"And then I woke up one morning and she was sitting by the bed with her suitcases. I know what people said about her, but she did at least say goodbye to my face. Then she picked up her stuff and walked away.
"Maybe if Id cried, instead of getting drunk. Maybe if I hadnt trashed all my work. Maybe I should have just carried on. Id painted joy, maybe I should have painted despair. I drank instead. A lot.
"And then, as you know, my father turned up. He settled my debts, although dont think I didnt pay one way or another. And pay and pay. I went off to the army I didnt care what I did them. I had some idea about serving my country, I suppose. Well, that didnt work either. Back home I came and here she was. Only a few miles away.
He sipped his coffee carefully.
"I should have gone away. And stayed away. I couldnt do it, I meant to keep away from her and then one day, there she was. Standing in front of me. No warning. No escape. She smiled. I was there. No control. No pride. She lifted her little finger and I left a smoking groove in the carpet.
"But its not the same now. There are others involved. Its wrong. But I thought if I could just see her then maybe I could paint again. Maybe it would all come back. Maybe it will be as it was.
"You see, said Thomas very softly, "not one single word of love.
"And was it?
"Not yet.
I had a sudden moment of clarity. It wasnt Francesca, as such, that he wanted. It was what she represented. That was what he wanted back. That time when everything he painted was golden and he felt like the king of the world. But you cant go back. You can never go back.
I felt so sorry for him. I had envied him. All this time Id been living my little life and hed been out there, at the centre of his world, full of life and energy. But there was always a downside and it usually involved pain and suffering and I was looking at the result in front of me. In that minute, my heart went out to him. I reached out my hand.
He took it and held it hard. "I swear to you, if you marry me I will never do one single thing to hurt you. You have my word. Im not a complete b.a.s.t.a.r.d, you know. Youll be safe with me.
I had no stupid ideas about redemption. That doesnt happen. But one day shed walk away from him again. Whether she married Daniel Palmer or not, she would walk away. And he might not survive a second time. And when that happened and it would this time there should be someone there for him. Someone to stop him destroying the things that meant most to him. I knew why he had done it. One pain to cancel out another. But Francesca wasnt the only thing he missed. He was grieving for his lost paintings too and didnt know it.
I closed my mind to the oncoming fury and strife. The next few days would not be easy at all.
He read my thoughts. "Ill make sure it all falls on me. Ill be there.
"And I will too, said Thomas. "Im here for as long as you need me.
What could go wrong?
Of course, I should have asked questions. I should have asked what the marriage would actually entail. What would he get out of it apart from the money? How would I benefit apart from gaining a home? I should have asked about what he expected from me and what I could expect from him. About children. About the future. How would we make it work? The day to day, nuts and bolts bits of two people living together. And most of all, I should have talked about Francesca. Asked proper questions I mean, not just accepted his blithe a.s.surance ...
I should have made a better effort. Words circled my head but none of them touched down. I should have made an attempt to shift the log jam inside me. But Id had a brief, a wonderful glimpse of a bright, far-off country.
I said yes.
Of course, that was the easy bit.
"What are you doing tomorrow? he asked.
"Finishing the dining room, I said, determined to put off speaking to my family for at least the next decade. I had no idea at all how I was to explain I would be marrying a man Id known for less than a month and who was notorious for his public pursuit of their daughter. Who had dumped him. Put like that I could hardly explain it to myself.
"OK, yes, youre right. One job at a time, said my easily distracted fiance. "Ill ring and make an appointment with your uncle for ... Wednesday morning. Ill come to you afterwards and well see your aunt together. I want you to try not to worry too much. Its going to be a little difficult, but what can they actually do, after all? A few minutes unpleasantness and were done.
We finished the dining room the next day. Russell tried to get Andrew for the weekend to help move the furniture but he said he and Tanya were going away. They did, however, agree to join us in Rushford for a small celebration on Wednesday evening.
"Well need to relax a bit after spending the afternoon talking to your ghastly relatives, he said breezily and none of us realised that lively though that day would be, the evening was to be even more exciting.
Wednesday came and I seriously considered staying in bed all day. Thomas made me get up. I dressed carefully and sat and watched the clock, stomach churning.
Just before noon, I heard a car pull up and stood on tiptoe to peer out of the dormer window. It wasnt Russell. It was Uncle Richard. Something was wrong. He never came home during the day.
I turned helplessly to Thomas, "You dont know whats happened, he said. "Dont panic yet.
"Uncle Richard said no, and now theyre going to send me away.
"It isnt in Uncle Richards power to say no. Youre twenty-eight years old. You can do as you please.
"Theyll lock me away.
" No, they wont. The only locks are the ones inside your own head. I know this is hard, but its vital you stay calm. Dont allow them to agitate you. Try and deal with things one at a time, quietly and with restraint. This may well be your only chance. Take it.
Its all very well saying "keep calm but not half so easy to do. I was well aware of the potential for disaster and it looked as if I would be facing it on my own. Where the h.e.l.l was Russell? Had he been frightened away? Had he changed his mind? Had Francesca suddenly said yes, and hed forgotten all about me?
"Stop that, said Thomas, quite sharply for him. " Stop torturing yourself. Theres any number of good reasons why hes not here yet. Can you hold the fort until he is?
"Yes, I said. And then with more determination, "Yes, I can.
"Good girl.
We heard a step on the stair.
"Good luck.
Uncle Richard tapped on the door. It would never be Aunt Julia. The last time she was up here was to supervise the hanging of my new curtains, about ten years ago.
I threw myself into a chair and picked up a book.
"Upside down.
I righted it and called, "Come in.
"Ah, Jenny, good morning.
"h.e.l.lo.
"Can you come downstairs a minute please? Your aunt and I would like a quick word.
I followed him down to the lounge, a symphony in pale blue and grey and with furniture I hadnt realised was so desperately uncomfortable until I sprawled on Russell Checklands baggy, saggy stuff.
Aunt Julia was livid. Absolutely livid. I could see it in her restless pacing and the angry glitter in her eyes.
She wheeled round as I entered.
"Go slowly, advised Thomas. " Make her wait. It will either slow her down too, or sh.e.l.l explode. Either way is good. Just dont let her rush you into saying or doing anything rash.
I wasnt asked to sit down. Id lived in this house twenty years and still I felt I had to be asked to sit down. That wasnt right. Id never minded before, but now I did. My heart rate slowed a little, my legs straightened, and I lifted my head.
"Well done.
"What have you been doing? What on earth do you think youve been doing? What have you been doing to make that disgusting man think ?
"Thats enough, Julia. Please sit down and calm yourself. Until we hear what Jenny has to say this may be no more than a storm in a tea cup. Now, Jenny, he continued kindly, "I think you must know what this is about.
Kind or not, I still hadnt been asked to sit down. I was standing on the rug like a naughty schoolgirl and I was becoming a little angry.
"Good for you, but use it, dont waste it.
I raised my eyebrows at Uncle Richard. I would make him say it.
He coughed quietly. "This morning I had a visit from Russell Checkland. He seems to be under the impression that you have agreed to marry him and visited my office to inform me of that fact. Is this actually true?
I took a breath, but Aunt Julia burst in from the other side of the room.
"Of course its not true, Richard. How could it be? I cant believe you didnt throw him out of your office.
"Well, hes quite a large young man and he was perfectly polite about it. And its really not good for business for clients to see people pitched, w.i.l.l.y-nilly from our premises. Besides, as you can imagine, I questioned him closely and he was very definite. He has proposed marriage to our niece and she has accepted him.
She turned to me. "Say this isnt true. Tell us hes lying.
Since I couldnt do any such thing, I remained silent.
"Do I take it, said Uncle Richard, "that your silence means he is, in fact, telling the truth?
I took another breath, but Aunt Julia was off again. "I dont care whether its true or not. Its nonsense. It will never happen. She doesnt know what shes doing and hes taken advantage of her. I want him prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
"My dear, he said, somewhat wearily. "May I point out that we still dont know what were dealing with here, and until Jenny actually gets to tell us, we never will.
" Hold on theres a car. Yes, the hero has arrived. Better late than never, but thats a Checkland for you. And if he stopped off to buy more buckets on the way I think you might have a legitimate grievance.
In the distance, I heard the bell ring and Mrs Finchs voice at the door. A few seconds later, Russell walked in. He was tidily dressed although his tie was askew already and his hair beginning to escape the restraint of hair gel.
"h.e.l.lo, everyone, he said cheerily, apparently not noticing Defcon 1 in the drawing room, to say nothing of a traumatised fiancee rooted to the hearthrug.
"There you are, future wife. You look very pretty today. I brought you these. Give us a kiss then.
With these provocative words he handed me a bunch of roses and kissed me on the cheek. I seriously wondered if he was too self-absorbed even to notice the atmosphere, but Id misjudged him. He took my hand, squeezed it tightly, and led me to the sofa, sitting beside me and letting go only to say, "Good G.o.d, these cushions are uncomfortable. Dont you dare buy any like these for our place, Jenny, and tossed a couple of Aunt Julias carefully chosen scatter cushions to the floor.
As conciliatory openings went, this was a complete non-starter. Thomas moved closer.
" Theres no way out of this, Jenny. Hes going for broke here. Probably a good idea but youre going to need b.a.l.l.s of steel for this. Just hang in there. Well laugh about this one day.
I was never going to laugh again.
"So, he said cheerfully, "what are we all talking about then?
Or maybe I would.
As you may suppose, said Uncle Richard, "we are discussing Jennys alleged engagement to you.
"Discussing? Is that what its called now? I suspect its more accurate to say that Julia has been emoting to such an extent that Jenny hasnt been able to get a word in edgeways. Let me save everyone a great deal of time and effort. Your niece, thats Jenny here, has done me the enormous honour of agreeing to be my wife. Sorry Im a bit late, he said, turning to me. "I stopped off at the Register Office. They were very helpful and gave me all sorts of stuff. Here, have a look through this lot, tell me what you want, choose a date, and well do the deed.
Aunt Julia was on her feet again. I turned cold and sweaty and for a moment thought I might throw up. She looked terrifying in her rage.
"Margaret Thatcher with added att.i.tude, said Thomas. "Dont let any of this distress you. Youre going to be fine. He wont let anything happen to you and theres three of us and only two of them.
Russell still had a tight grip on my hand. His was warm, dry, and steady and I felt heat beginning to creep back into my body. He didnt look in the least bothered and I began to suspect he was actually enjoying himself.
"This so-called marriage will never take place, she declared. "As her legal guardians, we withhold consent "Shes twenty-eight, Julia, she doesnt need your consent. She can do as she pleases.
No, I couldnt, and hed obviously forgotten that. I tugged on his hand. He raised my hand to his lips and winked at me. No, he hadnt forgotten. "Will you trust me?
I nodded, but only once, still not sure.
"Im so sorry, Mr Checkland. Her voice dripped icy politeness. "Perhaps if youd had the courtesy to consult her guardians before upsetting my niece with this ridiculous proposal then we could have explained to you and without any distress to poor Jenny, just why exactly this marriage, any marriage, can never take place.
"Why do you keep calling her poor Jenny? he interrupted. "She appears perfectly normal to me. Shes not deficient in any way or missing anything vital. Youre not, are you? he added in a loud whisper to me. "Because if you are then this is the moment to tell me. I can take it, I promise you.
I shook my head. Once again, hed defused the moment.
"Now, anything else before we go?
He began to make all he preparations necessary for extricating oneself from one of Aunt Julias sofas.
"b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l, Jenny, we may be here for life. That remark I made about the cushions applies to the sofas as well.
"Really? said Aunt Julia nastily. "Do tell us, Mr Checkland, with whose money will you be buying these new sofas?
Russell grinned at her.
Her face darkened alarmingly. Thomas snorted.
"Language, I said, in my head.
"Am I to understand, Russell, that you will be supporting your wife on her money alone? asked Uncle Richard, and I guessed this was the crunch. If he showed any weakness now, or tried to explain, or gloss over, or lie ...
"Well, mostly yes. Although theres the money from renting out grazing, of course. 50p per sheep, you know, he explained to Aunt Julia and I think we all enjoyed her expression of baffled confusion. "And they improve the land no end. And its up to them to maintain the boundaries. Not the sheep, of course, the tenants. So as you can see, its a sweet deal.
Uncle Richard, in his own way, was a great deal more relentless than Aunt Julia.
"So would it be fair to state then, that you bring nothing at all to this unequal marriage and you are marrying my niece solely for her money? Your father would turn in his grave at such behaviour from a Checkland.
That really was the wrong thing to say.
Russell was on his feet in one fluid movement. I came up with him, ready to do what I could. His voice was far more icy than anything my aunt could never achieve. She was tall but he was taller. He looked down his nose at her, but spoke to Uncle Richard.