"He that putteth his hands to the plow, and then looketh back, is not fit for the Kingdom of Heaven;" "If ye were of the world, then the world would love its own, but because I have chosen you out of the world, the world persecuteth you;" "Ye, and all who live G.o.dly in Christ Jesus, shall suffer persecution, while evil men and seducers wax worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived."
The Son of G.o.d Himself, when He entered upon the duties of His mission, was led into the wilderness, where He was tempted forty days and nights, and when He was hungry and asked for bread He was told, substantially, that if His mission was of G.o.d that G.o.d would feed Him, that if hungry He could turn the stones to bread and eat.
I remembered that similar sayings had been thrown into our teeth.
These thoughts pa.s.sed through my frame like electricity - or to use the language of one of the old prophets, it was like fire shut up in my bones; I felt renewed and refreshed from head to foot, and determined to trust in the Arm that could not be broken; to conquer and subdue the pa.s.sions of my nature, and by the help of G.o.d to try and bring them in subjection to the will of the Spirit, and not of the flesh, which is carnal, sensual, and devilish. I determined that there should be no lack on my part.
Daylight came at last, and we renewed our journey. I put a double guard over those evil pa.s.sions that were sown thickly in my sinful nature. The pa.s.sion most dreaded by me was the l.u.s.t of the flesh; that I knew to be the worst enemy to my salvation, and I determined to master it, I have walked along in silence for hours, with my heart lifted up to G.o.d in prayer, pleading with Him to give me power over my pa.s.sions and sinful desires, that I might conquer and drive from my mind those besetting sins that were continually warring with the Spirit, which, if cherished or suffered to remain, would wound and grieve the Spirit and drive it away. It is written, "My Spirit will not dwell in an unholy temple." Jesus said to His followers that their bodies were the temples of the Living G.o.d; that if they who had charge of those temples, or bodies, allowed them to become unholy, He would destroy that body; while to those who guarded their temples, and kept them pure and holy, He and His Father would come and take up their abode and dwell with them as a constant companion forever, even unto the end, guiding them in all truth and showing them things past, present, and to come. From day to day I kept my mind in a constant strain upon this subject. Notwithstanding, the tempter was ever on the alert, and contested every inch of ground with me.
Often, while I was in the most solemn reflections, the tempter would place before me some lovely female, possessing all the allurements of her s.e.x, to draw my mind from the contemplation of holy things. For a moment humanity would claim the victory; but quick as thought I would banish the vision from my mind and plead with G.o.d for strength and power to resist the temptations that were besetting me and enable me to cast aside the love of sinful pleasures. The words of the Apostle Paul were appropriate for me at that and in future time, when he declared that he died daily to crucify the deeds of the flesh. So it was with me. I was convinced that I could not serve two masters, G.o.d and Mammon.
When I tried to please the one I was certain to displease the other. I found that I must give myself up wholly to G.o.d and His ministry and conduct myself as a man of G.o.d, if I would be worthy of the name of a messenger of salvation. I must have the Spirit of G.o.d accompany my words and carry conviction to the honest in heart. In this way I grew in grace from day to day, and I have never seen the hour that I regretted taking up my cross and giving up all other things to follow and obey Christ, my Redeemer and Friend. I do most sincerely regret that I ever suffered myself to be captivated by the wiles of the devil, contrary to my better judgment.
Brigham teaches that the will and acts of the people must all be dictated by him, and delights in hearing the apostles and elders declare to the people that he, Brigham, is G.o.d. He claims that the people are answerable to him as to their G.o.d, that they must obey his every beck and call. It matters not what he commands or requests the people to do, it is their duty to hear and obey. To disobey the will of Brigham is a sin against the Holy Ghost, and an unpardonable sin to be wiped out only by blood atonement. I must now resume my narrative, but I will hereafter speak of Brigham more at length.
We left the Fasting Hotel, as I called it, and traveled to Hamilton, Ohio, then a neat little town. As we arrived in the center of the town I felt impressed to call at a restaurant, kept by a foreigner. It was then noon. This was the first house we had called at since morning.
As we entered the proprietor requested us to unstrap our valises and sit down and rest, saying we looked very tired. He asked where we were from, and where we were going. We answered all his questions. He then offered us refreshments; we informed him that we had no money, and had eaten nothing for three days. He said it made no difference to him; that if we had no money we were more welcome than if we had plenty of it. We ate a hearty meal, and he gave us a drink of cider. He then filled our knapsacks with buns, cheese, sausages, and other things, after which he bid us G.o.dspeed.
We traveled on with hearts full of grat.i.tude to G.o.d, the bountiful Giver Who had opened the heart of the stranger that had just supplied our wants, and we felt grateful to and blessed the man for his generous actions. While pa.s.sing through Cincinnati we were offered refreshments by a lady that kept an inn. We crossed the Ohio River at Cincinnati, and stopped over night at a hotel on the Kentucky side of the river. We then traveled through Kentucky and into Overton and Jackson counties, Tennessee. I now bear testimony, though many years have pa.s.sed since then, that from the moment I renewed my covenant to deny myself to all unrighteousness and live the life of a man devoted to G.o.d"s work on earth, I have never felt that I was alone, or without a Friend powerful to aid, direct, and shield me at all times and during all troubles.
While in Tennessee I stopped with my friend Levi Stewart at the houses of his relatives in Overton and Jackson counties, and preached several times. My friend Stewart was blessed with a large b.u.mp of self-esteem. He imagined that he could convert all of his relatives at once; that all he had to do was to present the gospel, and they would gladly embrace it. He appeared to forget that a prophet was not without honor, save in his own country and among his own kinfolk.
Brother Stewart, though I was his superior in the Priesthood, if not in experience and ability, looked upon me as a cipher, fit for nothing. The rough treatment and slights that I received from him were more than humiliating to a man of fine feelings and a spirit such as I possessed. I said nothing to him, but I poured out my soul in secret prayer to my Heavenly Father, asking Him to open the door for my deliverance, so that my proud spirit, which was bound down, might soar in a free element.
One Sunday we attended a Baptist meeting. We sat facing the preacher, but at the far side of the house. My mind was absorbed in meditating upon my future labors. Gradually I lost consciousness of my surroundings, and my whole being seemed in another locality. I was in a trance, and saw future events. What I then saw was to me a reality, and I will describe it as such. I traveled in a strange land and among a people that I had never seen. I was kindly received by the people, and all my wants were supplied without my having to ask for charity. I traveled on, going over a mountainous country. I crossed a clear, handsome river, and was kindly received by the family of the owner of the ferry at that river. I stayed with this family for some days. I then recrossed the river and called at a house, where I asked for a drink of water, which was given me. I held quite a conversation with two young women. They informed me that there was no minister in the neighborhood; also that their father had gone in pursuit of a Mormon preacher who had pa.s.sed that way a few days before. A few days pa.s.sed, and I saw myself in the midst of a congregation, to whom I was preaching. I also baptized a large number and organized a flourishing branch of the Church, and was in charge of that people. I was very popular with, and almost worshiped by, my congregation. I saw all this, and much more, when my vision closed. My mind gradually changed back, and I found myself sitting in the meetinghouse, where I had been just forty minutes before.
This was an open-day vision, in which the curtains of heaven were raised and held aside from futurity to allow me to look into the things which were to come. A feeling of heavenly rapture filled my being, so much so that, like the apostle who was caught up into the third heaven, I did not know whether I was in the body or out of it during my vision. I saw things that it would be unlawful for men to utter. While the vision lasted my soul was lighted up as if illuminated with the candle of G.o.d. When the vision closed the hallowed influence gradually withdrew, yet leaving sufficient of its glorious effect upon my soul to justify me in feeling and knowing that I was then chosen of G.o.d as a servant in His earthly kingdom; and I was also made to know, by my sensations, that my vision was real, and would soon be verified in every particular.
At the close of the church services we returned to our lodgings.
Brother Stewart asked me if I was sick. I said:
"No, I am not sick, but I feel serious; yet I am comfortable."
That evening, after I had given some time to secret prayer, I retired to rest. Very soon afterwards the vision returned, though somewhat varied. I was in the midst of a strange people, to whom I was propounding the gospel. They received it with honest hearts, and looked upon me as a messenger of salvation. I visited from house to house, surrounded by friends and kindred spirits with whom I had once been familiar in another state of existence.
I was in the spirit, and communing with the host of spirits that surrounded me; they encouraged me to return to the body and continue to act the part that my Master had a.s.signed me. No person, except those who have entered by pureness of heart into constant communion with G.o.d, can ever enter into the joyous host with whom I then, and in after life, held intercourse.
When I came to myself in the morning I determined to travel until the end of time to find the people and country that G.o.d had shown me in my vision; and I made my arrangements to start forth again, knowing that G.o.d now went with me. I started off after having a talk with Brother Stewart. He tried to dissuade me from going, saying I had little experience, not sufficient to warrant my traveling alone; that we had better remain together where we were for a season, for we had a home there, and could study and inform ourselves more thoroughly before starting out among strangers. I told him that in and of my own strength I was but a weak vessel; but my trust was in G.o.d, and unless He would bless my labors I could not accomplish much. That I was G.o.d"s servant, engaged in His work, therefore I looked to Him for strength and grace sufficient to sustain me in my day of trial. That I trusted in the arm of G.o.d alone, and not in one of flesh. I started off in a southwesterly course, over the c.u.mberland Mountains, and went about seventy miles through a heavily timbered country. I found many species of wild fruit in abundance along the way.
Springs of pure, cold water were quite common. I pa.s.sed many little farms and orchards of cultivated fruit, such as cherries, peaches, pears, and apples. As I proceeded the country became familiar to me, so much so that I soon knew I was on the very ground I had seen in my vision in the Baptist church. I saw the place where I had held my first meeting, and my joy was great to behold with my eyes what I had seen through a gla.s.s darkly. I turned aside from the road, and beneath the spreading branches of the forest trees I lifted my heart with grat.i.tude to G.o.d for what He had done for me. I then went to the house where I had seen the mult.i.tude a.s.sembled when I was preaching.
There I saw the two young women that I had beheld in my vision.
They appeared to me as though I had known them from infancy, they so perfectly accorded with those whom I had seen while G.o.d permitted me to peer into futurity. Yes, I saw the women, but their father was gone from home. I asked for a drink of water, and it was handed to me, as I had seen it done in my vision. I asked them if there had ever been any Mormon preachers in that country. They said there had not been any there. The young women were modest and genteel in behavior. I pa.s.sed on to the c.u.mberland River, was set over the river by the ferryman, and lodged in his house.
So far all was as G.o.d had shown me; but I was still at the outer edge of my familiar scenery. I stayed about a week with the ferryman. His name was Vanleven, a relative of my friend and banker in Illinois. I made myself useful while there. I attended the ferry and did such work as I could see needed attending to. I also read and preached Mormon doctrines to the family.
On the fifth day after reaching the ferry I saw five men approaching. I instantly recognized one of them as the man I had seen in my vision - the man that took me to his house to preach.
My heart leaped for joy, for G.o.d had sent him in answer to the prayers I had offered up, asking that the man should be sent for me. I crossed the men over and back again, and although I talked considerably to the man about what was uppermost in my mind, he said nothing about my going home with him. I was much disappointed.
I retired for secret prayer, and asked G.o.d, in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, to aid me, and to send the man whom I had seen in my vision back for me. Before I left my knees I had evidence that my prayer was answered.
The next morning at daylight I informed my friends that I must depart in search of my field of labor. They asked me to stay until breakfast, but I refused. One of the negroes put me over the river, and directed me how to cross the mountains on the trail that was much shorter than the wagon road. I stopped in a little cove and ate a number of fine, ripe cherries. I then went on until I reached what to me was enchanted ground. I met the two sisters at the gate, and asked them if their father was at home.
"No, he is not at home," said the ladies, "he has gone to the ferry to find a Mormon preacher, and see if he can get him to come here and preach in this neighborhood."
They then said I must have met him on the road. I told them that I had come over the mountain trail, and said I was probably the man he had gone for. They replied:
"Our father said that if you came this way, to have you stop and stay here until his return, and to tell you that you are welcome to preach at our house at any time."
This was on Friday. I took out my pencil and wrote a notice that I would preach at that place on the following Sunday, at 10 o"clock, a. m. I handed it to the girls. They agreed to have the appointment circulated. I pa.s.sed on and preached at a place twelve miles from there, and returned in time for my appointment.
When I arrived within sight of the place of meeting I was filled with doubt and anxiety. I trembled all over, for I saw that a vast concourse of people had come to hear an inexperienced man preach the gospel. I went into the grove and again prayed for strength and a.s.sistance from my Father in Heaven, to enable me to speak His truth aright. I felt strengthened and comforted. As I arose from prayer these words came into my mind:
"Truth is mighty and will prevail."
Thereafter I waited until the hour arrived for preaching; then I approached the place where I had once been in a vision.
This meeting place was in a valley, near a cold, pure spring; on either side was a high, elevated country; in the center of this valley there stood a large blacksmith and wagon shop, surrounded with a bower of brushwood to protect the audience from the sun.
This bower, in which I was to preach, would seat one thousand people.
In the center of the bower they had erected a framework or raised platform for a pulpit. I took my place and preached for one hour and a half. My tongue was like the pen of a ready writer. I scarcely knew what I was saying. I then opened the doors of the Church for the admission of members. Five persons joined the Church, and I appointed another meeting for that night. I again preached, when two more joined the Church.
The next day I baptized the seven new members. I then arranged to hold meetings at that place three times a week. I visited around the country, seeking to convert sinners. The first converts were leading people in that county.
Elisha Sanders and his wife and daughter were the first to receive the gospel. Sanders was a farmer; he had a large flour mill, owned a woodyard, and was engaged in boat building on the c.u.mberland River. Caroline C. Sanders had volunteered to publish the appointment of my first meeting, which I left with the daughters of Mr. Smith. I labored at this place two months, and baptized twenty-eight persons, mostly the heads of families. I then organized them into a branch of the Church.
Brother Sanders fitted up a room very handsomely for me, in which I could retire for study, rest, and secret prayer. I was made to feel at home there, and knew that G.o.d had answered my prayers. I had the knowledge that G.o.d"s Spirit accompanied my words, carrying conviction to the hearts of sinful hearers, and giving me souls as seals to my ministry.
Brother Stewart soon preached himself out in his relatives"
neighborhood. He heard of my success, and came to me. He said that the people where he had been preaching were an unbelieving set. I introduced him to the members of my congregation, and had him preach with me a few times, which gratified him very much.
One Sunday we were to administer the ordinance of baptism.
Several candidates were in attendance. Brother Stewart was quite anxious to baptize the people. I was willing to humor him. So I said:
"My friends, Brother Stewart, a priest of the New Dispensation, will administer the ordinance of baptism."
The people stood still; none would come forward for him to baptize them. They said they would not be baptized until I would baptize them myself. I told them I would act if they desired it.
So I baptized the people, and Brother Stewart was much offended with them. He had not yet learned that he that exalteth himself shall be cast down, and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. I then called on the people for a contribution, to get some clothing for Brother Stewart. I had concluded to have him return home, and wished to reclothe him before he started, for he was then in need of it. The contribution was more liberal than I expected.
After Brother Stewart departed I stayed there some three weeks.
Then I made up my mind to go home and visit my family. Brother Sanders invited me to go to Gainsborough with him, wh.o.r.e he presented me with a nice supply of clothing. Sister Sanders presented me with a fine horse, saddle, and bridle, and twelve dollars in money. The congregation gave me fifty dollars, and I had from them an outfit worth over three hundred dollars. I at first refused to accept the horse, but Sister Sanders appeared so grieved at this that I finally took it. I left my congregation in charge of Elder Julien Moses, and started for my family about the 1st of October, 1839. I promised to call on my flock the next spring, or send a suitable minister to wait upon them.
When I reached Vandalia I found my family well. G.o.d had raised up friends for them in my absence. The Saints were then gathering at Commerce, that is to say Nauvoo, Hanc.o.c.k County, Illinois. I visited my sister"s family that fall; they then lived about one hundred miles north of Vandalia. I preached often through Central Illinois, and that fall I baptized all of my wife"s family, except her father. He held out and refused the gospel until he was on his deathbed; then he demanded baptism, but being in a country place he died ere an elder could be procured to baptize him. By the rules of our Church a person can be baptized for the dead, and later he was saved to eternal life by the baptism of one of his children for the salvation of his soul.
CHAPTER VIII - LEE AS A MISSIONARY
Shortly after my return to Illinois I built a house for my family. During the winter I entered into a trading and trafficking business with G. W. Hickerson. We would go over the country and buy up chickens, b.u.t.ter, feathers, beeswax, and c.o.o.n skins, and haul them to St. Louis, and carry back calicoes and other goods in payment for the articles first purchased. We made some money that way.
While carrying on this trade I drew the remainder of my money from my friend, Vanleven, and began my preparations for joining the Saints. About the middle of April, 1840, I succeeded in securing a good outfit, and with my old friend Stewart again joined the Saints at Nauvoo. I felt it to be G.o.d"s will that I must obey the orders of the Prophet, hence my return to the society of the brethren.
Joseph and his two counselors, his brother Hyrum and Sidney Rigdon had been released from jail in Richmond, Missouri, and were again at the head of the Church and directing the energies of the brethren. It was the policy of Joseph to hold the city lots in Nauvoo at a high price, so as to draw money from the rich, but not so high as to prevent the poor from obtaining homes. The poor who lost all their property in following the Church were presented with a lot free in the center of the city.