"Is it so, Patsy?" was the officer"s query.
"Nah. Lemme tell you, Charley, an" I got the witnesses to prove it, so help me G.o.d. I was settin" in me kitchen eatin" a bowl of soup, when this guy comes in an" gets gay wid me. I never seen him in me born days before. He was drunk--"
"Look at me, officer," protested the indignant sociologist. "Am I drunk?"
The officer looked at him with sullen, menacing eyes and nodded to Patsy to continue.
"This guy gets gay wid me. "I"m Tim McGrath," says he, "an" I can do the like to you," says he. "Put up yer hands." I smiles, an" wid that, biff biff, he lands me twice an" spills me soup. Look at me eye. I"m fair murdered."
"What are you going to do, officer?" Watson demanded.
"Go on, beat it," was the answer, "or I"ll pull you sure."
The civic righteousness of Carter Watson flamed up.
"Mr. Officer, I protest--"
But at that moment the policeman grabbed his arm with a savage jerk that nearly overthrew him.
"Come on, you"re pulled."
"Arrest him, too," Watson demanded.
"Nix on that play," was the reply.
"What did you a.s.sault him for, him a peacefully eatin" his soup?"
II
Carter Watson was genuinely angry. Not only had he been wantonly a.s.saulted, badly battered, and arrested, but the morning papers without exception came out with lurid accounts of his drunken brawl with the proprietor of the notorious Vendome. Not one accurate or truthful line was published. Patsy Horan and his satellites described the battle in detail. The one incontestable thing was that Carter Watson had been drunk. Thrice he had been thrown out of the place and into the gutter, and thrice he had come back, breathing blood and fire and announcing that he was going to clean out the place. "EMINENT SOCIOLOGIST JAGGED AND JUGGED," was the first head-line he read, on the front page, accompanied by a large portrait of himself. Other headlines were: "CARTER WATSON ASPIRED TO CHAMPIONSHIP HONORS"; "CARTER WATSON GETS HIS"; "NOTED SOCIOLOGIST ATTEMPTS TO CLEAN OUT A TENDERLOIN CAFE"; and "CARTER WATSON KNOCKED OUT BY PATSY HORAN IN THREE ROUNDS."
At the police court, next morning, under bail, appeared Carter Watson to answer the complaint of the People Versus Carter Watson, for the latter"s a.s.sault and battery on one Patsy Horan. But first, the Prosecuting Attorney, who was paid to prosecute all offenders against the People, drew him aside and talked with him privately.
"Why not let it drop!" said the Prosecuting Attorney. "I tell you what you do, Mr. Watson: Shake hands with Mr. Horan and make it up, and we"ll drop the case right here. A word to the Judge, and the case against you will be dismissed."
"But I don"t want it dismissed," was the answer. "Your office being what it is, you should be prosecuting me instead of asking me to make up with this--this fellow."
"Oh, I"ll prosecute you all right," retorted the Prosecuting Attorney.
"Also you will have to prosecute this Patsy Horan," Watson advised; "for I shall now have him arrested for a.s.sault and battery."
"You"d better shake and make up," the Prosecuting Attorney repeated, and this time there was almost a threat in his voice.
The trials of both men were set for a week later, on the same morning, in Police Judge Witberg"s court.
"You have no chance," Watson was told by an old friend of his boyhood, the retired manager of the biggest paper in the city. "Everybody knows you were beaten up by this man. His reputation is most unsavory. But it won"t help you in the least. Both cases will be dismissed. This will be because you are you. Any ordinary man would be convicted."
"But I do not understand," objected the perplexed sociologist. "Without warning I was attacked by this man; and badly beaten. I did not strike a blow. I--"
"That has nothing to do with it," the other cut him off.
"Then what is there that has anything to do with it?"
"I"ll tell you. You are now up against the local police and political machine. Who are you? You are not even a legal resident in this town.
You live up in the country. You haven"t a vote of your own here. Much less do you swing any votes. This dive proprietor swings a string of votes in his precincts--a mighty long string."
"Do you mean to tell me that this Judge Witberg will violate the sacredness of his office and oath by letting this brute off?" Watson demanded.
"Watch him," was the grim reply. "Oh, he"ll do it nicely enough. He will give an extra-legal, extra-judicial decision, abounding in every word in the dictionary that stands for fairness and right."
"But there are the newspapers," Watson cried.
"They are not fighting the administration at present. They"ll give it to you hard. You see what they have already done to you."
"Then these snips of boys on the police detail won"t write the truth?"
"They will write something so near like the truth that the public will believe it. They write their stories under instruction, you know. They have their orders to twist and color, and there won"t be much left of you when they get done. Better drop the whole thing right now. You are in bad."
"But the trials are set."
"Give the word and they"ll drop them now. A man can"t fight a machine unless he has a machine behind him."
III
But Carter Watson was stubborn. He was convinced that the machine would beat him, but all his days he had sought social experience, and this was certainly something new.
The morning of the trial the Prosecuting Attorney made another attempt to patch up the affair.
"If you feel that way, I should like to get a lawyer to prosecute the case," said Watson.
"No, you don"t," said the Prosecuting Attorney. "I am paid by the People to prosecute, and prosecute I will. But let me tell you. You have no chance. We shall lump both cases into one, and you watch out."
Judge Witberg looked good to Watson. A fairly young man, short, comfortably stout, smooth-shaven and with an intelligent face, he seemed a very nice man indeed. This good impression was added to by the smiling lips and the wrinkles of laughter in the corners of his black eyes.
Looking at him and studying him, Watson felt almost sure that his old friend"s prognostication was wrong.
But Watson was soon to learn. Patsy Horan and two of his satellites testified to a most colossal aggregation of perjuries. Watson could not have believed it possible without having experienced it. They denied the existence of the other four men. And of the two that testified, one claimed to have been in the kitchen, a witness to Watson"s unprovoked a.s.sault on Patsy, while the other, remaining in the bar, had witnessed Watson"s second and third rushes into the place as he attempted to annihilate the unoffending Patsy. The vile language ascribed to Watson was so voluminously and unspeakably vile, that he felt they were injuring their own case. It was so impossible that he should utter such things. But when they described the brutal blows he had rained on poor Patsy"s face, and the chair he demolished when he vainly attempted to kick Patsy, Watson waxed secretly hilarious and at the same time sad.
The trial was a farce, but such lowness of life was depressing to contemplate when he considered the long upward climb humanity must make.
Watson could not recognize himself, nor could his worst enemy have recognized him, in the swashbuckling, rough-housing picture that was painted of him. But, as in all cases of complicated perjury, rifts and contradictions in the various stories appeared. The Judge somehow failed to notice them, while the Prosecuting Attorney and Patsy"s attorney shied off from them gracefully. Watson had not bothered to get a lawyer for himself, and he was now glad that he had not.
Still, he retained a semblance of faith in Judge Witberg when he went himself on the stand and started to tell his story.
"I was strolling casually along the street, your Honor," Watson began, but was interrupted by the Judge.
"We are not here to consider your previous actions," bellowed Judge Witberg. "Who struck the first blow?"
"Your Honor," Watson pleaded, "I have no witnesses of the actual fray, and the truth of my story can only be brought out by telling the story fully--"