"I can"t," he said. "Hush! I can"t. Not up here--it means too much. Wait until we get back to earth again. Then--Oh, I say! Can"t you help?"
This kind of emotion was an unknown quant.i.ty to Lady Ingleby. So was the wild beating of her own heart. But she knew the situation called for tact, and was not tactful speech always her special forte?
"Jim," she said, "are you not frightfully hungry? I should be; only I had an enormous tea before coming out. Would you like to hear what I had for tea? No. I am afraid it would make you feel worse. I suppose dinner at the inn was over, long ago. I wonder what variation of fried fish they had, and whether Miss Susannah choked over a fish-bone, and had to be requested to leave the room. Oh, do you remember that evening? You looked so dismayed and alarmed, I quite thought you were going to the rescue! I wonder what time it is?"
"We can soon tell that," said Jim Airth, cheerfully. He dived into his pocket, produced a matchbox which he had long been fingering turn about with his pipe and tobacco-pouch, struck a light, and looked at his watch.
Myra saw the lean brown face, in the weird flare of the match. She also saw the horrid depth so close to them, which she had almost forgotten. A sense of dizziness came over her. She longed to cling to his arm; but he had drawn it resolutely away.
"Half past ten," said Jim Airth. "Miss Murgatroyd has donned her night-cap. Miss Eliza has sighed: "_Good-night, summer, good-night, good-night_," at her open lattice; and Susie, folding her plump hands, has said: "_Now I lay me_.""
Myra laughed. "And they will all be listening for you to dump out your big boots," she said. "That is always your "Good-night" to the otherwise silent house."
"No, really? Does it make a noise?" said Jim Airth, ruefully. "Never again----?"
"Oh, but you must," said Myra. "I love--I mean _Susie_ loves the sound, and listens for it. Jim, that match reminds me:--why don"t you smoke?
Surely it would help the hunger, and be comfortable and cheering."
Jim Airth"s pipe and pouch were out in a twinkling.
"Sure you don"t mind? It doesn"t make you sick, or give you a headache?"
"No, I think I like it," said Myra. "In fact, I am sure I like it. That is, I like to sit beside it. No, I don"t do it myself."
Another match flared, and again she saw the chasm, and the nearness of the edge. She bore it until the pipe was drawing well. Then: "Oh, Jim,"
she said, "I am so sorry; but I am afraid I am becoming dizzy. I feel as though I must fall over." She gave a half sob.
Jim Airth turned, instantly alert.
"Nonsense," he said, but the sharp word sounded tender. "Four good feet of width are as safe as forty. Change your position a bit." He put his arm around her, and moved her so that she leant more completely against the cliff at their backs. "Now forget the edge," he said, "and listen. I am going to tell you camp yarns, and tales of the Wild West."
Then as they sat on in the darkness, Jim Airth smoked and talked, painting vivid word-pictures of life and adventure in other lands. And Myra listened, absorbed and enchanted; every moment realising more fully, as he unconsciously revealed it, the manly strength and honest simplicity of his big nature, with its fun and its fire; its huge capacity for enjoyment; its corresponding capacity for pain.
And, as she listened, her heart said: "Oh, my cosmopolitan cowboy! Thank G.o.d you found no t.i.tle in the book, to put you off. Thank G.o.d you found no name which you could "place," relegating its poor possessor to the ranks of "society leaders" in which you would have had no share. And, oh!
most of all, I thank G.o.d for the doctor"s wise injunction: "Leave behind you your own ident.i.ty"!"
CHAPTER XII
UNDER THE MORNING STAR
The night wore on.
Stars shone in the deep purple sky; bright watchful eyes looking down unwearied upon the sleeping world.
The sound of the sea below fell from a roar to a murmur, and drew away into the distance.
It was a warm June night, and very still.
Jim Airth had moved along the ledge to the further end, and sat swinging his legs over the edge. His content was so deep and full, that ordinary speech seemed impossible; and silence, a glad necessity. The prospect of that which the future might hold in store, made the ledge too narrow to contain him. He sought relief in motion, and swung his long legs out into the darkness.
It had not occurred to him to wonder at his companion"s silence; the reason for his own had been so all-sufficient.
At length he struck a match to see the time; then, turning with a smile, held it so that its light illumined Myra.
She knelt upon the ledge, her hands pressed against the overhanging cliff, her head turned in terror away from it. Her face was ashen in its whiteness, and large tears rolled down her cheeks.
Jim dropped the match, with an exclamation, and groped towards her in the darkness.
"Dear!" he cried, "Oh, my dear, what is the matter? Selfish fool, that I am! I thought you were just resting, quiet and content."
His groping hands found and held her.
"Oh, Jim," sobbed Lady Ingleby, "I am so sorry! It is so weak and unworthy. But I am afraid I feel faint. The whole cliff seems to rock and move. Every moment I fear it will tip me over. And you seemed miles away!"
"You _are_ faint," said Jim Airth; "and no wonder. There is nothing weak or unworthy about it. You have been quite splendid. It is I who have been a thoughtless a.s.s. But I can"t have you fainting up here. You must lie down at once. If I sit on the edge with my back to you, can you slip along behind me and lie at full length, leaning against the cliff?"
"No, oh no, I couldn"t!" whispered Myra. "It frightens me so horribly when you hang your legs over the edge, and I can"t bear to touch the cliff. It seems worse than the black emptiness. It rocks to and fro, and seems to push me over. Oh, Jim! What shall I do? Help me, help me!"
"You _must_ lie down," said Jim Airth, between his teeth. "Here, wait a minute. Move out a little way. Don"t be afraid. I have hold of you. Let me get behind you.... That"s right. Now you are not touching the cliff.
Let me get my shoulders firmly into the hollow at this end, and my feet fixed at the other. There! With my back rammed into it like this, nothing short of an earthquake could dislodge me. Now dear--turn your back to me and your face to the sea and let yourself go. You will not fall over. Do not be afraid."
Very gently, but very firmly, he drew her into his arms.
Tired, frightened, faint,--Lady Ingleby was conscious at first of nothing save the intense relief of the sense of his great strength about her. She seemed to have been fighting the cliff and resisting the gaping darkness, until she was utterly worn out. Now she yielded to his gentle insistence, and sank into safety. Her cheek rested against his rough coat, and it seemed to her more soothing than the softest pillow. With a sigh of content, she folded her hands upon her breast, and he laid one of his big ones firmly over them both. She felt so safe, and held.
Then she heard Jim Airth"s voice, close to her ear.
"We are not alone," he said. "You must try to sleep, dear; but first I want you to realise that we are not alone. Do you know what I mean? _G.o.d is here._ When I was a very little chap, I used to go to a Dame-school in the Highlands; and the old dame made me learn by heart the hundred and thirty-ninth psalm. I have repeated parts of it in all sorts of places of difficulty and danger. I am going to say my favourite verses to you now.
Listen. "Whither shall I go from Thy Spirit? or whither shall I flee from Thy presence?... If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; even there shall Thy hand lead me, and Thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from Thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to Thee.... How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O G.o.d!
how great is the sum of them. If I should count them they are more in number than the sand: when I awake I am still with Thee.""
The deep voice ceased. Lady Ingleby opened her eyes. "I was nearly asleep," she said. "How good you are, Jim."
"No, I am not good," he answered. "I"m a tough chap, full of faults, and beset by failings. Only--if you will trust me, please G.o.d, I will never fail you. But now I want you to sleep; and I don"t want you to think about me. I am merely a thing, which by G.o.d"s providence is allowed to keep you in safety. Do you see that wonderful planet, hanging like a lamp in the sky? Watch it, while I tell you some lines written by an American woman, on the thought of that last verse."
And with his cheek against her soft hair, and his strong arms firmly round her, Jim Airth repeated, slowly, Mrs. Beecher Stowe"s matchless poem:
"Still, still with Thee, when purple morning breaketh, When the bird waketh, and the shadows flee; Fairer than morning, lovelier than daylight, Dawns the sweet consciousness--I am with Thee.
"Alone with Thee, amid the mystic shadows, The solemn hush of nature newly born; Alone with Thee, in breathless adoration, In the calm dew and freshness of the morn.
"As in the dawning, o"er the waveless ocean, The image of the morning star doth rest; So in this stillness Thou beholdest only Thine image in the waters of my breast.
"When sinks the soul, subdued by toil, to slumber Its closing eye looks up to Thee in prayer; Sweet the repose, beneath Thy wings o"ershadowing, But sweeter still to wake, and find Thee there.
"So shall it be at last, in that bright morning When the soul waketh, and life"s shadows flee; Oh, in that hour, fairer than daylight"s dawning, Shall rise the glorious thought, I am with Thee!"