was certain, unless Lynn went away. But even then, sometimes he would come back--she could not always avoid him.
Her eyes filled when she thought of the Master, generously offering her two of his six tiny rooms. The parlour, with its hideous ornaments, seemed far preferable to the dingy room in the boarding-house, where the old square piano stood, thick with dust, and where Iris did her daily practising. But no, even there, she would meet Lynn. East Lancaster was forbidden to her--she could never go there again.
Women have a strange attachment for places, especially for those which, even for a little time, have been "home." To a man, home means merely a house, more or less comfortable according to circ.u.mstances, where he eats and sleeps--an easy-chair and a fire which await him at the close of the day. The location of it matters not to him. Uproot him suddenly, transport him to a strange land, surround him with new household G.o.ds, give him an occupation, and he will rather enjoy the change. Never for an instant will he grieve. With a.s.sured comfort and congenial employment, he will be equally happy in New York or on the coast of South Africa. But the woman, ah, the daily tragedy of the woman in the strange place, and the long months before she becomes even reconciled to her new surroundings! After all, it is the home instinct and the mother instinct which make the foundations of civilisation.
So it was that Iris hungered for East Lancaster, quite apart from its people. Every rod of the ground was familiar to her, from the woods, far to the east, to the Master"s house on the summit of the hill, at the very edge of West Lancaster, overlooking the valley, and toward the blue hills beyond.
The rain dripped drearily, and Iris sighed. She felt herself absolutely alone in the world, with neither friend nor kindred. There was only one belonging to her who was not dead--her father. No trace of him had been found, and his death had been taken for granted, but none the less Iris wondered if he might not still live, heart-broken and remorseful; if, perhaps, her skirts had not brushed against him in some crowded thoroughfare of the city. She hoped not, for even that seemed contamination.
It did not much matter that in her haste she had left the box containing the photographs and the papers in the attic. Aunt Peace"s emerald, the fan, and the lace, which she had also forgotten, were rightfully hers, and yet they seemed to belong to the house--to Mrs. Irving and Lynn.
Swiftly upon her thought came a rap at her door. "A letter for you, Miss Temple."
Iris took it eagerly and closed the door again, consciously disappointed when she saw that it was from Mrs. Irving. Doctor Brinkerhoff"s careless remark, to the effect that Lynn would write soon, had fallen upon fertile soil. First, Iris decided not to read the letter when it came--to return it unopened. Then, that it was not necessary to be rude, but she need not answer it. Next, a healthy human curiosity as to what Lynn might have to say to her, after all that had pa.s.sed between them.
Then she wondered whether Lynn"s next letter would be anything like the three that she had put away in her trunk. Now, her hands were trembling, and her cheeks were very pale.
"My Dear Child," the letter began. "Not having heard from you for so long, I fear that you are ill, or in trouble. If anything is wrong, do not hesitate to tell us, for we are your friends, as always. Doctor Brinkerhoff, Herr Kaufmann, or I would be glad to do anything to make you happier, or more comfortable. I will come, if you say so, or either of the other two.
"We are all well and happy here, but we miss you. Won"t you come back to us, if only for a little while? The old house is desolate without you, and it is your home as much as it is mine. You left the emerald and the other little keepsakes.
Shall I send them to you, or will you come for them? In any event, please write me a line to tell me that all is well with you, or, if not, how I can help you.
"Very affectionately yours, "MARGARET IRVING."
And never a word about Lynn! Only that "all" were well and happy, which, of course, included Lynn, and went far to prove to Iris that she was right--that he had no heart.
It was different in the books. When a beloved woman went away, the hero"s heart invariably broke, and here was Lynn, "well and happy." Iris put the letter aside with a gesture of disdain.
Yet the motherly tone of it had touched her more deeply than she knew, and accentuated her loneliness. Twice she tried to answer it, to tell Mrs. Irving that she, too, was well and happy, and ask her to send the emerald, the lace, and the fan. Twice she gave it up, for the page was sadly blotted with her tears.
Then she determined to write the next day, and ask also for the box of papers in the attic. Yet would she want Mrs. Irving to see the doc.u.ments meant for her eyes alone, and that pathetic little mother in the tawdry stage trappings? Surely not! She did not question Margaret"s sense of honour, but there were many boxes in the trunk in the attic, and she would have to open them one after another, until she was sure she had found the right one.
Sorely puzzled, desperately homesick, and very lonely, Iris sobbed herself to sleep. All night she dreamed of East Lancaster, where the sky came down close to the ground, instead of ending at an ugly line of roofs. The soft winds came through her window, sweet with clover and apple bloom. Doctor Brinkerhoff and the Master, Fraulein Fredrika, Aunt Peace, Mrs. Irving, and Lynn--always Lynn--moved in and out of the dream. When she woke, she felt her desolation more keenly than ever before.
At the door of Sleep a sentinel stands, an angel in grey garments. The crimson poppies crown her head and droop to her waist. The floor is strewn with them, and the silken petals, crushed by the feet of pa.s.sing strangers, give out a strange perfume. To enter that door, you must pa.s.s Our Lady of Dreams.
Sometimes she smiles as you enter, and sometimes there is only a careless nod. Often her clear, serene eyes make no sign of recognition, and at other times she frowns. But, whatever be the temper of the Lady at the door, your dream waits for you inside.
The parcels are all alike, so it is useless to stop and choose, but you must take one. Frequently, when you open it, there is nothing there but peaceful slumber, cunningly arranged to look like a dream. Once in a thousand times it happens that you get the dream that is meant for you, because it all depends upon chance, and so many strangers nightly enter that door that it is impossible to arrange the parcels any differently.
When the night has pa.s.sed, and you come back, it is always through the same door, where the patient sentinel still stands. You are supposed to give back your dream, so that someone else may have it the next night, but if she is tired, or very busy, you may sometimes slip through and so have a dream to remember.
Iris had given back her dream, but a strong impression of East Lancaster still remained, and it was as though she had been there in the night.
Suddenly she sat up in bed, with her heart wildly throbbing. Why not go back?
Why not, indeed? Why not take a flying trip, just to see the dear place again? Why not talk for a few minutes with Mrs. Irving, then slip upstairs for the emerald, the bit of lace, the feather fan, and the lonely little mother in the attic?
She could plan her journey so that she would be making her call while Lynn was at his lesson. When it was time for him to return, she could go to Doctor Brinkerhoff"s and thank him for writing. While there, she could see Lynn come downhill--of course, not to look at him, but just to know that he was out of the way. Then she could go up the hill and stay with Fraulein Fredrika and the Master until almost train time.
It was practicable and in every way desirable. Perhaps, after she had seen East Lancaster once more, she would not be so homesick. Iris hummed a little song as she dressed herself, far happier than she had been for many months.
Thought and action were never far apart with her. The next day she was safely aboard the train. She stopped overnight at the little hotel in a nearby town, where once she had been with Aunt Peace, after a memorable visit to the city. The morning train left at five, and just at ten she reached her destination, her heart fluttering joyously.
Lynn was certainly at his lesson--there could be no doubt of that. She fairly flew up the street, fearful lest someone should see her, and paused at the corner for a look at the old house.
Nothing was changed. It was just as it had been for two centuries and more. Panic seized her, but she went on boldly, though her cheeks burned. After all, she was not an intruder--it was her home, not only through the gift, but by right of possession.
She rang the bell timidly, but no one answered. Then she tried again, but with no better result, so she turned the k.n.o.b and the door opened.
She stepped in, but no one was there. "Mrs. Irving!" she called, but only the echo of her own voice came back to her. The portraits in the hall stared at her, but it was a friendly scrutiny and not at all distressing. They seemed to nod to one another and to whisper from their gilded frames: "Iris has come back."
"Well," she thought, "I can"t sit down and wait, for Lynn may come home from his lesson at any minute. I"ll just go upstairs."