It had been a positive ordinance, for a long time past, that there should be no sketching until lessons were done. In his father"s lifetime Cyril had never dared to break it.
He bent over his block, feigning an intense absorption. Constance"s hand slipped from his shoulder. She wanted to command him formally to resume his lessons. But she could not. She feared an argument; she mistrusted herself. And, moreover, it was so soon after his father"s death!
"You know you won"t have time to-morrow morning!" she said weakly.
"Oh, mother!" he retorted superiorly. "Don"t worry." And then, in a cajoling tone: "I"ve wanted to do that stag for ages."
She sighed and sat down in her rocking-chair. He went on sketching, rubbing out, and making queer expostulatory noises against his pencil, or against the difficulties needlessly invented by Sir Edwin Landseer.
Once he rose and changed the position of the gas-bracket, staring fiercely at the engraving as though it had committed a sin.
Amy came to lay the supper. He did not acknowledge that she existed.
"Now, Master Cyril, after you with that table, if you please!" She announced herself brusquely, with the privilege of an old servant and a woman who would never see thirty again.
"What a nuisance you are, Amy!" he gruffly answered. "Look here, mother, can"t Amy lay the cloth on that half of the table? I"m right in the middle of my drawing. There"s plenty of room there for two."
He seemed not to be aware that, in the phrase "plenty of room for two,"
he had made a callous reference to their loss. The fact was, there WAS plenty of room for two.
Constance said quickly: "Very well, Amy. For this once."
Amy grunted, but obeyed.
Constance had to summon him twice from art to nourishment. He ate with rapidity, frequently regarding the picture with half-shut, searching eyes. When he had finished, he refilled his gla.s.s with water, and put it next to his sketching-block.
"You surely aren"t thinking of beginning to paint at this time of night!" Constance exclaimed, astonished.
"Oh YES, mother!" he fretfully appealed. "It"s not late."
Another positive ordinance of his father"s had been that there should be nothing after supper except bed. Nine o"clock was the latest permissible moment for going to bed. It was now less than a quarter to.
"It only wants twelve minutes to nine," Constance pointed out.
"Well, what if it does?"
"Now, Cyril," she said, "I do hope you are going to be a good boy, and not cause your mother anxiety."
But she said it too kindly.
He said sullenly: "I do think you might let me finish it. I"ve begun it. It won"t take me long."
She made the mistake of leaving the main point. "How can you possibly choose your colours properly by gas-light?" she said.
"I"m going to do it in sepia," he replied in triumph.
"It mustn"t occur again," she said.
He thanked G.o.d for a good supper, and sprang to the harmonium, where his paint-box was. Amy cleared away. Constance did crochet-work. There was silence. The clock struck nine, and it also struck half-past nine.
She warned him repeatedly. At ten minutes to ten she said persuasively:
"Now, Cyril, when the clock strikes ten I shall really put the gas out."
The clock struck ten.
"Half a mo, half a mo!" he cried. "I"ve done! I"ve done!"
Her hand was arrested.
Another four minutes elapsed, and then he jumped up. "There you are!"
he said proudly, showing her the block. And all his gestures were full of grace and cajolery.
"Yes, it"s very good," Constance said, rather indifferently.
"I don"t believe you care for it!" he accused her, but with a bright smile.
"I care for your health," she said. "Just look at that clock!"
He sat down in the other rocking-chair, deliberately.
"Now, Cyril!"
"Well, mother, I suppose you"ll let me take my boots off!" He said it with teasing good-humour.
When he kissed her good night, she wanted to cling to him, so affectionate was his kiss; but she could not throw off the habits of restraint which she had been originally taught and had all her life practised. She keenly regretted the inability.
In her bedroom, alone, she listened to his movements as he undressed.
The door between the two rooms was unlatched. She had to control a desire to open it ever so little and peep at him. He would not have liked that. He could have enriched her heart beyond all hope, and at no cost to himself; but he did not know his power. As she could not cling to him with her hands, she clung to him with that heart of hers, while moving sedately up and down the room, alone. And her eyes saw him through the solid wood of the door. At last she got heavily into bed.
She thought with placid anxiety, in the dark: "I shall have to be firm with Cyril." And she thought also, simultaneously: "He really must be a good boy. He MUST." And clung to him pa.s.sionately, without shame! Lying alone there in the dark, she could be as unrestrained and girlish as her heart chose. When she loosed her hold she instantly saw the boy"s father arranged in his coffin, or flitting about the room. Then she would hug that vision too, for the pleasure of the pain it gave her.
III
She was rea.s.sured as to Cyril during the next few days. He did not attempt to repeat his ingenious naughtiness of the Monday evening, and he came directly home for tea; moreover he had, as a kind of miracle performed to dazzle her, actually arisen early on the Tuesday morning and done his arithmetic. To express her satisfaction she had manufactured a specially elaborate straw-frame for the sketch after Sir Edwin Landseer, and had hung it in her bedroom: an honour which Cyril appreciated. She was as happy as a woman suffering from a recent amputation can be; and compared with the long nightmare created by Samuel"s monomania and illness, her existence seemed to be now a beneficent calm.
Cyril, she thought, had realized the importance in her eyes of tea, of that evening hour and that companionship which were for her the flowering of the day. And she had such confidence in his goodness that she would pour the boiling water on the Horniman tea-leaves even before he arrived: certainty could not be more sure. And then, on the Friday of the first week, he was late! He bounded in, after dark, and the state of his clothes indicated too clearly that he had been playing football in the mud that was a gra.s.sy field in summer.
"Have you been kept in, my boy?" she asked, for the sake of form.
"No, mother," he said casually. "We were just kicking the ball about a bit. Am I late?"
"Better go and tidy yourself," she said, not replying to his question.
"You can"t sit down in that state. And I"ll have some fresh tea made.
This is spoilt."
"Oh, very well!"
Her sacred tea--the inst.i.tution which she wanted to hallow by long habit, and which was to count before everything with both of them--had been carelessly sacrificed to the kicking of a football in mud! And his father buried not ten days! She was wounded: a deep, clean, dangerous wound that would not bleed. She tried to be glad that he had not lied; he might easily have lied, saying that he had been detained for a fault and could not help being late. No! He was not given to lying; he would lie, like any human being, when a great occasion demanded such prudence, but he was not a liar; he might fairly be called a truthful boy. She tried to be glad, and did not succeed. She would have preferred him to have lied.
Amy, grumbling, had to boil more water.