She sighed. "I was running around like a maniac. Everything was laid out ready on the counter. He loaded the car and, seeing I was busy, he said hed take Alice who would enjoy the drive. I said yes, over my shoulder. I didnt even spare the time to look at the pair of them. When the police asked me what theyd been wearing, I couldnt tell them.
I tensed my muscles to get up and run away.
"You have to be strong now, Jenny. Strong enough for two people. You can do it.
"There was an accident. At the crossroads. Theyve got lights there now. Too late, of course. It wasnt anyones fault. It just happened. The other driver was only a young boy. Quite sober, on his way back from the college. He burned himself badly trying to get ... to get them out. He couldnt of course. His parents sent him up to Scotland afterwards. I think hes still there. I expect he has his own family, now ...
She trailed away and looked around the kitchen. I hoped to G.o.d she wasnt looking for a bottle because I really wouldnt know what to do then.
"I wound up the business and for a long time I did nothing. I found a little nip of something before bedtime was helpful.
"Anyway, a little while later, Louisa, Russells mother, came to see me. Wed been at the same school. She was in the year above me, but I knew her slightly. She offered me the job here. Housekeeper, she called it, but really, it was a bit of everything. My family and Grahames urged me to take it, so I did. And to begin with, I didnt regret it at all.
"Oh dear, sighed Thomas, who could see what was coming.
"What? I said, because I couldnt.
"Shh! he said, as she picked up the tale again.
"Louisa was lovely, of course. Gay in the original sense of the word charming, outrageous, demanding, loveable, selfish. Russell is her duplicate, even down to the hair. She whirled around the place, leaving chaos in her wake. I didnt mind at all.
"Russells father I dont know what youve heard, but I had a good deal of sympathy for him. Even back then, things werent going well and there he was, trying to hold it all together, while Louisa well, you know how Russell can be ...
I nodded. We all knew how Russell could be.
"The arguments started. Each side became more polarised. It wasnt a happy house. And I was struggling, myself. And then, one night, Louisa and Russell were away, and we had a drink, and then another ...
She trailed away again. I tore off a piece of kitchen roll for her.
"I think afterwards we were both quite horrified. And ashamed. We just carried on as if nothing had happened. Now I had several drinks every night.
"I never said anything to anyone. The rows between them got worse. Then one night, I heard their door slam. She raced through the kitchen, screaming, "How could you, Jeremy? She brushed straight past me, out into the yard, jumped into her car, and roared off down the lane.
To take the bend too fast and kill herself.
Her voice was husky with tears and guilt.
"So you see, he must have told her in the heat of the moment and she went off in such a temper ... and that was another one who never came back.
She was silent for a long time after that, looking back over her memories.
"I stayed on, mostly to look after young Russell. A couple of women came up from the village, but Russells father shut down most of the house, so we didnt need them. And once or twice, because we were lonely and everyone needs comfort every now and then ...
Of course they did. No one knew that better than I did. I had Thomas, but not everyone was that lucky.
She smiled at me. No, she didnt. She twisted her mouth bitterly. "So, as you can see, Mrs Checkland ...
I said slowly, to give myself time to think, "Well, I can see how you ... might think you had something to do with her ... death, but I think you are mistaken.
She drew back. "No, you dont understand.
I took a giant leap into the world of words.
"Yes, I think I do. You said she ... pushed past you in the kitchen. If Mr Checkland had told her, dont you think she would have had it out with you? Right there and then? I didnt know her, but I know Russell. No ... filter. She would have shouted, screamed, tried to claw your eyes out, or ... something. I dont think Mr Checkland ever spoke of you to his wife. I can see how you linked ... what you did ... to her death, but I think it was just a ... coincidence. I can see why you think her death was partly your fault, but I think you are mistaken. I think you are confusing fault with guilt.
"Jenny, said Thomas. "Magnificent.
"And I think, because you are a ... careful and conscientious person, you are inclined to be over-concerned about the dinner party. I was not ill enough to have food poisoning. The meal was delicious and everyone enjoyed it. You rose to the challenge and Russell was proud of you. Please try not to think so much about the past. Focus more on the credit you deserve for raising Russell to be so ...
"Yes? said Thomas.
"Russell, I finished lamely, because my stomach hurt with all the words.
She was sobbing buckets. I hadnt done any good at all.
"Wrong, said Thomas. "Just let her have a good cry and pour her another cup of tea.
And so I would have done, but at that moment, Aunt Julia turned up.
"Again? Is it some sort of punishment?
Mrs Crisp bolted for her room.
"Do you think she believed you?
"I dont know.
"It wasnt a bug, was it?
"No.
"What are we going to do?
I appreciated the "we. "I dont know.
He stared out of the window. "Bet youre not bored now.
Aunt Julia brought flowers and a tasteful thank you note. She peered closely at me. "Are you feeling well, Jenny? You dont look it.
"Im a little tired, I said, taking advantage of my "disability, just for once. "My life is quite busy at the moment.
She didnt believe me. "Youre very pale. Are you sure youre feeling all right?
"Yes. Thank you for the flowers. Would you like some tea?
"Not stopping. Not stopping. Not stopping ... intoned Thomas, an enthusiastic neuro-linguistic programmer.
"Thank you. That would be lovely.
He snorted.
"I dont think you should be exposing a young foal like me to such language.
I showed her into the living room, checked Russell hadnt left anything controversial on the table, and went back to make the tea.
"What are you doing? she demanded, as I brought it in, together with a plate of second-best biscuits.
"Not the Hobn.o.bs, Thomas had warned. Unnecessarily.
"Your tea, Aunt Julia.
"Yes, I can see that, but why are you making it?
"Because my housekeeper is prostrate with grief and guilt over having slept with my husbands father and thinks she may have got drunk and accidentally poisoned me, is what I didnt say.
"Mrs Crisps day off, seemed a less controversial response.
Her silence spoke volumes about people who allowed their staff a day off.
I poured. She sipped. We both ignored the biscuits. She because of her hips and me because I knew we had Hobn.o.bs hidden away.
The silence lengthened, but I knew she wouldnt let it go.
"Brace yourself.
She put her cup down. "Jenny, Im sorry, say what you will, you dont look well to me. Are you going down with something?
"Actually, Im just getting over a bit of a bug.
"Really what sort?
"Oh, just one of those twenty-four-hour things, although in my case it was gone in twelve. Im fine now.
"When was this?
"Oh, not sure, really. It was nothing. Please dont be concerned "Well, I am concerned. You were never ill when you lived with us.
"Thats because you never went out anywhere.
"Aunt Julia, really, Im fine. And I was very well looked after.
"By whom? Not that woman? Youre ill and shes taken the day off? Its not good enough.
You see, this is what happens when you take to lying. Especially lying to Aunt Julia.
She was off again. "And where is Russell? She looked around as if he was about to materialise in a corner somewhere. Being Russell, and never around when he was needed, he didnt.
I wasnt going to admit I didnt know where he was. Id never thought to ask. I really didnt have the hang of being a wife at all.
"Umm ...
She turned back to me, mouth tight. I knew the signs.
"Let me get some more hot water, and I was out of the door and into the relative safety of the kitchen.
Mrs Crisp was there, looking very normal.
"Oh, Mrs Checkland, you go back in to Mrs Kingdom. Ill bring the water through.
I was sick of being a considerate employer. "Dont you dare. Ive told her its your day off. Go back to your room and ... dont even breathe loudly.
Aunt Julia was wandering around looking at our books when I returned with the water. I wished I hadnt offered her a refill now. I was beginning to feel tired.
"Buck up, b.u.t.tercup.
"Youre really not much help at all, are you?
"So, tell me about your "bug" What did the doctor say? You did call a doctor, didnt you?
"Russell did.
"Russell called the doctor? Well, I am surprised. Did you make him?
"No. I didnt want him to.
"Why not?
"It was very minor. Nausea and a little bit of a chill. I was fine the next day. Have a biscuit.
She didnt even look at them. Russell had called her a Rottweiler, but terrier would have been more appropriate. She was not going to let his go.
"You actually vomited for twelve hours? That can be serious. Was it something you ate?
"Absolutely not, Aunt Julia. It was a twenty-four-hour virus. People get them all the time. Especially at this time of year. And Russell and Mrs Crisp looked after me beautifully.
Silence. She wasnt done. I was losing ground with every sentence. She put down her cup and took my hand. "Jenny, this is serious. Please be truthful. When did this start?
"Couple of days, I mumbled.
"Before or after your dinner party?
"Um ...
"I knew it! she exclaimed, sitting back. "It was that woman, wasnt it? That wretched Crisp woman. The one who drinks. She didnt clean the prawns or cook the chicken properly. G.o.d knows why Russell keeps her on. Shes always drunk. Were lucky it was just you.
"What?
"What?