She did not stir. He bent lower and touched the back of her neck with his lips. And she sprang up, sobbing and angry. Because she was mad for him she hated him furiously. All tenderness had vanished.
"I"ll thank you not to touch me!" she said fiercely. She had given him her lips a moment ago, but now to graze her neck was an insult.
He smiled sheepishly. "But really you must be reasonable," he argued.
"What have I done?"
"It"s what you haven"t done, I think!" she cried. "Why didn"t you tell me while we were in the cab?"
"I didn"t care to begin worrying you just then," he replied: which was exactly true.
The fact was, he had of course shirked telling her that no marriage would occur that day. Not being a professional seducer of young girls, he lacked skill to do a difficult thing simply.
"Now come along, little girl," he went on, with just a trifle of impatience. "Let"s go out and enjoy ourselves. I a.s.sure you that everything will be all right in Paris."
"That"s what you said about coming to London," she retorted sarcastically through her sobs. "And look at you!"
Did he imagine for a single instant that she would have come to London with him save on the understanding that she was to be married immediately upon arrival? This att.i.tude of an indignant question was not to be reconciled with her belief that his excuses for himself were truthful. But she did not remark the discrepancy.
Her sarcasm wounded his vanity.
"Oh, very well!" he muttered. "If you don"t choose to believe what I say!" He shrugged his shoulders.
She said nothing; but the sobs swept at intervals through her frame, shaking it.
Reading hesitation in her face, he tried again. "Come along, little girl. And wipe your eyes." And he approached her. She stepped back.
"No, no!" she denied him, pa.s.sionately. He had esteemed her too cheaply. And she did not care to be called "little girl."
"Then what shall you do?" he inquired, in a tone which blended mockery and bullying. She was making a fool of him.
"I can tell you what I shan"t do," she said. "I shan"t go to Paris."
Her sobs were less frequent.
"That"s not my question," he said icily. "I want to know what you will do."
There was now no pretence of affectionateness either on her part or on his. They might, to judge from their att.i.tudes, have been nourished from infancy on mutual hatred.
"What"s that got to do with you?" she demanded.
"It"s got everything to do with me," he said.
"Well, you can go and find out!" she said.
It was girlish; it was childish; it was scarcely according to the canons for conducting a final rupture; but it was not the less tragically serious. Indeed, the spectacle of this young girl absurdly behaving like one, in a serious crisis, increased the tragicalness of the situation even if it did not heighten it. The idea that ran through Gerald"s brain was the ridiculous folly of having anything to do with young girls. He was quite blind to her beauty.
""Go"?" he repeated her word. "You mean that?"
"Of course I mean it," she answered promptly.
The coward in him urged him to take advantage of her ignorant, helpless pride, and leave her at her word. He remembered the scene she had made at the pit shaft, and he said to himself that her charm was not worth her temper, and that he was a fool ever to have dreamed that it was, and that he would be doubly a fool now not to seize the opportunity of withdrawing from an insane enterprise.
"I am to go?" he asked, with a sneer.
She nodded.
"Of course if you order me to leave you, I must. Can I do anything for you?"
She signified that he could not,
"Nothing? You"re sure?"
She frowned.
"Well, then, good-bye." He turned towards the door.
"I suppose you"d leave me here without money or anything?" she said in a cold, cutting voice. And her sneer was far more destructive than his.
It destroyed in him the last trace of compa.s.sion for her.
"Oh, I beg pardon!" he said, and swaggeringly counted out five sovereigns on to a chest of drawers.
She rushed at them. "Do you think I"ll take your odious money?" she snarled, gathering the coins in her gloved hand.
Her first impulse was to throw them in his face; but she paused and then flung them into a corner of the room.
"Pick them up!" she commanded him.
"No, thanks," he said briefly; and left, shutting the door.
Only a very little while, and they had been lovers, exuding tenderness with every gesture, like a perfume! Only a very little while, and she had been deciding to telegraph condescendingly to her mother that she was "all right"! And now the dream was utterly dissolved. And the voice of that hard commonsense which spake to her in her wildest moods grew loud in a.s.serting that the enterprise could never have come to any good, that it was from its inception an impossible enterprise, unredeemed by the slightest justification. An enormous folly! Yes, an elopement; but not like a real elopement; always unreal! She had always known that it was only an imitation of an elopement, and must end in some awful disappointment. She had never truly wanted to run away; but something within her had p.r.i.c.ked her forward in spite of her protests.
The strict notions of her elderly relatives were right after all. It was she who had been wrong. And it was she who would have to pay.
"I"ve been a wicked girl," she said to herself grimly, in the midst of her ruin.
She faced the fact. But she would not repent; at any rate she would never sit on that stool. She would not exchange the remains of her pride for the means of escape from the worst misery that life could offer. On that point she knew herself. And she set to work to repair and renew her pride.
Whatever happened she would not return to the Five Towns. She could not, because she had stolen money from her Aunt Harriet. As much as she had thrown back at Gerald, she had filched from her aunt, but in the form of a note. A prudent, mysterious instinct had moved her to take this precaution. And she was glad. She would never have been able to dart that sneer at Gerald about money if she had really needed money.
So she rejoiced in her crime; though, since Aunt Harriet would a.s.suredly discover the loss at once, the crime eternally prevented her from going back to her family. Never, never would she look at her mother with the eyes of a thief!
(In truth Aunt Harriet did discover the loss, and very creditably said naught about it to anybody. The knowledge of it would have twisted the knife in the maternal heart.)
Sophia was also glad that she had refused to proceed to Paris. The recollection of her firmness in refusing flattered her vanity as a girl convinced that she could take care of herself. To go to Paris unmarried would have been an inconceivable madness. The mere thought of the enormity did outrage to her moral susceptibilities. No, Gerald had most perfectly mistaken her for another sort of girl; as, for instance, a shop-a.s.sistant or a barmaid!
With this the catalogue of her satisfactions ended. She had no idea at all as to what she ought to do, or could do. The mere prospect of venturing out of the room intimidated her. Had Gerald left her trunk in the hall? Of course he had. What a question! But what would happen to her? London ... London had merely dazed her. She could do nothing for herself. She was as helpless as a rabbit in London. She drew aside the window-curtain and had a glimpse of the river. It was inevitable that she should think of suicide; for she could not suppose that any girl had ever got herself into a plight more desperate than hers. "I could slip out at night and drown myself," she thought seriously. "A nice thing that would be for Gerald!"
Then loneliness, like a black midnight, overwhelmed her, swiftly wasting her strength, disintegrating her pride in its horrid flood. She glanced about for support, as a woman in the open street who feels she is going to faint, and went blindly to the bed, falling on it with the upper part of her body, in an att.i.tude of abandonment. She wept, but without sobbing.
II