She tried to justify herself. "I haven"t seen him in months."
"Really?" the girl replied with a snort. "Well, it took me all of five minutes to notice when I first talked to him. He"s learned to hide it, and he"s good at it, but it becomes rather obvious when you"re trying to have some kind of conversation with him."
Again, her voice was blank of emotions, and somehow it made it worse than if she had been mocking, accusing, sarcastic, just anything other than these quiet blows. More troubled by what she had hinted atthan really said, Gabrielle gave her a small nod and took a few steps to the door. The child knew no more than she did, there was no point in asking anything else.
"We"re sending him back to the battle tomorrow night," the girl called just as Gabrielle was opening the door. "We"ll be on the Lost Grounds if you change your mind."
Gabrielle looked back, and noticed the faint trace of hope in her eyes. She left without answering and returned home.
Chapter 14.
+ Two hundred years earlier Gabrielle had known from the start that pushing Erik away to incite him to want to become a Master would be painful for her. She wasn"t only losing one of her Childer. She was losing the first of them, the one she had always favored above all others.
She had never imagined though that to see him with others would hurt quite so much. Over the course of a few months, he shared the bed of almost all of her female Childer. It wasn"t unusual in itself, monogamous relationships such as the one they had shared for so long were the exception amongst vampires rather than the norm. And during the same length of time, Gabrielle bedded each of her male Childer except for Erik, keeping each of them at her side a few days at a time.
The worse though came more than a year after she had started pushing Erik away. She didn"t believe the rumors at first; Erik had never looked twice at the humans who brought blood offerings to the lair. But when one day she witnessed him flirting with a young woman before they disappeared into one of the bedrooms, she couldn"t deny anymore that Erik seemed indeed to have taken a human lover. And somehow, this one lover hurt more than all the others combined, because Gabrielle could already imagine the time when sleeping with the girl would not be enough anymore, and Erik would want to turn her and make her his Childe. It was rare for a new Master to take a Childe before forging a Pact with a village, but it wasn"t unheard of. She knew how he thought and felt too well not to realize that he would break custom if he cared enough about the girl. He would be truly lost to her, then, and even though it was what she had wanted, the realization upset her beyond words.
She went out and hunted alone that night, despite her Childer"s protests. She returned instants before dawn, and shrugged away concerned inquiries about her wounds to lock herself in her bedroom, alone for the first time in far more time than she cared to remember.
It was the following day, as she tried to distract her mind from thinking about Erik, that, at long last, she finalized the plan she had been thinking about for months. She was sure she had found the way to push back demons to the outer territories for good, possibly even annihilate them, and she couldn"t wait to share her idea with all of her clan.
At nightfall, rather than sending out her Childer to battle as usual, she asked all of them to gather in the common room and told them of her plan.
"Demons will not stop coming," she started, immediately catching everybody"s attention. "They have been walking in deeper and deeper into our territories for years, and they will continue to do so until we either kill every single of them, or they conquer us. I have had word from three other Masters who have lost several villages to the onslaught of demons; they all wanted me to send some of you to fight for them,but I couldn"t. As it is, we are barely holding on to our territory. Losing fighters for more than a night would put us at a disadvantage."
There were murmurs around the room, and Gabrielle smiled indulgently at a couple of her Childer who seemed caught between smugness and fear.
"I know some of you thought I was blind for not recognizing the danger that menaces us," she continued, a little quieter now. "Believe me, I am not blind, nor deaf. Just because you do not hear me share my concerns or ideas does not mean I am not thinking."
A few heads bowed in silent apology, and Gabrielle nodded her forgiveness. She was about to go on and explain what she wanted her clan to do, but a timid voice rose from behind her.
"But why don"t these Masters turn more humans to have a larger army?" Diana asked.
"For the same reason we don"t," Erik replied before Gabrielle could say a word. "It takes months in the best of conditions to train a fledgling to fight. In the meantime, they are more of a liability than an a.s.set.
And they still have to feed, which means that villages have to send more offerings. With the growing tension and humans becoming so scared of demons, they might not agree to-"
"If you are finished, Erik, maybe you will allow me to move on before the night ends?"
Erik reacted to Gabrielle"s interruption with a jerk of his head, as though she had slapped him. She understood why; she had never talked to him in such an abrupt and condescending manner. She wasn"t sure why she even had. For a moment, as he spoke, the image of that human girl had flashed in Gabrielle"s mind, and her anger had been too violent to contain.
He stared at her for long seconds, clearly not understanding what he had done wrong, but as always he refused to ask for an explanation. When he finally bowed his head stiffly under her cold stare, she refused to acknowledge him and immediately started talking again.
"While some of you thought I was letting time run away from us in the demons" favor, I was in fact elaborating a plan. And today I am ready to share it with you."
She paused for emphasis, and delivered her news with her strongest voice. "We will awaken the Primal Forces and enroll their help in fighting demons."
She had expected the roar of incredulity, outrage and fear that followed, and so she didn"t let it affect her. Arms crossed and chin held high, she let her gaze run over her Childer; almost all of them were agitated to various degrees. The only one of them who remained calm and quiet was Erik, his frown as he observed her the sole clue that he had heard her astonishing declaration.
Eventually, the shouts and protests died out, and in the renewed silence Gabrielle explained her entire plan. The scent of fear still permeated the room, but as she talked, she could see incredulity being replaced by hope, and even enthusiasm on many faces.
"We will awaken the Primal Forces," she repeated. "We will use magic to reach them and harness their power, and use them to free our territory from demons. We will create a trap, pretend to leave a pa.s.sage unprotected to the very heart of the closest village, and when demons come to us, we will unleash the Primal Forces upon them. All we will have to do is direct their action, and kill whatever demons escape them. Demons will fear our clan so much that they will leave our villages alone. Soon, we can show otherclans how to fight using the Primal Forces, and our clan shall be known as the one who freed the world from demons."
By the time she had finished, she knew most of her Childer would follow her lead without raising any more objections. She knew, also, who would fight her about it. It was only days before she was proved right, and Erik first approached her with an alternate plan.
She listened to him, but even before he was finished she knew what her answer would be. His request to go and train humans to fight sounded too much like a way to be closer to his human lover. If that was what he wanted, he would need to say so out right; Gabrielle refused to help him.
For the next few weeks, the whole clan prepared for the summoning of the Primal Forces. A few of Gabrielle"s Childer dedicated themselves to researching the magic that would free the powerful ent.i.ties and a.s.sure their cooperation, while everybody else trained harder than ever before. During the same time, demons continued attacking always farther into Gabrielle"s territory, making it clearer than ever that some extraordinary action was needed to stop them.
The whole time, Erik made his lack of enthusiasm perfectly clear, and more often than not he would try to persuade Gabrielle, or others, that her idea was too dangerous. Exasperated, she finally put an end to it with a direct order.
"I do not want to hear another word about it, Childe. You will follow your Sire"s orders, and fight this battle with your clan. I will not tolerate any more of your defiant talk. It is more than time you learned your place."
She had expected him to submit to her words, if reluctantly, and he did. What she had not expected was the rebellious flame in his eyes, or his quiet words.
"I will do as my Sire desires. But when the battle is done, if you and I are still alive, we shall have to talk."
Even though he said no more, Gabrielle understood what he meant, and she stared unseeingly at his back as he walked away. He was still her Childe, but not for long; soon, he would be a Master. She didn"t know whether to be proud or mourn.
Chapter 15.
Gabrielle had hoped that the ride home would have helped her clear up her mind, but she soon realized that the approaching sunrise was putting her too much on edge for that. Forced to press her mount to go faster when it was already tired, she encouraged the animal with quiet words until they had reached the clearing in the forest where her home stood. As always, she brushed, fed and watered her mount before retreating inside her lair, all of it automatic actions that required no thinking on her part. She tried to calm her thoughts by lighting a fire and putting water to warm. She had no tub to take a bath, but warm water to wash would be a nice change. It soothed her mind, and when she slipped into bed she was calmer at last. She allowed her thoughts to return to Erik and to the questions that so desperately needed answers.
As she lay on her bed, her gaze set unseeingly on the frame of light growing on the edge of her heavy curtains, the events of a few months earlier replayed in her mind. How could she not have seen it? How could she not have noticed that something was wrong with her Childe? She had known him for centuries, better than she had ever known anyone else, how had she not added up the clues? She had called out Erik"s name, several times, and never gotten an answer. They had talked a little, but no real conversation, no more than a few words at a time, when it used to be so hard to get him to be quiet. Then, there had been those pleading words that Erik did not remember; that, she now knew, he had not heard. In her mind, Gabrielle could still see that hand hesitating on the door handle, the small headshake that had followed her begging. What had been going through Erik"s mind, then, if it hadn"t been her words? What had made him hesitate? What inner voices had he dismissed before finally leaving?
Would he have stayed if he had known how deeply Gabrielle wanted-needed-him? Could her words even have made a difference at that point? So much time had pa.s.sed; wasn"t any word she could say to him too little, too late? She wanted to think that it wasn"t. She needed to believe it. But in the end, she didn"t know.
The question tortured Gabrielle for hours, and even as she fell asleep, it haunted her still in her dreams.
"Can you stand?" Erik asked blankly, and watched without moving when Gabrielle tried and succeeded.
"Good. I"ve got places to be. Can"t stay here and baby-sit when you can take care of yourself."
Erik"s eyes remained on her lips, waiting, Gabrielle knew, for her to say something. Waiting for her to give him a reason to stay. But she didn"t know where to start, how to explain things that still hurt so much.
Time had pa.s.sed, but it had not made anything any easier, quite the contrary.
When no words came, Erik nodded. "Right then. I"d better be going."
And as she watched her Childe turn around and walk out of the bedroom, Gabrielle realized that this was it. The moment of truth. And, at the same time, a second chance. They had parted after a misunderstanding that had wounded them both, but she could try to repair everything now. She had to try. If she let Erik go, it was unlikely she"d ever see him again, ever have the chance to make amends, ever find a companion.
Naked but for the bandage that bound her arm, she stood from the bed and she followed him out of the bedroom, stumbling but walking farther even when her legs threatened to give in. Erik was just reaching the door when Gabrielle"s hand brushed his arm, and she was relieved when long, strong fingers hesitated on the door handle. Erik turned sideways, enough to look at Gabrielle, but his hand remained on the handle, still ready to leave. It had never been clearer to her how much she had hurt him than it was at that instant. His whole body was a mix of hope and wariness. But as long as he still hoped, so could she.
"Please, don"t," Gabrielle murmured, raising a hand to brush the back of her fingers to his cheek. "I can"t live like this anymore. Can"t live alone. Can"t go on night after night knowing that you"re somewhere out there as lonely as me. Knowing I left you to fight alone when we could have fought together, side by side again."
Gold flashed through proud eyes, and Erik"s chin came up with this arrogance that was his only.
"Who said I was lonely?" he challenged. "I"m perfectly fine. I don"t need you. I don"t need anyone."
As much as she wanted to call them a lie, Gabrielle accepted the claims. She was the one who had triedto put an end to her existence. She was the one who couldn"t go on like this. For all she knew, he was truly happy to be on his own.
But if he were, that flame of hope in his eyes would not be burning brighter suddenly.
"I do," she admitted, her voice broken. "I need you. Please. Stay with me."
Erik took a sharp breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, the hope had disappeared and a new fire had settled in the blue-gray, an old fire that Gabrielle hadn"t seen in what felt like forever.
Then Erik"s mouth was on hers, and she wanted to laugh and cry in the same breath.
Her knees finally gave out, but before she could collapse to the floor, a strong but slightly shaky arm caught her around the waist. As he held her to him, Erik was careful not to press too hard against her still healing ribs. Even though his hands at her waist and at the small of her back were completely innocent, she felt more in that soft touch than she had earlier when he had checked her wounds, and she shivered, pressing herself just a little closer to him.
"Maybe I should stay a bit longer," Erik murmured, a corner of his mouth twitching up. "Just make sure you"ll be all right. You seem a tad weak, still."
Gabrielle nodded, her throat refusing to let words pa.s.s, and she clung to Erik as he gently picked her up and brought her back to her room. Her hands were trembling as she tugged and pulled at his clothes. He took pity on her and helped, finishing to undress, and soon they were on the bed, callused yet soft hands rediscovering naked flesh. Gabrielle was still hurt, still fragile, in no way ready for anything more, but after so many years of loneliness, this felt like heaven. Erik"s hands caressing her as she had longed them to.
Her own hands on him, finding so many faded scars that she wished she had been there to heal with a kiss. Mouths fumbling, relearning each other. Smooth skin under her fingers. Hard flesh that pulsed in her hands. Wetness under his fingers. And then fangs. Shared blood. Twin moans. Coming together.
And lying against the strong body of her Childe, with the hope of never being alone again.
He had closed his eyes, and she wasn"t sure whether he was asleep or just resting. She was exhausted herself. The effort of walking had taken a toll on her body, while the strong emotions she had experienced in the past hour had left her mind worn out. Even so, she refused to close her eyes and let sleep claim her. She didn"t dare to. She was almost afraid that, if she did, she would awaken to find out that it had all been a dream. It had happened quite often in the past. She had allowed herself to dream her Childe would come back to her, only to be disappointed to the point of tears by the time she woke alone.
She kept her eyes on his face, detailing his relaxed features, refreshing her memory and relearning each trait of his face. She ached to bring her hand from where it rested against his chest to his face, to caress his chest, his lips, his eyelashes...
"Sleep, Sire," he murmured, startling her. "I shall be here when you wake. You"ll stare all you want then."
She started talking, but remembered she needed to have his attention first. Cupping his cheek, she ran her thumb lightly over it until his eyes opened.
"You will be here when I wake," she repeated, "but what about tomorrow? What about the day after that? What about..." He silenced her by placing his index finger across her lips.
"You worry too much, my love," he murmured, and held her just a little tighter against him.
Gabrielle fell asleep within moments, her fears forgotten.
Variations of the same dream played through Gabrielle"s mind as she fitfully slept through the morning and early afternoon. Things could have been so different if she had only noticed earlier what had been going on with her Childe. She could have truly talked to him, then, rather than have her words be lost to him.
When she finally woke, it was worse, because the images kept running over and over in her mind, until she wasn"t sure anymore what was reality and what was only wishful dreaming. The one thing she knew for sure was that Erik wasn"t with her, and it had never hurt as much as it did at that moment.
By the time night came, she had made her decision. And changed her mind a dozen times. But as the sun sank toward the horizon, there was no doubt left in her mind. If this was her last chance, then she needed to see Erik. Apologize, if the younger vampire would let her. Talk to him. Explain. And after that ... Who knew what would happen?
As she rode too fast toward what remained of the village she had once called hers, she tried to find the words to start, decide what she would say, imagine how Erik would answer. Only the previous night, she had been riding to him with the same kind of thoughts. But now, it was different. Now she knew why he hadn"t answered her before, and she knew how to make sure that, this time, he actually heard her message, if not her words. She would have to be careful, though. Her biggest mistake would be to make Erik believe she was acting out of pity-it wasn"t the case, and it was a sure way to anger her Childe to make him believe it was. So, she wouldn"t mention his hearing problem. She would keep it simple.
As simple as things could be between the two of them.
Why had it ever become so complicated anyway? Erik had been the best Childe she could ever have dreamed to sire. Decades of teaching him the hunt and the subtleties of clan politics had pa.s.sed in a blink; decades of sharing the same bed, of coming together every day, of love even if they never p.r.o.nounced that word. Things could have continued as simply, as beautifully, if only Gabrielle hadn"t realized her Childe had grown into his power. She could only wonder, now, what would have happened if she hadn"t pushed him away. Tradition demanded that a Childe leave his clan when becoming strong enough to have his own lair, but Childer who stayed with their Sires long after they had reached a Master level themselves were not completely unheard of. Maybe if she had talked to him about it, she wouldn"t have needed to regret her actions, or to watch Erik learn to hate her.
No, things would never be simple again between them. But maybe they could be better. Just maybe.
It was hours before she reached the point where the road ended with a broken stone bridge. Horses were tied to nearby trees, and as she tried to urge her own mount forward and it refused to enter the shallow water, she understood why. She quickly slipped down and patted it gently before leaving it behind her without tying its rein. She had lost her last horse by attaching it to a tree while she had been scouting an area for a demon camp she knew had to be near; she had returned to find her animal slaughtered, and promised herself not to make the same mistake again. She would rather lose a horse because it had wandered off than prevent it from being able to flee in front of danger.
The stones were slippery, but she managed to cross the river without having to walk in the water. a.s.soon as she was on the other side, she started running, letting long gone memories guide her steps. She had never come back since the night after the battle; she had never been able to. But now she had a reason, and that reason made the ache in her heart and the guilt bearable if not any less.
The village-the battlefield-was as she remembered it. Two hundred years had not changed much the chaos left after the battle.
Ruins. Scorched bits of building. All of it still echoing in her mind with shouts and cries, the sounds of a world coming apart at the seams as doomed humans and vampires had fought side by side for their lives.
For Gabrielle. She could almost see some of the villagers fleeing, warned-but too late-that the village was going to come under attack, that they had to evacuate. Many had been saved, but many more had died, by the hands of demons or the power of the Primal Forces. If her plan had worked, not a single one of them would have been hurt, and the demons would have been exterminated before ever reaching the village. But her plan had failed, and the people she had been supposed to protect had died. They had been humans-fragile, and mortal.
Despite the centuries that had pa.s.sed, there wasn"t a spot of green anywhere, no gra.s.s or wild flowers.
The land was dead. Barren. And it was fitting. Too many had died here for life to ever prevail again. The Primal Forces had killed more than humans and vampires, Gabrielle now realized.
A few times, she stumbled, the lightning that streaked the sky every few seconds not strong enough to allow her to see where she was setting foot. The lightning never seemed to strike the ground, and the roar of thunder was practically continuous by now; all of it reminded her more and more of the battle. The lightning and thunder had started at the instant they had begun invoking the Primal Forces, and they had still been going on when she had left the following night. She had heard, from rumors encountered over the centuries, that the storm never ceased over the Lost Grounds. She had always thought it was only a myth; now, she understood that it was more than that.
The new realization was chilling her down to her bones, but she kept running, following the pull deep inside her that told her which way to go. When she saw them in the distance, and realized where they were, she almost wanted to laugh. Of course. It had to be there. On the same grounds where her lair had once stood.
She could distinguish five silhouettes as she came closer, slowing down as she tried to calm her thoughts.
There was suddenly a flash of light, blinding and oh so brief, only different from the lightning that still flashed in the sky by its bright blue color. When Gabrielle"s vision cleared four silhouettes only remained standing.
Walking now, she continued to approach, still hoping beyond reason. She recognized the girl first when she turned toward her. The other three wore the long white and crimson robes characteristic of human warlocks.
She was too late.
She had lost Erik.
Again.
Chapter 16Erik hated speaking the language of magic.