I wondered, briefly, whether he felt the same. It seemed unlikely. For all I knew, he did this every day of the week.
After a while, I opened my eyes. He watched me carefully, a small smile on his face, but the fingers pushing back my hair were trembling slightly.
"Mastering his relief that the kissee has not leaped screaming from the bed or walloped him over the head with the bedside lamp, the kisser, slightly unsure which planet hes on, makes his next move.
He kissed me again. It was even better the second time around. I a.s.sumed I was getting the hang of it.
"At this point, the sensitive and considerate kisser enquires, not without misgivings, whether the kissee is all right.
Being speechless, the kissee nodded.
He pulled me closer and I could feel the heat of his body through the bedclothes.
"So now, the kisser ...
The kissee pulled up his T-shirt and ran her hands down his long back.
That shut the kisser up for a bit, although he seemed pleased.
"What was that?
I grinned at him. "Feedback.
He laughed and nuzzled my neck, and large numbers of neurons shut down, the better to concentrate on other, more important things.
"The kisser is enormously grateful for said feedback. Now, brace yourself. Thats called foreplay, by the way. Very important. Apparently, women set great store by it.
While he was talking, he unb.u.t.toned my pyjamas and gently, very gently, slipped in his warm hand.
I shivered.
"Cold?
"No.
"Scared?
"No.
"Appreciative?
"Maybe.
"Hmmm. The kisser, slightly disappointed at the response to one of his best moves now tries this and this and especially this.
I shuddered.
"The kisser would like to say that sudden loss of speech in the kissee is perfectly normal at this stage, Should the kissee wish to express her appreciation, she can fill out a customer comments card later.
He had wonderful hands. Those long, thin, bony fingers were moving all over me, gentle, a.s.sured and quite magical.
I shuddered again.
He laughed, softly.
"Having reduced the kissee to incoherence, the kisser now moves in again, reminding the kissee that she can stop any time she likes. Even if that does mean the kissers head will probably fall off.
"No big loss, then.
"For that remark, the kissee can expect no mercy.
He tugged gently at my pyjama bottoms.
"Is that are those There are pink cows on your pyjamas. What is it with you, pyjamas, and farmyard animals?
"If you dont like them, you can remove ...
My bottoms flew across the room.
"So, do you like this?
My whole body jolted and for a moment ...
"The kisser takes a moment for a complacent smirk.
He did it again and I slowly began to melt. I clutched at him, feeling control of my own body slowly sliding away. Unaccustomed heat swept through me. I could hear my own heart pulsing in time with his hands. And what they were doing. Things began to slide away from me. I made a tiny sound. Whether of apprehension or appreciation, even I didnt know.
"Its all right, he said into my hair. "Its all right, Jenny, I promise you. Close your eyes.
His hands swept over me again, touching, stroking. I was just melting away. He laughed again and I suddenly thought I have hands, too.
I fumbled inexpertly with his zip and he had to do it for me.
I reached down.
"Oh!
His eyes flew open in alarm. "What? Whats wrong? Whats the matter?
"Im going to need a bigger hand.
"Jenny, you ... wretched girl. Just for that ...
The kissee became incapable of coherent thought for a few moments.
"Russell.
"Yes, love?
"I dont know ... show me what to do.
He kissed me and guided my hand. "Like this. Oh G.o.d, yes. Just like that. He buried his head in my hair and groaned.
The kissee smirked complacently.
His hands found places I didnt even know I had. That someone who moved so quickly and so noisily should have such quiet, slow hands was amazing. And what he did with them was even more amazing. I felt a rhythm build in time with my own frantic heartbeats. My body began to move of its own accord. I couldnt bear the pleasure.
"Russell, whats happening?
His voice was ragged. "I dont know. Dont stop.
For a moment, everything in the universe was very still and then I toppled straight over the edge.
A minute later, so did he.
With a thump, the cat fell off the bed.
Russell curled himself around me and I smiled happily to myself.
"I wont be here when you wake up tomorrow, he whispered. "But Ill be back. That was just the nursery slopes, Jenny. Tomorrow tomorrow, we go off piste.
I didnt bounce out of bed the next morning, because with that amount of bruising, bouncing doesnt happen, but I hobbled exuberantly downstairs to discover it was nearly lunchtime.
I struggled into a smelly old coat, shoved my feet into wellies, and stumped through the rain to see Thomas.
I had to greet Marilyn first or she would have had the part.i.tion down. I gave her a carrot to keep her quiet and turned to Thomas, who looked better. He dropped his head to mine. I said, "Thomas, very softly and stroked his nose. He made that small noise again and blew gently in my hair. I laid my head against his and breathed in his warm horse smell. We stood together a long time.
We were still standing together when Russell came back from wherever hed been and dragged me in for lunch. We all ate together around the kitchen table. Occasionally, he caught my eye. I tried not to blush. Once, I saw Mrs Crisp looking at us, and then I did blush.
Eventually, when hed eaten everything in sight, he announced he was off to his studio.
"Are you coming, Jenny?
"Yes, I said, surprised and pleased he wanted me in there when he was working.
I followed him in with his coffee and was again staggered at the difference in the place.
A number of canvases, in varying stages of completion, were scattered all over. I saw colour and movement and light. I saw more pizza boxes and more beer bottles as well. The place was chaos, but creative chaos.
I cleared a s.p.a.ce on his battered old sofa and pulled the ancient throw across my legs. Rain hammered hard on the windows, but inside was warm and peaceful. Hed changed into paint-encrusted T-shirt and jeans and was squeezing tubes and muttering to himself, lost in his own world.
I made myself comfortable and prepared to watch a genius at work. I dont know about other geniuses, but this one worked with enormous energy, scrubbing the paint into the canvas, stepping back, muttering, lunging forward again, stabbing with his brush, rubbing the paint with his fingers, singing odd bits of song he was never still. I felt tired just watching him. He had obviously completely forgotten about me, so I curled up under the throw, nursed my coffee, and remembered some things from last night. His hand, my hands what Id done with them, where theyd been ... Id just finished an action replay of one of my favourite bits when I became aware that silence had fallen. I looked up to find him watching me.
"What are you thinking about?
I blushed. "I ... um ... I...
"No, youre not starting that again. Spit it out, wife.
I tried to marshal some words, but none seemed willing to put themselves forward.
"Well, while youre unable to criticise, come and have a look at this.
This was an honour. He was obviously making a huge effort today. And if he could, then so could I.
I walked around behind his easel. Whatever hed been painting had been abandoned and left propped against the wall. Facing me was a vivid, charcoal sketch. I was looking at myself. But not as Id ever seen myself before.
The sketch looked back at me, quietly enigmatic around the mouth, then you looked at the eyes, heavy lidded, and far away, looking backwards, and what they were seeing was very, very obvious. My hair curled around my face in a way it rarely did in real life and my bare shoulders were indicated with just a few swift strokes. It was an intimate, personal portrait from someone who saw me very differently from the way I saw myself.
I reached out slowly, stopping just short of touching the paper, as if by following his outlines with my fingers in the air I could somehow capture what he had put on paper and absorb it into myself.
I looked at this other me and this other me looked back.
It took me several efforts, but he stood patiently, wiping his hands clean.
"Is this ...? How ...? Do you ...?
It really is a good idea to decide what you want to say before you start. Or, as Thomas would have said, "Engage brain before opening mouth.
"Do you like it?
I caught a faint note of anxiety. This was Russell Checkland, the returning artist, still slightly unsure of himself.
"Yes, very much. I didnt know ... I just ...
"Just a quick word of advice, Jenny. If youre going to sit thinking s.e.xy thoughts and feel free to at any time then please make sure its only me in the room.
"You dont know that ...
"Idiot. You might as well put up a neon sign.
"No, youre wrong. I was thinking about the cat.
We both turned to look at the cat who had somehow materialised belly up on the sofa. Ive no idea how he got through the door. Osmosis, presumably.
He folded his arms and gave me that complacent Checkland grin.
"The cat?
"Yes.
I stared at him, defiantly. He stared back. And kept on staring. And on. The moment when I should have looked away pa.s.sed away unnoticed. I couldnt seem to get enough air in my lungs. The silence thickened and twisted into something else. I could hear my own heart pounding. Suddenly, I knew why Thomas had left me. Clever Thomas, who always saw more than I did.
I thought of last night. This was different. Last night had been white chocolate. Mild. Sweet. For beginners. This was the real deal. Dark chocolate. Thick and strong. For adults only. Addictive and dangerous.
I dont know why he had laughed at me. He might as well have had a neon sign over his head too. In a flash, everything changed. Suddenly, I was in new and dangerous territory and I didnt give a d.a.m.n. I flew at him. He grabbed me. We crashed together. Our first kiss was in no way related to the gentle fun of last night. He went for me like a drowning man gasping for air.
I pulled his T-shirt over his head and he kicked off his jeans. He was hot and hard all over. His hands were everywhere. Not gentle and slow and patient like last night, but heavy and demanding. Clothes flew across the room. He knelt before me, unzipped my jeans, and gently pulled them down. I braced one hand on his shoulder and the other against the wall. Last night, Id learned what hands could do, but this ... My knees sagged. He caught me and we fell to the floor together. From somewhere heaven knows where he found a condom and ripped open the packet. Against the patter of rain and the soft hiss of the gas fire, I could hear only my own heartbeat and his jagged breathing.