Chapter Two.
PATRICIA HAD FOUGHT desperately, finally broken the old man"s grip and run wildly away from him through the empty, rain-drenched streets, hoping to hail a cop or find a tele-phone booth. Before she could do either she had seen three tall men pile out of a car half a block away. She had run down a side street, her shoes clattering on the sidewalk, the trees dripping rain down her back.
She had rushed up onto a lit porch and screamed for help; she had pounded on the door and rattled the windows. In response the porch light had gone out. Then cars, dark and coming fast, had appeared at both ends of the street.
She had leaped over the porch rail into wet and th.o.r.n.y-bushes, had fought her way around a side yard past lighted windows, hearing the distant drone of the ten o"clock news inside that locked house. At last she had come into the sodden, choked alley.
And found herself facing a brick wall. But above it loomed a black, blessed shadow, the familiar bulk of Holy Spirit Church. By some instinct she had come to this protection. Surely there were places to hide in here, if one could be still enough. And Father Goodwin never never locked his church. locked his church.
By the time two men emerged from the trees behind her she had scaled the wall, run down to the front of the church and entered. The silence inside stopped her for a moment. Votive candles danced shadows around her. Every move echoed in the great stone s.p.a.ce. Far away beside the altar shone the deep red of the vigil candle, confirming the Blessed Life that resided here. Patricia forgot her hiding and her danger; she ran to the altar rail and knelt, her eyes seeking the low gleam of the tabernacle.
The glimmering of the votive candles made the images of the saints painted in the dome over the nave jerk with spasmodic, lunging motions. Rain rattled against the stained-gla.s.s windows, and wind hissed past the slate eaves of the old building. The air in the church as warm and storm-dense. Patricia felt sweat tickling her lips, beading between her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, trickling down her thighs.
As she knelt, she sensed the same sense of wickedness that infested her familiar nightmare, the foul, questing some-thing some-thing that seemed to want to rape more than her body. It wanted to rape her heart, her very being, her soul. that seemed to want to rape more than her body. It wanted to rape her heart, her very being, her soul.
And it was here, somehow, in this dark old church, its stink filling her nostrils, its body hissing and swirling across the cold marble floor. She forced back wild shrieks of terror, tried to retain what little composure she had left because it was all she had left. The next stage was blind, helpless panic.
To give herself strength she brought the soft voice of Father Goodwin to memory, from an intimate moment in the confessional when she had spilled out the loneliness and terror of her life to him, when she had revealed the anger she felt toward G.o.d for depriving her of parents. He had said, "Pray the rosary, Patty. I know it"s out of fashion now, but so is everything else. Just take the beads in your hands and Mary will console you. . .."
Trembling fingers found her rosary in the pocket of her dress. But her grip was so tight she snapped the chain in a dozen places. The talisman was ruined, only a clutch of independent beads and broken links.
There was no protec-tion in a handful of plastic.
Someone came up behind her. "Be calm, Patricia. No-body will hurt you." That horrible Mr. Apple again.
"What are you doing? What"s happening?"
"Be quiet, my dear. Be patient."
He had appeared at a parish seniors supper where Patricia was serving the spaghetti. Such a gnarled little old man, his eyes mud green, his face a catastrophe of wrinkles. He had stood before her, his paper plate in hand, his thin lips making a strange, ironic sort of smile. "At last," last," he had said. he had said.
"Hungry?" she had asked, basking in a moment of good feeling.
"I"m going to take you home in a few days. I wanted you to know."
Senile. She had smiled again and served him some extra. All during dinner he had watched her, his head bobbing, his spidery little fingers working the fork and the spaghetti spoon with difficulty. "That"s an odd one," she had said to Father Goodwin, "a little senile." She had smiled again and served him some extra. All during dinner he had watched her, his head bobbing, his spidery little fingers working the fork and the spaghetti spoon with difficulty. "That"s an odd one," she had said to Father Goodwin, "a little senile."
"Very old."
"He acts as if he owned me or something."
"Probably lonely. Why not go and talk to him?"
"He gives me the crawls."
"Offer it up. Where"s the harm in a lonely old man?"
So she had met Mr. Apple. Now she sobbed aloud and twisted the beads in her hands as she strove toward the tabernacle, wishing she could have the Host, could some-how hold Him before her as a protecting shield. Her vision of the altar blurred and fluttered. From the depths of the church came avid scuttling. She clapped her hands to her ears, scattering beads across the granite floor. Her mind screamed frantically at her, Run, for the love of G.o.d, run. Run, for the love of G.o.d, run.
People, hundreds of them, were filtering into the church from the side doors, from the crypt, filling the aisles and then the pews. There were shuffles and murmured apologies, and an occasional stifled cough.
"My G.o.d, protect me!" Her own voice was a cracking moan. Hard upon her words came another sound, soft, stifled, gleeful. "You laugh," she shouted into the dark. "You"re laughing laughing at me!" at me!"
She swept her hair out of her eyes.
"Don"t be afraid, Patricia. I"ve told you that you won"t be hurt."
"You must be crazy, all of you!"
"We"re activating your subconscious minds, yours and Jonathan"s. The church, the night-all the trappings are to help your imaginations create a new reality."
"You think you"re conjuring evil spirits, don"t you, Mr. Apple? This is a black ma.s.s."
"Nonsense. It has nothing to do with superst.i.tion."
"It"s blasphemy and I"ll have no part of it!"
"You don"t know what you"re saying. You belong to us, Patricia. You always have and you always will.Your parents gave you to the Church. Our Church."
How dare he talk about her parents! They could never even have known this vicious old man. They would never have allowed him to touch their daughter, much less ... do the things they did at a black ma.s.s.
"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou-"
The laughter again. Pitying laughter. Embarra.s.sed.
Mr. Apple wanted to make others as foul as he was. Evil is always missionary.
Patricia clasped her hands tightly, huddling against the crowd behind her. She was soaked through from her run down the wet Queens streets. Behind her she heard a heavy, sc.r.a.ping tread. She moaned.
The congregation began very softly to clap. The sound was terrible because it was so gentle; a quickening, savage rhythm as intimate as the rustle of leaves.
Patricia raised her eyes until she was again gazing at the tabernacle. Inside lay the living Mystery itself, the G.o.d to whom she had given her loyalty and love. She needed intercession now. His customary silence had to to end; this was the time and place for a miracle. "Send the Archangel Michael," she whispered. end; this was the time and place for a miracle. "Send the Archangel Michael," she whispered.
"It"s starting, Patricia. Don"t be afraid."
"Oh, my G.o.d, I am heartily sorry-"
"Help her, Mary."
"I will try."
Mary was no Catholic nun-Patricia knew that by the deep red of her habit. There was no red habit in the Church. She came sweeping up, now pale and agitated, floating in oceans of wine-red silk, her face framed by starched black linen. A real nun"s wimple would be white. A hand came around Patricia"s shoulder and starch crackled in her ear. "Now, now, darling, you let me help you."
"Don"t touch me!"
"Patricia, you don"t understand. You"re under hypnosis and it"s made you forget your role. You must trust us. This is to create something beautiful and important for the world."
"You"re committing an act of desecration. You"re a Cath-olic. We"ve been to Ma.s.s together-I"ve seen you pray!"
"I"m going to hold a cloth over your nose and mouth, and I want you to breathe deeply."
When Mary"s face loomed close, smiling, Patricia almost recognized, almost remembered-but the place her sup-posedly new friend actually had in her past was, like Jona-than"s, just beyond the reach of her conscious mind. Mary placed a golden bowl full of clear blue liquid on the floor and dipped a cloth in it. She took Patricia"s head in her hands and held up her face. Her arms were strong; Patricia lacked the power to resist.
The cloth obscured her vision. She held her breath. "Now, Patricia, breathe. Come on, darling." Patricia held on. She resolved to die just as she was, simply by not breathing again. Not ever.
A male voice rumbled behind her. "We can"t hold him!"
Another: "Franklin, this is hopeless. You can"t make this work with both of them uncooperative."
"Quiet, all of you!" A loud clap of hands. "Music! Now!"
A long, low note vibrated in the atmosphere. Patricia was beginning to be desperate for air. The wet cloth was stifling her. Mary whispered rea.s.surance, her flat green eyes brim-ming with what appeared to be pity.
Then the eyes fixed on something in the dark. The expres-sion sharpened to fear. Something cold and hard touched Patricia"s shoulder. There was awful, ragged breathing be-hind her. The sound of it mingled with the music. Hands as rough as bark began caressing Patricia"s arms, her waist, her thighs.
Strong fingers shredded her clothes, and she knelt naked amid the sc.r.a.ps of cloth. "Breathe in, Patricia,"
Mary said. "Breathe in!"
"Mary, get away from her."
"She"s not anesthetized at all, Franklin."
"Hurry-can"t you see what he"s going to do?"
"Franklin-"
"Run! He"ll tear you to pieces if you get in his way!"
Patricia felt herself swept off her feet, cradled by power-ful, wire-tight arms. She shut her eyes, afraid to look on the face of one who felt so terribly wrong. The low music throbbed and the congregation resumed its clapping. "Oh, G.o.d, please take me!"
As soon as she spoke air rushed into her lungs. It was damp and smelled of the full church-candle smoke and incense . . . and the sweaty rot of the thing that held her. Now she would have welcomed the anesthesia.
"Somebody help me!"
"Think of our goal, Patricia. It"s worth the sacrifice!"
Mary was not a friend, she was one of them she was one of them-here, now, wearing that profane red habit.
Kind, friendly Mary. She had trapped Patricia in sweet coils. Patricia kept her eyes closed as the thing or man or whatever he was laid her out on the altar and ran his hands along her tingling skin. The music boomed deeper than any organ note, coming from some instrument up in the choir loft.
There were so many many of them; Holy Spirit Church was jammed as it never was during poor Father Goodwin"s Ma.s.ses. of them; Holy Spirit Church was jammed as it never was during poor Father Goodwin"s Ma.s.ses.
During the day Father Goodwin struggled here to keep his handful of Catholics coming. At night this huge, gaudy, rich congregation obviously met for rituals of a very different kind.
Poor Father. These must be his lost parishioners, the ones who never came to Ma.s.s.
Her new lover was heavy. Brutish and gasping, he bore down on her, pinning her to the cold marble of the altar. So many times, in this very spot, Father had accomplished the miracle of Transubstantiation. She wanted to raise her naked flesh from the sacred place but could not. He covered her with himself, enveloped her, crushed her so completely the air gushed from her lungs.
The music began to quicken.
Until now she had called herself the Last Virgin, playing the old-fashioned Catholic game of How-Far-Can-You-Go, allowing a thigh to be stroked, a breast to be touched, the press of trousered hardness against her knee.
She writhed. He was so heavy, so big, so foul-smelling.
He was beginning his filthy work. She could feel it poking and prodding at her privacy. She tried to lock her knees but it was useless. "Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!"
The pain choked off her words. That black music thun-dered and throbbed. As one person the congregation groaned. The church resounded with the gasps of a mon-strous pa.s.sion.
"Jesus!" There was no response, no feeling of His pres-ence. Nothing at all.
Surely, Jesus, You still love me. You want me in Your heaven. You haven"t abandoned me. No.
If You no longer want me- The arms came completely around her.
"Patricia, you must understand that you"ll be hurt if you don"t calm down!" That made her fight all the harder. Suddenly there was a pain like fire between her legs, so intense it pulled a piercing scream out of her. "That woke the neighborhood up," someone shouted.
"Our Father, who are in heaven, hallowed be Thy name."
"There"s a light across the street!"
"Okay, get him off. This isn"t working."
Hands were grabbing at the dark figure atop her, but he growled and fought and tried harder to hurt her.
He pounded and jabbed and smashed himself against her. All her thoughts, all her prayers were swept away in a flash of agony as bones cracked and nerves were severed. Her mind dulled down. She heard distant shouts, and saw the frantic, caper-ing form of Mr. Apple with vestments flying about his head.
Then, abruptly, the crushing weight was gone. "Calm him down! Don"t let him out of the circle." That was the last she understood. There were more voices, but they were only a buzzing, incoherent cacophony.
The light of consciousness was flickering and starting to die. This time when Sister Mary"s sweet-smelling cloth was pressed against her face she inhaled gratefully in sobbing gasps.
"You will forget," said Mary"s voice.
"Oh, Mary, why, why did you let him hurt. . ."
Darkness came, and she sank back into the dream she called ordinary life. They left her, hurt and bleeding, alone.
MARY: THE RESURRECTION OF THE INQUISITION.
I am so frightened for Patricia and Jonathan I do not think I can bear it. Tonight we made a terrible, terrible mistake with them. Unbelievable that we could be so foolish! Or is it so unbelievable? In an inst.i.tution two thousand years old there is precedent for every error. The ones who unleashed the Black Death prematurely in 1334 made a greater mistake than we have, after all.
But that is history and this is now. She is bleeding, maybe dying, at this very moment! If I could sweat blood I think I would.
But I am absolutely helpless. If I show myself now I risk exposure of the whole Church. Error must not be allowed to compound error.