"It hurts whether I ... move or ... not ... so I ... may as well ... move.
" Thats my girl. Youre a bit of a veteran, arent you? Do you realise there are whole regiments whove incurred fewer injuries than you have this week?
I hobbled very painfully to the sofa where Mrs Crisp was waiting with pillows and blankets. A few minutes later, Aunt Julia was seated on the other, with a little more colour in her face, but still looking very shaken. I didnt blame her. We smiled tentatively at each other.
Mrs Crisp went off to make some tea.
Tanya announced the doctor would be here within the hour.
"Well, he knows the way. Do you think youll get family rates?
Tanya pulled off my shoes and covered me with a blanket. Slowly, the pain retreated although my ribs still felt as if my heart might burst through my chest. Russell sat beside me and held my hand. The house was very silent. I think everyone was in shock.
"Well, said Russell, looking over to her, "I have to say Im very glad you chose to visit us today, Julia.
She sat a little straighter. "If you mean, Russell, that it was fortunate for you that I was on hand to see for myself that it was an accident ... Her voice failed.
"Well, I have to admit, it did cross my mind.
Fortunately, Mrs Crisp appeared with tea and she gratefully accepted a cup.
"When the doctors been, Mrs Kingdom, I think we should run you home, said Andrew. "I dont think you should drive today. If you like, we can ring Mr Kingdom and he can meet you at your house.
"Thats most kind, she said, regarding him with rare approval. "But perhaps it would be easiest if Richard came here and picked me up.
"Of course, he said. "Dont worry about your car. Well see to it.
Dr Williams arrived promptly. He examined me and, fortunately, seemed disinclined to take it too seriously.
"Youll have extensive bruising, he said. "Or soft tissue trauma as we call it these days. Youll be stiff. Youll ache. Ill write a prescription for some painkillers. Take them because you will need them. I dont know, Jenny. I dont see you in fifteen years and then I never seem to be away from the place.
We all laughed. Like the last scene in s...o...b.. Doo.
"As for you, Mrs Kingdom, just take it easy for the rest of the day. And tomorrow too. Call me if you need anything.
He disappeared.
Uncle Richard was so sweet I felt my eyes fill up. He said everything that was polite and non-controversial. He thanked Russell for his care of Aunt Julia, gently patted my hand and wished me better soon, told Russell to ring if he could be of any a.s.sistance, and took an uncharacteristically quiet Aunt Julia away.
We all drew breath.
Russell took my hand again. "What do you want, sweetheart? Do you want me to help you upstairs or do you want to stay here for a bit? Shall we leave you in peace?
"Yes, please.
They all went out. I waited, eyes closed, for five minutes after the door closed, just in case anyone felt the need to come back and check on me.
"Have they gone?
"Yes, theyre outside in the yard, looking at Boxer. No one will come in.
I sat up painfully and even more painfully, reached down for my shoes. I turned them over. The left one was perfectly normal, smooth, and dry, but the right sole was dark and glistening with some unknown substance. I sniffed. I knew that smell. Id smelt it all afternoon as Russell unpacked his stuff.
Linseed oil.
"Thomas, can you ...?
He was already at the head of the stairs. " No. Nothing here. A slight smear but that could easily have come off your sole. Did you pick it up in the studio?
"No.
He stood beside me as I pulled a tissue from my pocket and carefully wiped every single trace of oil from the sole of my shoe.
"Were in trouble, arent we?
"Oh yes.
The next day the police turned up.
Chapter Eleven.
I was reading quietly on the sofa and Thomas was watching one of those hospital dramas where everyone is having inappropriate s.e.x with everyone else.
Mrs Crisp slipped into the room.
"Its the police, Mrs Checkland.
My heart knocked painfully against my already battered ribs and I skidded into full-blown panic.
"Where?
"Just pulling up in the yard.
Someone knocked at the back door.
I stared, paralysed with fright.
This time last week I would have thought Marilyn! Now I wondered if Aunt Julia had been making mischief.
"What if she has? said Thomas calmly. " Falling down stairs is not an indictable offence, especially if carried out in the privacy of ones own home. Its probably only about Marilyn again.
I said to Mrs Crisp, "Wheres Marilyn?
"In the field. Sharon will get her inside as soon as she can.
I had another horrible thought. What had Russell done with Marilyns owner? Was his body buried in the garden? Id never even asked. What sort of wife was I?
I asked, without hope, "Wheres Russell?
"Taken Kevin and gone out somewhere.
Someone knocked again.
"Id better go and let them in.
I nodded.
"Remember, Mrs Checkland, youre not well.
I thrust my book under the cushions, flicked off the TV, pulled up the blanket, closed my eyes, and prepared to deceive the police to the best of my ability.
Mrs Crisp re-entered noisily. "Are you awake, Mrs Checkland?
I opened my eyes, artistically.
It was only one police officer and she was a she. She was also a sergeant, a few years older than me, and her stocky figure was made bulkier by her vest. But I knew her. Shed been head girl at my school. And she knew me. It was Marjorie Bates. I remembered her heading the charge, sweeping down the hockey pitch, the day we s.n.a.t.c.hed victory from Rushford St Winifreds in extra time. And now she was Sgt Bates. As Sgt Bates she radiated solid, calm, good sense, so she stuck out like a sore thumb at Frogmorton.
I smiled and indicated she should sit. Mrs Crisp disappeared to distract her with tea and as much cake as she could eat.
I know all about the police. I watch TV. I know that any investigation is always headed by a senior officer with a drug habit, or a dodgy past, or marital problems, or tottering on the verge of a mental breakdown. His or her team always consist of stunningly good-looking, ambitious young officers doing each other down at the slightest opportunity and also having ma.s.ses of inappropriate s.e.x. Theres always opposition from unhelpful senior officers more concerned with politics than catching criminals and the serial killer usually turns out to be one of the team. At any moment she would set about me my own telephone directory until I confessed. To anything.
"Good morning, Mrs Checkland.
I refused to be lulled by good manners.
"Im sorry to disturb you, she said. "Especially when youre not well. Was it an accident?
Still not knowing why she was here, I pointed to the stairs. She got up and had a look.
"That must have hurt.
I nodded. It had. It still did.
She sat back down again.
"Its just a few quick questions.
About what? I hoped Sharon had remembered to bring Boxer in as well, otherwise there would be SHOUTING and everyone within a ten-mile radius would know we had a donkey. A stolen donkey.
"Do you know a young man named Kevin Price?
Oh my G.o.d. Kevin. He was wanted by the police after all and theyd tracked him back to us. Theyd found him.
I sat up and began the only slightly exaggerated struggle to speak, giving her plenty of time to say she would return when my husband was here. If she could catch him. He was never b.l.o.o.d.y here.
She waited patiently.
I seized a piece of paper and wrote "Sorry. I have a stutter, and pa.s.sed it to her.
She smiled. "Not a problem.
Great. Id got the only police officer in the country whod done sensitivity training.
I used the time to think. There was no point in lying. Everyone knew Kevin lived here. Its not as if wed tried to hide him.
"I dont think thats the problem, said Thomas. " We may need to ask ourselves what he was up to before he came to live with us.
I remembered the squeaky voice saying: "Give me your bag, lady, and the complete absence of any sort of threat.
"Yes. Not the most efficient mugger in town. said Thomas.
She was still waiting while I, a formerly respectable member of society but now married to someone who wasnt, formulated and dismissed plans for Deceiving The Law.
Finally, as haltingly as I could, I said, "I know a Kevin.
"Whats his last name?
Oh great. Now I had to admit wed given refuge to someone whod refused to tell us his last name. No, hang on, shed said the name. What was it?
Her smile became slightly more steely and I folded like a badly made origami swan.
"Dont know.
"Youve been putting him up for what six months now and you dont know his name?
"Its Kevin, I said, defensively. "Were not complete idiots.
Thomas snorted unhelpfully.
"Does this Kevin live here in this house?
"Oh no, I said, glad to be able to rea.s.sure her. "He lives in the stables.
Silence.
"Oh, well done, Jenny, said Thomas. "Now she probably thinks hes feral.
"He has a nice room there, I said desperately, in case she thought he shared a stall with Boxer, and then realised, too late, that if she asked to see it she couldnt miss the worlds hottest donkey, also snugly ensconced in our stables, and very possibly the worlds hottest donkeys ex-owner bricked up in a cavity there, as well.
I considered having a relapse.
"Well, Im sure his mum will be very grateful to you for taking him in, she said.