Tavis" eyes rose to hers, shocked and then his expression became uncomfortable. He looked away and stared out into the night. She almost thought he wasn"t going to say anything more, but then he did, the words coming out in bunches, full of resistance that didn"t quite stop him. "Um, not exactly. He always drank, as far back as I can remember, but he started doing it all day, every day when she left. Didn"t take long before he couldn"t do anything around the farm anymore, about a year, so I kind of took over. It was either that or starve. It wasn"t like we had money or any family to help us."
She took in the edge of bitterness in his tone, the hard look that she could see in his profile. "How old were you?"
His eyes studied his cup intently. "When my mother left? Nine."
"How long has it been?" she asked, hardly able to say the words, though she felt compelled to ask. The thought of a ten year old taking on his whole farm made her sad.
"Eleven years."
She was pleased to find he was only a year older than her, but the sad look on his face made her want to reach out and put a hand to his cheek. What am I thinking, she asked herself in surprise. She never did things like that. But she couldn"t deny how much she wanted to make him feel better after refusing to let such an obviously painful subject drop. "Maybe she left because of his drinking?"
"I... don"t know. My father used to say-" he stopped and took a drink. "It was just drunken ranting, really. Forget I said anything, please."
Fay understood what he couldn"t bring himself to say out loud. She reached out and laid her fingers delicately on his forearm. The warmth of his skin under her hand almost distracted her from what she wanted to tell him. "I"m sure it couldn"t have been your fault. It was probably easier to blame you than himself."
He turned to meet her gaze, and she saw how much he wanted to believe her. They sat there with their eyes locked for a few moments before he spoke, his voice soft and thoughtful. "Maybe you"re right. I don"t know."
She thought about what he had said, and the words he had used caught her attention. "He"s pa.s.sed now, isn"t he? Your father, I mean."
Tavis nodded and again, she saw him hesitate before answering. "He got sick a few months ago and I guess all that drinking took a toll. It didn"t last long, at least. I suppose I should be grateful. I"m free of him now, to do what I want, to be who I need to be. I sold the farm a few days ago. Couldn"t stand the idea of staying." He paused for a moment and shook his head, scowling. "I don"t know why I"m telling you all this. Can we talk about something else? What about this mentor of yours? I guess that he"s in Voleno. Do you miss him?"
His casual comment nearly made her cry. Dropping her gaze to her lap, she struggled to hold it back, not wanting to make him feel as bad about this as she did about her own questions. "I do miss him. But he- he"s gone."
"Oh, I"m sorry. I didn"t-"
She waved a hand without looking up, wanting to show him she was all right, even though she wasn"t. She just couldn"t stand the concern and distress in his voice. It somehow made her feel worse still.
Several minutes of silence pa.s.sed as she tried to collect herself. Eventually he cleared his throat and said, "Fay, I was thinking. You know, we could travel together, at least until you need to turn off the highway. It would be safer for you that way, a woman traveling alone. I mean, I know you"re a Magicia, but I just can"t let you go off alone without offering, especially since we"re going the same way."
She hesitated, the confusing rush of joy caused by his suggestion making it difficult to think the offer through. She was used to doing things alone, so she didn"t understand why the idea of company was so thrilling to her. It might be safer for her, but she knew traveling with Tavis could put him at risk. She wasn"t even sure what danger she might be in, and what she would be exposing him to. That thought almost made her decline at once, but a practical consideration occurred to her. If she wasn"t traveling alone, she might feel safe enough to sleep, and then she would be better able to sort out whatever she was suddenly in the middle of. She hadn"t forgotten Brinds" words when he had barged in.
More than any of these factors though, she found she enjoyed talking with Tavis more than she remembered with anyone else she"d ever met. Maybe it"s his una.s.suming manner, she thought. She realized that it might also make the grief in her heart bearable to have Tavis with her, even for a while, rather than being left alone with it. That idea pushed her to a decision. She nodded. "I"d like that, but I was planning to leave first thing in the morning, you know. I need to get to Harkol right away."
He smiled more broadly this time and again she responded in kind without thinking about it. "Well then, I guess it"s a good thing I kept my horse from the farm. That should help me to keep up, unless you"re walking there."
She surprised herself by laughing. "That would definitely take too long. We"ll have to see if your horse can keep up with mine."
He laughed with her, but there was something in his eyes, a spark that she didn"t quite understand. He reached out placed his hand on hers. "In the morning then. I think I"ll go to bed now, if we"re leaving so very early. Will dawn be early enough for you?"
It occurred to her that farmers often woke very early in the morning, so that would likely be easier for him than her. His light sarcasm acted like a challenge though and she raised her chin, trying to project a confidence she didn"t feel. "I"ll head off myself, I think. Traveling is better with a good night"s rest."
They turned back to the door, going inside and up the stairs together without speaking. They walked down the hall, Fay wondering at each door whether he would stop. His room turned out to be the one directly across the hall from hers. That made them both laugh as they ducked into their separate rooms. After closing the door behind her, she leaned back against it, smiling for a moment. She felt an odd mix of guilt and pleasure at his offer and her acceptance. Shaking her head, she took off her boots and climbed into bed.
She dreamed that night of the blond man with the curls again. This time, as he embraced her, he whispered into her ear, "My sweet Faylanna, at last."
Chapter 5.
The faint light from the window woke Fay only a moment before a soft knock sounded on her door. She felt disoriented and groggy. She knew she had left the curtain open for a reason, but couldn"t remember why until she heard Tavis" voice call softly through the door.
"Are you awake in there, Fay? It"s dawn."
Stupid and stubborn, she cursed herself as she sat up and rubbed her eyes. She had known agreeing to leave at dawn had been a bad idea, but had refused to admit it. Now she was going to pay for that. "Yes, just give me a few minutes. I"ll meet you in the stable yard."
She heard a soft chuckle as she scrambled out of bed and grabbed a boot. It took most of her self-control to keep from launching it at the door. She heard his footsteps going down the hall and cursed again at her own foolishness. She pulled her boots back on and quickly smoothed down her tunic and skirt. Her fingers found the shape of the pendant in her pocket and she stopped. She fished it out and looked at the double-ribbon in the palm of her hand. Again, she felt that sense of familiarity, this time accompanied by the strange idea that she"d worn it once before and should do so again. It really is pretty, she thought, and such a shame to leave it in my pocket. When part of her tried to suggest that it was dangerous, the rest of her pointed out that nothing had happened in the two days she"d had it with her. Deciding that settled the matter, she dropped the chain over her head and settled the pendant under her shirt so that it wouldn"t bounce around while they were riding. Combing her fingers through her hair, she looked around to make sure she had everything and grabbed her two bags, trying to hurry quietly down the stairs.
By the time she reached the stable yard, Tavis was already there, holding the reins to both Rain and a sleek gray mare with a silver mane and tail. The mare looked small next to Rain, but light and fast. She remembered the look in his eyes when she had talked about him keeping up and thought she understood it now. This horse must have been his prized possession on the farm. She walked over to the stallion, tied her bags securely to the saddle and took the reins from Tavis.
Behind her, she heard Lelanne call to him, and he waved. When Fay turned, the innkeeper was hurrying over with a pair of fresh rolled pastries in her hands. Fay"s stomach rumbled as she accepted one with thanks. When she reached for her money pouch, Lelanne shook her head, saying it was taken care of before hurrying back to the inn"s kitchen. Fay looked over at Tavis who was managing to grin while eating his own pastry. She stubbornly said nothing but took a bite of her breakfast. It was fresh from the oven, still piping hot and nearly burned her tongue. The warm cheese and herbs inside were delicious though and she couldn"t make herself wait for it to cool down. As soon as she had finished licking the last flakes from her fingers, she swung up into the saddle and looked at Tavis with an eyebrow raised. He was still grinning as he mounted his own horse. Neither of them spoke for most of the morning. Fay was tempted to several times, but every time she turned to him, riding right next to her, she saw the same self-satisfied grin and kept quiet. Eventually, her curiosity became impossible to suppress.
"Why are you going to Rianza? Are you hoping to find work there that doesn"t involve being up at dawn?" she asked teasingly.
He was silent for so long that she knew his answer before he spoke. "I"m going to see if I can find my mother."
"Why Rianza? Is that where she went when she left?"
He shrugged. "I don"t know. My father wasn"t one to talk about her willingly, and I haven"t heard from her since she left. I don"t even know where she was from. She never talked about it when I was little. Rianza just seemed like a good place to start. It"s big, and close enough that I can start looking right away. If I don"t find any sign of her there, then I"m not sure where to look. I"ll think of something though, if it comes to that."
Fay considered this for a minute. "Maybe I can help point you in the right direction, give you some people to start with. I spent a lot of my childhood in Rianza, and I started out at that academy. I"ll give you some names of people to talk to before we part company. I"m not even sure if they"re still in Rianza, but at least a few of them probably are. They might be able to help or at least get you started." She paused before going on, "Have you thought about what you"ll say to her if you find her?"
Tavis shook his head. "I"m not really even sure why I"m trying to find her. I guess I just want to see her, show her... I don"t know. Maybe just let her know that Nevon"s dead, though I"m not sure she"d care about that."
They both let the silence lengthen and the day moved on. Near dusk, they found a spot that looked like it saw regular use as a campsite and agreed it was a good place to stop for the night. Tavis took care of the horses while she gathered wood from the forest around them. After a while, he dropped her bags next to her and took his own to the other side of the pit while she arranged the kindling in preparation for the fire.
"Fay, what"s it like at an academy?" he asked hesitantly. "I don"t know if you"re supposed to talk about it or not, but I"m kind of curious."
She shrugged. "It"s a school, just like regular ones I would guess, except of course you get to study magic. But like I said before, you have to study other subjects too." She saw his disappointment with her answer and tried again, pushing aside her discomfort with the subject. "I"ve been to two of the four now, the ones in Rianza and Voleno. I can only tell you about those."
He leaned forward, nodding for her to go on.
"Both are housed in large castles. Actually, I think all four are. There are a lot of rooms for students in each and those in their final year get their own room, while the younger students are housed in larger more dorm-like rooms. There"s usually about six or eight sharing a small hall, really, depending on which school they"re at. For the first few years, it was like going on a fabulous long vacation, because you go home for the summer."
She found herself smiling as she continued, "The main libraries in both schools are amazing, more books than I could imagine reading in a lifetime, and on so many subjects. That was probably my favorite place in the whole school at Voleno, other than Professor Ganson"s study."
"That"s your mentor?" Tavis asked.
She nodded, but felt the smile start to slide from her face. She forced it back on and continued in order to distract herself. "Most of the teachers I had were nice, encouraging and helpful, as you might imagine. They were always willing to answer questions or give you a little extra explanation when you needed it. Also, sometimes you get to go on trips to visit the other academies. There are inter-academy activities every year." Not that she"d ever gotten to go, because they were for bound Magicia, but she wasn"t going to explain that to him. He might ask her about the bond and she didn"t want to try to explain it, or her situation.
He stared into the distance for a while, a wistful expression on his face. She wondered about that. She knew that some children who didn"t have magic envied those who did, but Tavis was too old and seemed too practical for that. After a moment, he shook his head and said, "Aren"t you going to grab your flint?"
She smiled, thinking he was making a joke. When she realized he was serious, she started laughing, unable to help herself. At first, he looked confused and a little angry about being laughed at. Then it seemed to slowly dawn on him what she was laughing about and he joined her. It was several minutes before they stopped, both panting for breath.
"Well, if there had been any doubt in my mind before that you didn"t grow up around Magicia, I"m sure now," she said between gasps.
"Yeah, stupid question," he said, still grinning broadly. Then he grew serious. "Fay, do Magicia ever teach people who didn"t get to go to an academy? I mean, even just basic things. Or is that not allowed?"
She raised an eyebrow at him quizzically. "It"s not forbidden. I"ve just never heard of it happening. The Council Magicia tries to ensure that everyone who has the ability to do magic is given the opportunity to attend one of the academies, no matter what their background. And I can"t imagine anyone turning them down. Why? Do you know someone who...?"
She trailed off and waited for him to say something, not sure if she wanted her sudden hunch to be right or wrong, though she admitted to herself it would explain some things at least as much as it complicated others for her. He looked uncomfortable, as if he thought he had said too much. Finally, staring again at his hands in his lap, he mumbled, "I- I can do magic. Nothing much, really, because I didn"t get to learn anything from my mother before she left. I was hoping- I wondered if you could teach me... something."
Her own shock surprised her. Her hunch had been right, though she still found herself grappling with the implications. It didn"t make sense to her though. She couldn"t imagine choosing to bond with someone her own age who knew nothing of magic. And yet she couldn"t ignore the way she was drawn to him, more than anyone she"d ever met. Was that why he had asked to travel with her, because he felt the same reaction to her? She shook her head at the idea. When she looked up, Tavis was crestfallen, his face a picture of embarra.s.sment and misery. It took her a moment to realize that he had misinterpreted the gesture as a refusal. She thought about it for a moment and decided to check her theory. "Is that why you asked to come with me?"
He looked up at her, his green eyes dark in the failing light, and shook his head with a frown. "No, that"s not why. It"s-" He stopped, and then said something else. "I didn"t think you"d be allowed to, but I had to ask. I just- Never mind."
Fay wasn"t really listening as her thoughts spun in her head. No, she thought to herself, no, I would never choose to bond with him, but maybe I could teach him something, to get a feel for whether I should encourage him to ask for training from the academy in Rianza when he gets there. It"s what Ganson would do, what he"d encourage me to do if he were- She cut that thought off and returned to her original idea. If his magical abilities were weak, she would tell him not to worry about it, since he would never find a partner once he finished his schooling, even if they let him in at his age. When she realized what she had just thought, she grew angry with herself. She told herself that it shouldn"t matter if he"d find a partner, that he should have the opportunity to learn as she had. That decided her. "Yes, certainly, I can do that. Come sit beside me. It will make it easier."
Tavis gave her a hopeful, incredulous smile as he moved to her side. She took his hand tentatively, trying to ignore the feelings it engendered now that she knew what they meant. She hadn"t tried to teach anyone magic since her first year at Voleno, when Ganson had volunteered her to help with the first and second year students. He had wanted her to consider a career as a professor herself, but she had not enjoyed the experience, especially the constant questions about where her partner was. She had considered it again during the last year, when no other opportunities presented themselves, but knew it would never be something she truly enjoyed.
Clearing her mind, Fay let her thoughts touch Tavis", and she felt the clear ringing tone that told her he did indeed possess magic. Keeping her mind with his as Ganson had taught her for observing, she said, "You mentioned that you"ve done magic before, so you know about holding your intent clearly in your mind as you build the spell, right?" She turned her head and saw him nod. She shifted herself so that she could see both his face and the fire pit. "All right. I"m going to teach you how to light a fire. Hold that intent in your mind now. Focus on the ideas of heat, light and comfort, with the image of the sticks in the fire pit firmly at the center of it. Don"t let your magic be part of it yet, just do the thought part of it first."
Tavis turned his attention to the fire pit and his brows drew together, his frown deepening as he concentrated. She felt the separate thoughts form and encircle a clear image of the box of twigs she had built in the fire pit. Each thought was incredibly vivid to her, warmth spreading across his face, comforting safety that kept back the creatures of the night, and the wavering light of fire. She was surprised that he had gotten this part so clearly and firmly in his mind on his first try. The children she had tried to teach had found it the most difficult part of spellwork. Perhaps it was a matter of attention span, age and maturity, she thought.
"Good. Now, let your magic thread lightly through the entire working as you change the image of the twigs to one of flames in your mind. You"ll only need a small amount of magic, as the twigs were completely dry. Go as slowly as you need to," she added, though she could feel that the concentration required to hold the thoughts around the image was a bit of a strain for him. Moving too quickly in this step could have the forest around them burning.
In his mind, she could see flames form on the image of the twigs, and at the same time, she felt him infuse his magic into the thoughts. The strength of it stunned her. Though he only used the small amount she had instructed, she could feel the pulse of it. She traced it back to the source and found an immense well of magic that was shocking. He wasn"t her equal, but his raw ability was phenomenal, exceeding that of anyone else she had ever met. How had the Council"s roving examiners missed him, how had they failed to send him to an academy, any academy, with strength like this? She was so preoccupied by these thoughts that she missed the flame in the center of her twig box that quickly grew to encompa.s.s the whole structure. It was Tavis" extreme satisfaction flooding through her mind that told her he had succeeded.
He turned to her, a dazzling smile spread across his face and his eyes dancing with joy. "Thank you. You"re a good teacher." He hesitated then, and his smile faltered a bit. "There was actually something specific I hoped you could teach me."
She hadn"t intended to do anything more, but she found herself nodding, and heard herself say calmly, "We"ll talk about it after the fire is built up enough, but I may be able to."
Tavis nodded and started feeding more twigs into the fire, then the larger branches she had found. Her mind was racing and she knew that she had to find a way to get him into the academy in Rianza, since he was already headed to that city. If she had to take him before the Council Magicia to ask for their intervention, she would do it. But Ganson"s command to seek out Eliar echoed in her mind, and she knew it would be dangerous to delay that. She felt torn in a way she had never experienced before.
"Tavis, where were you planning to stay in Rianza? I can"t delay my trip to Harkol, but I really think you should go to the academy. When I"m done in Harkol, I thought I might continue on to Rianza and... well, I wanted to be able to make sure they let you in."
He turned to face her, his smile bright again. "I guess I did all right, then?"
Fay couldn"t help it, she started to laugh again. The sense in his mind and tone of his voice was so much like a little boy wanting to impress someone but afraid to ask for praise. She laughed as hard at this as she had when he"d asked about using flint and lost contact with his mind as she collapsed sideways. It took her a minute to get herself back under control, and she only managed it so quickly because she realized he wasn"t laughing with her this time.
Wiping her eyes, she said, "I"m sorry. I keep laughing at you, and I shouldn"t. But you did better than all right, Tavis."
A strange look came into his face, a complex mix of hope and satisfaction she thought was because of his success with the fire and her compliment. He turned back to the fire, then stood up and went to his bag. As he rummaged for something, she thought she heard him say quietly, "I like it when you laugh."
After a minute, he pulled a long, narrow box out of his bag, several inches in length. He returned to sit beside her, holding the box in his lap. She set herself back in contact with his mind again and found he was awash in conflicting feelings, antic.i.p.ation, worry, hope and fear. It confused and unnerved her and she suddenly wanted to get the lesson over with, anything to escape the emotions she felt from him.
"I need to open this box, but I don"t know how. I think it has some kind of locking spell on it. I"ve tried to figure it out, but I can"t. It just makes my hand tingle when I touch it and that"s all I get. Can you teach me how to open it? Or, if you can"t, can you open it for me? I- I really need to see what"s inside," he said earnestly, his brilliant eyes locked with hers.
She made herself look down at the box that he was now holding out to her. It was black, with red lacquer covering the top and it brought several memories to her mind. She had seen boxes like this often in her childhood, and at the academies later. It was designed to contain a scroll of parchment and could only be opened by the intended recipient. They were usually keyed so that the recipient didn"t need magic to open the box, but she guessed that this one hadn"t been. When she laid her fingers on it, they heated in warning and she withdrew her hand quickly. That he didn"t experience the same sensation told her that it was indeed his to open.
"I can"t open this for you. The way these are designed, it will only open for you, but I think you"ll need magic to unlock it." He sagged a little and laid it back in his lap. "The key here is to consider yourself and your right to open it, and lay those thoughts across the spellwork. Do you know how to see a constructed spell?"
"Um, no," he said, and she could feel his embarra.s.sment.
"All right, then I"ll teach you that first. It would be one of the earliest lessons you"d have at the academy anyway, because many spells require you to be able to see them to interact properly with them. Just let your mind go blank. I"ll show you how to concentrate so that your senses will perceive the spell in a visual way." She felt him follow her instructions and was pleasantly surprised at how quickly and completely he managed it. She realized it must be something he had practiced before. Putting aside the questions that raised, she laid a very delicate touch across his mind, refocusing his senses and the way they fed information to his mind. His gasp told her when she had succeeded.
"Are they always so beautiful?" he asked her, and it was such an echo of what she herself had said on first seeing a spell like this that she smiled.
"Yes, I"ve always found them to be exquisite, even the dangerous ones I"ve seen. Especially those, to tell you the truth. Now, do you see where you need to lay those thoughts I mentioned?"
"I think so. There seems to be almost a hole in the center that it"s all built around, like a real lock."
"Exactly there, yes. The two thoughts should be laid one across the other, intersecting at the center of that void in the spellwork. It shouldn"t be too hard if you take your time laying them." She watched as he placed the first fairly quickly, the thought of himself. He had more trouble laying the second, his right to open it. She knew some of it was the placement, but she sensed doubt as well. She said quietly to him, "Tavis, you are meant to open it. I"m sure of it. You can hold the box, handle it, where the locking spell gave me a clear warning not to even touch it. This box is for you alone. I don"t know who gave it to you, but I am certain that they meant for you to open it."
For a moment, his doubts lingered, his thoughts and feelings shifting rapidly. Before she could think of how else to encourage him, his concerns resolved into determination and the necessary thought quickly fell into exactly the right place. She watched the spell spin into motion and then dissolve, the top of the box splitting down the center and falling open. A slender rolled parchment lay inside. Fay withdrew her mind from his and sat back, pulling her bag of supplies onto her lap and taking out bread and dried meat for herself for dinner. Beside her, Tavis stood and returned to his side of the fire.
Though she tried to concentrate on eating, she was distantly aware that he had pulled the rolled parchment out of the box when he sat down and was now unrolling and reading it. Part of her was surprised to find that he could read, a skill rare among country folk, but then she realized that his mother could have taught him before she left. No one could graduate an academy without mastering the written word. She tried not to see the sad smile that spread across his face or the frown that followed it. When he let the parchment roll back up, he returned it to the box and closed it. Unable to pretend she didn"t seen the tear glint in the firelight as it tracked down his face, she asked, "Tavis, are you all right?"
It was a while before he answered. Finally, his voice low and a little rough, he said, "I"m fine, Fay. Go to sleep. I"ll take first watch. I"ve got a lot to think about, that"s all."
She couldn"t think of any way to argue with him, so she laid out her bedroll and climbed in, her head pillowed on her pack. Before she fell asleep, she wondered if helping him get the box open had been a mistake.
The moment her eyes closed, the dream claimed her. The blond man was watching her again, his smile broader than before, triumphant. He came to her almost immediately. When he put his hands on her waist though, she saw a minute change in his expression, a touch of confusion, there and gone so fast that she wasn"t sure what it meant.
"At last, so close, Faylanna."
"Why do you know my name and I don"t know yours?" She was startled by the sound of her own voice. She"d never spoken in one of these dreams before. She"d always been sure that she couldn"t, or that he wouldn"t be able to hear her.
"Does it matter," he asked as he pulled her closer, inhaling deeply as his arms encircled her. "I know you. After all these years, does it matter how, or why you know me?"
She looked up into his eyes, surprised. He"d heard her and spoken, responding to her question, though not with an answer she understood. Thinking back, she had only ever heard him speak once, in the last dream of him she could remember.
"It"s almost time, Faylanna. Will you be there, when the time comes?" His expression had become troubled. "I"ve waited so long, watching. I need you."
"Why? What time? I don"t understand."
He kissed her forehead, then lay his own against it. "It doesn"t matter, just be ready. I can"t let you go, not after so long. He can"t have you. We belong together, Faylanna."
"Who can"t have me? What are you talking about?"
His smile was full of satisfaction. "Yes, keep thinking that way. There can be only you and I, my sweet. Never forget that, even if all else fades."
Everything around her was growing dark and she could feel herself drifting into a deeper sleep, but his words seemed to echo around her.
Chapter 6.