PLAYWRIGHT--"There is a great climax in the last act. Just as two burglars climb in the kitchen window the clock strikes one; then----"
MANAGER CONN--"Be more explicit. Which one did the clock strike?"
"I sent a dollar last week" said the Good thing, "in answer to that advertis.e.m.e.nt offering a method of saving one-half my gas bills."
"And you got----"
"A printed slip directing me to paste them in a sc.r.a.p-book."
"Did any of you ever see an elephant"s skin?" inquired a teacher of a cla.s.s of youths.
"I have," exclaimed one.
"Where?" asked the teacher.
"On the elephant," replied the boy.
"Curious, isn"t it?"
"What?"
"A man"s handwriting is never so bad that his name can"t be read when signed to a check."
"That cook would make a good baseball player."
"Why so?"
"A fly got into the batter when she was serving the griddles, and the way she caught that fly from the batter was a sight to rush an umpire into an early grave."
When you see a young man cleaning a girl"s bicycle, they are engaged; but when you see the operation reversed, they are married.
SHE (approvingly)--You won her hand, then?
HE (rather glumly)--Humph--I presume so. I"m under her thumb.
"What is the difference between the admission to a dime museum and the admission to Sing Sing?"
"Don"t know. What?"
"One is ten cents and the other is sentence."
"A man at the hotel wanted to bet that Corbett would knock out Jeffries."
"Who took him up?"
"The elevator boy, I think."
Why is a railroad train like a bedbug?
It runs over the sleepers.
CALLER--Wonder if I can see your mother, little boy? Is she engaged?
LITTLE BOY--Engaged? Whatcher givin" us? She"s married.
"I must admit," said the mannish girl, "that I"m very fond of men"s clothes. You don"t like them, do you?"
"Yes. I do," replied the girly girl, frankly, "when there"s a man in them."
When a woman finds her dress does not match her complexion, it is always easy enough to change her complexion.