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SO LONG, AND THANKS FOR ALL THE...
Better Ways to Kill Incontrovertible proof of Chinese bada.s.s-ness at least as early as 341 BCE, crossbows are also an important contribution to humanity"s repertoire of ways to kill people. Thanks, China!Crossbows are indeed a feat of simple genius. In the sixth or fifth century BCE, a Chinese military engineer realized that the traditional bow and arrow was terribly inefficient, because it relied on individual physical strength, which varies hugely from person to person. Drawing an arrow and aiming it accurately was more than many a peasant conscript could manage: while some muscular heroes might send their arrows a hundred yards on target, more puny archers...well, not so far.Enter the crossbow, which fixes the bowstring on a notched trigger mechanism, allowing the soldier to draw the bowstring, load the arrow, and aim in three separate motions. The first crossbows were composed of a metal loading and trigger mechanism set in a wooden stock (like a gun barrel) attached to a wooden bow.Early hints from Chinese literature, including the Art of War, Art of War, by the Chinese master strategist Sun Tzu, suggests that crossbows were in use sometime in the sixth century BCE. The first definite reference to a crossbow used in battle comes from China in 341 BCE, at the battle of Ma-Ling. Models of the weapon were included in the ceremonial burial of the first Chinese emperor, Qin Shi Huang. But the earliest actual crossbow artifact is a bronze lock mechanism dating to 228 BCE, discovered in the tomb of the Han emperor Yu w.a.n.g. by the Chinese master strategist Sun Tzu, suggests that crossbows were in use sometime in the sixth century BCE. The first definite reference to a crossbow used in battle comes from China in 341 BCE, at the battle of Ma-Ling. Models of the weapon were included in the ceremonial burial of the first Chinese emperor, Qin Shi Huang. But the earliest actual crossbow artifact is a bronze lock mechanism dating to 228 BCE, discovered in the tomb of the Han emperor Yu w.a.n.g.The weapon may have been developed independently in the West. It first appeared in the Mediterranean during the campaigns of Alexander the Great, when the Macedonian army used crossbows in the siege of Tyre, in 332 BCE. Alexander"s crossbows were called gastrophetes, gastrophetes, with the root with the root gastro gastro referring to the human stomach: soldiers supposedly rested the stock of the crossbow on their bellies ( referring to the human stomach: soldiers supposedly rested the stock of the crossbow on their bellies (gaster) to c.o.c.k the bowstring behind the arrow.The Romans later supersized the Macedonian gastrophete gastrophete into the ballista, an extremely powerful siege weapon that could penetrate stone walls and also devastate armies in the field during pitched battles. The ballista was used to shoot sharpened iron darts or round stone b.a.l.l.s. into the ballista, an extremely powerful siege weapon that could penetrate stone walls and also devastate armies in the field during pitched battles. The ballista was used to shoot sharpened iron darts or round stone b.a.l.l.s.Tabloid Power Couple "Cleopantony"
As queen of the richest state in the Mediterranean, Cleopatra provided most of the glamour in this power couple. Born in 69 BCE, Cleopatra VII-her full regnal name-ruled as the tenth generation of the Ptolemaic Dynasty, and was a direct descendant of Alexander the Great"s general Ptolemy, who received Egypt as his inheritance from the Macedonian conqueror three hundred years before. Although Greek, she ruled the ancient realm of Egypt as an absolute monarch in the tradition of the pharaohs.For his part, Marc Antony was an accomplished Roman politician who almost attained absolute power-but was outmaneuvered by Octavian, an even more ambitious opponent. Born in 83 BCE, Marc Antony joined the Roman army as a young cavalry officer and distinguished himself in combat in Syria, but he was always dogged by his early reputation as a party animal.Antony eventually served under Julius Caesar in the conquest of Gaul. He also helped Caesar defeat his arch rival Pompey. When Caesar was a.s.sa.s.sinated in 44 BCE, Antony partnered with Caesar"s adopted son, Octavian, to defeat two of Caesar"s a.s.sa.s.sins, Brutus and Ca.s.sius, at the battle of Philippi in Macedonia.Although they were allies, by this point Antony and Octavian were clearly rivals in pursuit of absolute power. After their victory they parted ways, with Octavian returning to Rome and Antony sailing to Egypt to begin a partnership (and romance) with Cleopatra. Cleopatra, who had once visited Julius Caesar in Rome and even bore him a son, was more than willing to partner with another Roman politician to secure her throne.But the wily Octavian took advantage of Rome"s traditional fear of Egypt to turn the Roman people against Antony and Cleopatra, accusing Antony of plotting with Cleopatra to bring Egyptian-style absolute monarchy to Rome (ironically, in the end it would be Octavian who set up a dictatorship).In 31 BCE, the dispute between Octavian and Antony exploded into full-scale civil war when Antony and Cleopatra proclaimed Caesarion, Cleopatra"s son by Caesar, his rightful political heir-an attempt to cut Octavian out of his fortune and political support.Octavian was no general (he usually pretended to be sick during important battles), but his chief general, Marcus Agrippa, defeated Antony and Cleopatra at Actium, off the coast of Greece. Then he pursued them to Egypt, where he defeated their army outside Alexandria. Antony killed himself by falling on his sword, and when Cleopatra heard the news a few days later, she killed herself by allowing a poisonous snake called an asp to bite her forearm.Inner Peace If you"ve never felt as if the material world were basically an illusion, it"s probably time to hear about Siddhartha, aka the Buddha.Siddhartha was an Indian prince from a minor kingdom in northern India (now Nepal) called Sakya, born sometime around 500 BCE. For the first twenty-nine years of his life, he lived in seclusion in the royal palace, where his parents sheltered him from the daily suffering of the commoners. By chance, however, Siddhartha happened to wander outside the royal coc.o.o.n and saw poor and sick beggars in the streets. He also saw a meditating monk, who sparked his interest in meditation.Disillusioned with his comfortable existence, he gave up all his possessions and spent six years fasting and meditating in utter poverty-but nothing happened. Siddhartha concluded that it was pointless to punish himself further. Instead, he began advocating "the middle way," meaning moderation in all things, including meditation and fasting.
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future; concentrate the mind on the present moment.-Buddha
Returning to some more relaxed meditation under a sacred fig tree in Bodh Gaya in what is now the modern Indian state of Bihar, Siddhartha comprehended the universe and humanity"s place in it, becoming "Buddha," or "the Knower." The essential message: you must free yourself from desire. The Buddha explained that all human suffering is caused by desire-for comfort, possessions, power, s.e.x, love, or life itself. Tranquility is within reach of all human beings, according to the Buddha, but we must free ourselves from all desire by acquiring true self-knowledge.Knowledge of ourselves comes from contemplating three basic facts. First, nothing in the universe is lost. Even though you will die, your const.i.tuent parts are part of the universe forever. Second, change is constant, so any happiness based on things outside ourselves is an illusion. Third, every action has a consequence-a reminder that everything we do affects others. If you understand these principles, you will naturally try to perfect yourself in speech, action, and thought.Once we achieve tranquility in our own lives, Buddha said that we can also help others to free themselves from suffering, through our words and deeds. And indeed his preaching in northern India proved contagious. Within two months of achieving enlightenment, he had attracted a thousand disciples. His father, the king, now sent nine delegations asking Buddha to come meet him, but on hearing the Buddha"s teaching, all the amba.s.sadors became disciples and stayed with him. When Buddha finally visited his home again, the entire royal family converted.Although spiritual, Buddha was something of an agnostic. Traditional Hindu G.o.ds such as Brahma and Indra do appear in Buddhist teachings, but none of them is an all-powerful creator. Buddha also admits the origin of the universe is shrouded in mystery. He did preach the doctrine of reincarnation, but not as commonly understood-e.g., a "bad" person is reborn as, say, slime mold as punishment for his "bad" behavior. Instead, Buddha taught that human souls are aggregations of energy that leaves the body at death. This energy goes into the creation of new beings, including inanimate objects and lower forms of life. Buddha taught that the only way to leave the endless cycle is to attain spiritual perfection, or Nirvana, thus becoming a "Buddha" (he wasn"t the only Buddha).AND THANKS, BUT NO THANKS, FOR...
Drunken Orgies (Okay, So We"re on the Fence About Where to File This One)[image]
So did the Romans really have orgies? You betcha! In the early days of the Roman republic, orgies began as simple banquets that got out of hand. The banquets could last twenty-four hours, beginning in the late afternoon. Plenty of wine was served, and by the next morning/afternoon-ish, anything could happen. As the Roman republic declined, morals apparently got looser...much looser. Public figures led the way with bis.e.xual affairs and generally scandalous behavior. A contemporary accused Julius Caesar, for example, of being "every woman"s husband, and every man"s wife."According to the historian Suetonius, the first emperor, Caesar Augustus (originally Octavian), exiled his daughter Julia because she held drunken all-night orgies in the Roman Forum. Augustus also exiled the poet Ovid, whom he blamed for corrupting Julia with dirty poems. Her male consorts weren"t so lucky: Augustus had them executed.Later, the emperor Tiberius supposedly staged shocking s.e.xual events on his island retreat of Capri involving men, women, prep.u.b.escent children, and animals. By comparison, his adopted son, Caligula, was a responsible sort: he hosted adult-only orgies (again in the Roman Forum), to raise money for the bankrupt imperial treasury.The naughty Romans could always claim that their all-night s.e.x fests were just a continuation of Greek ceremonies in honor of Dionysius. But this was a bit lame, as they focused on the fun part-group s.e.x-while forgetting about the more gruesome aspects of Dionysian festivals, where, for example, partic.i.p.ants tore wild animals apart with their teeth.The Original Blue Man Group Designers of athletic undergarments have long groped (heh) for answers to the difficult question: how to combine freedom of movement with the right measure of "support" and protection? The ancient Celts, of northern England and Scotland, however, being practical and primitive people, dispensed with garments altogether, favoring armor that was "barely there": blue war paint. And nothing else.Julius Caesar, who briefly invaded Britain in 55 BCE, recalled: "All the Britons paint themselves with vitrum vitrum, which gives their skin a bluish color and makes them look very dreadful in battle." To complete the portrait, the Roman historian Tacitus added that the Celts went to battle "ranged in order, with their hands uplifted, invoking G.o.ds and pouring forth horrible imprecations."The sight of blue buck-naked Celtic warriors approaching across the fields of France, Spain, and Britain was apparently a pretty terrifying spectacle for the more civilized Romans, who at least wore a skirtlike armored garment (the "cingulum") to protect their nether regions. In addition to body painting, the Celtic warriors also spiked their hair with lime and clay, which turned it blood red, and covered themselves with tattoos. In fact, the Romans called one group of Celts Picts, because they covered their bodies with "pictures."
Iron Chef, BCE Edition: Romans vs. Chinese Rome: Milk-fed Snails Fried in Oil with Boiled Tree Fungi Roman banquets are a thing of legend, but that"s kind of the problem-what exactly is fact versus fiction in the ancient reports about these insane parties? Actually, most banquets probably weren"t that extravagant. But if he really really wanted to show off, a powerful Roman demonstrated his wealth and generosity by serving dishes with exotic ingredients from all over the world, including a number of items that strike us as positively bizarre. wanted to show off, a powerful Roman demonstrated his wealth and generosity by serving dishes with exotic ingredients from all over the world, including a number of items that strike us as positively bizarre.For an appetizer, try milk-fed snails or sea urchins fried in oil with boiled tree fungi, served with pepper and fish sauce. If that doesn"t tickle your fancy, you might like dormice-yes, mice-fattened in clay jars that basically kept them immobile (think "mouse veal"). Or how about jellyfish stuffed with eggs? If all else fails, you"ll surely go for pig uterus, ovaries, and udder with leeks, pepper, and c.u.min. Thus endeth the appetizers.For an over-the-top first course, you might have chicken drowned in red wine, crane, boiled ostrich with sweet sauce, roast parrot, peac.o.c.k, pig kidneys and t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es, puppies, rabbit fetuses, seahorse, swan, or boiled flamingo served with spiced date sauce. To honor the G.o.ddess Minerva, one Roman emperor served a concoction made of pike liver, pheasant brains, peac.o.c.k brains, flamingo tongues, and lamprey roe. Uh...yum?Overall, the goal was to amaze your guests with the sheer variety and exotic nature of the foods. In fact, one of the most famous Roman chefs, Apicus, boasted that if a host followed his recipes, "No one at the table will know what he is eating." To spice things up, the food sometimes concealed non-edible party favors such as gold, pearls, amber, and jewels.China: Domesticated Leopard Fetus Not to be outdone, the Chinese have a long history of holding equally expensive and extravagantly weird banquets to celebrate...well, just being really rich. Like the Romans, elite Chinese divided their meals into several courses, including at least an appetizer, a first course, a main course, and dessert. They also organized banquets by rank, with the most important people receiving the more exotic dishes.So what would the fancy folk eat at these high-cla.s.s banquets? For the soup course they might enjoy a thick soup of flattened dog meat, or bird"s nest soup in clear broth. And yes, the latter dish (still served today) involves real bird"s nest. These prized delicacies are constructed by a bird called the cave swift, with salivary secretions that turn gelatinous in hot water.As always, the meat is where things got weird, including a couple of live specimens. The real delicacies, served at the emperor"s table, included bear paw, domesticated leopard fetus, elephant, frog, horse, live baby mice, lizard, sparrow, turtle, snake, shark, and wolf. Contemporary Chinese chefs reconstructing Han Dynasty banquets suggest dishes such as "Golden Toads and Jade Abalone," live soft-sh.e.l.l turtles, and "Camel Hoof Thick Soup."As in ancient Rome, extravagant Chinese banquets were an excuse for all kinds of naughty behavior, which contemporary Chinese moralists condemned (or maybe envied?). The general tone was set during the Shang Dynasty when a poet described an imperial banquet in these words: "With a pool of wine and a forest of hanging meats, men and women chased each other naked, drinking all night." Good times!
THE QUESTION YOU"VE ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK Did the Romans really make themselves vomit between meals so they could eat more? Short answer: yup, but it was considered decadent. The Roman philosopher Seneca condemned the practice, recalling that at one feast "while we recline at a banquet, one slave wipes up the spittle, as another, beneath the table, collects the leavings of the drunks." The Roman orator Cicero attacked Julius Caesar for expressing "a desire to vomit after dinner." However, the notion that the Romans had a dedicated room for this purpose, a vomitorium, vomitorium, is a myth. There were in fact structures called is a myth. There were in fact structures called vomitoria, vomitoria, but they were simply lobbies where the audience exited a theater (the words but they were simply lobbies where the audience exited a theater (the words vomit vomit and and vomitorium vomitorium both come from both come from vomere, vomere, a Latin verb meaning "to disgorge"). a Latin verb meaning "to disgorge").
BY THE NUMBERS.
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29.
length, in years, of the Peloponnesian War 4,500.
weight, in pounds, of golden goblets captured by Alexander the Great from the Persian king Darius III after the Battle of Issus 329.
number of Persian concubines captured by Alexander after the same battle 277.
number of Persian caterers captured
17.
number of Persian bartenders captured 40,000.
number of silver talents captured by Alexander from the Persian capital at Susa 1,111.
weight, in tons, of this amount of silver 6,600.
number of rebels crucified by the Romans along the Appian Way after the failed slave revolt led by Spartacus 52,000.
miles of roads built by the Romans 46,837.
total length, in miles, of U.S. Interstate Highway system in 2004 9,000.
number of war elephants employed by the Indian emperor Ashoka 120,000.
number of Chinese n.o.bles moved by Qin Shi Huang to Xi"an, his capital, so he could keep an eye on them 6,000.
miles of roads built by order of Qin Shi Huang 1,000.
miles of ca.n.a.ls built by his order 2,500.
length, in miles, of the Great Wall built at his order
25.
height, in feet, of the wall in most places
14.
depth, in feet, of the wall at the top 1,000,000.
number of Chinese peasants said to have died building the wall
22.
area, in square miles, of Qin Shi Huang"s tomb
THERE"S NO PLACE LIKE ROME (EXCEPT CHINA, PERSIA, INDIA, MEXICO, AND PERU) (EXCEPT CHINA, PERSIA, INDIA, MEXICO, AND PERU)
(1 CE500 CE)
IN A NUTSh.e.l.l.
Human sacrifice. Socially sanctioned infanticide. The invention of algebra.
This was mankind at his most cla.s.sical.
Or at least, it was the last five hundred years of a period often considered the Cla.s.sical Age.
For the first time, most people were the subjects, citizens, or slaves of large governmental ent.i.ties. In fact, about half of the world"s estimated population of 250 million lived under the auspices of just three empires: Rome, Parthian/Sa.s.sanid Persia, and Han China.
These empires were put together and defended by ma.s.sive armies. They were organized and operated by ma.s.sive bureaucracies, paid for by ma.s.sive tax systems and fed by ma.s.sive groups of forced laborers.
In addition to the Big Three, other empires and city-states grew, flourished, and, in most cases, collapsed. By the middle of this period, Berber traders were using camels to establish trade routes across North Africa.
One of the largest cities in the world was at Teotihuacan, in what is now Mexico. On the nearby Yucatan Peninsula, Mayans were becoming the first fully literate culture in the Americas. Several city-states developed distinctive cultures in what is now Peru.
The period also saw the birth and growth of Christianity. It was just one of scores of novel belief systems and curious religions that sprang up and faded out of fashion-only, this one hung on, and profoundly changed not only the way hundreds of millions of people worshipped, but how entire nations were governed.
There were individual and group achievements that would be enviable in any era. In China, they came up with paper. The Romans" use of the arch, borrowed from the earlier Etruscan culture, enabled engineers to construct huge buildings and other structures. In medicine, physicians in several countries increasingly began looking inside the human body for links among various organs, common maladies, and possible cures. And in the Egyptian city of Alexandria, a Greek named Diophantus was writing thirteen books on variable equations that became key to the development of modern algebra.
Of course there were also other myriad examples of human behavior at its weirdest and most wicked (beyond "solving for x.") In Rome, as in other cultures, it was routine to kill infants born with defects. In the mid-fifth century, the Huns, led by Attila, so devastated the Balkan city of Naissus that the stench from the carnage was said to have made the area uninhabitable for several years after the battle.
But, the biggest development of the period was the contemporaneous growth of large-scale cultures. As nation-states strove to push outward, they brought with them their customs and beliefs. War was a common result when two or more of these states pushed up against one another. But exchanges of ideas-and new religious beliefs-also resulted, aided greatly by the widespread use of two languages: Greek and Latin.
There were more commercial benefits as well. The development of the Silk Road, a network of routes between China and the Mediterranean, and the use of Monsoon winds on the Indian Ocean, which switched direction with the seasons, greatly increased trade between East and West. Silk, spices, and bronze moved from China, while coins, ivory, gems, and gla.s.sware made their way east.
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WHAT HAPPENED WHEN.
14.
Caesar Augustus, Rome"s first true emperor, dies at the end of a forty-one-year reign.
~30.
Jesus of Nazareth is crucified by Roman soldiers at Jerusalem.
70.
Roman soldiers burn the Temple at Jerusalem and largely destroy the city, after a nine-month siege.
79.