She tilted her head slightly and smiled. His groin tightened. "You"re the closest thing I"ve had to a friend in years."
"You"ve got to be kidding."
"I"m not. Think about it, Jeff. I left Kray in Europe six years ago. I didn"t expect him to let me go, let alone live without him. I kept waiting for him to come and get me." She grimaced. "It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time. I hated it. I didn"t dare tell anyone. I was afraid they wouldn"t believe me."
"Or that they would."
She nodded. "Exactly. My whole life was tenuous. I was afraid to get close, afraid to connect with anyone. I wanted to belong somewhere, but it wasn"t safe. So there was only ever Bobby and me." She leaned forward. "In my heart, I knew he"d come back. Leaving had been too easy for it to be real."
"I understand." And he did. She"d lived in the shadows, too. Not because she was a criminal or on a.s.signment, but because of Kray. More than most civilians, she would understand about the frayed edges of life, of being just short of fitting in. Jeanne had never been able to relate to what he was talking about.
He grimaced. The disloyal thought annoyed him. He had no right to think less of Jeanne. Her only crime had been to try and save their marriage. She"d paid for it with her life.
"I know I"ve followed you around like a puppy," she said. She brushed her hair off of her face. "You keep kicking me and I keep coming back wagging my tail. You"re the only person I can be honest with. This time tomorrow, we"ll be on our way to Florida. The lies will start again. We"ll be hiding out from Kray. I"m going to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. But for these few days, I haven"t had to do that. I haven"t had to pretend to be other than I am. You know the worst about me. In a way, it"s almost a relief to have you dislike me. I know that sounds strange. But you"re the only person who knows everything."
"Not everything," he said.
"Okay." She grinned. "I have a couple of secrets. But you know the bad stuff. It"s very freeing not to pretend."
She was making him feel worse by the minute. "Andie, don"t make me a hero in all this."
"I"m not."
She laughed. Her long hair caught the lamplight. She looked young and happy in that moment. He saw her as she must have been when Kray first met her. Alive. Charming. Funny. He didn"t want to be drawn to her, but he didn"t have a choice in the matter.
"I prefer my white knights to be in literature, not in life." Her humor faded. "I don"t really believe in white knights anymore. Although Rambo is a close second."
"You"re not so bad yourself."
She lowered her head and started pleating the hem of her T-shirt. "Most of the time I"m terrified. The only thing that keeps me going is trying to keep the truth from Bobby. I don"t want him to grow up scarred by this experience."
"You"ve come this far on your own. I"ll tell you a secret." He lowered his voice. "You"re doing better than most of my field agents would, and they have the benefit of experience."
He thought she might laugh again, but instead she smiled slowly. She straightened her shoulders. He saw the faint movement of her bare b.r.e.a.s.t.s under her shirt. Need flared brighter as his blood heated. He admired her strength and he wanted her. It was a deadly combination.
He tried to grab hold of the anger to help him resist her. He thought of a half-dozen cruel things he could say to drive her from the room. Instead, he watched her, wishing he was strong enough to ignore her, or weak enough to invite her into his bed.
"I appreciate your understanding," she said.
He raised his eyebrows. She couldn"t possibly know what he was thinking. "Of what?"
"Me. My situation. You"re a decent kind of guy. You"ve probably never done a bad thing in your life."
"Get real, Andie. Everyone does things they regret." He could fill pages with lists of his. It wasn"t just Jeanne and J.J., although G.o.d knows he had plenty of regrets with them. "I"ve made bad decisions. I"ve sent agents into impossible situations."
She shifted on the chair, stretching her long legs out in front of her. The need became unbearable. He had to have her or explode. He thought about asking her to join him in his bed. He could just throw back the covers and expose his nakedness. She would know right away what he wanted. They could both escape into the pa.s.sion.
But no matter how much he might admire her courage and the way she"d raised her kid, he couldn"t forget she"d once belonged to Kray. He couldn"t do that to Jeanne. He owed her. Bad enough not to have loved her in life, the least he could do was mourn her in death.
"Do you think-"
"Go to bed," he said abruptly, cutting her off. She opened her mouth to speak,then closed it.
"We both need to get some sleep," he continued. "You"ll be up all of tomorrow night."
"Of course."
She rose slowly and walked to the doorway. He"d hurt her feelings. He could tell by the stiff set of her shoulders. He watched her move, her hips swaying under the thin T-shirt. His body throbbed painfully. She closed the door behind her without once looking back.
When he was alone, Jeff turned off the lamp, got out of bed and stood in front of the open window. The hardness between his legs throbbed in time with his heartbeat. It would have been so easy to buryhimself inside her and forget. Easy but wrong. He owed Jeanne more.
Maybe he owed Andie more, too.
Chapter 9.
Andie folded the last of Bobby"s T-shirts and slipped it in her soft-sided carry-on bag. She"d only brought a few pieces of clothing with her, but when combined with Jeff"s purchases, they filled out the bag. Still, she wouldn"t have to worry about shopping when they arrived inFlorida. They could go directly to the airport and take the first plane out of town. Staying away from Kray was her main objective.
She glanced around the now-bare room. Their towels were folded neatly on the single dresser. Everything else had been packed. Bobby had a plastic shopping bag filled with his new toys. They would keep him busy on the boat.
It was a simple enough plan, she thought as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Yet a thousand things could go wrong. Kray could be waiting at the dock. The captain, whom Jeff trusted, could turn them in. Kray"s men could catch them before they arrived inFlorida, or they could be waiting at the airport there. A storm could knock them off course, causing them to- She covered her face with her hands. "Stop thinking about it," she said out loud. She was only making herself crazy. She was nervous enough without imagining trouble that hadn"t even happened yet.
She stood up and walked toward the dresser. She pulled a brush from her purse and began to stroke it through her hair. When she was done, she divided the strands into three sections and quickly wove a braid. Jeff had given her a dark baseball hat to keep any light from reflecting off her blond hair. When she finished, she glanced at her clothing. She wore jeans and a dark blue long-sleeved shirt, fastened at her wrists. Her athletic shoes were white, but that couldn"t be helped. She"d dressed Bobby in dark colors, as well. They were doing all they could. She would have to pray for a little luck to help them survive the rest of it.
The sounds of the night surrounded her. She could hear the cheeps and whistles of the insects, the faint rustlings of the night creatures. The waves provided a familiar counterpoint. Bobby was asleep on Jeff"s bed. They would wake him up right before they left. Andie had also convinced her son to take a nap that afternoon, so he wouldn"t be too exhausted for their boat trip. She had enough problems without adding a cranky child to the mix.
She pressed her hand against her stomach and drew in a deep breath. Nerves made her jumpy. She wanted it over with now. She wanted to never leave the house.
She set the hat on her head,then stared at her reflection. Fear pulled her mouth straight. If she was honest with herself, she would admit that she was terrified of being solely responsible again. For these last few days, she"d had someone else to depend on. It had been nice to lean on Jeff, even for a little while. It didn"t matter that he didn"t like her. He"d been there and he"d kept them safe. Once she was on the boat, she would be on her own. What if she couldn"t do it?
That line of thought was too dangerous. She turned away from the mirror and quickly checked the room for the last time. She bent down and looked under the beds to make sure Bobby hadn"t accidentally kicked something under there. The floor was dusty but bare.
She knelt on the floor and rested her forearms on the mattress. She hadn"t slept much last night. If only she could close her eyes for a few hours and make this all go away. But she couldn"t. She fingered the cotton bedspread and closed her eyes. Instead of this room, she pictured Jeff"s room and how it had looked last night.
If she hadn"t heard Jeff call out, she would never have dared go into his room. Despite what people said about her, she wasn"t bold around men. While she"d been a model, she"d had a reputation of being a party girl. If only they knew the truth. She"d never done drugs, hadn"t been able to handle liquor well so she didn"t drink and she"d made love to exactly two men in her life. She"d been engaged to one and had married the other. Not exactly the shocking lifestyle most people a.s.sumed she"d led.
She knew what Jeff thought of her. She"d seen it in his eyes when he"d stared at her. She"d heard it in the contempt in his voice. Now that she knew the truth about what Kray had done, she didn"t blame Jeff. She despised herself for being so stupid.
So last night, when she"d felt so alone and afraid, she"d foolishly been tempted when she"d seen Jeff in his bed. His broad chest had been bare, his skin tanned, his muscles strong. She"d wanted to crawl in next to him. It would have been wonderful to make love. Not just because she was afraid she was going to die, but because she liked him. And trusted him. She hadn"t been able to trust anyone in a long time.
She thought she might have seen desire in his eyes, but she wasn"t sure. Besides, how exactly was a woman supposed to bring up the subject? She"d been too embarra.s.sed and ashamed to ask him to hold her. She reminded him of all he"d lost. How he must hate her every breath. But she needed holding desperately. Not just because she was lonely and afraid but because she cared about him. He was the sort of man she dreamed about giving her heart to.
On those lonely nights when Bobby had been a baby, when she"d stayed awake waiting for Kray to return and destroy her life, she"d imagined a world where she could meet someone and risk caring again. She"d thought about being normal, of waking up next to someone, of raising children together, arguing over money or visits from in-laws, then making up with a quick laugh and slow lovemaking. Her imaginary mate had no face. She didn"t care what he looked like as long as he was honorable, patient and kind. A good man. Like Jeff.
She walked to the window and stared out at the night. He made her think of her foolish dreams for a life that would never be. He made her long for a man to care about. He made her think about love.
She inhaled the scent of the island. At first, the tropical breezes, the exotic flowers and the salt of the sea had reminded her of Kray. But not anymore. Now, when she remembered St. Lucas, she would think of Jeff. Of these few days of feeling safe, of her wish that she was anyone but Kray"s ex-wife.
The sound of footsteps in the hall made her move away from the window. By the time Jeff knocked on the door, she was sitting on the bed, checking the suitcase for the last time.
"Come in," she called.
He opened the door. "You almost ready?" he asked, stepping into the room.
"Yes." She zipped the case shut.
He closed the door behind him and approached the bed. He, too, had dressed for their escape, although instead of dark clothes, he wore the camouflage uniform she"d first seen him in. His short blond hair gleamed in the overhead light. Blue eyes met her own. She studied his face, memorizing individual features so that years from now she would be able to recall what he looked like.
"I appreciate everything you"ve done," she said as he sat on the other side of the suitcase.
"Save your thanks until you"re off the island," he said, then handed her a pistol. "I want you to take this."
She stared at the handgun. Except for when Kray had shot that man, and the one Jeff had pulled on them when they"d first run into him in the jungle, she"d never seen a pistol close up.
"No." She shook her head. "I can"t."
"You won"t. There"s a difference."
He grabbed her hand and forced her to take the gun. It was heavier than it looked. Instinctively her fingers closed around the steel. "Do you expect me to shoot someone?"
"If you have to."
She glanced up at him. He was serious. "That"s ridiculous. I"ve never fired a gun in my life. I don"t know how to use it and I don"t want to know."
He took the gun back from her. "It"s simple to use. Here"s the safety." He flicked a small lever on the left side of the gun, just above the grips. "If you don"t release the safety the gun won"t fire. This b.u.t.ton here drops the magazine." He pushed the b.u.t.ton. The clip fell out onto the suitcase. "It holds fourteen rounds. Pop it in like this." He pushed it back in place, then handed her the gun. "Now you do it."
"I can"t," she said. "This is too scary. I don"t want a gun."
He leaned close and took her face in his hand. His expression was hard, his eyes glinted like ice. "Kray wants you dead. I"m going to do my d.a.m.nedest to get you off this island, but I need your cooperation. If something happens, you may need to protect yourself and Bobby. If you don"t care about yourself, at least think of the boy."
Her son. She would do anything for her son. Slowly she took the pistol,then wrapped her fingers around the handle. She pushed the b.u.t.ton and the clip dropped onto her lap. She replaced it.
He showed her how to work the action,then explained which position activated the safety. When she understood everything, he handed her a second clip of ammunition.
"Just in case," he said.
"I feel like you expect me to take out an entire regiment."
He smiled. "It won"t come to that. Stand up." She did. He rose also and pulled the hem of her shirt out of her jeans. "You"re going to have to sacrifice fashion for safety. This is the best place to keep your pistol." He moved behind her and raised her shirt, then slid the gun into the waistband of her jeans, against the small of her back.
The pistol was cold and hard against her skin. He dropped the shirt back in place. "No one can see it," he said. "You"ve got easy access to it. Keep the spare clip in your front pocket."
She did as he asked, then looked up at him. The handsome man who"d listened while she"d confessed her secrets last night was gone. The pa.s.sionate stranger who"d kissed her, the friendly guy who"d played ball with Bobby, all those men disappeared. In their place stood a warrior. Emotionless, unafraid, determined.
"What else do I need to do?" she asked.
"When you dock inMiami, leave the gun and the extra magazine on the boat. Take a cab to this street." He handed her a small piece of paper. "There are about two dozen small hotels and motels stretched for a mile. Pick one and register under a false name. Don"t use Smith or Jones, though. It"s too obvious."
She frowned. "You want me to stay inMiami? Isn"t that going to be the first place he"ll look for me?"
"Yes. But he won"t know when you"re arriving and he"ll check the large hotels first. He can"t be everywhere. It"s just for one night. You leaveMiamion Sat.u.r.day."
"Why?"
"The cruise ships dock then and the airport is jammed. Take any flight going to a major city. Change planes. About three flights should be enough. Wait about four days, thendo it again, but this time go to smaller cities."
The pistol poked into her back. Her heart was beating quickly and they hadn"t even left her bedroom. It was overwhelming. "I don"t know if I can do this," she said. She regretted the confession as soon as she"d made it and waited for Jeff to make some snide remark.
Instead, he placed his hands on her shoulders. "I know," he said. "Worry about one step at a time. Don"t think about too much at once, or you"ll go crazy."
His voice was gentle and encouraging. She wanted to throw herself against him and cling forever. Instead, she forced herself to smile and step back. "Good advice."
"One more thing," he said, reaching in his front pocket. "You"ll need this." He pulled out a wad of bills.
"I can"t take your money."
"You"re going to need it to stay away from Kray. Hiding is expensive. Believe me, I know."
She shook her head. "I don"t need it. I got a large settlement when Kray and I divorced. I"ve never been one to spend lavishly, so Bobby and I have been living off the interest. I"ve got cash stashed in safety-deposit boxes all over the country. We"ll be fine."
He thrust the bills at her. "Just in case. You can pay me back later."
He waited. Finally she took the money. The bills were all hundreds and fifties. There had to be at least five thousand dollars there. "How am I supposed to pay you back? I don"t even know your last name."
He smiled. "I"ll find you."
She hoped he would, when this was all over. Maybe they could have a second chance. "I wish we"d met under other circ.u.mstances," she said, then cleared her throat and stuffed the money in her jeans pocket, the one without the extra ammunition clip. "That is, I wish I was someone else so you wouldn"t-" That wasn"t right, either. "What I"m trying to say is-"
"Hush," he said, then touched her face. The brush of his fingers against her cheek was gentle. "I know what you"re saying, Andie."
His blue eyes were dark and unreadable. She wanted to see a flame of desire flickering there. She hoped he would kiss her, but in the end, all he did was tap the brim of her baseball cap and step away.
That was it then. This was goodbye. No mention of missing her, or the fact that he didn"t really mind who her ex-husband was. Nothing about forgiving or liking her. Jeff would get them off the island,then go back to his men and his mission. It made sense, she told herself. She didn"t really matter to him not like he mattered to her.
She pushed away the "ifonlys " and forced herself to concentrate on the moment. A quick glance at her watch told her time was slipping away from them.
"We have to leave," Jeff said, confirming her thoughts. She picked up her purse and slipped it over her head so it hung across her chest. She wanted her arms free. Jeff grabbed the suitcase and walked to the door.
"Wait," she called.
He paused,then turned toward her. He raised his eyebrows expectantly.
"If anything happens to me, you"ve given your word to look after Bobby."