MR. BIXBY--Have you noticed how much better I rest after a day"s fishing?
MRS. BIXBY--No; but I have noticed how much easier you lie after a day"s fishing than upon other days.
"Nature never allows anything to run to waist."
"Humph! You"ve never seen a Vermont girl of forty."
"What"s the matter here?"
"Man broke his neck."
"What story did he fall from?"
"Didn"t fall--tried to see the top of the building."
According to a florist"s magazine "Jacks are becoming cheap."
This may be true, but we have known men who would have been willing to pay $10 for one to put with the two already in their hands.
JOHNNY--What makes you look so tired?
TOMMY--My step-mother is sick end now I"ll get licked before every meal. The doctor says she must take exercise on an empty stomach.
BROWN--"Peckhen has arrived safe. I just received a cablegram from him."
SMITH--"Did he have a rough voyage?"
BROWN--"No; his wife didn"t go."
"Oh, live and let live, my man."
"Yes, I"d look well, wouldn"t I? I"m a butcher."
SMITH--I notice that Robinson has an article in the paper this morning.
JONES--Indeed! I didn"t see it. What was it?
SMITH--His spring overcoat. He was taking it to the tailor to be pressed and cleaned.
When Lot found his wife transformed into a pillar of salt, he was wise enough to let it go at that and not take a fresh one.
SOLOMAN SOLOMAN--Our frent Cohen must pe goin" t" haf a fire.
ISAAC ISAACS--Vy?
SOLOMAN SOLOMAN--Vell, he took oud an inshoorance bolicy yeste"day.
"A telephone girl always reminds me of a pictured saint."
"Why?"
"There is a continual "h.e.l.lo" around her head."
A husband and wife are considered one, but it is useless to try to work that gag on the landlord when he presents the board bill.
"You haven"t a cent, and yet wish to marry Miss Bilyan. Don"t you expect her father to kick you out?"
"Oh, no I intend to go before the footlights."