"Not asleep then?"
"No," I admitted.
In the darkness his hands came out for me and found my face, stroked my neck to my shoulders, and thence to my waist. I was wearing my linen shift but I could feel the coldness of his hands through the fine cloth. I heard his breathing come a little faster. He pulled me toward him and I yielded, and spread myself ready for him as I always did for Henry. For a moment I checked, thinking that I did not know what to do for any man but Henry.
"You"re not willing?" he asked.
"Of course I am willing. I am your wife," I said levelly.
I feared he might trap me into a refusal which would allow him to put me aside; but his little sigh of disappointment showed me that he was genuinely hoping for a warmer response. "We"ll sleep then."
I was so relieved that I dared not say a word in case he changed his mind. I lay perfectly still until he turned his back on me, pulled the covers up over his shoulders, thumped his head down on the pillows and was quiet. Then, and only then, did I let my belly unknot and wiped the insincere Howard smile from my face. I let myself drift into sleep. I had survived another night, I was still at Hever, the Howards had everything to play for. Anything might happen tomorrow.
We were woken by a knocking on the door. I was up and out of bed before William could wake and catch my hand. I opened the door and said sharply: "Hush. My lord is sleeping," as if that were my only concern and not that I was determined to get out of his bed as quickly as possible.
"Urgent message from Mistress Anne," the servant said and offered me a letter.
I dearly wanted to throw on a cloak and read it far away from William but he was awake and sitting up. "Our dear sister," he said with a mocking smile. "And what does she say?"
I had no choice but to open the letter before him and hope to G.o.d that Anne was thinking of someone else for once in her selfish life.
Sister, The king and I bid you and your husband come to meet us at Richmond where we will all be merry. The king and I bid you and your husband come to meet us at Richmond where we will all be merry. Anne Anne William held out his hand for the letter. I handed it over.
"She guessed I was coming for you when I left court," he observed. I said nothing. "And so hip-hop, with one bound you are free of me," he said bitterly. "And we are back where we were."
He had spoken my very thought but behind the hardness of his tone I saw his hurt. Cuckold"s horns are not a comfortable headdress and he had been wearing them now for five years. Slowly I went to the bed. I put out my hand to him. "I am your wedded wife," I said gently. "And I never forgot it, though our lives took us far apart. If we ever have to be married in very truth, William, you will find me a good wife to you."
He looked up at me. "Is this a Howard speaking who fears the turning of the tide and thinks that life as Lady Carey would be a safer bet than being the other Boleyn girl when the first Boleyn girl is ruined?"
His guess was so precise that I had to turn my head rather than risk him seeing the truth in my eyes. "Oh, William," I said reproachfully.
He drew me down to him and turned my face toward him with his finger under my chin. "Dearest wife," he said sarcastically.
I closed my eyes rather than meet his scrutiny and then, to my surprise, felt the warmth of his face and tender, gentle little kisses on my lips. I felt desire well up in me like a long-forgotten spring. I put my hands around his neck and pulled him a little closer.
"I made a bad beginning last night," he said gently. "So not now, and not here. But perhaps somewhere soon, don"t you think, little wife?"
I smiled up at him, hiding my relief at not being taken to Norfolk. "Somewhere soon," I agreed. "Whenever you wish, William."
Autumn 1527 ANNE AT RICHMOND WAS QUEEN IN ALL BUT NAME. SHE HAD new apartments, which were adjacent to the king"s, she had ladies in waiting, she had a dozen new gowns, she had jewels, she had a couple of hunters to ride out with the king, she sat with him when his counselors discussed the matters of the country with him, she had her own chair at his side. Only in the great hall when the true queen came in to dinner was Anne demoted to a table on the floor of the hall while Katherine sat down to dinner in her majesty. new apartments, which were adjacent to the king"s, she had ladies in waiting, she had a dozen new gowns, she had jewels, she had a couple of hunters to ride out with the king, she sat with him when his counselors discussed the matters of the country with him, she had her own chair at his side. Only in the great hall when the true queen came in to dinner was Anne demoted to a table on the floor of the hall while Katherine sat down to dinner in her majesty.
I was to sleep in Anne"s apartments, partly to give her countenance so that no one might think that the king"s constant companionship meant that they were lovers, but in truth, to help her keep him at arm"s length. He was desperate to have her, arguing that since they were betrothed they might bed. Anne played every trick she could summon. She protested her virginity and said that she would never forgive herself if she gave away her maidenhead before marriage, though G.o.d knew how much she desired him. She said that she would never forgive herself if she did not come before him on their wedding night a maid untouched-though G.o.d knew how much she desired him. She said that if he loved her as much as he said he did he would love the holy purity of her soul-though G.o.d knew la la la-and she said that she was afraid, that she both yearned for and shrank from him, that she needed time.
"How long can it take?" she snarled at George and me. "For G.o.d"s sake! For some d.a.m.n clerk to ride to Rome, get a paper signed and ride back? How long can it take?"
We were tucked away in our bedroom at the back of her privy chamber, the only private place in the whole of the palace. Everywhere else we were on unending public show. Everyone watched Anne for the slightest clue that the king was losing interest, or that he had finally had her. She was scanned by a hundred eyes for any sign of either desertion or pregnancy. George and I felt like her bodyguard some days, on other days like today we felt like jailers. She was prowling up and down in the small s.p.a.ce, swishing between bed and window, unable to stop moving, unable to stop muttering.
George caught her hands and brought her to a standstill. One glance over her head warned me to grab her from behind if she went into one of her rages.
"Anne, be calm. We have to go out and watch the boatmen race at any moment. You have to be calm."
She quivered in his grip and then the anger went out of her and her shoulders slumped. "I"m so tired," she whispered.
"I know," he said steadily. "But this could go on for a long while yet, Anne. You"re playing for the greatest prize in the world. You have to prepare yourself for a long game of skill."
"If she would only die!" she suddenly flared up.
George"s glance went at once to the solid wooden door. "Hush. She might," he said. "Or Wolsey might have pulled it off. He could be sailing up the river right now, and you could be wed tomorrow and in the king"s bed tomorrow night and pregnant the next morning. Be at peace, Anne. Everything rests on you keeping your looks."
"And your temper," I supplemented quietly.
"You dare advise me?"
"He won"t stand for tantrums," I warned her. "He"s spent all his married life with Katherine and she never raised so much as an eyebrow at him, let alone her voice. He"ll let you go far because he"s mad for you. But he won"t stand for one of your scenes."
She looked as if she might flare up again, but then she nodded as she acknowledged the sense of it. "Yes, I know. That"s why I need you two."
We both stepped a little closer to her, George still grasping her hands, and I put my hands on her hips and held her tightly.
"I know," George said. "We"re in this together. This is for all of us: Boleyns and Howards. We all rise or fall on this. We"re all waiting and playing the long game. You have to lead the charge, Anne. But we"re all behind you."
She nodded and turned to the new large mirror mounted on the wall, reflecting the light from the gardens and the river outside. She pushed back her hood, she straightened the pearl necklace. She turned her head and looked sideways at her reflection and tried that mischievous, promising smile. "I"m ready," she said.
We made way for her as if she were queen already. As she went out of the door with her head held high George and I exchanged a swift look of players who have pushed the princ.i.p.al on stage, and we followed behind her.
My husband was on the royal barge to watch the boatmen race and he smiled at me and made a place beside him on the bench. George joined the young men of the court, Francis Weston among them. I glanced to see that Anne was seated beside the king. By the flighty turn of her head and her sideways glance at him I could see that she was in full control of herself and of him, once more.
"Walk with me in the gardens before dinner," my husband said quietly in my ear.
At once I was alert. "Why?"
He laughed at me. "Oh, you Howards! Because I like your company, because I ask it of you. Because we are man and wife and we may live as man and wife any day now."
I smiled ruefully. "I don"t forget it."
"Perhaps you will learn to antic.i.p.ate it with pleasure?"
"Perhaps," I said sweetly.
He looked out over the river where the afternoon sun was sparkling on the water. The boats of the n.o.blemen all manned by their liveried rowers were drawn up under the starter"s orders. They made a colorful sight with the oars held high like trumpets, waiting for the command to start. They all looked toward the king, who took a scarlet silk kerchief and gave it to Anne. She stepped up to the edge of the royal barge and held it high over her head. For a moment she held the pose, well aware that all eyes were on her. From where I was sitting with William we could see her in profile, her head flung back, her hood well back from her face, her pale skin flushing with pleasure, her dark green gown tight around her b.r.e.a.s.t.s and slim waist. She was the very essence of desire. She dropped the red kerchief and the boats leaped forward under the thrust of the oars. She did not go back to her seat at the king"s side, she had a moment where she forgot to play the queen. She leaned over the rail so that she could see as the Howard boat pulled ahead of the Seymours.
"Come on, Howards!" she suddenly shouted. "Come on!"
As if they heard her call above all the other shouting from the riverbank the rowers quickened their stroke and the boat surged forward, paused, and surged forward again to a quicker tempo than the Seymours". I was on my feet now, everybody was cheering, the royal barge dipped precariously as the whole court forgot its dignity and crowded onto one side and yelled for their favorite house. The king himself, laughing like a boy again with his arm around Anne"s waist, was watching, careful not to shout for one lord or another, but clearly willing the Howards to win since that would delight the girl in his arms.
They went faster, the oars a blur of splashing water and light, and at the line they were unquestionably half a length before the Seymours. There was a great drum roll and a blast of trumpets to tell the Seymours that it was all over for them, that we had won the boat race, that we had won the race to be the first family in the kingdom, and that it was our girl in the arms of the king with her eye on the throne of England.
Cardinal Wolsey came home, not in triumph with an annulment in his pocket, but in disgrace, and found that he could not even talk to Henry alone. The man who had managed every single thing from the amount of wine served at banquets to the terms of the peace with France and Spain found that he had to make his report before Anne and Henry, side by side, as if they were joint monarchs. The girl he had scolded for unchast.i.ty and for aiming too high sat at the right hand of the King of England and looked at him with narrowed eyes as if she were not very impressed with what he had to say.
The cardinal was too old and wily a courtier to let any surprize show on his face. He bowed very pleasantly to Anne and made his report. Anne smiled very equably and listened, leaned forward, whispered a little poison in Henry"s ear, and listened some more.
"Idiot!" she stormed in our little room. I was sitting on the bed, my feet drawn out of the way. She was on her track running from window to bedpost like one of the lions in the Tower, I thought idly that she would leave a mark on the polished floorboards and we could show it to those who like relics and signs. We could call it "Anne"s Martyrdom to Time."
"He"s a fool, and we have got nowhere!"
"What does he say?"
"That it is a serious matter to put aside the aunt of the man who holds the Pope and half of Europe in his grasp, and that, G.o.d willing, Charles of Spain will be defeated by Italy and France together when they go to war, and that England should promise support but not risk a man nor loose an arrow."
"We wait?"
She threw her hands above her head and screamed. "We wait? No! You can wait! The cardinal can wait! Henry can wait! But I have to dance on the spot, I have to be seen to make progress while actually making none. I have to retain the illusion of things happening, I have to make Henry feel more and more intensely loved, I have to give him the belief that things are getting better and better because he is a king and all his life everyone has told him that he shall have the very best. He has been promised cream and gold and honey, I cannot give him "wait." How am I to keep going? How am I to do it?"
I wished that George was here. "You"ll manage," I said. "You"ll go on as you have been going. You"ve done wonderfully well, Anne."
She gritted her teeth. "I will be old and exhausted before this is done."
Gently I took her and turned her toward her grand Venetian gla.s.s mirror. "Look," I said.
Anne could always be comforted by the sight of her own beauty. She paused and took a breath.
"And you"re brilliant as well," I reminded her. "He is always saying that you have the sharpest mind in the kingdom and if you were a man he would have you for cardinal."
She smiled a little sharp feral smile. "That must please Wolsey."
I smiled back, my face next to hers in the mirror, the two of us, as ever, a contrast in looks, in coloring, in expression. "I"m sure," I said. "But there"s nothing Wolsey can do."
"He doesn"t even see the king without an appointment now," she gloated. "I"ve seen to that. They don"t wander off together for their friendly little talks as they used to. Nothing is decided without me being there. He cannot come to the palace for a meeting with the king without notifying the king and notifying me. He is pushed out of power and I am inside it."
"You"ve done wonderfully well," I said, the words sickening me as they soothed her. "And you have years and years ahead of you, Anne."
Winter 1527 WILLIAM AND I SLIPPED INTO A COMFORTABLE ROUTINE WHICH was almost domestic, though it revolved around the wishes of the king and of Anne. I still slept in her bed at night and to all intents and purposes lived with her in the rooms that we shared. To the outer world we were both still the queen"s ladies in waiting, no more and no less than the others. was almost domestic, though it revolved around the wishes of the king and of Anne. I still slept in her bed at night and to all intents and purposes lived with her in the rooms that we shared. To the outer world we were both still the queen"s ladies in waiting, no more and no less than the others.
But from morning to night Anne was with the king, as close to his side as a newly wed bride, as a chief counselor, as a best friend. She would return to our chamber only to change her gown or lie on the bed and s.n.a.t.c.h a rest while he was at Ma.s.s, or when he wanted to ride out with his gentlemen. Then she would lie in silence, like one who has dropped dead of exhaustion. Her gaze would be blank on the canopy of the bed, her eyes wide open, seeing nothing. She would breathe slowly and steadily as if she were sick. She would not speak at all.
When she was in this state I learned to leave her alone. She had to find some way to rest from the unending public performance. She had to be unstoppably charming, not just to the king but to everyone who might glance in her direction. One moment of looking less than radiant and a rumor storm would swirl around the court and engulf her, and engulf us all with her.
When she rose up from her bed and went to the king, William and I would spend time together. We met almost as strangers and he courted me. It was the oddest, simplest and sweetest thing that an estranged husband has ever done for an errant wife. He sent me little posies of flowers, sometimes sprigs of holly leaves and the rose-pink berries of yew. He sent me a little gilt bracelet. He wrote me the prettiest poems praising my gray eyes and my fair hair and asking for my favor as if I were his lady love. When I sent for my horse to ride out with Anne I would find a note tucked into my stirrup leather. When I pulled back my sheets to get into bed with Anne at night I would find a sweetmeat wrapped in gilt paper. He showered me with little gifts and little notes and whenever we were together at a court banquet or at the archery b.u.t.ts, or watching the players on the tennis court, he would lean toward me and whisper out of the side of his mouth: "Come to my room, wife."
I would giggle as if I were his new mistress instead of a wife of many years" standing and I would step back from the crowd, and a few moments later he would slip away, to meet in the confined s.p.a.ce of his bedchamber on the west wall of Greenwich Palace. Then he would take me in his arms and say delightfully, promisingly: "We have only a moment, my love, only an hour at the most: so this shall be all for you."
He would lie me on the bed, unlace my tight stomacher, caress my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, stroke my belly, and pleasure me in every way he could think of until I cried out in joy: "Oh William! Oh my love! You are the best, you are the best, you are the very very best."
And at that moment, with the smile of the well-praised man through all the ages, he would let himself pour into me and rest on my shoulder with a shuddering sigh.
For me it was desire, and only a small part calculation. If Anne should fall, and we Boleyns fall with her, then I would be very glad to have a husband who loved me and who had a handsome manor in Norfolk, a t.i.tle and wealth. And besides, the children carried his name, and he could order them to his house at a moment"s notice if he so pleased. I would have told the devil himself that he was the best, the very very best, if it kept me with my children.
Anne was merry at the Christmas feast. She danced as if nothing would stop her from dancing all day and all night. She gambled as if she had a queen"s fortune to lose. She had an understanding with me and with George; we immediately returned the money later, in private. But when she lost to the king her hard-earned money disappeared into the royal purse and was never seen again. And she had to lose to him whenever they played: he hated it when anyone else won.
He showered her with gifts and with honor, he led her out at every dance. She was the crowned queen in every masque. But still Katherine sat at the head table and smiled on Anne as if the honor was in her gift, as if Anne was her deputy, by her consent. And the Princess Mary, the little thin white-faced princess, sat beside her mother and smiled at Anne as if she were enormously amused at this light-footed pretender to the throne.
"G.o.d, I hate her," Anne said, as she was getting undressed at night. "She is the very image of them both, the moon-faced thing."
I hesitated. There was no point in arguing with Anne. Princess Mary had grown to be a girl of rare prettiness, with a face so filled with character and determination that you could not doubt for a moment that she was her mother"s daughter through and through. When she looked down the hall at Anne and at me it was as if she looked straight through us, as if we were nothing but clear panes of Venetian gla.s.s and all she wanted to know was what might be beyond. She did not seem to envy us, nor see us as rivals to her father"s attention or even as a danger to her mother"s place. She saw us as a pair of light women, so insubstantial that the wind might blow us away in a merciful puff.
She was a witty girl, only eleven years old but capable of making a pun or turning a jest in English, French, Spanish or Latin. Anne was quick and a scholar, but she had not had the teaching of this little princess and she envied her that too. And the girl had all of her mother"s presence. Whether or not Anne ever became queen she had been born and bred to be a snapper-up of privilege and place. Princess Mary had been born to rights that we could only dream of. She had an a.s.surance that neither of us could ever learn. She had a grace that came from absolute confidence in her position in the world. Of course Anne hated her.
"She"s nothing," I said comfortingly. "Let me brush your hair."
There was a quiet tap at the door and George slid into the room before we could call out "Enter."
"I"m in a terror of being seen by my wife," he said by way of excuse. He waved a bottle of wine at us and three pewter cups. "She"s been dancing and she"s hot tonight. She all but ordered me to our bed. If she saw me come in here she"d be wild."
"She"s bound to have seen you." Anne took a gla.s.s of George"s wine. "She misses nothing, that woman."
"She should have been a spy. She would have loved to have been a spy specializing in fornication."
I giggled and let him pour me a measure of wine. "Wouldn"t take much skill to track you down," I pointed out. "You"re always in here."
"It"s the only place I can be myself."
"Not the wh.o.r.ehouse?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I don"t go any more, I"ve lost my taste for it."
"Are you in love?" Anne asked cynically.
To my surprise he glanced away and flushed. "Not I."