Chapter 386: Pan An
Translator: CKtalon Editor: CKtalon
Fangzheng rolled his eyes and replied, “If This Penniless Monk were to know the answer, would he have to be a monk here on a mountain? If he really wants advice, all This Penniless Monk can say is that there are spots on mountains opposite him. He can go take a look.”
Red Boy immediately sent it back.
Zhao Datong was first taken aback before snapping back to his senses. He said wryly, “Master, isn’t it said that one can pray for a good marriage when asking Buddha? Why are you asking me to be a monk?”
“This Penniless Monk is not Buddha. You are asking the wrong person.”
Zhao Datong realized that was true. “Master, is there really no other method?”
Fangzheng shook his head. When Red Boy saw Fangzheng stay silent, an evil thought came to his head. He chuckled and mimicked Fangzheng’s tone. “Yes, humans are invincible when they are thick-skinned. If you are thin-skinned, the scenery on the opposite mountain is not bad too.”
Although Red Boy had never had a partner or been in love before, he understood the principle behind the matter after playing with the cell phone for so long. Patience was needed in courting girls, but more importantly was not having shame. If one were to work hard for a thousand years while waiting silently, one would only receive the wedding invitation of the other party. Only by forgetting one’s shame to confess one’s feelings could it work. Regardless if the other party rejected them, they would have at least done something. The girl would be able to see it and take it to heart, understanding your intentions in the process. If not, there might only be neglect or misunderstandings from her. Therefore a confession would give persistence a chance to work, if not… LOL!
Although Red Boy had never dated, he found humans in love quite an interesting matter. Therefore this fellow did not tell Fangzheng as he began advising Zhao Datong.
After Zhao Datong heard ‘Fangzheng’s’ advice, he furrowed his brows tightly. He found it amiss at first, but on careful thought, it seemed to be logical. Should he attempt it?
That night Fangzheng took back his cell phone before going back to bed. In bed, he casually read the latest news.
At that moment, Fangzheng suddenly received Zhao Datong’s message. It was a picture, and below it was an additional message: “Master, the facts prove that my skin isn’t thick enough. My face swelled up with one slap…”
Fangzheng was taken aback. What was the meaning of this? He scrolled up and read the conversation history…
“Jingxin!” A roar came from Fangzheng inside the meditation room.
Not long later, the crisp and pleasant sound of slapping b.u.t.tocks resounded in the clouds. It was followed by the wails of a particular brat…
After Fangzheng was exhausted from beating, Red Boy squatted in a corner pitifully while holding his b.u.t.tocks as he looked at Fangzheng.
Lone Wolf, Monkey, and Squirrel were obediently squatting in a corner in silence.
Fangzheng snorted. “Jingxin, do you know your faults?”
“Master, I learned that from the Internet and wanted to help him.”
“Have you been in love before?” Fangzheng rolled his eyes and asked.
Red Boy counted his fingers. “If we are talking about female partners, I have had more than a hundred. If we are talking about having children with them, not a single one. If you are talking about the obedient ones that serve tea and feed me, there were dozens. There were a few dozens who were for dancing… Master, what’s that look in your eyes? Why do I feel so cold suddenly.”
Fangzheng stared at him like a wolf looking at a tiny rabbit. He said nefariously to Monkey, “Jingzhen, bring me the broom. I’m going to engage in slaughter today!”
Not long later, a series of cries sounded from the yard. “Master, what did I do? Stop chasing after me…”
“Stop! How dare you bully a single man? Have you never been bitten?”
“Master, I was speaking the truth. I didn’t lie!”
“That’s why I’m only beating you once. Don’t you run!”
“Murder! Save me…”
…
After the hooha, Fangzheng returned to his meditation room. He was immediately dumbfounded when he opened WeChat.
“Master, you’re awesome! That slap was not for nothing. It’s a done deal!” Zhao Datong even added an extremely excited emoticon.
Fangzheng was completely rendered speechless. It actually worked?
Fangzheng replied: “Did it really work?”
“Yeah! My G.o.ddess even asked if it hurt and called me downstairs. I went, and she said she would accept my confession… Because she was too nervous, she did it subconsciously. Haha! I’m f**king no longer single. I have a girlfriend. Lalalala~” Zhao Datong sent the message extremely excitedly, but the next moment, he was shocked to realize that he had been blacklisted!
“What’s happening?” A flabbergasted Zhao Datong scratched his head and muttered to himself.
Meanwhile Fangzheng was looking out the window with a bitter look. “Is this day Singles-torturing day? Sigh… When can I renounce asceticism?”
As he mumbled to himself, Fangzheng fell asleep.
After a night without any major events, the rooster at the foot of the mountain started the day with: “Start the engines!”
Everyone on the mountain woke up, cleaned up, and made breakfast all in an orderly and familiar fas.h.i.+on. Red Boy and Squirrel bitterly carried two large buckets of water and a modified water bowl respectively to fetch water. Punishments had to happen!
Fangzheng sat underneath the bodhi tree, reading his scriptures carefreely. Devotees kept coming, but none of them disturbed him when they saw him reading. People were already accustomed to One Finger Monastery’s rules. They could do as they pleased. There was no fortune telling or selling of talismans, Buddha beads, and trinkets. The only thing one needed to do was offer incense and make a wish before leaving. If one wanted to use high incense, all one needed to do was take one and stuff two hundred yuan into the Merit Box. No one manned the incense either.
At the same time, no one secretly took the high incense. If one did not pay and made a wish, by being sincere it would still be useful. But by secretly using high incense without paying, especially under the nose of Bodhisattva, it would be a joke if one’s wishes were fulfilled.
There were quite a number of devotees today, which would dwindle after the morning until there was no one.
Fangzheng thought nothing of it either. At this moment, a young man ran in, looking quite in a rush. He entered the temple hall, offered the incense and knelt down to speak. That’s right. Others would pray silently, but this fellow spoke out loud. Monkey looked at Fangzheng, wondering if he should stop the man.
Fangzheng shook his head. He was also curious what the man had to say.
The man knelt there and said, “Bodhisattva, h.e.l.lo there. I’m Pan An. Eh, yes that adonis in ancient times, the one with superior intelligence. This name of mine was apt. I have quite good looks too, but for some reason, I’m just lazy to work. Sometime ago, my family introduced me to a few jobs. I went, and it was too tiring. It’s literally not something a human should do. Do you know? That factory even made me work for more than ten hours. There was only a half hour break in between. Is that work meant for humans?”
“Sigh, I’m quite aware of the talent I have, but why am I so poor? Bodhisattva, I’m not asking to be really rich, but please enlighten me on a path. I’m not tired of toiling either. I only want to find a job which has a salary that corresponds to the labor I put in. It’s said that One Finger Monastery’s Bodhisattva is efficacious, so I specially came here to pray to you. Please introduce me to a good job. It’s best if there’s little menial work, one that earns a lot, and without stress while handing out promotions, raises easily happening along the way…”