Chapter 1158 Shaping The First Form (Part 2)
Instead of lending a hand to one of these countless fragments of Soul Power,Jake realized this moment was ripe for some deep, old-school introspection. The progression of his Aura presented an opportunity to dive into more existential inquiries, ones he hadn"t yet had the chance to contemplate.
Why was he killing?
Why was he fighting?
Why was he risking his life in these Ordeals?
For survival? Most definitely, but wasn"t that everyone"s story?
Few knew the purpose of their existence, yet all understood at least why they didn"t wish to die. As long as hope flickered, life was worth the struggle.
To grow stronger? Sure, this rang true, but it applied to every Evolver. Heck, every sentient being, no matter how lackl.u.s.ter or lazy, harbored a deep-seated ambition to either be the best or at least improve.
True Will of Growth, which Jake had also awakened, was just one of its myriad manifestations. This urge to evolve, to expand, wasn"t always n.o.ble. Not entirely.
Often, the desire to be the strongest, to stand at the pinnacle, was closely tied to ego, to vanity. If it fulfilled no other existential purpose than to stroke our self-esteem, a yearning for recognition, status, or dominance, such ambition felt somewhat hollow...
And if Jake was not battling for his own life but to safeguard the lives of others? He acknowledged the truth in this as well, but knew better than anyone he was no hero. The fate of humanity or the universe left him cold, unlike the safety and well-being of those dear to him.
Even as the leader of a faction, deep down, Jake was indifferent to the fate of most of its members. It was his sense of duty, his moral compa.s.s, that drove him to act as a role model, yet beneath the surface, he was detached. As long as his family, Lucia, Will, Enya, Esya, Gerulf, and a select few others were okay, all would be well.
"All would be well..?" Jake"s expression sharpened suddenly. He had stumbled upon a realization. Perhaps he wasn"t as emotionally detached as he thought.
Growing stronger, killing, wasn"t merely about vanity or insecurity, but also about protecting those who mattered to him. If all these people were to vanish, Jake doubted his resolve to push through all the trials would remain as strong.
When he tried to envision a life without Anya, his uncle, or Lucia, his expression darkened menacingly, a genuine, uncompromising killing intent seeping from his very being.
Jake had uncovered another aspect of himself. Losing everything wouldn"t extinguish his will to fight or kill. Quite the opposite...
If that feared scenario were to unfold, he"d devote his existence to vengeance. If it meant killing, torturing, annihilating to ease his resentment, his grief, he"d turn demon without hesitation.
Yet, for this introspection to lead to an undeniable, clear-cut answer, Jake needed to probe even deeper. As he delved further into his psyche, confronting increasingly tragic scenarios, his once calm and relaxed visage gradually morphed into something more ominous.
When his expression could hardly grow more menacing, Xi"s sad voice echoed in his mind, barely louder than a whisper,
[If I were to disappear, what would you do?]
Jake"s eyes snapped open, and he retorted coldly,
"Don"t joke about that. It"s not funny."
Xi, undeterred, pressed on,
[I"m not trying to amuse you. I"m serious, answer me. What would you do if I were gone for good? Don"t resort to corny lines like "I"ll find you" or "bring you back to life, even if it means dragging you out of h.e.l.l." I"m talking about an irreversible, hopeless scenario. What would you do if I died? This applies to me, but also to Lucia, Anya, and everyone else dear to you. Let go of this omnipotent illusion that lets you dismiss anything that contradicts your perception of reality and answer honestly.]
"..."
Jake opened his mouth to reply, but no sound emerged. He closed his mouth, then his expression hardened, turning grave.
"If... And I stress if you were to disappear with no hope of return, I wouldn"t end my own life, if that"s what you"re dreading," Jake finally said, each word forced out as though he was confronting a painful truth.
[That"s not what--]
"Nevertheless!" Jake interjected with a darker tone, revealing his subconscious fangs. "I"d ensure such tragedies, such suffering never happen again. And if possible, I"d put an end to them."
[Oh? You"re more altruistic than I thought.] Xi"s response carried no surprise, as if she had antic.i.p.ated his answer, yet it held a hint of mockery, suggesting she knew those weren"t his true intentions.
"I misspoke," Jake said, his laugh tinged with darkness. "I couldn"t care less about tragedies that don"t affect me directly. I can empathize, but only by choice. So, in the end, it"s my own suffering I seek to avert."
[So, you"re fighting to protect your own happiness? To avoid suffering?] Xi reframed the conversation. [While understandable, that motive is far too common, albeit valid. Every intelligent creature strives for happiness and is willing to fight to preserve it. I"m certain you can find a deeper reason. Besides, let"s face it, such an Intent doesn"t suit your First Form of Lumyst Aura.]
Jake knew she was right and didn"t argue. It was a too vague an Intent.
If there were an Intent of Happiness tailored to combat, it might enhance his and his loved ones" prowess on the battlefield if the fight were directly tied to his present or future well-being. But how to determine if someone or something impacts such an abstract concept?
Moreover, its effectiveness, its relevance, hinged on his ability to a.s.sess situations. What he deemed essential to his happiness one moment could turn into a source of misery the next. His belief system and values could directly influence its activation conditions.
As Jake pondered, Xi offered another perspective.
[If happiness doesn"t fully explain why you fight, then is it freedom you"re after? The power to control your destiny, no matter what? To be the master of your fate?]
[If happiness doesn"t fully explain why you fight, then is it This time, Xi"s words resonated with Jake. Freedom meant doing what one wishes, a fundamental aspect of happiness. Fighting for this freedom was crucial, perhaps even more so than happiness itself, because to maintain his freedom, Jake was prepared to endure suffering, a concept an Intent of Happiness might struggle to encompa.s.s.
"That makes a lot more sense," Jake conceded after a moment"s reflection. "Such an Intent would also align with my adaptability powers."
Intent of Adaptation was certainly another avenue. It felt like combat adaptability might overlap with his inherent abilities. The potential synergy had vast, untapped potential, but in desperate times where his adaptability powers fell short, he doubted this Intent would make a significant difference.
As he considered this, Jake realized a significant issue with these Intents of Happiness, Freedom, and Adaptation: they focused primarily on him. On the battlefield, spiritual pressure played a crucial role in intimidating, overpowering enemies.
When it came down to which Intent was most useful for Directly support the authors on ReadNovelFull!
defeating an enemy, True Will of Killing remained by far the most versatile: it not only increased the lethality of attacks but also allowed the aura itself to intimidate, paralyze with fear, and even inflict death independently of the fighter"s spiritual pressure.
In the Mirror Universe, among equals, a soldier who had already killed stood a better chance against a newbie. This was even more true among Evolvers with a high Ordeal count.
Evolvers of mediocre power who had spilled oceans of blood to reach their status were far more dangerous than those chosen ones with high-grade bloodlines who had everything handed to them on a silver platter.
There was a saying among Players who had completed their fifth Ordeal: "If you"ve killed someone, you"ve finished the tutorial. If you"ve killed 100 enemies, you"ve proven yourself. If you"ve killed 10,000 enemies, you"re respectable. If you"ve killed 1 million enemies, you"re dangerous. If you"ve killed 100 million enemies, you"re strong. If you"ve killed so many enemies that no one can count them anymore, you"re invincible."
It might sound a bit cringeworthy and clichéd, but the idea was clear. Killing might only bring reputation in the initial stages, but when the number of victims reached staggering amounts, it became an objective measure of an Evolver"s strength.
If Jake aimed to be the strongest, True Will of Killing remained an excellent choice.
"So in the end, I kill to be happy, I kill to be free, I kill to avenge those who"ve deprived me of those things," Jake summarized in his mind, feeling he was on the verge of an epiphany.
This time, he didn"t wait for Xi"s prompting to continue the extrapolation, unpleasant though it might be. After vengeance... What comes next?
Jake felt lost at that moment, but soon he laughed, realizing he had already given Xi his answer.
"I"d still fight and kill to put an end to that suffering. If the tragedy that caused this suffering has already occurred and it"s irreversible, then the suffering is, by definition, indelible. Such reasoning is whimsical and childish. I can change my future, not my past.
"Xi, you said I want to be the master of my destiny, right? You"re implying that currently, I"m not in control, and it"s true. There are still too many people stronger than me who can ruin my life and those of my loved ones with a snap of their fingers. It also means that no matter how much I prepare, if fate decides otherwise, I"m doomed to suffer if I encounter them too soon, before I"ve grown enough."
Xi didn"t respond with the same enthusiasm this time. She wasn"t sure where he was heading, even with their consciousness connection allowing her to sense his thoughts and emotions.
Jake noticed her confusion but didn"t address it, continuing his line of thought,
"To conclude, Xi, you"re right. I want to be the master of my destiny, but unless I"m omnipotent and omniscient, that"s obviously impossible. I know there are Soul Cla.s.ses and all sorts of mysterious bloodlines and abilities that can influence fate, but they"re beyond my current reach. What I can do, however..."
Xi finally understood which Intent he wanted to choose for his Lumyst Aura, and if she had a body, she would definitely have s.h.i.+vered.
"That"s right. It"s to flip off my fate and tell it to go f.u.c.k itself when I don"t like it." Jake declared with a smirk. "So, my First Form of Aura will be..."