"He seems to have his own way, sir," remarked Edwin.
"His own way?" returned Mr. Grewgious. "O dear no! Poor fellow, you quite mistake him. If he had his own way, he wouldn"t be here."
"I wonder where he would be!" Edwin thought. But he only thought it, because Mr. Grewgious came and stood himself with his back to the other corner of the fire, and his shoulder-blades against the chimneypiece, and collected his skirts for easy conversation.
"I take it, without having the gift of prophecy, that you have done me the favour of looking in to mention that you are going down yonder-where I can tell you, you are expected-and to offer to execute any little commission from me to my charming ward, and perhaps to sharpen me up a bit in any proceedings? Eh, Mr. Edwin?"
"I called, sir, before going down, as an act of attention."
"Of attention!" said Mr. Grewgious. "Ah! of course, not of impatience?"
"Impatience, sir?"
Mr. Grewgious had meant to be arch-not that he in the remotest degree expressed that meaning-and had brought himself into scarcely supportable proximity with the fire, as if to burn the fullest effect of his archness into himself, as other subtle impressions are burnt into hard metals. But his archness suddenly flying before the composed face and manner of his visitor, and only the fire remaining, he started and rubbed himself.
"I have lately been down yonder," said Mr. Grewgious, rearranging his skirts; "and that was what I referred to, when I said I could tell you you are expected."
"Indeed, sir! Yes; I knew that p.u.s.s.y was looking out for me."
"Do you keep a cat down there?" asked Mr. Grewgious.
Edwin coloured a little as he explained: "I call Rosa p.u.s.s.y."
"O, really," said Mr. Grewgious, smoothing down his head; "that"s very affable."
Edwin glanced at his face, uncertain whether or no he seriously objected to the appellation. But Edwin might as well have glanced at the face of a clock.
"A pet name, sir," he explained again.
"Umps," said Mr. Grewgious, with a nod. But with such an extraordinary compromise between an unqualified a.s.sent and a qualified dissent, that his visitor was much disconcerted.
"Did PRosa-" Edwin began by way of recovering himself.
"PRosa?" repeated Mr. Grewgious.
"I was going to say p.u.s.s.y, and changed my mind;-did she tell you anything about the Landlesses?"
"No," said Mr. Grewgious. "What is the Landlesses? An estate? A villa? A farm?"
"A brother and sister. The sister is at the Nuns" House, and has become a great friend of P-"
"PRosa"s," Mr. Grewgious struck in, with a fixed face.
"She is a strikingly handsome girl, sir, and I thought she might have been described to you, or presented to you perhaps?"
"Neither," said Mr. Grewgious. "But here is Bazzard."
Bazzard returned, accompanied by two waiters-an immovable waiter, and a flying waiter; and the three brought in with them as much fog as gave a new roar to the fire. The flying waiter, who had brought everything on his shoulders, laid the cloth with amazing rapidity and dexterity; while the immovable waiter, who had brought nothing, found fault with him. The flying waiter then highly polished all the gla.s.ses he had brought, and the immovable waiter looked through them. The flying waiter then flew across Holborn for the soup, and flew back again, and then took another flight for the made-dish, and flew back again, and then took another flight for the joint and poultry, and flew back again, and between whiles took supplementary flights for a great variety of articles, as it was discovered from time to time that the immovable waiter had forgotten them all. But let the flying waiter cleave the air as he might, he was always reproached on his return by the immovable waiter for bringing fog with him, and being out of breath. At the conclusion of the repast, by which time the flying waiter was severely blown, the immovable waiter gathered up the tablecloth under his arm with a grand air, and having sternly (not to say with indignation) looked on at the flying waiter while he set the clean gla.s.ses round, directed a valedictory glance towards Mr. Grewgious, conveying: "Let it be clearly understood between us that the reward is mine, and that Nil is the claim of this slave," and pushed the flying waiter before him out of the room.
It was like a highly-finished miniature painting representing My Lords of the Circ.u.mlocution Department, Commandership-in-Chief of any sort, Government. It was quite an edifying little picture to be hung on the line in the National Gallery.
As the fog had been the proximate cause of this sumptuous repast, so the fog served for its general sauce. To hear the out-door clerks sneezing, wheezing, and beating their feet on the gravel was a zest far surpa.s.sing Doctor Kitchener"s. To bid, with a shiver, the unfortunate flying waiter shut the door before he had opened it, was a condiment of a profounder flavour than Harvey. And here let it be noticed, parenthetically, that the leg of this young man, in its application to the door, evinced the finest sense of touch: always preceding himself and tray (with something of an angling air about it), by some seconds: and always lingering after he and the tray had disappeared, like Macbeth"s leg when accompanying him off the stage with reluctance to the a.s.sa.s.sination of Duncan.
The host had gone below to the cellar, and had brought up bottles of ruby, straw-coloured, and golden drinks, which had ripened long ago in lands where no fogs are, and had since lain slumbering in the shade. Sparkling and tingling after so long a nap, they pushed at their corks to help the corkscrew (like prisoners helping rioters to force their gates), and danced out gaily. If P. J. T. in seventeen-forty-seven, or in any other year of his period, drank such wines-then, for a certainty, P. J. T. was Pretty Jolly Too.
Externally, Mr. Grewgious showed no signs of being mellowed by these glowing vintages. Instead of his drinking them, they might have been poured over him in his high-dried snuff form, and run to waste, for any lights and shades they caused to flicker over his face. Neither was his manner influenced. But, in his wooden way, he had observant eyes for Edwin; and when at the end of dinner, he motioned Edwin back to his own easy-chair in the fireside corner, and Edwin sank luxuriously into it after very brief remonstrance, Mr. Grewgious, as he turned his seat round towards the fire too, and smoothed his head and face, might have been seen looking at his visitor between his smoothing fingers.
"Bazzard!" said Mr. Grewgious, suddenly turning to him.
"I follow you, sir," returned Bazzard; who had done his work of consuming meat and drink in a workmanlike manner, though mostly in speechlessness.
"I drink to you, Bazzard; Mr. Edwin, success to Mr. Bazzard!"
"Success to Mr. Bazzard!" echoed Edwin, with a totally unfounded appearance of enthusiasm, and with the unspoken addition: "What in, I wonder!"
"And May!" pursued Mr. Grewgious-"I am not at liberty to be definite-May!-my conversational powers are so very limited that I know I shall not come well out of this-May!-it ought to be put imaginatively, but I have no imagination-May!-the thorn of anxiety is as nearly the mark as I am likely to get-May it come out at last!"
Mr. Bazzard, with a frowning smile at the fire, put a hand into his tangled locks, as if the thorn of anxiety were there; then into his waistcoat, as if it were there; then into his pockets, as if it were there. In all these movements he was closely followed by the eyes of Edwin, as if that young gentleman expected to see the thorn in action. It was not produced, however, and Mr. Bazzard merely said: "I follow you, sir, and I thank you."
"I am going," said Mr. Grewgious, jingling his gla.s.s on the table with one hand, and bending aside under cover of the other, to whisper to Edwin, "to drink to my ward. But I put Bazzard first. He mightn"t like it else."
This was said with a mysterious wink; or what would have been a wink, if, in Mr. Grewgious"s hands, it could have been quick enough. So Edwin winked responsively, without the least idea what he meant by doing so.
"And now," said Mr. Grewgious, "I devote a b.u.mper to the fair and fascinating Miss Rosa. Bazzard, the fair and fascinating Miss Rosa!"
"I follow you, sir," said Bazzard, "and I pledge you!"
"And so do I!" said Edwin.
"Lord bless me," cried Mr. Grewgious, breaking the blank silence which of course ensued: though why these pauses should come upon us when we have performed any small social rite, not directly inducive of self-examination or mental despondency, who can tell? "I am a particularly Angular man, and yet I fancy (if I may use the word, not having a morsel of fancy), that I could draw a picture of a true lover"s state of mind, to-night."
"Let us follow you, sir," said Bazzard, "and have the picture."
"Mr. Edwin will correct it where it"s wrong," resumed Mr. Grewgious, "and will throw in a few touches from the life. I dare say it is wrong in many particulars, and wants many touches from the life, for I was born a Chip, and have neither soft sympathies nor soft experiences. Well! I hazard the guess that the true lover"s mind is completely permeated by the beloved object of his affections. I hazard the guess that her dear name is precious to him, cannot be heard or repeated without emotion, and is preserved sacred. If he has any distinguishing appellation of fondness for her, it is reserved for her, and is not for common ears. A name that it would be a privilege to call her by, being alone with her own bright self, it would be a liberty, a coldness, an insensibility, almost a breach of good faith, to flaunt elsewhere."
It was wonderful to see Mr. Grewgious sitting bolt upright, with his hands on his knees, continuously chopping this discourse out of himself: much as a charity boy with a very good memory might get his catechism said: and evincing no correspondent emotion whatever, unless in a certain occasional little tingling perceptible at the end of his nose.
"My picture," Mr. Grewgious proceeded, "goes on to represent (under correction from you, Mr. Edwin), the true lover as ever impatient to be in the presence or vicinity of the beloved object of his affections; as caring very little for his case in any other society; and as constantly seeking that. If I was to say seeking that, as a bird seeks its nest, I should make an a.s.s of myself, because that would trench upon what I understand to be poetry; and I am so far from trenching upon poetry at any time, that I never, to my knowledge, got within ten thousand miles of it. And I am besides totally unacquainted with the habits of birds, except the birds of Staple Inn, who seek their nests on ledges, and in gutter-pipes and chimneypots, not constructed for them by the beneficent hand of Nature. I beg, therefore, to be understood as foregoing the bird"s-nest. But my picture does represent the true lover as having no existence separable from that of the beloved object of his affections, and as living at once a doubled life and a halved life. And if I do not clearly express what I mean by that, it is either for the reason that having no conversational powers, I cannot express what I mean, or that having no meaning, I do not mean what I fail to express. Which, to the best of my belief, is not the case."
Edwin had turned red and turned white, as certain points of this picture came into the light. He now sat looking at the fire, and bit his lip.
"The speculations of an Angular man," resumed Mr. Grewgious, still sitting and speaking exactly as before, "are probably erroneous on so globular a topic. But I figure to myself (subject, as before, to Mr. Edwin"s correction), that there can be no coolness, no la.s.situde, no doubt, no indifference, no half fire and half smoke state of mind, in a real lover. Pray am I at all near the mark in my picture?"
As abrupt in his conclusion as in his commencement and progress, he jerked this inquiry at Edwin, and stopped when one might have supposed him in the middle of his oration.
"I should say, sir," stammered Edwin, "as you refer the question to me-"
"Yes," said Mr. Grewgious, "I refer it to you, as an authority."